Friday, 31 December 2010

US Pull 180 Afghan Strategy Turn-Around

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The latest US-NATO military strategy being introduced by the homicidal maniacs running the Pentagon’s Department of Insanity is aimed at providing some semblance of success and credibility to their fubar ‘Operation Enduring Warfare’ campaign in Afghanistan - and is a total 180 degree turn-around from the tried – and failed – plans to hunt down the non-existent al Qaeda – and wipe out Taliban resistance to foreign troops invading and subsequently occupying their country – solely to achieve an Alpha-Dominant military status to guard their Socal pipeline, keep Hamid Kami-Karzai’s poxy Pashtu puppet government in power – and gain control of the bountiful opium crops.

NATO Commander, US General Billy Bob Betrayus, founder of the West Point Military Academy’s ‘Duck Fuckers Club’, explained the revised strategy to a WickedLeaks researcher posing as a reporter from the Warmongers Gazette: “We were getting no goddam where with targeting the Taliban cos they don’t play by the rules and none of them wear uniforms so we don’t know who the fuck is who – nor will they lie down and play dead like our guys do when they get shot or fragged.”

“Seriously, when considering the recent snafu’s and losses suffered by both NATO’s 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment and the 18th Body Bag Brigade, we decided to switch to this scheme of the RAND Corporation’s that they’ve adopted from the Israeli attacks on the Gaza Strip and introduce ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’ (OKEF) to overcome the negative Allied body count situation - plus get the whingeing White House kikester punks off our backs.”

“Our Chief of Unconventional Warfare Tactics here in Bellend Province, Colonel Wiley T. Coyote, has now implemented the OKEF battle plan to offset the vast dissimilarities between our NATO weekly body counts and the nigh-on zero count of these sneaky Taliban bastards who use this guerrilla warfare strategy to an unfair advantage against out troops.”
“Henceforth our attacks will be focused and concentrated on every fucker and their dog that’s old enough to bleed – these Muslim civilian types here in Afghanistan and in the borderlands of Pakistan – and any of the other fucking ‘Stan’s’ that harbour the Taliban bastards.”

However ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’ got off to a bad start yesterday with an incident that was immediately reclassified as ‘Operation Whoops’ when a squadron of NATO Apache gunship helicopters, under the command of Major Hiram H. Peckerhead, ‘inexplicably’ attacked an official Afghan government convoy heading to a celebratory Islamic religious event at the ‘Bird in a Burka’ roadhouse, hosted by the local authorities in Tarfu Province.

The attack blasted a number of vehicles to scrap metal status, killing and wounding a mix of thirty-plus ranking police officers, a national assembly MP, the local governor Abdul Ali Shagfat, and a host of accompanying family members including women and children – and the local holy man, Imam Fubsy bin Jaffacake.

While NATO Commander General Betrayus and OKEF chief Colonel Coyote cautiously avoided any and all mention of Operation Kill Every Fucker in their press release concerning the incident, disingenuously insisting they always take extraordinary care to avoid striking innocent targets, this has been viewed by President Hamid Kami-Karzai’s ruling Kleptocracy Party cabinet as a claim that becomes less and less credible with each passing incident.

Thought for the day: Project RAND’s ‘Game Theory’ scenarios for global strategy, posited by Herman Khan (great-grandson of Genghis Khan) and Professor Igor Snottoff (inventor of the Kleenex tissue) might well look good on paper – or being verbalised from a lectern at a Stateside university campus – or as the after-dinner speech at one of the military-industrial cabal’s Freemasonry gatherings – but in reality the US haven’t done so well with the RAND Corporation’s bullshit, or the Zionist’s Project for a New American Century - or Albert Pike’s Masonic ‘Ordo ab Chao’ (Order out of Chaos) maxim.

Their illegal 2003 ‘weapons of mass distraction’ misadventure into Iraq resulted in a total reversal of the axiom, resulting in ‘Order into Chaos’ – so too now in Afghanistan - just the same as anything else the bungling Yanks put their hand to. These ultra-Zionist ‘Jews of convenience’ cretins running the US, that initiated the Israeli 9/11 false flag terrorist strikes, have transformed Murphy’s Law into Flanagan’s Precept – which states that Murphy was an optimist.

Are their memories so short that they’ve forgotten the lessons of Vietnam? (alike Afghanistan, yet another Graveyard of Empires) Their disingenuous bid to halt the spread of Communism through Indo-China was, once again, defeated by superior military strategy and the iron, indomitable will of the indigenous people. Hmmm, so too will it be in Afghanistan – another bodybag-filling Groundhog Day – without the happy ending.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the Zionist-dominated US and their Project for a New American Century.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday, 30 December 2010

One Million UK Kids Denied PC Access

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a report just released by the Smegmadale-on-Sea based ‘E-Learning Foundation’ claims more than a million school children in the UK still lack access to a computer at home – with a further two million kids unable to go online at to enjoy a quick ‘tweet’ or view the odd bit of porno’ due the fact their unemployed parents can no longer afford a broadband connection – or have been evicted for mortgage arrears and no longer have a ‘home’.

Ms Chlamydia Blabberwocky, communications secretary of E-Learning, spoke to one reporter from the Hard Luck Gazette, declaring “With this absurd Libservative coalition government and the pathetic zillionaire Chancellor George Oddball purposely out to decimate the British middle class and drive the working – and unemployed – classes into total penury with his dystopian budget cuts across the social welfare benefits spectrum, then the only children likely to have computer and internet access at home will belong to the upper echelon survivors of our shattered economy – the over-paid bungling bureaucrats and top rank Parliamentary politico’s themselves.”

Conversely, Bev Titwank, the director of Ox-Rat, the Rockall-based international snitch and grassers social watchdog charity, was quick to pour criticism atop Ms Blabberwocky’s outpourings of woe.
“What a bunch of crap this woman’s talking if you take the ‘big picture’ view. So, Posh Dave Scameron’s coalition government doesn’t give a flying fuck about the further education of the working classes or their oick kids – which is their entire Common Purpose / New World Order philosophy anyway – keep the peasants as thick as two short planks – and watching the telly.”

“The thing that gets me is E-Learning’s squirly focus on the UK’s poorer families having kids that are marginalized and disadvantaged - and not taking into consideration or account the global education problems.”
“Just look at Somalia – while the pirates based out of Ely and the Puntland coast might well be equipped with the all the latest electronics gear that a king’s ransom can buy, children in the capital of Mogadishu don’t even know what the word ‘school’ means – and kiddies stuck in the shithole interior of the Third World dump, around Mina al Bunghole, have never even seen a pencil, let alone a broadband-connected laptop – and what good would it do them anyway when the closest electrical power outlet is 600 effing miles away – along with the only functioning flush toilet in the country.”

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the Libservative coalition and their social welfare budget cuts.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

God: A Deity Full of Surprises

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Following Pope Benny’s Christmas message, that “God is more full of surprises than a jack-in-the-box”, the BBC has received thousands of responses- of both a negative and positive nature - from a wide cross section of British society – those of the ‘left-footer’ persuasion of the Christian faith and also a legion of ‘can’t-make-me-effin’-mind-up’ agnostics - and die-hard atheists - plus raving heathen pagans and blood-sacrifice Satanists.

Pope Benedict, the German ‘Ubermensch’ built-to-last Mk XVI papal model, broadcast his Christmas message to the British people as the ‘Thought for the Day’ subject on Radio 4's ‘Bullshit Hour’ on Xmas Eve.
In his message he recalled his recent 2010 UK visit with "great fondness” – especially the get-together with all his dear Freemasonry brothers in Edinburgh, who had travelled so far south especially for the occasion - from Scotland’s crime and kiddie fiddling capital of Scaberdeen.

However, going totally against the precepts of established science, logic and common sense, Pope Benny preached that God answers the prayers of the faithful and always keeps his promises - but is inclined to surprises us by how he fulfils them – much as the Devil does when bargaining for the souls of mortals – such as banksters and politicians.

Atheist author and religious iconoclast Richard Squawkins wrote in the Daily Shitraker that he thought the Pope’s address was a "pile of crap" and that the message avoided castigating the Jews who were behind the crucifixion of God’s only son, Jesus – and totally missed out on the chance to give the Israelis shit over their treatment of the Palestinians.

“Pope Benny should have seized the opportunity to highlight the crimes against humanity carried out by the rogue Israeli regime - with a reference to little six-year-old Mohammed ibn Himar in the Gaza Strip waiting for his Christmas surprise from God on the 24th December when along come the IDF’s Renta-Thug Brigade, who bulldoze his home with a D8, rape his sisters and mother – then kill his entire family – and snatch young Mo’ for throwing bricks at them.”
“Next thing, Mo’s been carted off to their heinous Facility 1391 extraordinary rendition and re-education centre – where he’s gassed with carbon monoxide then ends up as a reluctant organ donor and gets gutted for his heart, liver and kidneys etcetera – all stolen to supply the Israeli’s international black market in transplant organs.”

“Hmmm, some Merry Christmas surprise that was for little Mohammed. In my humble opinion, the best surprise God could provide for a somewhat skeptical mankind in this fiscally-restricted festive season is manifest His Omnipotent Self in the middle of one of these Greedy Grocer supermarket chains – Pestco, for instance and turn it into a Pound Stretcher store – with a big sign proclaiming ‘Every Little Helps’.”

On a lighter and more positive note, Luton-based Ms Fellatia van der Gamm texed Radio 4’s ‘Bullshit Hour’ with the comment “Pope Benny is so right about God surprising us. I was terrified of giving my boyfriend a suck n swallow blowjob as I thought I’d actually choke on his wad - until I tried it and ‘wow’ – it tastes just like Greek yoghourt.”

Frank McSpliff of Scroteborough e-mailed to agree with the Pontiff’s opinion “I woz dead against getting’ inter anythin’ stronger than a bit of herb smokin’ cos I reckoned yer couldn’t get a better rush - until me mate egged me on ter have a go at some of his crack coke – what an effin’ surprise – it woz great – but a bit addictive though.”

Ms Candida Mingerot, an 18-year old Slagford University student studying for a PhD in Slapperology, posted this tweet on Radio 4’s Twitter board: “The Pope might just be right about God and his surprises. Last summer, a couple of girlie friends and I had been partying pretty hard after our finals and sleeping around – the unsafe sex type too, when we were bottled.”

“Come September, both of them tested positive for HIV – and they’d contracted it off the same guy – and I’d shagged him as well. OMG! I was really shitting myself when I went for the AIDS test thingy - but what a surprise when the doctor told me I’d only contracted gonorrhea and herpes simplex and was HIV negative. Now that’s what saying your prayers does for you.”

Bazzer McScally e-mailed Radio 4 with this little gem: “Too right wot the Pope sez – God’s full of surprises. We did Aleef’s Paki 7/11 Stop n Rob on Christmas Eve wiv a pick axe handle an’ a crowbar - just ter grab a couple of bottles of booze an’ some ciggies an’ this numpty twat at the cash register opens it up an’ pours the bleedin’ lot inter a bag an’ hands it over like – so we eff’s off real sharpish an’ counts it out in the bus shelter over a smoke an’ a bottle of Shite Lightning an’ there’s nigh on £300 quid in it. No shit that woz a bit of a Merry Christmas surprise from God – and Aleef.”

Rupert Ponceford-Smythe, a Middlesex-based cross-dressing Whitehall civil servant, texed to say “Oh yes, God is so full of surprises. I recall I was terrified of going to Eton and having to play the beast with two backs – and getting bummed by the prefects. That was until I tried it – what joy – so much more satisfying than standing naked in a nettle patch with a half brick hanging from your scrotum while you jack off with one hand and beat your meat with a stick of rhubarb in the other.”

Conversely, Mrs Hilda Gronk of Pondscum Terrace in Smegmadale, had this to say via e-mail concerning Pope Benny’s Xmas message.
“Oh yeah, isn’t God really full of effin’ surprises – how He moves in mysterious bleedin’ ways. Here you have these two German kids, Joey and Georgie Ratflinger, both members of Hitler’s Youth Corps, an’ cos Joey’s got a few mates in the Bormann-Vatican Ratlines organisation he eventually gets the job of Prefect of the Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith – wot used ter be the Office of the Inquisition – then gets his dodgy Kraut arse elected as Pope.”

“Meanwhile his other pervy paedo’ elder brother Georgie takes Holy Orders and cops for a nice cosy vacancy as a Monsignor and conductor of the Regensburg choir at the St Sodom’s Church for Latter Day Catamites. Not bad goin’ fer a pair of twats that started out life as junior Nazi war criminals.”

Did you tune in to Pope Benny’s Christmas message? Do you think God’s full of surprises – or is Pope Benny more full of shit than a Christmas goose? Do you trust a God who’s ‘jealous’ all through the Old Testament, then ‘kind and loving’ in the New Testament? Do you think God’s actually schizophrenic?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win absolution for all your sins up to the Day of Judgement and have your own "Eye of a Needle Exempt" and “Get into Heaven Free” cards.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Gulag Gaz Boss: Guilty as Framed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Former Russian industrial tycoon and prominent oligarch Oleg Mobsaroubles has been found guilty of embezzlement at a second ‘politically charged’ trial in Moscow, instigated by the sinister Stalinist-style Ministry for Acquisitions.

Senior State Judge Genghis Corruptsky informed the court that Mobsaroubles and his business partner Michail Sackashit were guilty of embezzling funds from their Wankprom Oil company and laundering the proceeds via that notorious offshore tax haven – the North Sea-based Dogger Bank.

The 96-year old Mobsaroubles is already serving an eight-year sentence following his 2005 trial for ‘galloping tax evasion’ concerning income from his Gulag Gaz Corporation – whose company headquarters were registered in the Atlantic island of Rockall – and was later procured by SPAG, the front company controlled by Semion Isaac Barfsky, Chief Vor of the Georgian ‘Bratva’ (Mafia).

Mobsaroubles, now very much the ailing oligarch, was due to be released next year, but these new politically-motivated charges and resulting convictions could see him jailed until Hell freezes over – if not longer.

A one-time Moscow University student prodigy and technocratic innovator, Mobsaroubles originally formed Gulag Gaz with his college pal Dr Igor Snottsky, the inventor of Bogey-Wipe nasal tissues and the battery-operated handkerchief. However, after Snottsky was killed in a freak traffic accident while taking a bath, Mobsaroubles teamed up with the boss of the post-Soviet Greedoff Bank, Michail Sackashit, to form Wankprom Oil.

The two defendants were led into court in handcuffs by armed guards, with Mobsarouble’s teary-eyed girl friend – Moscow Slappers Club pole dancer and celebrity stripper Takem Orloff – waving to him from the public gallery.

In the sealed glass dock Mobsaroubles, once Russia's richest man, blew kisses to his ever-faithful stable of Thai ladyboy bitches; the small courtroom packed with journalists and members of the ‘vory v zakone’ who had him stitched up on false charges and took over his businesses with help from Russia’s number one criminal, ex-KGB Director and incumbent Slime Minister Vlad’ Putrid.

Several hundred demonstrators could be heard outside the courtroom, chanting "Freedom for Oleg!" and "Send Vlad Putrid to jail instead!" - and further denouncing the charges as “Rubbishsky!”

A number of Mobsaroubles’ supporters were detained on domestic terrorism charges after calling for PM Putrid to be put behind bars, with several demonstrators beaten to death with a sock-full of kopeks when they refused to disperse.

One lawyer representing both Oleg Mobsaroubles and Mikhail Sackashit, Mr Vadim Kuntoff, has criticised what he described as a politically inspired trial to keep opponents of the current crooked Medvedev-Putrid regime under lock and key so their mega-bucks assets could be stolen.

Fellattia van der Gamm, the legal spokesman for Ox-Rat, the international political abuse watchdog, told one reporter from the Daily Shitraker that the trial was a farce. "Mr Mobsaroubles is in effect Russia's political prisoner, and we thought those days were over with the end of communism and the break-up of the USSR in 1990.”
“This has serious implications for the way the global business community views Russia – a criminal sovereign realm run along the same lines as the Zionist gangster state of Israel – and not to be trusted.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday, 27 December 2010

Israeli ‘Hasbara’: Might is Right

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we once again bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to the ‘Hadashot Ha’aretz’ left-wing newsrag, the psychopathic Israeli Minister of Foreign Affairs, Avigdor ‘the Shmok’ Lieberscum has officially launched an all-out ‘dirty deeds’ ‘hasbara’ diplomatic campaign to dissuade the international community from recognizing an independent Palestinian state along the 1967 borders - and to further abrogate the passage of a UN Security Council resolution against settlement building on Palestinian lands – especially where Israeli bulldozers have just flattened existing homes during the hours of darkness – along with the occupants.

The hasbara effort will include an immediate US-taxpayer funded public relations campaign (read blackmail, bribery, and other forms of nefarious coercion – including the ‘laying of violent hands’ – care of Mossad’s homicidal maniacs) on the subject to blitz the bureaux of the premiers, foreign ministers and Parliaments in each respective target nation - as well as the dissemination of a legal position paper – to be published via Rupert Mudrock’s pro-Zionist News Corporation - expressing that only an expansion of the current slow-cook ethnic cleansing ‘Final Solution’ programme against the manky Muslim populations of the West Bank and Gaza Strip can end the Palestinian-Israeli conflict.

According to Tel Aviv’s Ministry of Genocide director, Zayin O’chel Batachat, "Seeking a United Nations resolution on settlement activity is simply fucking the cat and a total waste of time. These stubborn Palestinian scumbags are like donkeys – they want the lands back that we stole during the 1948 Nakba and then again in 1967 – and that isn’t going to happen.”

In their latest outpouring of disingenuous and perjurious ‘hasbara’ the Ministry for Propaganda, working in conjunction with the US-based pro-kikester AIPAC lobby is out to prove that ‘might is right’’ and the Palestinian population of - er – Palestine – are squatting on Jehovah’s holy ground – the Children of the Covenant’s ‘Promised Land’.

Conversely, Bazzer McScrunt. Director of Ox-Rat, the international war crimes watchdog, told one reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette: “Here we go again, God’s Chosen People are using their customary disingenuous blend of chutzpah and hasbara to silence their critics and justify the genocidal ethnic cleansing of Palestinians so they can seize their lands to build yet another chain of Kikester Kibbutz’s and a few more Shylock Heights housing developments.”

“Believe me, just Google it up – they’ve even got a Hasbara Handbook – which reads like an extract from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion – the so-called anti-Semitic forgery purportedly scribed by Russian agents to discredit international Jewry.”
“However, this Hasbara Handbook was composed for the World Union of Jewish Scumbags by Sheldon Scattstein and Seymour Slimeberg of the Washington-based ‘AIPAC Institute for Latter Day Kikesters’.”

“And just in case readers are asking themselves “What the fuck is Hasbara?” the word refers to the propaganda efforts to sell a houlier-than-thou Israel, justify its homicidal actions, and defend it against negative goyim world opinion. Using contemporary euphemisms, it is public diplomacy for Israel - or using a pejorative interpretation, then it is apologia.”

“Israel portrays itself as fighting on two fronts: the Palestinians and world opinion. While the former gets the sharp end of the proverbial 'stick', the latter is dealt with via the vehicle of hasbara. The premise of hasbara is that Israel's problems are a matter of better propaganda, and not one of an underlying unjust situation and the fact the Jews have been fucking up royally since they coerced Pontius Pilate to crucify Jesus for them in 33 AD during the Feast of the Pissover.”

“Henry Kissinger, who often flaunts himself as a pro-Zionist and orthodox Shylock, but is actually a Ashkenazi Sabbatean-Frankist Jew of convenience - motivated by self-interest – once said of the Israeli Jews: “This people have been kicked around and persecuted for 2000 years now so it’s pretty obvious, applying the dialectic of Karma, that they must have fucked up pretty badly somewhere down the path of History and done something very wrong. So, it’s little wonder they’ve invented this hasbara trick to make themselves look good.”

Thought for the day: No doubt the UK government’s ‘Friends of Israel’ clubs, Tory faction led by ultra-Zionists PM Posh Dave Scameron and Foreign Secretary Willy Vague; Lib-Dum faction led by party fuhrer Mick Clogg; and Labour faction led by Kim Jong Ed (aka Red Ed Millipede - The Emissary from the Planet Fuckwit) will all be doing their bit peddling influence to support the psychopathic rogue state and their pathetic hasbara campaign.

Labour Friends of Israel boasts some of the wealthiest supporters – and donors - of the party – including pro-Zionist pondscum shylocks Lord Sainsbury of Turdville, Sir Trevor Double-Chinn, Sir Emmanuel Kike - plus the scandal-smeared duo of Michael Levy (cash for honours) and David Abrahams (dodgy donations).

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday, 26 December 2010

SoKors Provoke War with North

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In response to the South Korean (US puppet) government’s current campaign of sabre-rattling via the mediums of live-fire tank and artillery drills around the demarcation zone border – set to provoke a violent reaction from the paranoid NorKors – Pyongyang’s Minister for War, General Ping Pong Fong, issued a classical fiery Merry Marxist Christmas rhetorical declaration to the international media that they were ready for a "sacred holy war of justice" to counter the South’s belligerence and unleash their nuclear kimchi arsenal upon the US and SoKor aggressors if they so much as set one foot north of the peninsula’s 38th parallel.

Conversely, the South Korean Minister for Aggression, General Pak Lunch, claims that the military exercises were simply a part of their annual ‘Season of Goodwill and Peace of Earth’ drills - but threatened immediate retaliation to any form of radiological kimchi attack or bombardment on Seoul.

The drills are yet another US-instigated South Korean ploy to provoke the Pyongyang military, following the contrived false flag sinking of the SoKor warship ‘Cheonan’ – off Bunghole Island in the Yellow Sea close to the demarcation parallel - with a SoKor torpedo – during joint naval exercises on the 38th parallel in March - and come a month after North Korea shelled the tiny islet of Threetwoone on the peninsula’s maritime border - killing four goats and laying waste to the annual rice crispie crop.

Both Russia and China have dispatched strongly-worded communications to Washington to keep their noses out of the confrontation and to stop shit-stirring – with the NorKor Supreme Beloved Leader Kim Jong Il, sporting his customary Sesame Street ‘Bert’ hair-do and telling Pox News “They better back the fuck off – or else.”

The Pentagon’s Order of Battle (Or-Bat) still has 28,500 US troops stationed in South Korea – purportedly to deter the flow of Pyongyang’s Communist ideology down across the 38th parallel as the US banksters running the West’s military-industrial cabals simply cannot brook any opposing political ideology to their established faith of ultra-commercialised Capitalist consumerism that might threaten the worship of their voracious God, Mammon – the model for geo-political world domination via their economies – and violent military invasion where and when required.

The Pentagon’s Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral Mike Moronsky, told one reporter from the Warmongers Gazette “We’ve had thousands of troops in South Korea since the 1950’s, just keeping those Commie bastards north of the 38th parallel and South Korea safe for our sweatshops and providing a safe haven for Western banksters to bleed debt out of the population.”

Unfortunately the military-industrial complex’s rapid development of high-tech weaponry has directly influenced the arrogance of ultra-Zionist US and Israeli foreign policy so they consider themselves the Alpha-Dominant martial forces on the planet and able to intimidate and bully all and sundry at will. (Smart bombs galore – but no-one smart enough to trust with them).

Hence this Zionist insanity being promoted by the Rothshite crime capital of Tel Aviv – to force the Project for a New American Century (read 'Protocols of Zion') onward via engineering multiple conflicts on a swathe of global battle fronts – like Iraq – Shock and Awe into a total chaos rent-fuckup.
Same in Afghanistan –the Graveyard of Empires – and now extending that conflict into Pakistan to force a violent regime change and secure control of the only Islamic nation with a nuclear arsenal. Some hope.

Now they’re into Yemen and Somalia to secure the Horn of Africa and the strategic Red Sea waterway into the Indian Ocean. And these people are burning the mid-night oil, scheming up ways to initiate a legitimate excuse for a pre-emptive first strike against Iran?
What a fucking joke, this demonisation of Islam and their war on the Muslim world. It’s all going to turn into Groundhog Day – without the happy ending.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the Zionist US and their New World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday, 25 December 2010

A Mare’s Nest Yarn for Xmas

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Crown Prosecution Service today informed hacks from the gutter press that Eddie McNumpty, the Essex farmer who ‘accidentally’ shot and wounded two burglars raiding a cannabis factory on his land that he didn’t know existed, is to have all charges filed against him dropped forthwith.

The gospel according to the official police report claims that Farmer McNumpty, 96, was woken by a disturbance among his flock of geese in the early hours of the 19th August at the Dorks Hill 650-acre arable farm in Billericay, and went out on his mobility scooter to investigate the cause of the racket.

Armed with a pump action 12 bore shotgun, McNumpty discharged the weapon three times, allegedly aiming at a pair of foxes attempting to steal geese.
However, he actually hit two scallies trying to break into an outhouse McNumpty had rented out to supposed herbalism students Bob Bifta and Sammy Spliff, which – unbeknown to him – housed a secret cannabis-growing facility.

The two scrotes, later identified as Ronnie Foxx and Reynard Vixen, legged it double-quick after sustaining superficial gunshot pellet wounds and sought treatment at a local hospital – where doctors contacted police due the nature of their injuries.
Several hours later a team of police marksmen, supported by army tanks and an Apache helicopter gunship raided the Dorks Hill Farm and arrested McNumpty on suspicion of attempted murder.

McNumpty, who suffers multiple sclerosis, neuralgia and galloping myopia, told police investigators "It were pitch black out there an’ I sees these two foxes wiv a crowbar tryin’ ter break inter the goose pen so I let fly wiv three shots an’ then one fox shouted ‘Ouch, that fuckin’ hurt!’ – an’ then they buggered off real sharpish like. I’m bloody certain one of ‘em was that Basil Brush.”

Sgt. Jack Thugg, an Essex Police spokesman, informed the media that the entire episode was more at a total pile of bullshit than a slight fabrication of the truth, but nevertheless the two injured men were released without charge.
Farmer McNumpty has since had his firearms licence revoked due the fact he presents a clear and present danger to the public – and himself.

Do you live in Essex? Is there a covert cannabis factory in your back garden? Does bullshit make good organic compost? Are you a fox hunting advocate? Did Basil Brush pass a Vetting & Barring test? Has Farmer McNumpty cooked his own goose?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a two week ‘cell share’ vacation in the sex offenders wing of Strangeways Prison.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday, 24 December 2010

Palestinians get Merry Ethnic Cleansing

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Israeli Defence Force’s Renta-Thug Brigade is getting off to an early start with their customary Season of Goodwill and Peace to all Men on Earth (except Palestinians) with an ethnic cleansing campaign aimed at the hapless residents of the illegally occupied West Bank - by demolishing homes and shops - and kidnapping children for their internal organs to feed the kikester's transplant donor black market.

While the decadent Christian West busies itself preparing for Yuletide, Israel’s Chosen People have accelerated their campaign of ethnic cleansing in the Occupied Palestinian Territories - to advance their manifest destiny ‘Children of the Covenant’ drive for lebensraum - living space – at the cost of more Palestinian lands being subverted and stolen.

During the Christmas holidays two years ago, the-then Israeli Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert, delivered a personal racist-inspired festive season message to the population of Gaza when he launched a massive artillery and aerial bombardment of the Gaza Strip - besieged behind Israel’s Great Apartheid Wall - followed by the 22-day long Operation Kill Every Fucker’s full-scale invasion. This year, it appears that a pre-Christmas offensive has started with an aerial missile attack on a Gaza dairy - and a spate of insidious home demolitions around Bethlehem - heralding a repeat of the ‘no room at the inn’ scenario.

So, has there been a single word of condemnation uttered by the AIPAC-Shylock controlled US government – or the nations of Europe – or the UN? Nary a squeak.
Nobody seems to give a flying fuck that Israel flaunts UN resolutions and carries on in its habitual manner - regardless of international laws and conventions, committing crimes against humanity and further running up its war crimes account to surpass anything the Nazis supposedly did to them during the Holohoax.

This wave of bad news coming out of Israel wasn’t fabricated by a shit-stirring PLO or Hamas propaganda unit but sourced from a report issued yesterday by the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (Occupied Palestinian Territory) - which announced for the public record that hundreds of homes and shops were demolished – and agricultural lands and crops, along with orchards of fruit trees, palms and olive groves bulldozed in the occupied West Bank during the first two weeks of December – to make way for Israeli settlers.

While demolishing the homes and destroying the farm lands of impoverished Palestinian villagers is tantamount to evil, then the Kikester scumbags are confiscating their property including all livestock - sheep and other animals – and just to demonstrate the magnanimity of Israeli justice and rub salt into the wounds, the owners are being coerced to pay the expenses incurred by the confiscations.

Khara ibn Himar, a shepherd in the Nablus village of Aqraba who refused to pay for having his home demolished was beaten to a pulp by the usurping settlers, who then doused his sheep with gasoline and set them afire. Nice people eh, God’s Chosen and their unqualified chutzpah and the guiding motive for these criminal actions being the Judaisation of Aqraba, the same notorious call that is used for the racially-motivated Judaisation of Jerusalem.

Hmmm, the highly questionable moral attitude of Judaism towards those they term ‘goyim’. So much for that old time religion.

Conversely if these barbaric acts were to take place in any other part of the world, Europe included, they would be condemned as the genocidal ethnic cleansing crimes they constitute – with examples of war crimes and crimes against humanity charges filed against African leaders and too those of the Balkan states – with offenders tracked down, rooted out, rounded up and tried before the International Courts.

While the German Nazis war crim’s who missed out on Operation Paperclip and the Vatican ratline escape routes to South America, ended up getting tried at Nuremberg, obsessive fanatics such as Wiesenthal’s ilk are still on the trail of surviving Nazi SS geriatrics to this very day.

Justice seems to work okay on non-Zionists as just yesterday the former Argentine military ruler Jorge Videla has been sentenced to life in prison for crimes against humanity. Merry Christmas, Jorge.
Serbian Slob’ Milosevic; Kosovo thug and ex-PM Ramush Haradinaj; Liberian kleptomaniac and mass murderer Charles Taylor; President Paul Kagame in Rwanda, and Sudanese shitbag Omar al-Bashir – to name but a sampling of the homicidal psychopaths heading governments around the globe who stand accused under International Law of war crimes or have been tried for such.

However Israel carries out illegal acts, false flag terrorist attacks on Western – and Indonesian / Australian targets - and murders Palestinians in Dubai hotels, then murders peace activists aboard the Freedom Flotilla, then the 22 day slaughter of Palestinians across the Gaza Strip during Operation Cast Lead – yet faces no sanctions, no rebukes, nor censures. This is the Democratic Jewish state, and this alone qualifies it to treat international law with contempt and act with callous impunity for its nefarious sins.

So, why are the world’s custodians of human rights and international law silent where Israeli war crimes against humanity are concerned? The fact that Western governments are infiltrated to the top establishment ranks with pro-Zionists and Jews of convenience – with the US Congress and White House riddled with Scattsteins and Scumbergs and dominated by AIPAC lobbyists.
Complacency, coupled with bribery, blackmail, corruption and craven immorality are at the heart of the matter.

Moral conscience aside, in Britain we have protesters demonstrating for animal rights against Big Pharma research lab’s, against vivisection, with the RSPCA bringing a court case and prosecution against some sociopathic old bag who wheelie-binned a moggy in Coventry – and no fucker or their dog say ‘Booo!’ to a goose when a shedload of Palestinians get mutilated or murdered by the IDF’s thugs in uniform beta-testing prototype DIME ordnance on civilians.

To add insult to injury, our current incumbent Tory party has cabinet members in its ranks publicly declaring themselves Friends of Israel (Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron and William Vague) – along with Lib-Dum leader Mick Clogg, and the new Labour muppet leader - Kim Jung Ed’ - or Ed Millipede as he’s known to his Mum – another self-declared Israeli Zionist toady and a man who gets a top marks rating on the political Scumometer.

Fact - our entire government and establishment structures are infested with pro-Zionist ‘Friends of Israel’ – a sovereign state run by criminal interests.
Now these guys in Parliament are in the process of fielding legislation to have British law modified so the current International Jurisdiction statutes cannot be invoked by a private citizen as in the past – to thus enable Israeli war criminals to enter the UK without fear of arrest for their sins against the Palestinians – with ex-Israeli Foreign Minister Tipzi Livid being a perfect example of this criteria.

Really, is this what the British voters went to the polls in May 2010 for? To hoof out the war criminal incompetent Labour government that illegally invaded Afghanistan and Iraq – only to end up with a sham coalition comprised of blue-nosed moneyed Tories and disingenuous Librarian-Dummercrats who are so far out of touch with the mood and sentiments of the public that they not only support but also endorse the criminal state of Israel – an outlaw and rogue nation that was founded on terrorism, with lands stolen from the Muslim Arab population of Palestine?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Thought for the day: Odd that the Jewish recipients of stolen transplant organ don’t seem too bothered about receiving a liver or heart or kidneys from a non-kosher Muslim infidel, specially murdered for their benefit.
Alas, these are not good Jews that follow the Torah, their ranks are composed of the pondscum evil Jews that follow the Talmud and Kabbalah and are Satanic Pharisees – alike their leader, the Rothshite's chief kikester, Prime Minister Binman Nuttyahoo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday, 23 December 2010

UK Internet Censorship 2011

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

While the shambles that is currently posing as the UK’s Libservative coalition government are mulling the most dangerous (and unconstitutional) precedent of banning public political protest gatherings, (demonstrations / marches) their latest daft idea to be thought up since their last daft idea (the mega-bucks tuition fees hike) is to introduce legislation to censure the internet.

Under the primary bullshit guise of an internet screening scheme designed to protect children, the plan is to have service providers automatically block all porno’ websites – and hence force kids to sneak off to their bedrooms and watch Rupert Mudrock’s Sky Global ‘Masturbation Aid’ porn’ channel in private.

The gospel news according to the Daily Shitraker claims the UK’s biggest broadband providers, which include BT, Virgin Media and Squalk-Squalk, have been ‘officially and formally summoned’ to a meeting in January with the Minster for Communications Ed Vaizey, the incumbent Tory MP for Wanton-Destruction, to discuss how they can implement a compulsory system of blocking web content deemed ‘unfit’ by the government.

Vaizey, the type of person who still thinks wood grows on trees, is yet another of Posh Dave Scameron and Georgie Oddbourne’s Oxford Bullingdon Club ‘Hooray Henry’ mates to squirm his way into the Tory-dominated ‘sham coalition’ cabinet, and will doubtless be remembered by one and all for his dodgy claims in the House of Conmans expenses scandal for blowing a few thousand quid of taxpayer’s money on antique chairs and top-end Russian designer furniture from Okhrana of Minsk.

So Cabbage Patch Dave has been instructed by his controllers to get a handle on internet censorship – by sneaking it in via a ‘child protection’ backdoor fa├žade – then this seemingly innocent move will be expanded to a draconic level to restrict free individual choice – with faceless bureaucrats and government jobsworths selecting the content to be prohibited from public view.

Vaizey, known as a ‘keen lobbyist for tighter internet restrictions’ (read ‘advocating greater Big Brother state power over the individual’) is also an enthusiastic proponent of the People’s Marxist Dystopia of China’s totalitarian
system, where internet censors don’t give a flying fuck about porno’ content but instituted what has become known as the Great Firewall of China.

Now all internet traffic is routed through proxy servers and gateways controlled by Beijing’s political Thought Police who focus on blocking any and all protest and criticism against the geriatric Politburo’s authoritarian misrule – with a crack down on instant messaging, chatrooms, text messages, blogs and the Falun Gong website due the fact that net technology was successfully used to ‘defame’ the corrupt government and organize mass political demonstrations.

Is this the model which Vaizey and Co wish to impose on the British internet browsing public – wholly ignoring what Magna Carta states concerning freedom of choice regarding internet access? First implement restrictions under the sham of blocking porn sites to protect our children – then the conspiracy theory sites and all alternative (true) news sources. In fact all anarchy- orientated materials and anything that’s even slightly critical of the establishment and not up to the required level of lickspittle brown-nosing sycophancy. So, bye-bye WickedLeaks to access.

Hence, that’s their plan, to stifle the open exchange of public views and sentiments where only the state-owned (read Zionist) media is government-approved.

Hmmm, while attempting to introduce via stealth their Big Brother intrusive surveillance systems so Britain becomes a panopticon close-circuit society of paranoid Winston Smith’s peering over their shoulder, it’s a pity they don’t apply the same concern for our children by banning the toxic chemical aspartame from soft drinks, chewing gum and candies – or the mind-numbing, thyroid-stifling fluoride from toothpaste, gobwash and drinking water – or mercury-laced vaccines that a healthy immune system can well do without, thank you.

While we’re getting so concerned over porn’ and the corruption of minors then why doesn’t Scameron’s sham Libservative coalition publish in the public press the complete list of names and positions of the 7,250 child pornographers and paedophile suspects identified in the United Kingdom in the 1999 international investigation run by Britain's National Criminal Intelligence Service, code named Operation Ore.
(In the United States, Operation Ore's counterpart was Operation Avalanche, which netted a total of 35,000 child porno’ website users.)

Some 1850 people were criminally charged in the case and there were 1451 convictions. Almost 500 people were interviewed "under caution" by police, meaning they were suspects. Some 900 individuals remain under investigation. In early 2003, British police began to close in on some top suspects named in the investigation, including senior members of Blair's government and a choice selection of House of Conmans Parliamentarian MP’s, Upper House Lords - and Whitehall civil service mandarins.

When the Sunday Shitraker obtained via Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers watchdog charity, a copy of the CIS list of Labour MPs who had used credit cards to pay for internet child pornography, which resulted in the arrest of one of PM Tony Bliar’s most important aides (and raving paedophile) Phillip Lyon, Bliar responded by imposing a massive news blackout on the press to prevent them publishing any details of the investigation and revealing that 90% plus of Whitehall and Parliament are infested with shirt-lifters and kiddie fiddlers.

Perhaps if Operation Ore’s investigation had been allowed to proceed to an honest conclusion and prosecutions, and not been stifled by the preposterous war criminal Bliar to protect the paedophiles comprising his Labour government, then eventually the truth concerning the Dunblane school massacre and Thomas Hamilton running a Freemasons paedo’ club for ranking government officials such as Lord Slobertson might have been exposed at long last.

Once the dominoes started to topple, maybe even the scandalous Hollie Greig case involving scores of ‘special needs’ children being sexually abused by the establishment worthies running Scotland’s crime – and kiddie-fiddling – capital of Scaberdeen might have at long ‘overdue’ last attracted the attentions of the Crown Prosecution Service to bring the perverted pederast villains responsible for rapes and murder to justice.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the Libservative coalition and their Internet censorship scheme.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

US Hot to Trot on Pre-Emptive Iran Attack

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what obviously constitutes an illegal act of belligerence and a direct threat against Iran - (and World peace) - the US Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral Mike Moronsky, yesterday informed one reporter from the Warmongers Gazette that Washington is 'very ready' to launch an attack on Tehran – with added emphasis to the fact they’re not just ‘ready’ but ‘very ready’.

"There are real threats to peace and stability in the Middle East and Central Asia, and Israel’s made no secrets over their concerns about Iran.”
"From my perspective I see Iran continuing on this path to develop their own space station loaded with nukes and lasers and shit - and I believe such a development and achieving that goal would be very destabilizing to the region – outer space that is," General Moronsky continued.

Amid a standoff over Iran's nuclear program, both Tel Aviv and Washington have repeatedly threatened Tehran with the "option" of a military strike, based on Zionist owned media propaganda that Iran's nuclear work may consist of ‘splitting atoms’ -- an allegation Iran has repeatedly denied – instead claiming that the US is splitting hairs.

Admiral Moronsky, a man who got his leg-up in the military hierarchy by ‘messing around in boats’, suffers from severe learning difficulties and believes everything he see on Rupert Mudrocks Shit News channel – or AIPAC lobbyists whisper in his ear - a condition further aggravated by his inbred ‘Muslims under the mat’ paranoid phobia.

While ignoring the Israeli aggressor’s possession of the sole nuclear weapons arsenal in the Mid-East, Moronsky went into blabberwocky mode, declaring that “These Iranians are like that Saddam guy in Iraq – they’ve got weapons of mass distraction. They’ve got plants producing baby formula milk powder – and that feeds more Muslim sprogs who’ll grow up to be Revolutionary Guards and Jolly Jihad suicide bombers. Plus they have factories turning out ammonium nitrate and claim it’s for agricultural fertiliser – and others that make gallons of brake fluid - and bleach – and we all know what happens when you mix that shit together – Ka-fucking-Boom!”

To add further insult to injury, Lindsey Graham, the piranha-toothed faggot Republican Senator for South Carolina – the good ole red neck state – who, in a total criminal breach of international law and the Geneva Conventions - recently urged Washington to destroy the Islamic Republic of Iran through military action.
To quote: “Not just neutralise their emerging nuclear programme but sink their navy, destroy their air force and deliver a decisive blow to their Revolutionary Guard – and kill every fucker there old enough to bleed.”

Hmmm, thank you Senator Lindsey Warmonger – obviously you’ll be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize next year - or some other equally odious humanitarian award.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Thought for the day: Fuck the US and Israel – and the Masonic Zionist ‘Project for a New American Century’. May it run for as long as the Nazi’s ‘Thousand Year’ Third Reich did: 1933 to 1945 – 12 years.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Berlusconi Twatted by Twitter Posts

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A media experiment of feeding live tweets – displaying political opinions and comments about twits and twats - onto giant television screens displayed in the EUSSR summit building in Brussels had to be shut down with ‘extreme prejudice’ after Italian twitterers ‘twatted’ the system with attacks on the zillionaire Italian Slime Minister Silvio Corruptioni and his manky Mafia buddies.

Brussels-based EUSSR officials, including the 27 European leaders meeting to discuss the Rothshite bankster-engineered Eurozone debt crisis, were horrified at the volume of defamatory and obscene insults and taunts directed at the Italian Slime Minister, who was attending the Brussels summit.
"We had the tweet-wall up for two hours in the main concourse, but it wasn't moderated and a lot of the tweets were, well, very naughty indeed and came too close to the truth when they called Signore Corruptioni a cunt in cunt’s clothing," Ms Fellatia van der Gamm, an EUSSR spokeswoman, informed the Scandalmongers Gazette.

"It was insulting. People from all over Europe were calling him a pondscum paedophile, a sheep shagger and a dog wanker. The point of the live Twitter exercise was not to display slanderous messages about Mr Corruptioni but rather flattering ones. Several delegates from the Italian team who saw the comments were very upset – especially the kiddie fiddling members. Obviously this bright idea of feeding live tweets onto the in-house screens isn’t so bright after all – and perhaps, using 20/20 hindsight, is yet another bad idea in a long line of bad ideas."

The tweets appeared in huge letters on 120 inch plasma television screen in the summit press areas and main concourse – visible to all diplomats, politicians, media crew and visitors alike.
"Silvio Corruptioni pays for sex, for votes, for mafia protection, for everything he can buy. What he cannot buy – he’ll steal,” was one tweet about ‘Il Twat’.

Following the embarrassing Twitter screw up in which savvy Italian and other European twitterers bombarded the system at light speed with attacks on ‘Il Douchbag’ – Signore Silvio Corruptioni - Italy was hit with a total news blackout to prevent the public from realising what an utter criminal scumbag their Prime Minister really is – as if they didn’t know already.

Another Twitter user posted old quotes from the Italian prime minister aimed at embarrassing him, including such irrelevancies as: "Mussolini never killed anyone. Mussolini used to send people on holiday in internal exile. Il Duce got the trains running on time – to Auschwitz – and many other Partito Nazionale Fascista-run concentration camps – Rab, Gonars, Padova, Visco, Renicci, Molat – to name but a few. Silvio Corruptioni is not Il Duce – he is Il Douchbag.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday, 20 December 2010

US Warmonger Gates: Fuck Public Opinion

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In a live televised press conference at the Shite House on Friday, Secretary of Sleaze Hilarious Rodent Clinton (the Mena Mafia’s murderous Matriarch) played her usual ‘appeal to fear’ card in trying to bolster public support for the 'Hunt al Qaeda / Kill the Taliban' Afghan War, even as polls clearly demonstrate that the American public are overwhelmingly opposed (sic – read “totally pissed off”) to continuing the occupation, already in its tenth year and as near to being won as President O’Barmy ever producing his real birth certificate.

The Rodent’s comments urged Americans to see the war as “patriotic and protecting their families from Infidel barbarians who hate our Democratic freedoms” – (plus ensuring the military-industrial cabals warmongering profits keep flowing in)

Conversely, as it was obvious to any fucker and their dog with two brain cells to rub together that Clinton’s pep talk was more at scent than substance and just another pile of bureaucratic bullshit, the Secretary for Overseas Aggression, Robert Gates, had a somewhat more frank piece of advice for Americans and the media when he stood at the lectern.
Specifically, that advice amounts to the fact the AIPAC-controlled O’Barmy administration in Washington DC (District of Criminals) doesn’t give a flying fuck what the American voting public think – because the Afghan – and too the expanding Pakistan - conflicts aren’t going to end in the foreseeable future - no matter how unpopular and costly to the tax-payer the whole fiasco gets.

Gates, a former CIA scumbag, and a man with profound learning difficulties, whose bloated ego far surpasses his limited intellect, insisted that the government was more interested in the long-term benefits of the war than its massive unpopularity – with ‘long-term’ being construed as per the original Project for a New American Century’s forecast – a century of warfare on a global scale - protecting the interests of the US arms industry; guarding vital Socal gas pipelines, having a vice-like grip on Afghanistan’s opium crops – plus, most important of all, keeping the body bag manufacturers in work.

While the moronic Gates didn’t actually indicate a time scale for “long-term” – both the RAND Corporation - and the Hudson Institute’s Department for Advanced Guesswork – believe this will perhaps be a lot more than the nine years the US has already been in Afghanistan since the illegal invasion in 2001.

That kick started their pantomime ‘War on Terror’ - which to this very day is still short of one vital ingredient: lashings of good old-fashioned ‘terror’ – apart from that provided by Mossad’s false flag op’s to scare the West into “Save us all!” mode - and bovine compliance to accept a CCTV camera on every street corner – and get your DNA unzipped and shredded by the insta-tumour tetra-hertz radiation emitted via the full body scanners - or suffer the perverted indignities of TSA-style grope-searches by some lard-arsed moron in a uniform.

In this regard Gates is continuing with the Dubya Bush administration’s (AIPAC’s) belligerent kikester rhetoric (unqualified arrogance) - that massive unpopularity really doesn’t matter when the ruling Shylock elitists have decided that bad war or good war – it’s going to continue, and the bleeding heart humanist critics of administration policy will inevitably be drowned out by the enormous echo chamber of ultra-Zionist-owned media and Israeli-American US government officials who see an endless, failing war as politically and financially expedient – and to their benefit. Win or lose – the banksters win – just like Vietnam.

Alas, as they expand their profitable war in Central Asia from Afghanistan into Pakistan – chasing bogey men and non-existent terrorists - do they not realise - these ultra-Zionist kikester moronic klutz’s – AIPAC and Co, the crew controlling Project RAND and the US PNAC - that just as they clandestinely supplied the Taliban Dan Gang in the 1980’s with technical training and military ordnance – specifically shoulder-fired ground to air Stinger missiles to bring down the Soviet’s choppers – that today someone – from somewhere (Axis of Evil) – might just be supplying the same Taliban mujihadeen with similar weapons to fight NATO’s Infidel Zionist invaders who would spit on Islam and grow opium on their lands – just to control the global drug trade?

Oh my, this entire Protocols of Zion cum Project for a Jew American Century scam is going to turn out like Groundhog Day – but without the happy ending.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Oh, and by the way, fuck AIPAC and their Jew World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

UK in ‘Legalise Drugs’ Drama

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

An ex-Labour minister, who had responsibility for the government’s drugs policy, has called for all narcotics to be legally available so he doesn’t have to hang around on dark, freezing cold street corners, avoiding muggers and crack whores, when he needs a fix.

Blob Ainsworth, a former cormorant strangler and a Labour Home Office minister under Tony Bliar, informed a gaggle of gutter press hacks that successive government approaches had failed, leaving criminal gangs in control of the supply and pricing side of the hard – and soft - drugs trade.
Hence the Labour MP for Addiction-on-Sea, applying 20/20 hindsight to the problem, wants to introduce a system of strict legal regulation, with different drugs either prescribed by doctors or sold under licence by Boots Cash Chemists, Bargain Booze or Threshers.

Conversely Posh Dave Scameron’s Crime Prevention Minister, James Brokenhome, chairman of the Tory Halitosis Society, insisted that the Libservative coalition remain opposed to legalisation – claiming such was not the answer to drug control.
"Decriminalisation is a simplistic solution that fails to recognise the complexity of the problem and ignores the money, time and effort that Britain has expended on justifying the illegal invasion – and continued occupation – of Afghanistan so our troops are on top of the opium crops and heroin production and are able to keep it under tight US and British control – earning top dollar profits - and not let a bunch of scumbag Chechnyans or Turks or greasy Italian Mafia types get a foot in the door again.”

“I mean to say, it’s bad enough here already – around Europe and especially in the Netherlands and the UK – with Albanian pikeys flogging snort and crack and horse and what-have-you – to say nothing of these Rasta Man Yardie scally drug gangs who seem to have more guns than our Met police force and the army put together.”

Mr Ainsworth, who suffers from intense learning difficulties, is the most senior politician so far to publicly call for all drugs, including heroin and cocaine, to be in any way legalised as the so-called war on drugs fiasco could not be won before Hell freezes over.
"Leaving the drugs market in the hands of criminals causes huge and unnecessary harms to individuals, communities and entire countries, with the poor the hardest hit when the gang hike the price of a quick snort or a bifta around Christmas time.”

"It‘s time to replace this false war on drugs with a strict system of legal regulation, to make the world a safer, healthier place, especially for our children who under the present system will still have to sneak about back streets and alleyways looking for a dealer to get their fixes. We must take the trade away from organised criminals and hand it to the control of pharmacists so there’s no problem walking into Boots Chemists and getting your daily dose of H or snort - while cannabis could be sold at the local newsagents or tobacconists.”

Conversely the former chief constable of the Chigley police force, Ron Fuctifino, reacted to Blob Ainsworth’s announcement in the House of Conmans and told reporters that something had to change.
“Chigley an’ Trumpton’s become right little criminal havens since the Serbian mafia moved in – hard drugs an’ sex slave prostitution – with PC McGarry copping for his lot in a gunfight with a gang of pikeys at a weed factory last week. Captain Snort’s got his arse fired for substance abuse – an’ allowing Camberwick Green to get labelled with the disreputable sobriquet of ‘Cannabis Green’.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday, 18 December 2010

Disgrace Mugabe Accused of ‘Mining’

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The 69-year old Disgrace Rhubarbie, wife of incumbent King of the basket-case Third World shithole now known as the People’s Marxist Utopia of Zimbabwe, is set to sue the living daylights out of everyone and their dog who dares get anywhere near the truth and call her a lying, thieving criminal scumbag.

The gospel according to this week’s Kleptomaniacs Gazette and crime columnist Cletus Chuckabutty, claims that Disgrace’s favourite pastime, picked up from her big buddy and contemporary 'shopaholic' acquisitions maniac Imelda Marcos, ex-First Lady of the Republic of the Philistines - is ‘Mining’.
This involves Disgrace driving around the countryside with her ‘Veterans Brigade’ army escort and pointing to whatever takes her fancy – a stylish ranch or farm or a stable of horses – and declaring “Dat’s Mine!” or “Dis is Mine!”

Now Disgrace is suing the Kleptomaniacs Gazette for £10 zillion quid over its reporting of claims released by WickedLeaks that she has personally made tremendous profits from the country's diamond mines. The Sweaty Kaffir fields in eastern Zimbabwe were reputed to be among the world's richest until Greedy Gracie got her sticky little black paws into them – dividing the spoils up with Shona army commanders and political allies of her geriatric husband King Robert de First

However, this little tidbit is nothing compared to some of the crimes Disgrace stands accused of – physical assaults, land-grabbing and extortion – plus a veritable index of capital punishment crimes including murders, witchcraft and the Satanic blood sacrifices of Matabele babies.

Also on the ‘capital crimes’ list in Mugabe’s homophobic dystopian realm are the rampant acts of lesbianism that took place during a clandestine conclave of the Senior Sisters of St Sappho of the Sacred Strapon Church at the exclusive Mingeeter Club in Harare – where a score of vestal virgins were subjected to a ritual of enforced 69 rugmunching prior to being deflowered by Disgrace herself with a pelvic harness-mounted diamond-studded rhino horn dildo - personally crafted by De Beers & Godemiche of Paris.

So, the perverted antics of mingin' tropical butch dykes aside, how do WickedLeaks damning revelations claim Disgrace shifts her blood-stained conflict diamonds around? Easy peasy, apparently - when you’re wed to the Head of State of a sovereign country which issues passports and provides diplomatic immunity – and civil indemnity to steal whatever, and snuff out any fucker who upsets you.

To add further weight to the burden of proof, Disgrace and her incontinent dog wanker of a hubby have their own diamond merchants in Hong Kong with the ‘products’ getting shipped around - in and out for sale in Europe - via her diplomatic bag.

Coincidentally enough, the Mugabe’s slapper of a spoiled brat daughter, the 20-year old Bono is in Hong Kong under an assumed name – Ms Winnebago Brillopad - and studying at the University of Kowloon for a major in Hedonistic Waste and a secondary degree in Ostentatious Squandering.
Uni' of Kowloon Student’s Union spokesman Flip Flop Fong told the media “Bono’s pretty easy to pick out – like her namesake Paddy prick singer with U2 - she’s the only darkie with Scotchbrite pussy hair, suck and swallow lips and ‘go to bed’ eyes – all the rest of the girls here are custard yellow with ‘can’t see fuck all’ slanted eyes.”

The rapacious Disgrace, alike her husband – is renowned for vile temper tantrums - and in her case – tyrannical outbursts of ‘menopausal madness’ – during which she has been known to kick, bite, claw and pummel offensive news hacks from the foreign press to a bloody pulp with her diamond-encrusted knuckle dusters. Alas, this is the way of despots – and pisspots – the type of shits that will do anything to get into power – and commit every sin in the book – plus a few that aren’t - to keep it – such as murdering the wife of political opposition rival Morgan Tsvangirai.

The WickedLeaks release named Disrace Mugabe and Central Bank governor Gideon Gonads, among the principal offenders – plus a host of other officials from the Zimbabwe military and King Robert's Zanu-Disaster Party as those responsible for the conflict diamond smuggling trade.

Mrs Mugabe, wearing a pair of 20 carat diamond earrings – one blue and one pink – cut in the image of Wenlock and Mandeville, the official Cyclopian mascots of the London 2012 Olympic Games, filed her libel case against Cletus Chuckabutty, the Kleptomaniacs Gazette and WickedLeaks at the Harare High Court this morning, accompanied by her lawyer, Yodcocca Tadpole, who called the reports “Scandalous and malicious – even if dey is true. De imputation of such conduct on a person of such high standin’, de mother of de nation, is to lower de respect wid which is to be attributed to all VIP’s like de First Lady.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday, 17 December 2010

22 SAS Have Moved to Wales!? WTF?

To: Pengiun Books, UK.

For the attentions of publishing editors and proof readers responsible for oversight:

Currently reading your copy of Tom Clancy's new book 'Dead or Alive'.
Quite surprised that for a man who is usually so meticulous concerning fact and detail that he's located the British 22nd SAS barracks in 'Wales' and not England.
There might be certain aspects of secrecy attached to the Regiment but not to that extent it's hidden in a foul and foreign land.

The 22nd Special Air Service Regiment Barracks address is : Stirling Lines HQ, Credenhill, Hereford, HR4-7DR, ENGLAND.

(Geographical coordinates: 52° 6' 0" North, 2° 48' 0" West)
Just off the A480. Close to Welsh border, maybe - but still in the arms of Mother England.

Please pass this correction on to Mr Clancy - so his Rainbow Six team of die-hards (led by Americans, obviously) might find their way home again and not get lost in the sheep-shagging wilds of the Brecons or Welsh Hills.

Right, pout over - carry on.

Regards,

Rusty

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Abu Dhabi Hotel Hosts Muslim Xmas

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Emirates Palace Hotel – owned lock, stock and houris by Abu Dhabi’s ruler Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer – a Bedouin chieftain whose family have been in the divan and breakfast lodgings (Oasis Tents) cum camel hire (Renta-Hump) business since the time of the first Hajj to Mecca and right through the Crusades – plus still claim hereditary grazing rights on every hotel lobby carpet in the entire Persian Gulf region.

As is the norm for Sheikh Fizzy and his family of spoiled brat wastrel siblings and progeny, Christmas is always a time to say “Fuck the Sharia”, skull back a few pints of fermented goat’s milk and put on a festive season’s pretentious display of hedonistic waste and ostentatious squandering - with a robot Santa on a camel and a jewel-encrusted Christmas tree which the Extravaganza Gazette reports is worth over £11 zillion quid – including the ‘glow-in-the-dark’ Archangel topping the tree – crafted from the finest depleted uranium to ensure a half-life of illumination until New Year (2050) is heralded in.

While the tree, sitting in the sumptuous lobby of the 3,000-room hotel with the trunk overlaid in gold leaf - is only worth a mere £10,000 nicker as a stand-alone item of high-class firewood, the jewellery adds more than £11 zillion quid to the worth of the glitzy display, according to the hotel’s general manager Hans Moronstein.

Items of jewellery studded with scores of precious stones are draped on the tree's branches. The bracelets, necklaces and watches which adorn the 300 foot tall Giant Redwood contain several zillion diamonds, pearls, emeralds, sapphires and other precious stones and baubles - along with more traditional Muslim Jolly Jihadi decorations – such as sheep’s eyeballs, fragmentation grenades and Infidel’s scrotums.

Moronstein told reporters that the hotel has a tree every year, but this Christmas Sheikh Fizzy wanted to do something different.
“We did mull over the idea of a Holy Trinity crucifixion as we have plenty of thieves and convicted criminals to nail up there – but we convinced his Highness that crucifixions were more of an Easter thing.”

“While the vast majority of the population of our oil-rich Abu Dhabi are Muslims, this is a very liberal country as the indigenous menfolk – well, the one’s who can afford the little luxuries in life – simply adore coming here in an evening to gamble, get drunk and screw around with our exotic Asian hand maidens up in the Happy Ending Rub n Tug Massage Salon on the top floor – just opposite our Naughty Nomad Casino - and Crazy Ali’s Penthouse Bar.”

The Emirates Palace planned on petitioning the Guinness Book of World Records to certify the tree as the world's most expensive – however they have been referred to the entry for Baron Ja’akoff Rothshite in London, head of the Rothshite bankster crime syndicate family – who has his tree adorned with the binding fiscal encumbrances, liens and impediments and other assorted debt documents of every cash-strapped country on Earth.

Stop press: Rumours that the Emirates Palace Hotel’s Christmas tree went missing last night – cut down and stolen by a crew of Al Qaeda scallies posing as lumberjacks – with the incident caught on CCTV footage – remain unsubstantiated. Reports vary but police believe this may be the work of the Iran’s notorious ‘Arboreal Blaggers Gang’ who chopped the tree off at the roots with chain saws - then did the same to the hotel’s 24/7 security detail.

Tel Aviv were conspicuously quick off the mark to contact Sheikh Well Before Using, the Director of Abu Dhabi’s Western style Plod Squad, to deny Mossad had anything to do with the theft – regardless of what the CCTV footage showed.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday, 16 December 2010

Assange Makes 'Bail or Else' Threat

WickedLeaks founder and head honcho Julian Blancmange this morning informed one reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette that if Bow Street Magistrates Court didn't grant his bail today then the anti-authoritarian anarchy website would be publishing the true copy of US President Barky O'Barmy's Kenyan birth certificate - circa 4th August 1961 – issued at Nyang'oma Kogelo, a village in Siaya District, some 30 miles from Kisumu, located on the north-east shore of Lake Victoria – and too a copy of the adulterated / counterfeit original – with the word ‘Kenya’ obscured by typex and ‘Hawaii’ scribbled in with pencil.

Snowed-In Public to Clear Own Roads

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

As yet a second severe bout of global warming phenomenon stands poised to blight the UK, with bollocks-deep snow covering the hills and dales – and every single highway – one bright spark member of the Libservative coalition cabinet has come up with a novel money-saving scheme to get around local authority budget cuts – specifically that the public should be tasked to clear and grit icy side roads and pavements not treated by their council’s highways department.

This gem is the brainchild of Conservative Transport Secretary, Phillip ‘Teaspoons’ Scammond, who exclaimed ‘Eureka!’ after experiencing a brief epiphany of enlightenment – not quite on the road to Damascus, but while skulling back pints of Old Headbanger lager in the Pikey Bar of the Swan Roasters Arm pub in Whitehall the other evening.

Scammond, the incumbent Tory MP for Runnynose and Snotbridge, is well known to friends and Parliamentary associates in and around the House of Conmans as a greedy, penny-pinching scumbag with the personality of a gay proctologist.

A graduate of University College, Poxford, where he earned a first in Advanced Tax Dodges, Scammond received lashings of criticism in 2009 when the Scandalmongers Gazette revealed that he claimed just £8 quid short of the maximum allowance for a second home in London from 2007 to 2008 on his Parliamentary expenses – even though the dodgy twat lived in the nearby commuter belt borough of Wankford – within walking distance of Westminster.

When his ‘creative accounting’ personal claims were revealed on the internet during the House of Conmans expenses scandal, it emerged that Scammond was in the habit of blowing thousands of pounds of taxpayers' money annually on newspapers and ‘manga’ comics, and once spent £24 nicker from the public purse on eight teaspoons – which he could have easily pilfered from the Parliamentary canteen like other kleptomaniac MP’s short on kitchen cutlery.

Scammond gained further notoriety for “not giving a flying fuck about the downtrodden local motorist” when he refused to support opposition to an exorbitant rise in car parking charges at Snotbridge railway station last year – in his own constituency.

To add further insult to public injury, and following suit with moronic suggestions, Heather Slutt, the Northamptonshire County Council’s jobsworth responsible for transport and highways, has announced that residents should clean road signs to help save the cash-strapped local authority tens of zillions of pounds.

Ms Slutt, speaking on BBC Radio Numpty, came across as being as funny as a course of chemotherapy or haemorrhoid surgery when she declared for the public record (and mirth of millions) "Is it too much to ask for these lazy sods to get off their couch spud fat arses and go out with a bucket and sponge in their hands and wash down the shite-plastered street and road traffic signs in their vicinity?"

Conversely, both parties responsible for these idiotic statements have come under fire from Twat-Watch, the public services abuse sentinel, with director Bazzer McScrote informing one reporter from the Daily Shitraker “Oh yeah, Mr Scammond’s idea’s great isn’t it – so wot der fuck are we supposed ter do, I ask yer - dig our own salt mines?”
“Same as this brainless bimbo wiv Northamptonshire’s CC – wot are we expected ter do there - get outa yer truck on the M1 and give a shitty sign a quick spit an’ polish? Hello, what der fuck are these knobheads thinking?”

Thought for the day: While we can’t cure stupid, we can vote it out of office at the next election.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Split-Arsed Judge – Above de Law

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A UK judge, in the dock on charges of wrong-doing, who swore at the presiding Judge, and then stormed – with contempt aforethought - out of court in a fit of pique after being rightly convicted of failing to keep her pack of African hyenas under control, has been fined £2,500 quid plus legal costs.

The rabid canines, owned by Judge Feryl Beryl Harridan, who sits on the bench at Scroteborough Crown Court, attacked a student, Freddy McDork, 20, who was sunbathing in his parents' garden after a hard day protesting tuition fee hikes and kicking the shit out of a Rolls-Royce Phantom - when the salivating hellhounds rampaged through the hedge in pursuit of a neighbour’s cat and bit off his right leg – apparently mistaking it for one of their favourite ostrich drumstick snackies.

The menopausal Judge Harridan, 57, sporting a Croydon facelift hair-do and a pair of manhole cover ear-rings, was cautioned during the trial to stop chewing gum like some common girlie gang yobette slapper, then had the blatant audacity to deny the prosecution’s charge of breaches of the Dangerous Dogs Act – claiming the Plaintiff had either chopped or bitten his own leg off just to ‘create a ‘poor me’ personal injury claim scenario and cause trouble.

When a ‘Guilty as Charged’ verdict was returned by the twelve good men (and women) of Scroteborough comprising the jury, Harridan strode out of the Scallyford Magistrates Court in disgust, cursing and swearing alike a trooper – declaring to all and sundry that the judgement was a ‘travesty of justice’ and "I'll never set foot in this effin’ courtroom again!”

Outside court, Harridan declared to a gaggle of amused journalists - who know her as ‘Black Cap Beryl’ - that she was absolutely devastated by the conviction against herself and the pet hyenas and would appeal against it – claiming that Cerebus - the leader of the hyena pack - was registered with the Kennel Club, and was now, since reportedly gnawing off Freddie’s leg, muzzled 24/7 and receiving specialist obedience training from a lion tamer at the Canine Asbo Centre.

Putting on the agony and a splendid display of Oscar-winning histrionics, Harridan announced to anyone interested enough to listen "I have always sought to do what was right in relation to my scumbag neighbours – regardless of the fact they’re a set of contrary bastards who hate my puppies.”

“Since Cerebus was supposed to have bitten off young Freddie’s leg, my Galloping Tourettes has grown worse and I’ve been suffering acute paranoia and panic attacks, so anything I did say in court – such as calling Judge Bogbrush a bag of shit was a result of the emotional pressures of being a defendant in court – where I’m supposed to be in fucking charge!”

District Judge Sir Irwin Bogbrush, sitting, had informed the court "We take the view that this is a case which does justify a substantial financial penalty and the animals involved euthanised – or transferred to a secure zoo complex – or preferably deported back the wilds of Africa – and Mrs Harridan to have her name entered into the Dangerous Dog Offenders register and be banned from keeping any more ‘baby biters’ or other domestic pets larger than a hamster for 10 years.”
"Freddie McDork was not only put in fear for his life and suffered the acute social embarrassment of defecating in his shorts, but actually had his entire leg bitten off at the knee by the ravaging hyena leading the pack in question."

During the trial, the court heard the student's parents, Ron and Doris McDork, had labelled their next door neighbour ‘Feryl Beryl the Bitch’ - and her partner Genghis McTwatt - as a pair of “scumbags from Hell – with their pack of Hellhounds" – specifically six Greater Spotted Hyenas.

They described living "in terror" of the hyenas and kept a ‘horror log’ of incidents when the hyenas kept them awake all night due their barking and laughing following one of the Harridan’s frequent summer evening barbeques, when gnawed antelope and zebra ribs and emu bones were tossed over their hedge into the McDork’s garden – along with empty bottles of Chateau le Crapp vino.

Following the hearing, Sir Irwin Bogbrush informed one reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette that he would be filing official, detailed complaints against Judge Harridan - of judicial misconduct under the Contempt of Court Act 1981 - with the Disciplinary Tribunal of the Inns of Court.
“Seriously, I do not relish being referred to as a “shit-for-brains old prick” by a fellow legal beagle – especially so a judge - when it is she that is in the dock as the defendant. This time that inflated ego has definitely surpassed her diminished intellect. Hopefully the shrewish harpy is tossed out on her fat arse at long last – or sentenced to six months wearing a Scold’s Bridal.”

Ms Fellattia Titwank, a spokeswoman for the Judicial Office for England and Wales, announced to the media that the Lord Chief Justice and the Lord Chancellor would be considering Harridan’s continued position as a judge.

Within the Oxford English Dictionary’s indexed lexicon of 250,000-plus words there is none that accurately describes Judge Harridan’s unqualified arrogance – nor her psychosis or sociopathic condition. However it was unanimously agreed by a conclave of court hacks from the gutter press red top tabloids, during a meeting in the Pikey's Bar at the Swan Roasters Arms following the trial, that the word CUNT comes pretty close. A cunt in cunt’s clothing, to be precise.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

Libservatives Top UK Hate Parade

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The disastrous incumbent British government, currently ‘labouring’ (sic) under the moniker of the ‘Libservative Coalition’, upped their ratings on the UK’s Political Scumometer - and too the National Hate Index - this afternoon when the Falstaffian Communities Secretary Eric ‘the Blob’ Prickles announced to a gobsmacked House of Conmans that the average decrease for 2011/12 regarding local authority budget cuts in central funding would be a mere 4.4%, with no council losing more than 8.9% - unless they really deserved it.

This apparently now puts the local authorities of England and Wales on a par with that of Mali’s shithole city of Timbuktu in Saharan Africa – whose 2010 annual local works budget was set at 4.4% of the nation’s GNP (rock salt, camel hump jerky, slaves and lepers) – specifically £14:37 pence.

Prickles, a lard-arsed Yorkshire pudding and former Batley-based amateur Sumo wrestler - who delights in repeating the anecdote that he was the original model for the Michelin Man - was, fittingly enough, the Tory’s Shadow Minister for Easter Eggs before his promotion last May.
Once a staunch Labour Party member with radical Communist leanings and known by the nom de guerre of Eric the Red (actually Eric the Fat) until 1968 - when Cuba invaded Mozambique and he deserted socialism for the Tory back benches as MP for Fatwood – becoming the Conservative’s heavyweight answer to Labour’s ‘vulgarian-in-residence: John ‘Two Shags’ Prescott.

Prickles, a widower since his long-suffering concave spouse, Glenda, was unfortunately crushed to death while assuming the missionary position during an impromptu rampant sex session on the kitchen table last year - promised councils a new democratic settlement, with more rights devolved to local authorities being set out in the dystopian ‘Localism Bill’.

The bill’s measures are expected to include providing local people with the power to approve or veto "excessive" council tax rises – plus give public organisations the legal right to name community assets like canals, shops, pubs, libraries, police stations, prisons and fire brigades on a council’s "most wanted list" – and if they’re up for sale then the public can formulate and schedule a business plan and raise the funds required to bid for the property items from the petrodollar rich Kuwaiti or Al Qatar overseas investment funds – or as a last resort, the back street Cash Converters loan sharks.

Communities will be empowered and tasked to question how services - such as refugee deportation centres, US military bases and sewerage farms are being run and potentially take them over – giving the public more power to overrule Metropolitan Borough planning decisions to build new sink-or-swim housing estates on geological flood plains, draw moronic toll road highway routes straddling a map of our pristine countryside then go and fill them in with asphalt - or chop down thousands of acres of our sacred forests so one of the Greedy Grocer supermarket chains such as Pestco, Pukesburys, or Mammon and Snobfords can built another of their ubiquitous supermarkets that force our iconic High Street businesses – the Butcher, the Baker and Candlestick Maker (et al ad infinatum) - to seek Chapter 11 protection and close up shop.

Hmmm, the Greedy Grocer chains - where you can’t even buy a competitive diversity of produce as they slowly – but surely – shift from other premium and established quality household name rival brands to “Pestco’s Own”. Sorry, but ‘every little helps’ doesn’t help at all – in fact it’s contrary to healthy business competition and should be subjected to oversight and stricture by the Monopolies Commission – if the lobbies of self-interest that infest and corrupt these regulatory institutions were ever rooted out.

Conversely, one good point to come out of the Localism Bill is the fact that henceforth vital funding will be allotted and spent on protecting essential services and not wasted on needless bureaucracy.
Its implementation will reduce local government spending by 15% in real terms – with an estimated 140,000 council hangers-on being laterally promoted to their local Jobcentre – which equates with more than half of Liverpool City Council's senior Scouse scivers and other assorted moronic jobsworth scallies and scrotes in the Graft & Corruption Department getting the elbow.

However, Liverpool City Council leader, ultra-Trotskyist Joe McThugg, told one reporter from the Daily Shitraker “Mr Humpty effin’ Prickles wants ter watch his step if he’s intendin’ on cutting my salary from £203,500 to a mere pauper’s income of £197,500 per bloody annum – wiv no bleedin’ mention of me yearly performance bonus either.”
“It’s gonna be us top council executive types joinin’ ranks wiv the effin’ students in protests demo’s an’ marches next week – just you wait an’ see.”

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.