Blockbuster Ban ‘Nanookie the Nympho’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Attorneys bent on profitable litigation, acting on behalf of the Canadian Inuit Eskimo tribe, have filed for an injunction at the High Court in Montreal to halt the further release of a pornographic parody of the iconic film ‘Nanook of the North’ produced for the onanist market by the California-based adult entertainment movie company Scumbag Studios – questionably titled ‘Nanookie the Nymphomaniac’.

Tribal shaman Mr Bazzer Nanook, the great-grandson of the original ‘Nanook’ who starred in the acclaimed award-winning 1922 documentary, told one reporter from the Barratry Gazette “This is a slur and an insult to our people and disrespectful of the memory of Nanook the First – and we will be seeking punitive damages and legal costs that will fund our tribe’s move to somewhere warmer - the Caribbean, perhaps.”

In their defence, Billy Bob McScumm, CEO of Scumbag Studios, claimed that any resemblance to persons living or dead was purely coincidental and the porno’ star who plays Nanookie the Nympho – Ms Chlamydia Mingerot – is a slim blonde Caucasian female who bears no resemblance to a seal blubber-scoffing ethnic Eskimo squaw.

Regardless of these denials, the Inuit tribe’s lawyers have focused on the facts that the first half of the movie is set in snow-bound terrain, with ‘Nanookie’ dressed in furs – when she’s not naked and getting humped – and portraying a three-hole suck n swallow bitch favourite of the ‘Might Quinn’ at Inukjuak’s Happy Ending Massage Parlour where she gains fame and patronage for her super orgasmic ‘titwank’ prior to doing a bunk and getting a job as a lap dancer, working under the pseudonym of ‘Slutsy’ at the notorious Hudson Bay ‘Igloo Club’.

In the movie Nanookie’s notoriety for her vise-like ‘vaginal grip’ ability that can milk a stud dry of semen and leave him with his testicles rattling around his empty scrotum like two walnuts in a coffee can, attracts a ménage of sexual athletes and generalised perverts – including the American property tycoon Donald Grump, who has amassed a veritable Byzantine harem of high-maintenance trophy wives and concubines – all of whom are renowned for their ability to suck the chrome off a 4 x 4 towing hitch and, alike Nanookie, crush ping-pong balls with a single spasmodic ‘tweak’ of their ‘bear trap’ pussy muscles.

After marrying the Viagra-addicted Grump, they move south of the border to Atlantic City, NJ, where Nanookie sexperiments with fetishism, giving the Grump one up the richter with a 9 inch strapon dildo every evening before heading out into the night clad in her leather gear – where she gets inducted into the lesbian lifestyle by the celebrated bisexual Eskimo Nell - a Pro-Dominatrix who has been historically credited by the prestigious Smithsonian Institute with shagging to death both Deadeye Dick and Mexican Pete during an all-night clusterfuck session.

Ms Fellattia van der Gamm, spokeswoman for the British Board of Film Censors - petitioned to ban ‘Nanookie the Nymphomaniac’ from release in the UK by a variety of career prigs, fundamentalist Christians and feminist groups - informed one press hack from the Dog Wankers Gazette that “While Nanookie’s licentious lifestyle and kinky carnal tastes, specifically the video scenes of her having doggy style sex with a pack of huskies or humping that well-hung walrus on an ice floe might not be fit for Children’s Hour viewing or general cinema release, the movie will only be available in the UK on DVD from the onanist Hand Shandy Club and most definitely not Blockbuster or your local public library.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.