Chavez Fingers CIA Cancer Plot

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Venezuelan President Chavez this week raised the scary spectre that the Great Satan’s CIA dirty tricks division have developed a secret death ray or nasty nano-technology to stricken Latin America’s left-wing leaders with cancer to ensure their demise – as an alternative to the hypocrisy-ridden route of achieving regime changes via UN Security Council resolutions and dispatching the NATO thugs to enforce a Libyan style measure of ‘humanitarian intervention’.

Following his personal surgery and chemotherapy treatment for cancer in Cuba this year Chavez made public his suspicions upon receiving news that President Cristina Fernandez of Argentina has now been diagnosed as suffering from thyroid cancer.

Chavez opined to one press hack from the Snuff Flick Gazette that this phenomenon was worthy of a place in the Guinness Book of World Records - following Fernando Lugo of Paraguay, Dilma Rousseff of Brazil, and her predecessor Lula da Silva, also suffering from cancer – and all Latin American leaders who, like Chavez , are possessed with minds of their own – and brook no time for the Great Satan’s meddling in the socio-political affairs of developing Third World nations – saddling them with a kleptocracy of corrupt puppet leaders, a basket of IMF debts - and then seizing control of their natural resources.

Labelled by the US State Department as ‘Horrible Hugo’, the Bolshie Venezuelan leader speculated further that these instances of cancer were difficult to explain using the law of probabilities or even Koestler’s Roots of Coincidence.
“The CIA want me gone as I am anti-US and oppose their imperialist policies to use the Rothshite banksters to impose an IMF Debtocracy on us. Now they have seized control of Haiti since using their HAARP machines to create that massive earthquake, maybe they have recruited a coven of voodoo witch doctors to blight us with their curses.”

“This type of plot these CIA scumbags tried following their Bay of Pigs fiasco in the 1960’s – targeting my very good amigo Fidel Castro with a carcinogenic agent in his footwear so his beard would fall out and then he would lose his Latin machismo and hence all political credibility. But that failed so then they tried to kill him with exploding cigars – surely the stuff of Wiley T Coyote – thought up by that Watergate bungler Gordon ‘Fuckups’ Liddy.”

“But joking aside, my intelligence agents and science boffins claim this type of cancer death ray is possible as the Great Satan have access to the research and radionics machine equipments of Dr Galen T Hieronymous and George de la Warr – that can either cure or kill a person through a process using the emulsion on a photographic negative of themselves. Very scary – so perhaps time to start wearing my tinfoil hat again.”

“We know what they did to Bob Marley - with a strand of radioactive wire embedded in a pair of trainers given to him as a present from an anonymous ‘fan’. The CIA and US State Department described Marley as the most dangerous black man alive due his anti-war and peace activist songs. Just the same as they had the mind-controlled Mark Chapman murder John Lennon when the ex-Beatle announced plans to get back into the peace promotion side of the music business.”

“Anyone who doesn’t kiss their Ivy League Zionist kikester arses or goes against the grain of their agenda is a danger to be rid of. Just Google up a record of false flag terror attacks that the United States has been involved with - starting with the Maine – then the ever-so convenient fatal strokes and coronaries and diseases - and the air crashes. They’re all only a step less ham-fisted than Mossad’s Mohammed al Patsy 9/11 fubar and the ridiculous Harold Holt drowning fiasco.”

Editorial advisory. Anyone reading this article and inhaling, it might just be good practice to start checking your boots for bits of radioactive wire sticking up - and the trash can for any empty packets with ‘Sellafield’ or ‘Fuckupshima’ printed on them – and don’t leave any photographic negatives of yourself lying around.

Thought for the day. Interesting point that the US State Department have taken time out to even acknowledge what they term Chavez ‘paranoid conspiracy accusations’ – let alone commission a whole series of media reports to promulgate the absolute impossibility of implementing such a ridiculous plot – and too focusing disbelief regarding the existence of the sci-fi covert devices required – to cause cancerous conditions in anti-US political leaders targeted for assassination.
Hmmm, Occam’s Razor strikes again.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known conspiracy theory / propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.