Thursday, 31 May 2012

Brussels: NHS must provide IVF to over-60’s

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Broken Britain’s National Ill-Health Service is being forced by discrimination statutes to extend the controversial upper age limit for IVF treatments to include women until their retirement age of 65.

The proposed move follows legal advice from the EUSSR’s Equal Rights Commission in Strasbourg that females of the species in their 40’s, 50’s and early 60’s are just as entitled to receive the IVF therapy as younger women – regardless of the fact they might be menopausal and past their physical potential for conceiving and child-bearing.

Henceforth, under this latest idiotic ruling, women up to the age of 65 will be entitled to free fertility treatment on the NHS for the first time, in accordance with EUSSR community guidelines to be published later this week.

On the downside, the already cash-strapped NHS Trusts could well be faced with 8,000 menopausal women per year going into broody mode and demanding their chance to become pregnant without having to pay £5,000 quid to some private rip-off clinic for a shot of high IQ super-sperm from a Nobel Prize winner or Olympics grade jock – and possibly end up inseminated by an NHS clinic with low quality DNA jizzm donated by some mongrel pikey scrote with all manner of hereditary genetic defects.

NHS fertility specialists claim the EUSSR ruling may encourage more women to delay having babies until Mr Right comes along – or they actually retire and finally have the time to raise a family, which puts both mother and child at risk. Children born to women approaching 40 and over are more likely to have abnormalities – (as so perfectly evidenced by the moronic bat-eared Prince Edward) – and prospective ‘older’ mothers suffer bouts of manic depression attributed to their inability to get laid – and thus pregnant.

Candida Mingerot, an emeritus professor of obstetrics and gynaecology at the Harold Shipman Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence, opined to one press hack from ‘Up the Duff’ magazine that the recommendations sent out the wrong message and added: “Part of this is about taking equality to the extreme - to protect those who feel sensitive about accusations of ageism, and that’s a load of fucking nonsense.”

“In biological terms, 35 is actually too late to start trying for a family - and couples should be bonking away like rutting pigs and having families in their late 20’s or early 30’s - but the criterion hinges on the fact that no fucker or their dog can afford to have even one partner unemployed – especially due pregnancy in this depression that the government are trying to downplay into being a bit of a ‘passing phase’ double-dip recession.”

“Anyway, half the women coming to us for treatments are single and simply can’t get pregnant as they’re too ugly for any right-minded bloke to shag – so they have to resort to IVF if they’re ever to stand a chance of getting preggers and having a kiddie to keep them company in the old age.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Tory Twits Pasted Over Pastygate

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Libservative Coalition government’s flawed plans to add 20% VAT to static caravans and Cornish pasties have been tactically aborted after it was explained to moronic cabinet ministers what a ‘pasty’ actually was – and that ‘static’ caravans didn’t go anywhere and were not the horse-drawn hideouts of tax-dodging gyppo’s and thieving pikey pimps – hence now forcing them to focus elsewhere to impose the next round of ‘stealth taxes’ to raise £70 million quid to fund their next foreign war of aggression.

The shit-for-brains Tory Chancellor George Osborne controversially proposed in the budget that any food served above ‘ambient temperature’ (cold) would be taxed at 20 per cent to address a swathe of anomalies in Broken Britain’s tax system – little realising that as far as the public are concerned the only ‘anomaly’ is the imposition of VAT on any fucking thing that already carries revenue duty – let alone lukewarm growlers.

While New Labour's shadow secretary to the Treasury, the ginger-mingin Rachel Reeves MP, described the policy reversal as "a total shambles", other political critics went a daring expletive step further and termed it as more of an utter ‘clusterfuck’ – akin to a Brian Rix plot for a Whitehall Theatre farce.

During a House of Conmans debate last week, MPs from all three main parties criticised Osborne's ‘hot baked savouries’ tax proposals, arguing their implementation would require the recruitment of thousands more Community Enforcement thugs from the G4S Renta-Moron security agency – all armed with thermometers – and further have an adverse impact on our once-sceptred isle’s beleaguered sausage roll industry.

Eric ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Pickles, the Communities and Local Government Minister and incumbent Tory MP for Double Helpings - along with New Labour’s poison dwarf heckler Ed ‘Gobshite’ Balls, the MP for More-or-Less - both paunchy meat pie addicts - experienced a joint Pauline epiphany on their way for a lunchtime snack at the local Greggs chew n spew outlet and that afternoon recruited Labour leader Fast Eddie Millipede and a legion of like-minded back benchers to their cause and attacked the complacent Osborne’s proposed ‘pasty tax’ with a vengeance.

This prompted PM Posh Dave Scameron to jump to the embattled Chancellor’s defence with fallacious claims that he too was a pasty fan and on more than one occasion had a quick nibble while out on an all-night piss-up bender with his London Mayor mate Bonkers Boris Nonsense and the rest of the Oxford Uni’ Bullingdon Club rabble.

To add to Osborne’s ignominy, Raving Rupert Mudrock’s ‘Sun’ gutter press tabloid made the most embarrassing comparison of likening him to Marie Antoinette (‘Let them eat cake’) following his retort to critics that if consumers wished to avoid the 20% VAT duty they could eat their pasties cold.

(Within the pages of that iconic Victorian text, ‘A Boy’s Guide to Lead Mining Diseases’, are documented reports that during the Great Firewood Famine of 1875, stalwart Cornishmen resorted to hurling themselves down pit shafts and ripping their own heads off sooner than face the unthinkable - and have to eat a stone cold pasty)

Thought for the day. Whitehall gossip that the true reason for the Chancellor’s climb down on the ‘Pasty Tax’ brouhaha was due the Bakers Union putting a ‘double tap contract’ out on him has been strenuously denied by the Tory Party HQ.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Ripoff Banksters Promote Debtocracy

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A High Street payday loan shark outfit has been branded as socially irresponsible after the company posted a blog enticing people to take out ‘Live Now – Pay Later’ cash advances to fund their Jubilee celebrations this weekend – with ten meters of free Union Jack bunting thrown in for every £100 quid borrowed.

Ripoffs-R-Us Bank proposed that the Queen's Diamond Jubilee presented the perfect opportunity to celebrate in true British style – and get further into debt.
The blog advertisment read "If you want to boost your Jubilee spending pot, a same day loan could provide the money you need for a couple of bottles of vino to keep your bitch happy and a few cases of Old Headbanger lager."

The online blog has been roundly condemned by Flatbroke, the debt advice charity, for encouraging people to take out high interest loans so they can throw a party and invite all their mates around for a mega-barbie and all-day piss-up – which is not only a breach of responsible lending and brokering policies but also viewed as promoting unhealthy eating habits and the politically incorrect culture of binge drinking.

Bazz ‘Pitbull’ McGnasher, the CEO of Ripoffs-R-Us, informed one press hack from the Usury Gazette that the advert in its offending format had been taken down after the company received a flood of complaints from social activists.
"The blog woz posted by a contracted third party ad’ agency an’ perhaps we fucked up by trustin’ them an’ not checkin’ it out ter make sure it wozn’t sendin’ any conflictin’ messages.”
"We would like ter clarify ter anyone wot needs a payday loan fer any reason other than an emergency that the interest payable on £180 is £45 nicker - if paid back in full within 28 days cos our statuary APR rate is 1,737%.”

Ronnie Scrote, the director of Flatbroke, founded the debt advice charity after he lost his job due redundancies as investment chief of the ‘Brass Farthings’ portfolio division at the City’s prestigious Wilkins Micawber Centre for Advanced Fiscal Guessology, and was evicted from his home when the bottom-feeding building society repossessed it for non-payment of the mortgage.

“There I was, faced with eviction and the option of ending up living on the local landfill site in a cardboard box so I took out a total of 60-odd loans from a dozen different companies over 18 months to offset the inevitable and built up a debt that would make the Treasury Chancellor George Osborne shit kittens.”
“Now I spend my days advising folks how to juggle their dodgy finances to make ends meet - and looking over my shoulder every five minutes to avoid some debt collecting heavies breaking my legs for defaulting on repayments – which is a no-brainer when you only get £60 quid a week in Jobseekers allowance.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

EUSSR Force GMO Crops on France

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

No sooner had French legislators moved to ban Monsanto’s genetically modified strain of ‘Frankenfood’ maize last week, due a legion of public protests and critical unresolved environmental and health concerns, than graft and corruption-ridden EUSSR officials in bonkers Brussels led by Jose ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Barroso and the two-legged scarecrow Herman ‘Catweazle’ von Rumpy-Pumpy, stepped in to secure the continued presence of ‘Global Environmental / Eco-Enemy Number One’ in la belle Francais — against the very will of the once-sovereign nation itself.

Many might well cry “Foul!” (or perhaps “Merde!” if they’re French) yet this hardly comes as any surprise considering the fact that the Zionist-dominated US / Great Satan’s ambassador to France, a business partner of the super-moronic George Dubya Bush and gopher for the Carlyle Group crime syndicate, stated for the public record back in 2007 that national assemblies who did not accept Monsanto’s GMO crops would be penalized by the insidious Neo-Con cabal’s shadow government.

In fact the career scumbag and redneck Missouri-born tosspot ambassador, Craig Stapleton, a direct recipient of Monsanto’s largess, frothing at the mouth with his own unqualified arrogance and sense of Satanic purpose, declared that sovereign nations should be threatened with military-style trade wars if they denied entry to the hallowed US exports – including manky Monsanto’s ‘Insta-Mutant’ terminator seed crops – along with the equally-pestilent agri-crap products of DuPont, Syngenta, Groupe Limagrain, Land O' Lakes, KWS AG, Bayer Crop Science, Sakata, DLF-Trifolium, and last but not least in this list of Enemies of the Earth we have the Takii Corporation of Japan.

Hence in this damning instance the government of France is being assaulted by a totalitarian EUSSR entity over its decision to protect the health of their citizens.
Acting under orders from the dominating ‘Upstairs’ fascists who will brook no questioning not opposition of their mandates, subservient bureaucrats at the European Food Safety Authority were directed to reject the ban on the faulty manipulated science grounds that there is – as yet – no hard evidence to prove Monsanto’s genetically-modified Frankenfood crops pose a risk to human and animal health or the environment.

This decision totally disregards the overwhelming amount of research which proves conclusively that these diabolical genetically-modified creations do in fact threaten not only human health, but the planet as a whole – and such are named in the Bible itself as End of Days ‘Chimeras’ – an Abomination that will forge the path to Armageddon.

Such are the depths of Monsanto’s ‘for-profit’ acts of commercial criminality that even the normally compliant EPA has warned of the fact that the conscienceless corporation’s GMO crops are spawning mutant spray-resistant insects and subsequently requiring substantially more and more – and more ‘stronger’ pesticides – which then contaminate the soil and groundwater – and more to the point – are accumulative in the cellular tissues of all plants and animals ingesting them.

So do Monsanto and their GMO contemporaries really give a flying fuck about the destruction of remaining cloud-forests and mangrove ecosystems of the Earth – or the effects of their scourge on Mother Nature, the Gaia Principle that binds all in Harmony? No chance as all is committed with malice aforethought – in the name of profit and as a sacrifice laid on the altar of Mammon.

Thanks to the internet and a global population fed up to the back teeth with taking shit off bent government officials, acts of corruption committed by Monsanto et al are an established fact, and serve to illustrate how deeply rooted the crooked company is within the United States government of the Great Satan – from the FDA to Congress to the Shite House – plus it is no coincidence that the head honcho of the US Food and Drug Administration is an ex-ranking boardroom Monsanto employee.

Thought for the day. Conspiracy is no longer theory. Simply Google up the online exposure reports posted by GMO abuse sentinel Kunt-Watch on GMO contamination via airborne pollens and 10,000 years of crop evolution being superseded by insta-mutant terminator seeds.
Read how Africa and the rest of the hapless ‘have nots’ Third World shitholes have been smitten with Western-backed dictators and despots of limited shelf life - the placemen stooges of international corporatism – to sign away their mineral rights and natural resources and usher in the commercial rapists touted by the likes of the Sierra Club.

These are the primary victims of Big Pharma and GMO corporation abuses - from toxic waste dumping and child labour – victims of glyphosate poisoning – and too victims of recombinant DNA technology - such as rBGH (recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone).
Oh yes, the consumption of transgenic Frankenfood crops leads to mutations and transgenic humans as GMO insta-mutant foods have the ability to unzip human DNA and mongrelise the lot of us.

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

NHS Gluten-Free Pizza Ripoffs Scandal

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Questions are tabled to be raised in the House of Conmans by the New Labour opposition’s chief shit-stirrers when Parliament resumes sessions on Monday, 11th June, concerning the issue of the National Ill-Health Service getting conned out of £34 quid a time for pizzas when any of the legions of Broken Britain’s ubiquitous High Street junk food Chew n Spew outlets tout offers of “Buy One – Get Two Free” just to sell the synthetic bung-laden GMO shite.

Whistle-blowing moles working at Smegmadale-on-Sea’s ‘Harold Shipman Centre for Excellence in Clinical Health Care’ NHS Trust have leaked documents to Ox-Rat, the snitch and grassers watchdog charity, that reveal a culture of systematic overcharging by Ripoff Logistics SA, the suppliers of prescription gluten-free pizza bases – for £34 quid a go – which cost the NHS a total of £27 million nicker last year alone and have raised a legion of negative comments that it’s little wonder these people are sick and in hospital if they’re on a strict 5-a-day diet of pizzas.

When contacted by the Spendthrifts Gazette for comment, the Tory Secretary of State for Health, Andrew ‘Flipper’ Lansley, was reportedly absent on medical leave in Cracow, undergoing a ‘Grecian 2000’ surgical procedure and the inquiry was passed to his immediate understudy - the ginger-mingin Anne ‘Piranha Teeth’ Milton, whose ministerial responsibilities include sexual health, tobacco, drugs and alcohol, vaccination and immunisation, transplants, fertility – and ‘nutrition’.

Milton denied there was any conflict of interest with Ripoff Logistics SA being awarded the entire NHS commissary contract for England and Wales in 2010 without the bid going to tender, and the fact that the company was owned by Ron ‘Pitbull’ Lowlife, cousin to the Minister’s wife Sally, was immaterial.

“Just take a look at the NHS invoices – it’s not the price of the actual pizzas at £2:50 a shot that’s the killer – it’s the handling fees and shipping charges that add up to a further £32 due them being ordered from Polsky Pete’s Pizza Factory Number 7 in Gdansk.”

“Without a daily intake of gluten-free prescription foods while in hospital, coeliac disease sufferers can go on to develop serious illnesses ranging from digestive disorders to charmaid’s knee and osteoporosis - and bowel cancer. That’s why our pizzas, plus the Biffo’s Barf Burgers and Pol Pot Insta-Noodles are all gluten-free – and might I further confide, a lot better tasting than the pigswill the NHS Trusts normally serve up.”

However, Coeliac UK, which represents sufferers, harbours major concerns that the hyper-inflated costs of low octane, unleaded and decaffeinated prescription foods being shipped in from Poland is giving the whole system a bad name – especially when gluten-free can be purchased fresh from any of the Greedy Grocer supermarket chains such as Pestco or Pukesburys – and even Mammon & Snobfords for a couple of quid.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a gluten / nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday, 28 May 2012

FS Hague up for Hypocrisy Award

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK’s Foreign Secretary William Vague yesterday informed one press hack from the Hypocrisy Gazette that he is absolutely sickened by the Houla Hoop massacre of unarmed civilians - men, women and children - in Syria, which he, in his unqualified arrogance, blames on the Assad regime’s troops, with nary a mention of the involvement of the Arab Coalition mercenaries led by the Libyan al Qaeda terrorist, Shaheed al Ka-Boom.

And on this finger-pointing score to attribute blame regardless of who the fuck did what, the pro-Zionist Tory FS Vague, while being a closet case poofter and crypto-Jew, has long since been outed as a career Rothshite crime syndicate gopher and kikester war criminal apologist with ‘Israel First’ stamped on his forehead – and on this issue obediently joins the Western black propaganda media machine – both working flat out like a lizard drinking to get the message across that the evil Assad regime is solely responsible for this latest war crimes atrocity – and definitely not the Qatar-Saudi funded terrorists posing as the ‘Free Syrian Army’.

Nope, nary a mention of the incriminating fact that the rebel mercenaries are trained, funded and armed by the West (and the UK) and, alike Libya, tasked with implementing this 'proxy war' and committing atrocities to smear Assad and his government and evoke condemnation from the UN.

Hence to achieve this end, these shitbags will order the execution of whatever atrocities are required to evoke a state of affairs to denigrate the Assad regime with culpability for their dirty deeds of villainy – targeting fellow Muslims – and thus manifest a state of affairs where the compliant Zionist-dominated UN Security Council can sanction yet another nasty NATO ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’ military intervention campaign.

That is if, of course, permanent Security Council members Russia and China can be coerced into staying their veto power this time around – mesmerised to believe that further Western neo-imperialist expansionism in the Mid-East and Greater Asia to consolidate their regional military hegemony and control of natural resources presents no threat to their own interests.

Unfortunately, convincing the ultra-paranoid Chins and Russ’s of the above factors will be on a par with attempting to shove butter up a porcupine’s arse with a red hot barbeque skewer.

A pity that psychopaths like Vague and his ilk – all handy enough stooges to have on the Rothshite / Israeli team, working to advance the Great Satan’s Foreign Policy Initiative / 24 Protocols of Zion agenda – are so predictable and transparent in the enactment of their skulduggery.
Funding and loosing a bunch of Jolly Jihadi barbarians from the Mayhem, Havoc and Chaos Club to re-enact the Libyan scenario and reduce the once-well-ordered Syrian society and its infrastructure to ruins – just to bring about regime change and topple another skittle in the march towards Iran and global domination.

So, regardless of the UK’s Deputy Prime Minister Mick Clogg issuing such dire threats that the Assad regime’s athletes could be banned from the Olympics - and Vague insisting Basher Assad implement the UN-Arab League envoy Kofi An a Cuppa Tea’s ‘designed to fail’ sixty-six point plan - which originally aimed to bring about a cease fire and open political dialogue – Syria’s heading for total civil war and creating the required window for NATO intervention as long as the Arab Coalition / Western funded terrorists continue to slaughter civilians and have the hapless Assad regime and military cop the blame.

Regardless of the Syrian government denying army involvement and blaming the slaughter on the terrorist gangs – or Vague’s Twittering that Assad’s most senior diplomat in the UK will be summoned to the Foreign Office this morning for a severe wrist smacking so that ‘Zionist Willy’ can personally express his ‘absolute horror’ over the Houla Hoop massacre – which according to his faulty rhetoric serves to ‘shine a light to the whole world on the oppression and brutality of the Assad regime’ – it’s all a propaganda pantomime of Busby Berkeley proportions.

Alas, the 15,000 thousand deaths in Syria in the past year are sweet fuck all in comparison to what is planned – a continuing campaign of abuse, torture and homicide - if Assad doesn’t step down and turn the running of the country over to the rebel terrorist militias so they can become like Israel – a regional Beacon of Democracy. But it’s ‘bombs and bullets’ first – got to keep the military-industrial complex happy and in profit.

Like the Joker said “It’s all part of The Plan”.

Regarding the Olympics, Vague stated the UK government has the power to prevent members of the Assad regime from entering the country – with deputy PM Mick Clogg informing the Biased Broadcasting Corporation's Andrew ‘Bat-Ears’ Marr that if any member of the Syrian Olympic delegation was shown to be part of the ruling regime, they would be denied entry to the UK.
"The scenes of savagery on our television screens are revolting, stomach-churning – so if you've abused human rights – and that's shown to be the case - you are not welcome in this country."

Quite right too, Cloggy. Just a pity the same rule doesn’t apply to Israeli war criminals like Tipzi Livid and Co – the architects of Operation Cast Lead.

Regarding the BBC’s (Biased Broadcasting Corporation) hysterical finger-pointing and black propaganda shit stirring blitz against Assad & Co, the pictures they posted on their online news website depicting rows of victim’ bodies of the alleged government massacre in the effort to promote a NATO-led attack on Syria were actually photos of dead Iraqi children taken in 2003 in Al Mussayyib.

As to Kofi Annan’s ‘fubar six-point peace plan – it needs and extra point adding and expanding into a seven point plan – to stop outside interests arming the rebels / terrorists who have been tasked with an agenda of wholesale slaughter as per the Houla Hoop debacle, get it blamed on the Assad gang and hence derail the peace process and provoke intervention by Western powers.

Thought for the day. It is said that when the worth of a man’s word is lost, then the lie is the first step on the path to murder.
Now Willy Vague is Judas incarnate manifested - Israel's bitch - who has not only betrayed the constituents he swore to represent with his immoral promotion of military aggression and war crimes but stood as the mouthpiece ‘justification’ apologist for Israel’s 2008-2009 Festive Season offensive on the civilian population of the Gaza Strip where the IDF’s homicidal psychos murdered any fucker old enough to bleed. Then came Libya - and now Syria – and then Iran – Greater Persia - the Gulf region prize the West will choke on.

Regardless, fuck the Great Satan and Israel – and NATO - and the insidious ZioNazi New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Kikesters to Establish Nazi Style Ghettos

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Following Wednesday's Kristallnacht (broken glass, howling mobs and Jews running for cover) violent protests involving the Israeli Yassam riot police and gangs of pagan African immigrants in Tel Aviv, Likud MK Danny ‘Ben Zonah' Dannon called for the forced removal of the 'darkie' asylum seekers from Israel’s population centers and recommended herding them into ghettos – a tried and tested strategy taught to Israel’s crypto-Jews of convenience that promote the insidious cult of Zionism by Hitler’s Nazis in wartime Poland.

Speaking to Felix Fagin, editor of the Pound of Flesh Gazette, over drinks at the Moneylenders Bar in the St Shylock Temple of Latter Day Kikesters yesterday afternoon, Dannon opined that the immediate solution for calming the situation and putting a stop to the violence required the forced evacuation of the African immigrants from south Tel Aviv by the IDF’s Ethnic Cleansing Unit.

"These goyim scumbag infiltrators must be distanced immediately. We have to expedite the construction of temporary detention facilities with lots of razor wire and electrified fences and remove the goyim Africans from our population centers.”

MK Sheldon Sheenyberg (National Union), who makes regular hate speeches at protests against the migrant population of Tel Aviv’s landfill sites, informed press hacks he was pissed off at the violence but expressed satisfaction that his campaign to remove them from the city had begun to gain momentum.
“Suddenly we see MK’s from the Likud and Kadima and the O’chel Batachat political parties showing up at protests – and we begin to hear the Interior Minister, Shlomo Matzo, agreeing that internment camps are the first step necessary in evolving a Final Solution strategy to this accursed ‘African problem’.”

For his part the craven Knesset PM and leader of the Edomite Mafia, Bobo Nuttyahoo, tried to distance himself from the incitement, but stated he understood the frustrations and anger of the mob – and promised that “The problem of these immigrant scum must be solved and we will solve it – just as we have solved the problems with Hamas and the Gaza Strip – built a 30-foot high wall around the shithole to keep the Palestinian herd inside.”

For the record, Bobo Nuttyahoo is a die-hard Jabotinskyist. Ze’ev Jabot the Hutt was the founder of the most radical, racist, and militant form of Zionist extremism who called for an Iron Wall to be built around the dispossessed Palestinians – which today is a reality and an architectural accomplishment the kikesters picked up off Hitler’s Nazis during the Holohoax.
This they have evolved to near perfection with their Great Apartheid Walls and sniper watch towers surrounding the occupied West Bank – and too the Gaza Strip - besieging the hapless Palestinian populations in the biggest concentration camps on the planet.

So, let us stand back and behold the glorious Jewish state and God’s Chosen People– this venal self-promoting Middle East Beacon of Democracy with the most moral army in the known Universe (and an appalling human rights and wrongs offences record to beat that of the Klingons – and the Nazis)

For all the bullshit about ‘shared values’ with the good ole US of A (aka the Great Satan) obviously ‘life, liberty and justice for all’’ isn’t one of them.

Here now we view the reaping of that which was sown in bloodshed – the long, drawn-out lie from the Yawm an-Nakbah to the present day. The Hi-Fiver Gang’s false flag terror attacks on 9/11 constituted the seminal event to kick start the phony war on terrorism – and facilitate the invasions and occupations of Afghanistan, Iraq and Libya – and the self-same formula of deception is to be applied for justifying Israeli-instigated / US-led NATO military attacks and regime changes in Syria and Iran – and the realisation of the insidious agenda of the 24 Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion

To misquote the French ‘Age of Enlightenment’ philosopher Denis Diderot: “The Middle East and Palestine will never know peace until the last remaining Ashkenazi Zionist Jew of convenience is strangled with the disembowelled entrails of the last of the Rothshite crime syndicate’s agent provocateur.”

Thought for the day: The tactics of the Israel Lobby plumb the depths of dishonour and indecency and include character assassination, selective misquotation, a wilful distortion of the record, the fabrication of falsehoods, and an utter disregard for the truth.

To wit, if the kikesters are not willing to share ‘Palestine’ with the actual people they stole the land off, then it’s hardly likely they’re going to share any of it with a bunch of African immigrants.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday, 27 May 2012

MP Calls for Nutting of Lager Louts

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Kerry ‘Two Beds’ McCarthy, the New Labour MP for Bristol East (the land of twitching curtains and slanderous fishwife gossip) since 2005, posted a stream of comments on the micro-blogging website Twitter on Friday afternoon branding a fellow train passenger a ‘lager drinking yobster’ and made the most politically-incorrect neo-Nazi ethnic cleansing suggestion that the target of her personal ‘holier-than-thou’ ire should “have been euthanized before he could breed any more mini-yobster Asbo offspring”.

The ginger-mingin McCarthy, herself of mongrel Irish stock and lacking any trace of thoroughbred Lipizanner DNA, tweeted a venomous diatribe to her 13,000 brain-dead ‘get a life’ cyber followers – stating for the public record the scrote in question had offended her fragile sensibilities by playing techno music out loud and wearing a T-shirt with an obscene message on it - specifically "I Fucked Yer Girlfriend up the Arse" - and went on to promote a campaign of socio-ethnic cleansing against those she considers have been swimming too long at the shallow end of the gene pool with: “Should have killed him when we had the chance - before he could breed any more scally sprogs”.

Hmmm, under McCarthy’s Planet Vegan ‘Dystopian’ rule any fucker and their dog who doesn’t come up to ‘her’ standards of ‘polite society acceptability’ is going to get it in the neck – and hopefully she’ll start with Bono – and that pair of tosspots Jedward.

Really, has this ranga skanger - she of the Desperate Dan chin - ever looked in a mirror at her own ‘warts and all’ reflection? Too, what a reflection on the bottom feeding losers who stoop to reading the scatological litanies she espouses, all conjured up by her deficient room temperature equivalent IQ.

While McCarthy’s tweets don’t reveal where the encounter actually took place – if at all – (or a fiction acted out in the dark recesses of her disturbed, sociopath’s mind) – it was obviously on board one of Broken Britain’s Rattle Track passenger rail services as she wrote: "Some yob tosser on train drinking Bitch Thumper lager and playing techno music out loud. Everyone being very British about it and not complaining - apart from craven little moi with this silent but deadly Twitter post."

In 2009 the serial Twitter addict McCarthy was appointed by PM Gordon ‘Incapability’ Broon as New Labour's new media campaign co-ordinator - or social media tsar - after being named as the most prolific tweeting MP in the House of Conmans ‘Time Wasters Review’.

Since becoming Shadow Foreign Minister for Human Rights., McCarthy has taken to posting several thousand tweets per week against the ongoing persecution of rug-muching dykes, fudging shirt lifters and cross-dressing poofters in Uganda – quite some distance from her home turf electoral seat constituency in Bristol and a factoring cause of rumours that McCarthy is a closet case transvestite lesbian herself.

However, this isn’t the first occasion that McCarthy, New Labour’s shit-for-brains embarrassment of an MP, has made a major ‘blonde moment’ faux pas of career-threatening proportions. In the run-up to the 2010 general election she was forced to apologise and received a police caution following allegations of electoral fraud under the Representation of the People Act 1983 after she tweeted the details of a sample of postal votes on her favourite social networking website – later claiming she – a sitting MP – was unaware it is illegal to reveal the votes cast before the end of polling day as it may influence the outcome of the election.

Thought for the day. Really, out of the UK’s adult population of actual millions – excluding the Third World political refugees and swan-roasting economic immigrants who can only understand a ballot slip if it’s written in Cyrillic and are here with a mission to steal any and all British minimum wage jobs going, plus scrounge what they can on welfare benefits - is this the best the New Labour Party can do for a ‘Media Tsar’?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday, 26 May 2012

Vatican Slapped with Sex Orgies Scandal

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Regardless of Vatican peer pressures to ‘shut the fuck up’ the Catholic Church's chief exorcist, Father Gabriel Blabberotti, is sticking by his statement that Emanuela Orlandi, a 15-year old virgin who went missing in Rome in 1983, was kidnapped to be a ‘suck n swallow’ sex slave in one of the Vatican’s three holer clusterfuck orgies – and to add insult to injury, eventually had her mortal remains hidden in a murdered mobster's tomb in the Sant Sappho’s Basilica, close to Piazza La Skanga in the centre of Rome.

Last week police and forensic experts opened the tomb of the charismatic mobster Tony de Corruptioni following an anonymous phone call to Italian TV’s ever-popular ‘Spot the Body’ primetime programme, claiming the truth about Emanuela's disappearance would be found inside.
Corruptioni, the leader of a murderous gang known as the Banda della Scumbaggios – and whose name on the £12,000 quid tomb is spelt in diamonds - was gunned down in the city's famous Campo de Criminoso in 1990 by members of his outfit following a catastrophic falling out over gang pension rights and overtime pay.

Detectives investigating the disappearance of Emanuela Orlandi in 1983, believed Corruptioni was linked to her kidnap and the body of the Vatican employee's daughter was never found – until now - and although the skeleton of a teenage female – obviously not that of the Mafia gangster – was discovered it has not yet been positively identified as Emanuela’s.

At the time of his funeral there were raised eyebrows and a plethora of back-stabbing slanderous gossip when, despite his criminal past, church chiefs allowed Corruptioni to be buried in the crypt of Sant Sappho’s Basilica.
However the burial was given the go ahead because prison chaplain Father Corruptioni (no relation) swore to three Bishops and a Magistrate on a stack of Bibles, Torahs and Korans that the Mafiosa boss had repented while in jail, attended Mass and confessed that he had only ever murdered other scrotes and scallies like himself - and also committed a lot of work for charity, including giving large donations to the Roman Catholic Church.

Conversely Father Blabberotti, in an interview with Italy’s La Shitraker gutter press tabloid, revealed 'This was a crime with a sexual motive that has already previously been stated by Monsignor Simeone Duca, the Vatican’s senior Papal Pimp, before some Curia scumbag ordered his bedtime cuppa dosed up with a spot of Gob-Stopper cyanide, the same as Pope John Paul 1st.”

“It was Duca’s assignment to recruit girls for sex orgies with the help of the Vatican gendarmes and Emanuela ended up in this sexual exploitation circle - which led to her murder and then the hiding of her body in the Sant Sappho’s Basilica crypt by Archbishop Paul Marcinkus and other dirty diplomatic staff from a foreign embassy to the Holy See and the Opus Dei perverts.”

Fr Blabberotti further revealed “They used to hold these filthy orgies down at the P2 Freemason’s Lodge in Doggers Wood or in the catacombs below St Sodom’s Church of Latter Day Catamites - where Emanuela was ritually sacrificed by Archbishop Marcikus and Sister Mingeeter of the Holy Sepulchre of the Sacred Godermiche Convent.”
“These Viagra and booze-fuelled Papal Paedo Parties were occasions staged every full moon - their ‘Strictly Come Sodomites’ dances and the Curia’s Synchronised Choirboy Sodomy Ensemble.”

In 2008 Sabrina Sluttella, Tony Corruptioni’s ‘moll’ at the time of Emanuela’s disappearance, also claimed that American Archbishop Marcinkus, the controversial chief of the Vatican Bank, and God’s Bankster Robert Calvi were behind the kidnap – but unfortunately never made a legal deposition on this revelation due falling victim to a hit and run accident by a taxi the day following her revelations – while sunbathing in her garden.

The credibility of Father Gabriel Blabberotti, 85, the Roman Catholic Church's leading exorcist priest who has carried out 70,000 of these rituals, has been questioned by the Vatican as he has previously denounced the Eastern practice of Yoga and the fictitious boy magician Harry Potter as the works of Satan.

Fr. Blabberotti, a colourful albeit eccentric figure, was appointed by the late Pope John Paul II as the Vatican's chief exorcist – and this isn’t the first time he’s raised eyebrows with his forthright views - two years ago claiming kiddie fiddling sex scandals rocking the Catholic Church were evidence the Devil was at work in the Vatican – a statement very few people would disagree with.

In 2006, Father Blabberotti, who was ordained a priest in 1954, gave an interview to Vatican Radio’s Possession Hour in which he revealed the Nazi leader Adolf Hitler, Russian dictator Josef Stalin and Chairman Mao of the people’s Marxist Utopia of China were all possessed by the Devil – and that the-then wartime Pope Pius XII attempted a long distance exorcism of Hitler - which unfortunately incited a negative reaction and resulted in the invasion of Poland and the Blitz.

Thought for the day: Simple arithmetic: The Vatican’s chief exorcist, Fr Gabriel Blabberotti / 85 years of age, ordained in 1954 – performed 70,000 exorcisms = almost 4 a day every day for 50 years! Oh well, at least bullshitting doesn’t constitute a mortal sin.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday, 25 May 2012

Big Pharma Manipulating Med’ Research

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Big Pharma funded researchers at the University of Smegmashire’s ‘Harold Shipman Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence’ claim to have discovered the panacea for preventing cardio-vascular diseases such as heart attacks and strokes taking their toll in later life: simply start a course of statins from birth.

In yet another case of ‘profits versus moral conscience’ Big Pharma corporations are again funding and manipulating medical research to suit their own corrupt agendas and expand their already dominant sphere of influence – this time with the Chicken Little Medications Co publishing a dodgy propaganda report that claims thousands of heart attacks and strokes could be prevented if the cholesterol-lowering drugs, statins, were more widely prescribed in childhood – or so goes the gospel according to the results of a three-year study carried out with a volunteer crew of 175,000 dairy-addicted hamsters and chain-smoking, alcoholic gerbils.

However the results of the study, backed by Broken Britain’s equally profit motivated NHS Trusts, has come under fire from several civil watchdog groups for being based on manipulated data – (much as the University of East Anglia were found guilty of doing with their flawed ‘snake oil’ science regarding falsified global warming data, conjured up to promote the cursed carbon emissions cap and trade exchange bourse) – due their shitty ‘statins’ being linked to adverse side-effects such as liver problems, kidney failure, charmaid’s knee, muscular atrophy, galloping diabetes – and terminal cases of dandruff.

Whistle-blowing moles working at the Harold Shipman Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence have leaked to Twat-Watch and the Snitch & Grassers abuse sentinel charity groups hard evidence that the National Ill-Health Service’s in-house drugs monitor, NICE, are also suppressing the study’s negative factor results to suit their own money-grubbing agendas and exploit a potential mega-bucks market by lowering the threshold criterion for prescribing statins to a 1% risk of cardiovascular disease within a decade which will lead to ten million more people taking the drugs and boosting Big Pharma’s tax-free profits.

Conversely, Professor Bazzer McScrote, the director of Twat-Watch had this to say to one press hack from the Mortician’s Gazette “Yeah, okay, these statins are among the most widely prescribed drugs in the UK next to Prozac and Valium, and the brain dead public have been sold a stream of scaremongering propaganda that they lessen the risk of heart attacks and strokes. But let’s just look at the nitty-gritty here – is it socially – or morally - acceptable to be medicating healthy people - whether it works or not?”

“What we have are doctors in receipt of Big Pharma largess who up to now have been looking at a patient's age and lifestyle - and elevated blood pressure and cholesterol levels - to work out the risk- and on that equated result start arbitrarily prescribing regimes of statins to combat high cholesterol.”

“Now, that’s the biggest crock of shit going as we can’t live without cholesterol and all the medical jargon spouted is wrong – and they know it – as too this utter nonsense viz good and bad LDL and HDL cholesterols – as neither are cholesterols but proteins that transport cholesterol – and we need a steady supply of cholesterol to repair cell damage and build new cells. In fact, without a decent ‘healthy’ cholesterol level of 250 and over we’ll sicken and die.”

“Unfortunately we don’t have a National Health Service and never have done. Nor do Big Pharma want one as their profits would dry up. It’s a National Sickness Treatment Service out to nurse the symptoms and not the cause. Somewhere along the line, many years back, the Hippocratic oath was corrupted by the pharmaceutical giants who worship at the altar of Mammon and believe that the ultimate achievement on Life’s three score and ten journey is material wealth – and spirituality be buggered.”

“So forget all the NHS’s piss-ant service bulletins – they’re a tease and total crap. Stay sick and Big Pharma can keep dosing you with medications that alleviate the symptoms but never cure the cause – and cancer drugs are the big earner especially with our foodstuffs loaded with carcinogenics.”
“What we need is a healthy diet broadcasting and promoting. Not this ubiquitous mantra of ‘five a day’ plus a coke and a chew n spew burger but ‘ten a day’ – and a couple more if you get hungry – an apple or orange and not a bag of crisps or poxy salted peanuts.”

“Cancer and diabetes and all general internal health problems – including mental - are cause and effect manifestations of abusive lifestyles – and a raw foods diet will cure all and prevent all – and cancer can be stopped in its tracks and prevented from ever metastasising via this simple route of self-treatment.”
“Get the body ‘alkali’ and keep it that way and even the fucking lame shall walk. I don’t care how old or infirm – or how young either – you can and will improve your health and the essential intrinsic quality of your life by observing these very simple and inexpensive principles.”

“If you can’t eat it, then juice it. Neutralise the acidosis and get the body alkaline with liquid chlorophyll – lots of home-juiced fruits, leafy vegetables, herbs and salad foods – and barley or wheat grass – and watercress too – the greatest single mineral and trace element food around.”

“We need to oxygenate the body and achieve a healing PH level of 7:5 – so pure mineral water is a must – not the fluoridated and chlorine-laced crap that pours out of a faucet. Next, salt - we are a bio-electrical entity and need a daily intake of salt – regardless of sodding doctors telling you to abstain or keep it to a minimum due the high blood pressure deceit. I’m not talking about the table salt crap from the Greedy Grocer supermarkets – but pure grey crystal sea salt packed with minerals and trace elements. To maintain optimum health, we need half a level teaspoon per day spread across our meals.”

“As I said, we're a bio-electrical entity – so any negatively-charged electro-magnetic filed can affect us adversely. Just look at the electronic smog we’re living in today with TV and radio signals, mobile phones and the cellphone boosters antennas – and internet broadband and Wi-Fi waves permeating every square inch of our environment. That’s what’s killing the bees – along with Monsanto’s insta-mutant genetically-modified Frankenfood crops - plus their toxic insecticides and pesticides and fertilisers. Believe it or not, this shite has the noxious ability to unzip human DNA – same as these ridiculous carcinogenic tetrawave backscatter full body scanners at airports.”

“Let’s forget the Nanny State propaganda and the ubiquitous cradle to the grave interference and meddling in our lives – with their sinister Codex Alimentarius set to ban the marketing of natural supplements and the aim to irradiate all foods, organic or otherwise – if Japan’s Fuckupshima purposely-inflicted nuclear disaster wasn’t doing that on a global scale already.”

“If it’s not found in Nature then don’t eat it or rub it on your skin or smoke it. Okay, tobacco isn’t that harmful, a couple of ciggies a day to relax - same as a joint. It’s all the other shite they put in tailor-made cigarettes to make them addictive and burn faster that fuck you up and turn people into psycho-neurotic head bangers that are the problem.”

“Same goes with any and all junk, processed, convenience, microwave-ready insta-meals and fast foods laced with MSG. Anything canned, tinned, in jars, bottles or tubs. Bags of crisps and corn crackers, candies, biscuits and cakes and food colourings. Soft drinks loaded with the neutro-toxin aspartame. Growth hormones pumped into dairy and meat products at source. Toothpastes and gob washes loaded with fluoride – a fertiliser / aluminium smelting toxic by-product now added to drinking water supplies – and a grand old Nazi trick to ‘sheeple-ize’ the concentration camp inmates.”

“And to add insult to injury we have the compulsory fitting of Big Brother 24/7 spy system digital smart meters replacing the old analog units – along with the mercury ‘energy-saver’ light bulbs that turn the users into migraine medication zombies.”

“The brainwashed sheeple that comprise the common herd have lost touch with their inner self (inner child too, alas) and simply ‘take a pill’ when they don’t feel 100% instead of adjusting their life style knob to the ‘get well’ channel frequency.
All the cures and preventatives are out there – Mother Nature’s bounty of herbs and fruits and veggies – just follow the Doctrine of Signatures (Goggle it) and bring yourself back into the Circle of Well-Being.”

“To conclude, healthy people don’t need ‘medicating’ – nor do they need vaccinating with toxic chemicals that don’t work like the flu jabs and MMR that causes autism in youngsters - same as normal healthy kiddies getting branded with the undeserved label of having ‘Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder’. This condition is NORMAL – that’s what kids do – it is not a genetic fault - and they most definitely do not need drugging up with seven kinds of shite such as Ritalin, Adderall, Dexedrine Atomoxetine, Concerta XL, Equasym XL, Medikinet, and Ritalin – sorry that’s eight kinds of shite.”

“Nor do they need to attend these Nanny State ‘control freak’ psychological counselling sessions or anger management courses – or – Heaven fucking forbid – end up being snatched by some sinister scumbag corrupt social services crew out on a commercial paid by results child stealing / forced adoption scheme – and end up in front of a secret ‘in camera’ family court and some paedophile judge – then taken into care to supply the underground Masonic kiddie fiddling syndicates that operate at the socio-political elitist levels of Broken Britain.”

So, what is it with this current media campaign promoting ‘end of life’ seminars? “We should have talked about it – now we never will.” “Had a cough for over three weeks? It could be cancer – but probably isn’t – so go and see your doctor anyway then he can claim a few quid more in NHS fees and prescribe you some shite like nicotine chewing gum – full of toxic aspartame.” Thus we speculate have Big Pharma’s dirty secrets lab’s come up with the ultimate bio-weaponised bird/pig/fish flu that’ll kill with a single sneeze and they’re conditioning us to be ready for the big six billion cull and mass grave scenarios?

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of so-called doctors were temporarily inconvenienced – and a whole bunch of cancerous tumours 'alkalized' and eradicated.

Thought for the day: Doctors – these are the people who prescribe patients Warfarin rat poison as an anti-coagulant to stop thrombosis - is any fucker aware what this shit does to rats? So why go to one if you don’t feel 100% fit? - a doctor - not a rat. Of all the Western civilisation professions (excluding defenestrating investment banksters and stockbrokers) they have the shortest lifespan of 56 years of age, the highest incidence of mental health problems and nervous breakdowns, the highest recorded abuse of booze and drugs - and the highest self-harming suicide rates.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday, 24 May 2012

Parliament: Oick Calls Prat ‘a Twat’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

PM ‘Austerity Dave’ Scameron copped for a bollocking off the House of Conmans spendthrift Speaker, John ‘Portraits & Escutcheons' Bercow, for issuing a stream of un-Parliamentary language after calling the New Labour shadow chancellor Ed Ballsup a "muttering fuckwit" and was ordered to withdraw the remark expressed during a particularly stormy prime minister's Q & A session when he lost his proverbial rag and spit the dummy over Ballsup’s incessant petty heckling.

Totally ignoring the niceties of polite society and accepted norms of political correctness, the pair of childish public school prats threw the ‘sticks and stones’ maxim to the four winds and started cat-calling one another silly names and referring to each other as ‘utter morons’ – a vocal exchange which unfortunately proved both were perfectly correct in their individual assessments.

Nor is this the first occasion that Posh Dave’s lost his cool with Ballsup, the incumbent New Labour MP for Moorlocks & Firewood, who sits facing him on the Opposition benches, and last year publicly labelled him “the most annoying twat in politics” – and “a cunt in cunt’s clothing”.

Replying to a question on enterprise zones, Scameron hailed the government's flawed Big Society volunteer strategy as a means of kick starting Broken Britain’s moribund economy and ending the recession - stating for the public record he wished to discover innovative methods of using the Tory’s illusionary credibility – “Which we wouldn't have if we listened to the muttering fuckwit sat opposite me.”

The remark sparked uproar on both sides of the Conmans, with shouts of “Oick!”, “Fuck you, Cabbage Patch!” and "Flashman!" from the Opposition benches – the latter remark a reference to the fictional upper class bully used by New Labour MPs to assault Scameron’s inherent arrogance.

Once Speaker Bercow had restored order, he ordered the prime minister to withdraw the word ‘fuckwit’ – to which the smarmy Scameron replied "As Mr Ballsup hasn’t the brains to qualify for the term halfwit or fuckwit, I will replace it with 'the tosser who, along with his porridge wog mates Gordon and Alistair left us this enormous deficit and a financial crisis'."

Meanwhile, on the Twatter social network, political pundits claimed Ballsup had upset Cabbage Patch Dave by telling him to "chill-ax and have another glass of his favourite Chateaux de Rothshite ‘Sangria de Cochon’ 1958" - a reference to a recent less than complimentary unauthorised gutter press biography in which Scameron's methods of unwinding from the stresses of his job revealed he liked to quaff a jeroboam or two of wine and pay a visit to Max Mosley’s dominatrix for a ‘chill-ax’ botty spanking and strap-on rogering session.

Thought for the day. Really, out of an adult population of actual millions – excluding the Third World political refugees and swan-roasting economic immigrants who can only understand a ballot slip if it’s written in Cyrillic and are here with a mission to steal any and all British minimum wage jobs going, plus scrounge what they can on welfare benefits - is this the best we can do for political leaders – cat-calling pondscum of the likes of Scameron and Balls?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Met HQ Name Change to ‘New Scandal Yard’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

If it wasn’t for bad luck then the Met’s Plod Squad wouldn’t have any. Coming in the still-churning wake of the Raving Rupert Mudrock News Corporation graft and corruption / bribery scandal and the trio of active investigations headed by Assistant Commissioner Sue Knackers of the Yard relating to Operation Twat Hunt into inappropriate payments to officers – plus Operation Whodunnit and Operation Hacker, two New Scandal Yard CID plods and a former detective inspector have been named as key culprits in bribery allegations revealed to MPs.

The Home Affairs Select Committee was informed of a culture of graft and corruption right at the heart of New Scandal Yard with officers from the Anti-Corruption Squad investigating Nigerian fraudster Jaffacake Ibori accused of accepting large cash payments in exchange for insider information.

While the former DI went straight into self-preservation mode and refused to say anything that might incriminate him further - and the two serving officers declined to comment, documented evidence presented by Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, Solicitors, to MPs indicated that private investigation firm, Ripoffs Management SA, was involved in wining and dining and facilitating large cash payoff bungs to officers investigating on the Ibori embezzlement case.

Ms Sue Fleecem QC, representing Ibori's London lawyer, Rupert Hopeless, who was jailed as part of the case, informed the Parliamentary Committee "The key culprits appear to be the key players who are the senior investigating officer, DI Gary Scumm, and two of the key investigators, specifically DC John MacSkanger and DC Ronnie Scrote."

Mr Jaffacake N’Kunta Ibori was the former Minister for Kleptocracy of the corruption-ridden oil-rich Delta region in Nigeria, who pilfered hundreds of zillions of pounds from government coffers and was sentenced to thirteen years imprisonment last April after being found guilty of ‘sanitising’ what banksters refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’ through a UK-based chain of dodgy ‘Wash, Rinse n Tumble’ launderettes and Cash 4 Gash pawn shops.

Giving testimony to the Home Affairs Select Committee at the House of Conmans, Ms Fleecem produced records that half a dozen payments totalling £20,000 were made over a period of nine months.
However, these allegations were originally made in an anonymous bundle of documents delivered to former Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson and the Independent Police Coverups Commission in 2011 from whistle-blowing Plod Squad moles working for the Ox-Rat snitch and grassers watchdog charity.

The paperwork included sheaves of highly incriminating detailed invoices and expense ledgers from Ripoffs Management SA, headed at the time by two former New Scandal Yard detectives, Jack ‘Biffo’ Kunter and Cliff ‘Pitbull’ Knucklebutty – a revelation that finally forced the IPCC to instruct the Metropolitan Police's Directorate of Professional Standards to conduct an internal investigation which has since been lambasted by critics for its preposterous pantomime failings by having the suspected guilty parties investigating their own alleged criminal misdeeds.

To wit, the UK’s Biased Broadcasting Corporation has confirmed that in the seven months since the DPS inquiry was launched, neither Ripoffs Management SA nor Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, the conflict-of-interest law firm who hired them on behalf of Mr Jaffacake Ibori, have been contacted, nor any police officer interviewed over the allegations.

Thought for the day. Wouldn’t it be nice to know we can sleep easy in our beds knowing the Plod Squad Bobbies are out there 24/7 doing their duty – instead of them comprising a tax-payer funded corps of elitist criminals who can – and do – get away with daylight robbery - and murder.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Clegg Wakes Up n States Bloody Obvious

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Confucius say: “When cat’s away - mice will play” – and that little axiom sums up the current state of affairs in Downing Street where Broken Britain’s Deputy PM Mick ‘The Mouse’ Clogg is making his voice heard (Have no fear, Cloggy’s still here) while Dave ‘Tiddles’ Scameron is off on yet another junket, this time over in the Great Satan showing his smarmy face at the back-to-back G8 and NATO summit conferences.

Reading from a scaremongering script obviously prepared by some career dog wanker at the Ministry for Stating the Fucking Obvious, Cloggy today spoke with a press hack from the Insolvency Gazette and warned that any collapse in the eurozone – specifically by the tosspots running grotty Greece - would create the ideal recipe for an increase in extremism and xenophobia throughout the 27 member EUSSR community – and the rest of the known Universe.

Well of course it will promote an ‘extremist reaction’ from socio-political activists, and too the legions of unemployed and homeless, as they’d have no other option nor alternative to combat or resolve the economic disaster that has morphed out of the fatally-flawed EUSSR experiment – and by the phrase ‘extremist reaction’ we are referring to a 1789 / 1917 style blood and guts-spilling revolution where first the ruling class gets it in the proverbial neck – (now they’ve imprudently brought about the mass extinction of the strategic ‘first strike’ middle class buffer zone) - followed by a violent display of jingoist fanaticism as the legions of swan-roasting / carp-poaching economic immigrants will be next in line and cop for the chop also.

To wit, this phenomenon was manifested by the 87,000 separate racist incidents, ranging from name calling to physical abuse, recorded in Britain's schools alone between 2007 and 2011 – and political incorrectness besides, things ain’t getting any better.

Clogg attempted to deny the Libservative Coalition had morphed into a bunch of austerity fanatics regarding the spending of the public’s money on the actual needs of the public - but did concede that their rhetoric had perhaps been a bit too ‘Chicken Little-ish’ in the early stages due the fact they needed to convince the common herd it was necessary and in their own best interests.

“When the government was informed the original economic growth predictions spewed out by our iconic Whitehall ‘Oracle’ had been totally wrong we decided to take a page out of the old Monty Python handbook and ‘do something completely different’.”

“This tactic unfortunately manifested into yet another complete balls-up and dragged the UK even further into recession – the culpability for which I personally believe belongs squarely on the shoulders of Chancellor George Osborne as the tosser could well have picked up the phone and given that sexy slut Christine Legarde a call at the Belgium-based Brussels Bank of Last Ditch Bailouts – or even popped round to see his Uncle Mervyn at the Bank of England on Eye of the Needle Street here in the City and begged for another dose of his magical quantitative easing medicine to tide us over.”

“Really, it’s damn annoying when bloody people get into barrack room lawyer mode and go round saying the entire capitalist economic model is a flawed Debtocracy and they want to re-invent the wheel by dumping the practices of fractional reserve lending and commodities speculation by banksters – and these sub-prime loans and CDS credit default swaps and derivatives investments – and have the sodding Treasury start printing our own £ pound notes again, interest free - as Baron Rothshite’s crime syndicate heavies are simply not going to allow that to happen and see their rice bowl smashed.”

In response to Clogg’s ‘Doom and Gloom’ message concerning the imminent collapse of the eurozone currency model, the UK Independence Party leader and MEP Nigel ‘Indestructible’ Barrage informed the media "Mick Clogg has finally woken up and warning, as I did years ago, that the drastic failures of EUSSR leadership and policies are leading to a growth of revolutionary extremism.”

"What the fuck did the brain-dead Librarian-Dummercrats expect from their hallowed European Union when the end game product is total federalisation aimed at specifically stripping away national democracies and leaving the common herd impotent and no say in their own futures?”
“Once you remove their iconic ability to hold a democratic forum on matters of national importance and pursue a covert policy of creating a multi-cultural dysfunctional society without borders then you leave people with fewer legitimate ways to express their opposition to this enforced status quo."

“The wholesale disruption of British society is on the agenda and the four pillars of our human identity - those four major collective forces of Race, Religion, Family and Nation are to be tossed asunder with the federalisation of the EUSSR community.”

“Hence we have the common herd waking up to these facts and exhibiting the symptoms of Oppositional Defiance Disorder Syndrome as they use the facilities of subjunctive retrospect and 20/20 hindsight to realise they’re getting shafted by their own government at every turn.”

“This situation is now reaching a critical mass state and ready to erupt in a cataclysmic chain reaction proportionate to the sum total of past privations and sufferings under the dictatorial misrule of the corruption-ridden Brussels’ dynastic despots and their kleptomaniac panjandrums. And just wait until Yorkshire becomes part of Norway, Kent’s stockbroker belt yuppies have to pay their council taxes to Amsterdam – and Cornwall is governed by our historic enemies – the foul and foreign French. Then the shit’s going to hit the fan.”

“It’s all senseless blather, Cloggy warning that the eurozone needs to prepare some decisive contingency action for a possible Greek departure from the single currency when 90% of the eurozone economies, including Broken Britain’s, are already bollocks deep in recession with no corrective solution in sight.”

“So how do we solve the problem when these stricken economies are run on a debt-based Crapitalist monetary system with the likes of the Rothshite’s Shylock Bank of International Usury and the Debtocracy Bank of Zurich controlling the global financial system - and we have our own Chancellor, George Osborne, a product of the Wilkins Micawber Institute of Economics, in charge of the Treasury and saddled with the sodding mess caused by Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown’s 2008 Bankster Bailout Bill, amended by Osborne’s own creation to become the Bankster Bailout & Guaranteed Bonus Act 2010?”

“One flawed consensus from the International Bank of Hyper-Inflation that’s never going to fly is that the UK drop the base interest rate from the current 0:5% to absolutely zilch to kick-start the economy when even school kids know that the only thing that will ‘galvanise’ it into action and growth is to boost the rate up to a minimum of 5%.”

Alas, when 99% of humanity operates according to the dictates of its stomach and sex organs there exists a confounding glitch in the perceptions of mass consciousness that derails their understanding of what the fuck is actually going on in the world and hence works to their collective detriment.

Thought for the day. The old, perhaps threadbare, adage regarding the social engineering control mechanics of rich-poor management - of the rich getting richer while the poor get poorer - has now been put on hold – and while the rich still do actually get ‘richer’ the poor are now simply staying ‘poor’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

UN Moralist Slams Israeli Barbarians

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Doubtless that she will henceforth be labelled an anti-Semite – and a Holohoax denier for good measure - the Assistant UN Secretary-General for Humanitarian Affairs, Catherine Bragg, known for her righteous moral indignation concerning the plight of the Palestinians under the ZioNazi Israeli military occupation, has again expressed her deep concern to Shylock Scumberg, the Knesset’s Minister for Evictions & Land Acquisitions, for those rendered homeless after the criminal demolition of their properties by the IDF’s thugs and has called for ending the contrived racist policies and unjust laws that deprive the Palestinians of their right to support themselves.

In a press release following her three-day visit to the occupied Palestinian West Bank territories Bragg stated “I am extremely concerned about the humanitarian impact of demolitions and displacement on Palestinian families as such actions cause great human suffering and run contrary to international law – which the Israeli regime snub their big noses at and ignore with impunity - and hence must be brought to a halt.”

“The marginalised Semite Arab Muslim populations of the West Bank and besieged Gaza Strip suffer relentless persecution and human rights abuses under the jackboot of the barbaric fascist Israeli occupiers of their once sovereign state of Palestine. This is a people now oppressed, subjugated, disadvantaged, disenfranchised and discriminated against – to list just a few of the adjectives that describe their hapless lot in life imposed by the racist regime of Prime Minister Bobo Nuttyahoo and his war criminal-infested Knesset.”

“Let’s take a reality check here as this well-meaning Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) campaign might well have modest effect on Israeli overseas commerce but it is never going to force the government’s hand to call a halt to the illegal destruction of Palestinian properties and the outright theft of their lands to accommodate the hordes of scumbag settlers.”

“What we need is the Zionist lobby hoofing out of the UN and legislation passing – with a resolution enforced by UN troops – or the homicidal NATO – to reverse the effects of the 1948 Yawm an-Nakbah – the Day of the Catastrophe – and restore the Palestinian’s lands to a minimum of the already UN-mandated 1967 boundaries.”

“These Ashkenazi mongrel Jews of convenience infesting the Knesset and making up these inhuman laws – none of them belong here – but back in the ghettos of Europe.”

“The world is sick and tired of their ‘victims’ mantra – and this fabricated Chosen People and their Promised Land by Divine Right fairy tale. That piece of deceptive fantasy has been given rein for far too long and it’s about time the international community clamped down on it and demand a halt to Israeli expansionism and a return to the pre-1967 borders.”

“To wit, if a satisfactory response is not received and implemented by these arrogant kikester war criminals, then send in UN troops to enforce it and evict these illegal settlers from the West Bank, then demolish this despicable racist Great Apartheid Wall that has turned the Gaza Strip into the biggest Nazi-style concentration camp on the planet.”

“We’ve had just about enough of the Rothshite bankster syndicate and having Israel as their crime empire’s capital – and all their black propaganda and hyperbole aimed at Iran and their civilian nuclear power programme to provide an excuse for a military attack and overthrow the legitimate government and so install another Western-compliant puppet Shah.”

“The real threat to world peace are the mad dogs running the outlaw, rogue state of Israel who possess an illegal covert nuclear weapons arsenal and have never signed the Non-Proliferation Treaty – and have a stranglehold on US – and too all Western government’s foreign policy initiatives - and are bent on maintaining their military hegemony in the Near / Mid-East region and achieving the criminal agenda of their Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion – under whatever name they choose to put on it today – such as this sinister New World Order.”

“We need to have these war-mongering lunatics muzzled and put on a tight leash and bring an end to their incessant Operation Gladio false flag attacks on Allied Western targets that get blamed on Mohammed al Patsy and Co, just to stir up hatred and further demonise Islam as a cult of suicide bombers.”

“The first to go needs to be this back-arsed Russian bigot Avigdor Lieberman. Whoever heard of a Foreign Minister who was a neo-fascist – apart from Ron Ribbentrop. The man’s a certified gangster with a bad racist attitude problem - a career hater of Gentiles – of the goyim – and his continued presence in the Israeli cabinet is intolerable.”

Thought for the day. There exists now a maxim agreed between Christians and Muslims, and too Jews of conscience alike, that there will never be any form of peace for the dispossessed Palestinians or the Holy Land until the last Zionist usurper is strangled with the disembowelled entrails of the last of the Rothshite crime syndicate’s military-industrial scumbags.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Princess’s Toyboy in Russian Mafia Hit

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Baroness Marie Christine Anna Beanstalk Hedwig Ida von Reebok, perhaps known better to the British public as the lanky nymphomaniac Princess Michael –and Austro-Hungarian wife of Prince Michael of Kunt - who notoriously disdains Botox treatments and attributes her taut porcelain complexion and nubile schoolgirl tits to using toyboy semen as a complete body moisturiser - is reported to be in a state of distress following a gangland hit on her mega-rich Russian tycoon toyboy, Mikhail Kravchenko.

The bullet-riddled body of her zillionaire boyfriend was left in a pool of blood beside his armoured Mercedes in the suburb of Pederastoff after he was hauled from his car and shot over thirty times – from head to foot and back again.
Eye witnesses reported that the murder was committed by two typical ex-Lubyanka FSB thugs – graphically described as professional assassins who knew which end of a gun the bullets came out from.

Detective’s from Moscow’s inept ‘Plodsky Squadsky’, who are notorious for their inability to find snow in Gorky Park in the middle of winter, are investigating the crime but claim reasons for the fatal hit remain a mystery.

However, speculation by investigative journalists indicate that Kravchenko may have fallen out with certain bent government figures before his death – but considering the fact that the Vlad Putrid / Dimitry Medvedev United Kleptocracy Party regime esconced in the Kremlin is fuelled on graft and corruption to such a degree it can no longer function without – then anything’s possible.

One shit-raking editorial in this morning’s Korruption Gazette gave air to rumours that the murder could be connected to an attempt by Politburo insider Mikhail Sackashit, the incumbent Minister for Ripoffs & Acquisitions, to seize control of Kravchenko’s £130 million-a-year flatpack art nouveau furniture business founded on the tide of Wild West capitalism that followed the collapse of Communism - or to debts he ran up during the recession when he branched out into Russia’s Mafia-dominated real estate and construction markets.

Princess Michael and Kravchenko caused a royal scandal back in 2006 after being pictured by the paparazzi fondling each other’s erogenous zones while taking a water-borne trip around Venice with Blind Gondola Tours - where they spent four days shacked up together in the fabulous honeymoon suite of the Slutarama Palace, Venice's most glamorous hotel.

Here her Royal Horniness registered under the name of Princess Green, and Kravchenko, the nom de guerre of Vladimir Smith, although both parties denied they were having an affair and joked there was nothing between them – apart from a pair of bollocks.

The mongrel Princess, born in Karlsbladder, then part of the German Sudetenland, who recently boasted on her 69th birthday celebration that she was now the same age as her favourite oral sex position, has a history of suffering ‘blonde moment’ lapses since adolescence and was labelled with the derogatory sobriquet of Princess Pushy due a life-long ego trip fuelled by her own delusional sense of self – and viewed by critics as yet another frog who dreams of becoming a toad – and considers herself a bit too grand for the rest of the royal family.

Known to friends and associates alike as ‘old shit for brains’ and the type of person you can take anywhere twice – the second time to apologise due her inherent rudeness – she is sarcastically referred to by Queen Lizzie as ‘the six-foot Valkerie’ –a reflection on her reputation for being a bit of a bolter and possessing the libidinous Amazon propensity for fucking anything with a cock.

The money-grubbing princess has gained a certain infamy for being attracted to men endowed with big wallets - and once immodestly boasted she’s crawl naked through a patch of cactus for a hot meal.
In 1971, she married the old Etonian bankster Rupert Scumm – on which occasion a guest at their Doggers Wood wedding fatefully introduced her to Prince Michael, who took an immediate liking to the cut of her jib and gave her a swift ‘knee trembler’ porking behind the buffet tent.

Ignoring the strictures of her Catholic faith, the marriage to Scumm was dissolved in 1978 and she was wed to the prince in Vienna amid rumours she was still conducting a series of sordid affairs - and engaged in an illicit relationship with the Texan billionaire Ward Scrunt, a super-rich oil tycoon who unfortunately had the flawed habit of thinking with his cock instead of his brains and was eventually sent packing.

In the wake of the purported Russian Mafia hit murder, innuendo and rumours regarding Kravchenko and Princess Pushy are flying thick and fast.
Apparently she became enamoured with Kravchenko due his shaggy hair and bulging wallet – and bountiful supply of industrial strength Viagra – and consolidated her position as his three-hole suck n swallow whore following the death of his Ukrainian girl friend, the celebrity pole dancer and night club stripper, Tekem Orloff, in a 2001 car smash.

Regardless of being notoriously wealthy and a kidnap target, Kravchenko disdained having bodyguards in tow and boasted he had no enemies – apart from the pair of unknown thugs who snuffed him last Sunday – a factor which has prompted Russian detectives to consider a scenario that Prince Michael himself might be involved in the oligarch’s death – in revenge for being cuckolded.

Prince Michael has also been the subject of considerable speculation concerning acts of adultery stemming from allegations he had a sodomic relationship with ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev after meeting him at a dinner party in the 1980’s, which left the Russian with a ruptured sphincter and unable to do the splits.

Coincidentally, (albeit not necessarily an incriminating factor) Prince Michael was in Russia last week, sans Princess Pushy, to receive an honours degree from the St Petersburg Tractor Factory No 7 for his services to British-Russian relations in permitting his wife to have it off with their Board of Directors Chairman, Mikhail Kravchenko.

However, and here the plot thickens, the trip was overshadowed by revelations that Prince Michael (aka ‘Renta-Kent’) had accepted £320,000 quid in a series of 56 secret ‘bungs’ to tax haven offshore accounts between 2001 and 2008 from the bent Russian oligarch and crime boss Boris Fuckoffsky - a leading foe of President Vladimir Putrid – as ‘facilitation fees’ for contracting the pauper Prince’s influence peddling skills.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday, 21 May 2012

Olympics Paranoia: Plods go Overboard

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

When Dr Laurence Gobstopper was struck by a middle age menopausal urge to go ‘messing around in boats’ and did an online Swap Shop trade with the family’s Thai au pair girl for a thirteen-foot outboard cruiser he was delighted when his children took an immediate shine to the craft and all things nautical, bought a Jolly Roger pirate flag from a Somali eBay site, borrowed Grandma’s parrot - and came up with a silly name for the boat they’d heard on the telly – Bin Laden.

And that was that – cruising up and down the Thames wearing their eye patches and brandishing plastic cutlasses with nary a worry. Well, for two years anyways – until the 2012 Olympic Games hysteria kicked in and the our once-sceptred isle’s iconic river became a virtual war zone kitted out with mine fields and submarine nets - and torpedo boat patrols manned by plods from the Met’s Paranoia Response Squad – an outfit anyone with an IQ over room temperature can apparently sign up for - although the paramilitary contingent seems to have attracted a batch of super-morons from the G4S Renta-Thug security agency who, if they were any thicker, would need watering and not feeding.

So the motorboat was proudly hand-painted with the joke name Bin Laden 1 by 11-year old Dylan Gobstopper, and regardless of regular weekend cruises, nary a complaint had ever been raised concerning the name – until last weekend when the ‘amateur mariners’ and their boat were spotted by a remote MQ-9 Reaper ‘smart drone’ on the lookout for Al Qaeda warships sneaking up the Thames and the sighting relayed to GCHQ and the security services via the Olympics emergency ‘Hysteria’ channel - and they kicked ‘Operation Chicken Little’ into action – intercepting the boat as it moored at Greenwich Yacht Club for afternoon tea and scones.

Dr Gobstopper, a boffin beardie physicist and apparently endowed with more degrees than a brewery thermometer – (but less common sense that a tortoise) – was unceremoniously grabbed and manhandled by the paramilitary plods – his signature anorak pulled down his back then simultaneously handcuffed, pepper sprayed and tasered as the black Ninja-style uniformed goons shouted “Don’t move an inch Mohammed – where’s the nukes?”

With the arrival of a team of MI5 officers, who promptly stuck the 11-year old Dylan in a North Face holdall to shut up his protests, and a search of the vessel revealed no sign of improvised explosive devices – nor zero weaponry more dangerous than a fishing bait catapult, it was decided that perhaps the weekend sailors presented less of a threat to Olympic security and Western civilisation than the spectre of the long-dead Osama bin Laden.

After being released and allowed to continue on their way, Dr Gobstopper spoke to one press hack from the Totalitarian Gazette, claiming “What a bunch of bonkers psycho tossers – are these dog wankers for real? What kind of a repressive, fascist regime is Broken Britain being governed by, might we ask? This climate of fear and scaremongering scenario is generating a Dystopian nightmare.”

“Really, we are so deep down the rabbit hole now with this panopticon Big Brother state it’s very scary. They’ve ordered me to change the name of the boat as it presents a security risk to the Olympic Games venue – if you can accept or believe such a crock of shite. Anyway, Dylan’s decided to re-name her Guy Fawkes in memory of one of our finest – albeit failed – revolutionary anarchists.”

Thought for the day. Fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

UKIP Predicted Next Downing St Tenants

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a survey in last weekend’s Sunday Shitraker, nine out of ten punters who were stupid enough to vote Conservative at the 2010 General Election are ready to back Nigel ‘Indestructible’ Barrage and his Europhobe UK Independence Party - or have already switched their allegiance and monthly direct debit party donations - revealing the danger posed to ‘Austerity Dave’ Scameron by the rapidly burgeoning anti-EUSSR sentiment across the expanse of Broken Britain.

The devastating poll reveals 90% of the 2010 voters who wanted to kick New Labour squarely in the bollocks for making a fuck of everything they touched during 13 years in office – (including saddling the country with a porridge wog for PM that no fucker or their dog ever voted for (Grotty Gordon) after career war criminal Tony Bliar got us involved in two illegal foreign wars of aggression then ducked out) – and made the mistake of voting for the Tories or Lib-Dums - claim they have already decided to back the UKIP Eurosceptic fringe party as our once green and pleasant land’s last chance of saving the day before we fall headlong down the rabbit hole and into the EUSSR ‘Federation’ trap - and end up divided between Norway, Holland, Belgium, France and Eire.

This poll result ‘frightener’ will heap pressure on that pair of intellectual disappointments, Posh Dave Scameron and his Libservative Coalition Deputy PM Mick ‘Turncoat’ Clogg - who jointly face demands from their backbenchers and ministers for a referendum on Britain’s fatally-flawed continued membership of the EUSSR to be included in any future Tory / Lib-Dum election manifesto – and this time actually hold a ‘one-off and that’s it’ vote – unlike the graft and corruption-ridden Eire government who kept holding referendums until they got the desired ‘Yes’ result.

Critics claim a more strident anti-European stance will do sweet fuck all to improve Cabbage Patch Dave’s political standing as the last time he promised a referendum he reneged on his word using the first pathetic excuse his spin doctors could come up with – and his credibility in the European sphere of influence has already waned to zero due his refusal to join the euro currency yet continues to pontificate to every other sod currently facing ‘euro’ insolvency on where they’re going wrong while he’s incapable of sorting out the UK’s bankster-caused Debtocracy dilemma.

Yesterday, Scameron joined world leaders for talks at Camp David, where efforts were being made by the G8 to - (wait for it) – ‘encourage growth as well as austerity’ – an alchemical fiscal combination that equates to shoving butter up a porcupine’s arse with a red hot knitting needle.

So the G8 heavyweights have decided that Kraut Chancellor Angela Merkel’s ‘scorched earth’ policies on resolving the euro crisis can now be ditched since her compliant ‘poison dwarf’ stooge and sole supporter, France’s Nicky Sarkozy, has been finally booted out onto the human resource landfill site due his shelf life being expired – and the more moderate new President, Fran├žois Hollande appeared on the world stage promoting a logical reality check policy of investing to stimulate economic growth – a factor that Merkel and Sarkozy – and others – seem to have conspicuously (dare we speculate ‘purposely?) overlooked or ignored.

With little sign of prayer working to evoke Divine Intervention and rescue the doomed ‘euro’ economies of Greece, Italy, Spain, Portugal or Eire – or anywhere else in the eurozone – Scameron yesterday resorted to uttering a stream of ridiculous bon mot’s and hyperbolic rhetoric to reassure the legions of sceptical voters back in Broken Britain that he is making a monumental, Messianic impact on the world stage.

Meanwhile, at home he’s regarded as being more full of shit than a Christmas goose – along with his incompetent penny-pinching Chancellor George Osborne and the rest of the shirt-lifting fudgers and ‘ponces and nonces’ that currently comprise the insidious wastrel ranks of the Libservative Coalition cabinet.

Conversely, while Scameron’s on his G8 ego-trip at Camp David, Justice Minister Ken ‘Flipper’ Clarke, the incumbent Tory MP for Bums Rush, who knows less about matters fiscal and the global economy than he does about ‘The Law’, has inadvertently opened gob before engaging brain and pissed all over ‘Austerity Dave’s’ self-promoting celebration bonfire – by going into full scaremongering mode and informing one gutter press hack from the Chicken Little Gazette that Europe's banking system is in tatters and warning that UK interests are heavily exposed to these potential problems.

In what might well manifest as an unintentional career felo da se, Clarke had the brazen hubris to babble on that Greek voters had to either shit or get off the pot and face up to reality by voting for parties willing to cut the country's deficit and stop electing a bunch of radical cranks and Bolshie extremists.
"The Greek electorate have got to get their finger out and face up to reality even if they are having a terrible time of it with the price of Ouzo and Retsina going through the roof and they can’t afford to go off to a bar and get pissed anymore. If they get kicked out of the eurozone and back on the sodding drachma, then it’s all going to go tits up for the rest of Europe – and those Euroskecptics like that horrible Nigel Barrage will start laughing and shout “Told you so!”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.