Monday, 31 October 2016

Royal Vermin in Ermine 'Want More'

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

What started out life in the dubious crypto-confines of the Royal realm as a bit of a squall in a teacup between the Alpha Male King-in-Waiting, Prince Chazzer, and his mooching younger brother, Prince Andy-Pandy, has since morphed into a raging Force 12 Beaufort scale 'Hurricane' - slopping over the sanctified barriers of regal privacy, straight into the common herd public domain's red top gutter press tabloid media pages - with Andy spitting the proverbial dummy when he couldn't get his own way then threatening to ditch the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Windsor brand name and go it alone - following in the mendicant footsteps of his wastrel uncle, Prince Michael of Kunt, and advertise himself on eBay as 'Royal Prince for Hire – Influence Peddling a Speciality'.

The grapevine gospel according to Fuckingham Palace's snitch n grasser unit claims that 56 year-old spoiled brat Andy Pandy had dispatched one of his royal runner serfs with a forked stick bearing another begging letter to Queen Mummy, 'demanding' she either allocate official money-for-old-rope Sovereign Grant jobs in 'The Firm' - and thus up the ante of the tax-payer funded monthly handouts - to his moronic vulgarian daughters, the totally talentless Beatrice and Eugenie – (a skill they inherited from their 'totally talentless' deadbeat parents - Andy and the ginger-mingin Fergie - aka the freeloading Duchess of Pork) – plus insisting his 'blood princesses’ - seventh and eighth in line to the throne – no longer be sidelined and deserved more fitting – official - royal roles - plus be provided with an improved standard of accommodation at Kensington Palace instead of having to put up with shitty little ten room en suite apartments at St James’s Palace.

Apparently old QE2 Lizzie was wearing her 'not amused' face after receiving this demand - drafted by Andy's private secretary and gatekeeper, Fellattia Mingerot - complaining that the dyslexial princesses were in danger of being overshadowed by Prince Bald Willy, Kate Middleclass and Prince Harry Hewitt when Chazzer becomes king - and immediately passed along Andy's ultimatum to create some 'royal rank' position for his daughters to her acting co-Monarch and chief advisor, Prince Chazzer – now that her 99-year-old senile Greek hubby, Stavros, has totally lost the plot and spends all day being rude to the palace lackeys, while sucking hard boiled Werthers and dribbling down his cardigan.

Hence Andy's letter of demand ended up on the Royal Plant Whisperer's desk - and as de facto ‘chief executive’ of 'The Firm' since Queen Mummy's Diamond Jubilee in 2012, bent on slimming down and streamlining the anachronism the Royal Family represents into a cost effective / value for money tourist attraction enterprise, and axing the allocation of public duties for all but the most significant 'Magnificent Seven' members of the bloated Windsor clan – foremost himself and his chain-smoking consort Gorgonzilla, the Duchess of Cornhole.

Such was clearly instanced when wielding his newly raised status as virtual co-monarch to implement the new order regimen at the 2012 Diamond Jubilee closing ceremony RAF flypast - ordaining it would not be performed by fuel-guzzling Red Arrow fighter jets - but rather the RAF's herring gull mascots, Kipper and Snots - towing a Union Jack banner with their beaks.

Thus with Chazzer being only too aware of Andy Pandy's record for personal abuse of royal status privilege and an exaggerated sense of entitlement to preferential treatment and First Class tickets on the parasitic Royal Gravy Train, he copped the very same response as Oliver Twist did when asking for 'More'.

Once Andy heard his piranha-fanged daughters were surplus to requirements the gloves were off and it was 'princes at war' – engaged in a Blackadder style internecine turf control shitfight and at each other's throats - trading all manner of nasty cat calls – with Chazzer referred to as a tight-fisted jug-eared Dobby look-alike whose BBC DJ best pal Savile was a raving paedo-necrophiliac – which prompted a riposte of 'Paedo? Don't you dare reproach me about my kiddie fiddling pals when you got a piccy snapped with your hand up the clouts of some 15-year old slapper at Epstein's Shag-a-Schoolgirl Club ranch!'

No sooner had Andy stormed out of Clarence House in a black rage fury than tittle-tattling royal equerry, Sir Jarvis Shatt, was posting news of the acrimonious exchange on Twitter, revealing that Chazzer's parting shot had been to suggest the IQ-deficient 'Gruesome Twosome' got jobs modelling for scary Halloween masks – or parts in a Christmas pantomime - as Cinderella's ugly sisters.

Replying to Jarvis Shatt's 'Royal Rumpus' posts on Twitter, Bev Titwank, a Croydon-based 17-year old mother of three, had this to say.
"Wot the fuck is Andy on about, I asks yer? That pair of gorpin' knobhead daughters of his bein' the only ‘blood princesses’. Fer fuck's sake, Andy's not even a full effin' Windsor himself cos his Dad woz Lord 'Porky' Porchester wot Queen Lizzie woz shaggin' after she kicked Stavros outa the bedroom fer givin' her a dose of the clap wot he'd caught off some slut at one of the Astor's Cliveden soirees – probably that three-holin' suck an' swaller skanger, Princess Alexandra."

"Same as that other wet dream on legs - Prince Edward – another useless thick-as-two-short-planks closet case twat prancing around in his Masonic tutu – whose Dad woz Baron Paddy Plonket. So there yer got a couple of real cuckoos in the royal nest – along wiv all the mental case royal sprogs - like Queen Lizzie's cousins Nerissa and Katherine Bowes-Lyon – wot they've shoved in loony bins ter hide the fact they're all a bunch of inbred mutant nutters."

Thought for the day. Fuck the lot of 'em - these wastrel parasitic scroungers that form the bone idle core element of Broken Britain's 'Royal' (sic) family. Millenniums of inbreeding has resulted in a eugenic catastrophe, both physical and mental, for when ego surpasses intellect and in their perennial state of unqualified arrogance, believe themselves to be a picture perfect Lipizanner pedigree breed - untouchable and beyond censure, to rule over the affairs of mankind and treat us – the common herd demographic – with utter contempt.

As an earlier Princess once said, and luckily history recorded the comment for reflective posterity: 'Let them eat cake'.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the uber-racist Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle / Violate BD/SM Club kiddie fiddling cabal – along with their Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office sodomite / paedo-enablers and cover-up protectors).

Saturday, 29 October 2016

Vazeline: Shameless Hubris Knows No Bounds

In today’s ‘Enhanced Hubris & Hyper-Hypocrisy’ edition we bring you the latest n greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip and brass-necked cheek from our transvestite-about-town star hack, Mollie McFaggot – manning (sic) the mobile 'fly-on-the-wall' hotline inside the House of Conmans men's toilets for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Is there no limit to the shameless unqualified arrogance of Keith 'Bummer' Vaz – the incumbent New / Old Labour Party MP for Red Leicester? The flabby tosser was forced to vacate his chair seat on the House of Conmans Home Affairs Select Committee when his position became untenable following reports in the Daily Shitraker that his favourite charity (The Keith Vaz Benevolent Fund) had been forking out payments to eastern European rent boys to call round his London, Edgware apartment for amyl nitrite / coke snorting sessions - and engage in a spot of sphincter-stretching – (alleged text message from 'Popper Pig' Vaz states: 'grab some Columbian and amyl hard-on snort - n a box of assorted hamsters for a felching extravaganza') - and now he appoints himself – (unopposed by a single one of the unscrupulous 649 fellow MPs) - to Parliament's Justice Committee.

This slippery shekel-grubbing sleazy slug – Vice Lord Vaz - and his equally corrupt cronies – both here and overseas - in national / local government authorities – and private commercial enterprise - have slithered out of a legion of nefarious, criminal conduct and influence peddling scandals these decades past via displays of hard faced Masonic secret handshake brotherhood defiance - and avoiding prosecution with a slap on the wrist at best.

But it is a long-established fact these overpaid, egocentric ponces eventually lose the plot and sight of the basic concept that credibility and some modicum of virtuous moral eminence is the only currency that politicos have to trade in.

As to Mr Vazeline - let's go with the well-documented Filkin / Zaiwalla ignominy for starters, then we have Vaz and his old Vermin in Ermine mate - Lord Peter Scandalson of the Felchers – allegedly partaking in the passports-for-cash scandal involving the Hinduja Sisters double act - plus the 'Hinduja Mk II rap with Iraqi crook Nadhamin Auchi – then onto the Eggington caper – and over to the Caparo group scandal – and not forgetting the Mireskandari affair – nor his clash with Tory MP Paddy Mercer – who rightfully branded Vaz as 'a crook of the first order'.

And let's not forget, this is the very same Parliamentary expenses-fiddling Leicester politico who, back in 1991, stood up in the House of Conmans to defend and vouch for the moral integrity of Leicester's serial kiddie fiddler / paedo-bumboy Baron Greville Janner - – another ersatz Zionist Jew of convenience without a trace of Semite DNA in his mongrel genes.

When we consider that it was the star-crossed Vaz pushing Owen (Who He?) Smith's candidacy to oust Corbyn as Labour Party leader, this further serves to expose Mr Vazeline as a slimy tosser who prompts one to count their fingers if they've been unavoidably coerced into shaking hands with him.

So since getting caught (entrapped?) with his proverbial 'pants down' – literally – and playing the beast with two backs in the company of a coterie of eastern European pikey / gyppo rent boy faggots – it was predicted to be 'exit stage left' n 'Go Directly to Jail / Do Not Collect £200 quid' – or so a multitude of his political enemies reckoned.
But now old Teflon Vazzer's appointed himself to the Justice Select Committee so he can pull a few strings n shake a selection of skeletons in a host of cupboards and get these silly drugs n sodomite charges kicked under the carpet – and back to business as usual.

As Nasty Party member and fellow Leicestershire MP, Andy Bridgen, opined to one gutter press hack from the Catamites Gazette on hearing the disgraceful Justice Committee announcement: ‘Keith Vaz’ sleaze knows no bounds'.

Lashing out at New / Old Labour for failing to prevent Vaz electing himself to a seat on the justice committee, Bridgen added: 'Obviously the tosser still has the full support of the Labour Party otherwise he wouldn’t be standing unopposed.'
'This all comes down to yet another corruption-mired coverup – same as the stalled MP paedo abuse inquiry – for I wrote to the House Speaker, John 'Shortarse' Bercow, last year, requesting he take all appropriate action to ensure that Vaz was suspended from his position as chairman of the Home Affairs Select Committee.'

Parliamentary Standards Commissioner Baroness Candida Mingerot announced she might conduct an official investigation into Vaz' misbehaviour sometime before the next general election (in 2020) to determine whether he breached MP rules by supplying Class A narcotics to his sodomite rent boy playmates – and further inquire if he transgressed Clause 666 of the MPs' Code of Conduct, which covers public interest, and whether 'damage was done' to the reputation of the House of Conmans. (Que? Reputation? Wot a fuckin' laugh. The shithole's been in a state of perpetual disrepute since Cromwell croaked).

The Code of Conduct states: 'Members shall base their public and private behaviour on a consideration of the public interest, avoid conflict between personal interest and the public interest by being exposed as drug-popping, rent-boy shagging sodomites in shit-raking national newspapers - and resolve any conflict between the two, at once, and in favour of the public interest – preferably by falling on their own swords – or suffocating inside one of MI5's big black North Face holdalls.'

Baroness Mingerot's investigation will further probe whether Vaz breached conflict of interest rules as chair of the Home Affairs Committee when the committee was carrying out a high profile investigative report into drug use and prostitution – or is simply guilty of his customary acts of gross hypocrisy.

So too are calls being made for Vaz to be stripped of his Privy Council seat, where he acts as an adviser to the Queen since old Royal Family confidante DJ Jimmy Savile kicked the proverbial bucket.

Alas, if only it were just bum sex - infidelity and drugs with his Romanian gyppo sodomite rent boy fraternity – but no – accusations of filthy lucre gained from political graft and corruption are bed partners to the scandal so far – specifically bank accounts chock full of large cash deposits, £35,000 nicker private school fees for his two sprogs - - and owning more properties in the UK – and Goa - than the notorious Rachman Housing Trust.

Though here we have yet a further pathetic example of Broken Britain's 'bumboy bureaucracy' – chock full of perving parasites – the establishment's historic sodomite-necrophiliac-pederast core groups – with Vaz's defiant 'in-yer-face' arrogance now busted with a large capital B - and as it has all gone South in a big way for the pear-shaped Mr Vaz, he will find himself – finally - bankrupt of all semblance of credibility.

The shamed MP's wife of 23 years, Maria, told media hacks she might eventually forgive him for cheating on her with rent boys - although felt like smashing the bidet over his ego-bloated head – and confided to experiencing a range of emotions following her husband's betrayal – especially when daughter Slutsy referred to 'Daddy' as a 'fudging tosspot'.

"Really, it was a complete gob-smacking surprise that Keith had been caught paying rent boys to fuck him up the arse. There again, I know how he feels as an occasional bum shag can be a bit of an orgasmic turn-on."
"But if he'd confided his kinky urges in me years ago I could have googled up the likes of the Dirty Dominatrix website - or logged into my e-bay account - and ordered a nine inch strapon dildo - and given him a good bum bonking myself – which would be rather poetically fitting as Keith's been screwing his constituents in the ass for years."

"In hindsight the idea rather turns me on – and I'm sure that rogering Keith up the back passage in the doggy style position would be a great additional exercise to the Pilates workout - and do wonders for de-flabbing my hips and thighs."
"As to these nasty felching rumours – well, I've been wondering why our guinea pig Gilbert goes into hiding every time Keith's prowling around the back garden."

Thought for the day. Rhetoric n speculation aside, WTF does Vaz hope to salvage out of this latest scandalous imbroglio? Hiring kiss n tell loose-lipped pikey rent boys to shag has manifested into a self-made catastrophe. His career's finished as far as advancement and credibility are concerned. He's been exposed as a cunt – in cunt's clothing.

Never mind meeting his Waterloo or crossing the Rubicon and being up Shit Creek without a paddle – if the likes of Parliamentary Standards Commissioner Kathryn Hudson did their jobs then Vaz the Jazz should be on the wrong side of an Einstein-Rosen Bridge and about to disappear down a political Black Hole of his own creation – unless he's appointed to the Parliamentary 'Decadence Committee'.

Dark humour and satire aside, yet another one bites the dust – like Charles Lynton et al - finally exposed as another PTB / VIP Establishment pervert who prefers acts of 'unnatural sex' (sodomy / necrophilia / pederasty / zoophilia / etc with rent boys / mortuary stiffs and goes wandering on the moors at night, coming back smelling of wet sheep) - to the seductive lure of the addictive pheromone scent of mature, lusting women.

Oh my, what a Lucullan delight and splendid fubar to rejoice upon. How mighty now are those fallen from grace? Egos and careers cast asunder to the vagaries of the four winds.
History shall not remember Vaz kindly – for the memory of the wicked shall rot.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the uber-racist Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle / Violate BD/SM Club kiddie fiddling cabal – along with their Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office sodomite / paedo-enablers and cover-up protectors).

Friday, 7 October 2016

Prince Dobby Launches Poetry Day

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Our once-sceptred isle's crypto-kikester 'King-in-Waiting' - HRH Prince Chazzer Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Gl├╝cksburg-Windsor - of Wales - is to read Seamus Heaney's poem 'The Shitting Forecast' to mark the start of the 2016 National Poetry Day.

Charlie Big Ears' recording will be broadcast on BBC Radio 4's 'Crap Hour' programme as part of the annual nationwide poetry celebration – with this year's selected theme being one of 'Messages' - and the brain-dead, text-addicted common herd 'public demographic' encouraged to 'Say it with a Poem, Stupid'.

The gospel according to National Poetry Day director Candida Mingerot claims "A poem can reach places that prose just can't – so that's why we're inviting all with anything important to say to express it in poetic form. It can be new or old, utterly original or a plagiarised familiar favourite – but definitely no lewd or vulgar limericks about 'Young Girls from Devizes', please."

"Aspiring lyricists and bards can compose verses of a deep and dark nature - or funny or memorable too – or with a signature anarchist bent and toss political correctness to the vagaries of the four winds – as instanced by coupling words in rhyme that draw attention to a social outrage or scandal – like the UKIP Party punch-ups – or New / Old Labour being more fucked up than a soup sandwich – or focus on promoting the Boycott, Divestments and Sanctions campaign against the rogue, ZioNazi pariah state of Israel for their human rights abuses, land thefts and illegal settlements directed against the hapless and marginalised Palestinian victim population – and 'voila' - you change the nature of the national conversation and possibly instigate a long overdue socio-political revolution."

Other poetry events around the UK will include forty BBC local radio stations who have engaged no less than 'forty' local poets to celebrate England's best cherished - and reviled - local landmarks in a love / hate verse format – such as Fish n Chip shops, CCTV cameras, Flatbrokes the Bookies, job centres, Poundland stores, fracking sites, Wetherspoons discount booze pubs, welfare benefits assessment offices, police stations - and not forgetting London's 'traffic jam central' - the M25.

Four young charity-minded poets in Wales – all members of the Bryn Estyn Masochist Club - have agreed to be sealed in an abandoned mineshaft to compose 100 poems in 24 hours while flagellating each other with scourges made from desiccated jellyfish tendrils.

Not wishing to be outdone by their Welsh sheep shagging, self-harm contemporaries, a gaggle of literary student members of Oxford's Bullingdon Vandalism Society will spend the 2016 National Poetry Day necks-deep in the city's St Hugh's College septic tank – (once crapped in by such esteemed academic alumnus as Burmese political stooge Aung San Suu Kyi, ex Labour trollop Barbara Sandcastle and the Nasty Party's very own incumbent transvestite Prime Minister Terry 'Testosterone' May) - composing a rhyming thesis on why two of ex-poet laureate Ted Hughes' wives - Sylvie Plath 'and' Assia Wevill – could get so sick and tired of his doubly-depressing Crow poems that they'd opt out for terminal acts of suicide by sticking their individual heads in the kitchen gas oven.

In Scotland, 380,000 'Nonce Ponce' exposed-in-verse picture post cards will be given away by Edinburgh's Caber Tossers Club – while in grotty Glasgow Big Tissue street vendors will deliver poetry readings while stoned out of their heads on Shite Lightning cider and attempting to dodge the city's speeding runaway wheelie bin trucks.

Meanwhile, across the water, Ulster Orangemen plan to hold the finals of the Ireland National Poetry competition outside the Stormont Parliament Buildings, culminating in their annual 'Burn a Papist' bonfire and conducting a bevy of seasonal Molotov cocktail arson attacks on Belfast's Wankhill Road Catholic churches.

In what must constitute an ultimate act of utter of irony, poetry-themed tickets are to be distributed to luckless commuters and passengers (aka 'The Forgotten') squatting interminably on the platforms of London's major railway stations – in a pathetic effort to divert their irate attentions from the fact Southern Trains are on strike again – plus Rattle Track and Notwork Rail suffering a major disruption to services after gangs of Muslim immigrant scallies stole signal lights and overhead power cables from mainline routes.

Following his recital of Heaney's 'Shitting Forecast' poem on Channel 4 Radio, Prince Chazzer volunteered to bore listeners with 'a little verse from my very own regal hand – composed specially for this occasion'.

"Oh Mummy dear, when will You croak?
For this sixty-odd year reign is beyond a joke,
I clamour to hear your final death-rattle groan
So King Charles, Mk 3, might ascend the Throne.
And while Queen Camilla's busy baking cakes
I can master the art of the Boston Brakes
Then be shut of this chain-smoking nag –
(Spouse number two in a body bag).

Woe betide the fate of any political fool
That tries to deny My Divine Right to Rule
For Greedy Grocers marts throughout the land
Be commanded to carry our organic Highgrove brand.
Plus Gordonstoun school-rules top my education plan
As cold showers and sodomy are what make a man.

Then the Poundbury project shall come home to roost
And My Sovereign Grant cops for a 'times ten' boost,
With the NHS dispensing homeopathic tinctures and cures,
A panacea for all ills - warts or dandruff or syphilis sores.

Anarchists & dissenters – all bound for the Tower
When I resurrect Feudal Law to wield Absolute Power'
Thus a warning to satirists, just out for a laugh,
Ridiculing your Monarch will cop My Reptilian wrath;
Spitting Images producers – they're first for the chop,
Along with Burrell, al Fayed and Haynes' Republican crop,
Then dispense with this historic Child Sex Abuse inquisition
And restore My paedo pal Savile's nixed knighted position.

That's the Regal Plan so far - and hear the common herd sing:
"God Bless good old Chazzer" – and "Long Live the King."

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the uber-racist Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle / Violate BD/SM Club kiddie fiddling cabal – along with their Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office sodomite / paedo-enablers and cover-up protectors).

Thursday, 6 October 2016

'Pop Up Bobs' to Replace Plods

In today's ‘Enhanced Idiocy’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

http://holliegreigjustice.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/cutout-cops-how-can-you-tell-difference.html

Following the nationwide imposition of niggardly austerity measures by the Tory Nasty Party government that - since their execrable 2010 House of Conmans majority investiture - have slashed the budgets of essential social services throughout our once sceptred isle – local policing authorities are fielding a trial scheme that involves life-size cut-outs of plods being placed at the roadside to deter not only motorists from speeding but also scrotes and scallie types from indulging in road rage tailgating games - and stabbing fellow motorists who might be the imagined cause of some minor road courtesy infraction.

While officers in Scotland's grotty Grampian region have been using the so-called Pop-up Bob cut-out figures for two years in a futile attempt to reduce offending, Police Nonceland Chief Constable Phil Gormless confided to one gutter press hack from the Penny Pinchers Review that the life-size figures will eventually replace real plods - but serve to act as a visual 'long arm of the law' retribution reminder for those tempted to engage in criminal activities.

CC Gormless added that the Pop-Up Bob figures were also designed to act as a prevention deterrent aimed at pervy Freemasons and their Satanist pals intent on snatching wee kiddies for their ritual paedophile sex abuse and blood sacrifice gatherings – such as the attempt by stooges in Aberdeenshire rumoured to be acting on behalf of the aristocratic laird of the Cringegate estate at Fraserburgh - none other than Lord McNonce himself - who offered one hapless family £25,000 quid if His Eminence might 'borrow' their disabled, special needs son - a minor – to participate in an evening's buggery and BD/SM entertainment at the local Violate Club.

Inspector Hector McTadger of Grampian's Foulmouth Police Station informed media hacks "Since that scumbag Alex Salmond and his wee nippy replacement, the ridiculous Sturgeon woman, have slashed our policing budgets we utilise a life-size image of a uniformed plod to provide a visual reminder to criminals to try and persuade them to behave in a socially-acceptable manner."
"Trial uses of this prop in place of genuine resources has previously been well-received by local communities north of the border, and many folks simply can't tell the difference – apart from the fact the Pop-Up Bob's don't accept bribes or chase wrong-doers."

Conversely, similar attempts by officers in England to reduce crimes such as the culture of child sexual abuse practiced by the untouchable ranks of the Royal Family, Civil Service Mandarins, Parliamentary MPs and members of the Upper House of Frauds - positioning cut out Pop-Up Plods outside the likes of Barnes Elm Guest House, Dolphin Square and several London based paedo brothels specialising in underage 'little brown' immigrant sprogs - have unfortunately proved unsuccessful.

Angus Woddlepog, a police officer for 30 years in and around Glasgow, related to a media source from the Catamites Gazette that any initiative which might bring down the number of children going missing and being sexually abused – especially around Aberdeen – (now marked with the black mark of infamy as Scotland's 'Nonce Central') - was worth a try.

Woddlepog added "We've submitted a request to Police Scotland's Chief Constable, Phil Gormless, for funding to expedite a full evaluation to see if it's something that works as a deterrent in place of real police officers – especially around the British Home Stores' public toilets in the city's St Enoch's Centre shopping mall - where untouchable Scottish Legal Aid Board sodomites like Dirty Doug' Haggarty congregate to bugger underage rent boys - and so if this is an effective way of stopping such immoral and criminal behaviour then let's give the Pop-Up Bob cut-out plods a try."

Ah, now it all becomes as clear as mud as to why a failed Plod Squad Scotland investigation (2000 to present / 2016) into the serial rape and sexual abuse of special needs minor Hollie Greig - and a host of other wee kiddies - by a (to date) untouchable elitist Aberdeen-based Satanist nonce ring was such a scandalous shambles.

Here we all were, conspiracy theorists to a man, pointing the fickle finger of fate at the graft and corruption-ridden likes of Glasgow-based money-laundering / media-coercing / censuring solicitors for the cover-ups - along with the equally corrupt Freemason-infested Holyrood and Crown Office scum, bent plods and underage rent boy buggering Magic Circle Speculative Society sheriffs and judges - when it was simply a case of Pop-Up Bob being assigned to oversee the investigation and no f*cker or their dog ever checking on his progress.

Hey, perhaps that's why Scotland's historic child sexual abuse inquiry is as big a balls-up as Westminster's pathetic stalled efforts (several chairpersons and QC legal beagle advisors down before kick-off) and the Hollie Greig scandal not on the agenda for review cos Holyrood have assigned 'Pop'Up' cardboard cut-out versions of Susan O'Brien QC, Glenn Houston and Prof Michael Lamb to the inquiry panel.

Yet a further burning question comes to mind: was Pop-up Bob the officer on Police Nonceland's Bannockburn duty call desk back in July last year when a concerned passing motorist phoned in to report that a blue Renault Clio with two people inside had gone tits up off the road on the southbound carriageway of the M9, close to junction nine?
A scandalous incident that resulted in zero police response and the seriously injured Lamara Bell lying undiscovered next to her dead boyfriend, John Yuill, in their car for three days.

Then, to add insult to injury, one of Police Scotland's 'finest' (sic) left a 'Whoops, so sorry for delayed response' voicemail message on Lamara's mobile phone - ten days after she died of her sustained injuries in Glasgow's Queen Elizabeth University Hospital.

Oh yes, all this – and more – under the incompetent aegis of Police Scotland Chief Constable Sir Stephen House – who quit following the incident – before he was fired – and now replaced by the equally moronic Phil Gormless, as of January 2016.

Carbon Credits Cap & Trade Offset Exchange (aka Global Warming / Climate Change Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: While a hefty score of conscience-stifled rabid royals, noncing nobles, politico ponces, bent money-laundering lawyers and corruption-ridden porky plods might have become collateral 'fear and alarm' casualties and thrown into paranoid psychosis states of scandalous exposure anxiety attacks, no innocent non-combatant women and kids - and especially so Syrian refugee children – or trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees, small furry 'felcher friendly' sized mammals – ferrets and stoats, voles, moles, white mice, bum rats, chinchillas, hamsters, guinea pigs, gerbils, miniature coypus, dwarf beavers, etc – were harmed in posting this insurrectionist Truthsayer epistle.

Conversely, a large number of the NSA - GCHQ / Five Eyes Alliance’s Prism / Tempora / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore / SIG-INT I-Spy super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / IMSI catchers / eavesdropping / Eco-Giraffe data mining / TOR sniffing / JTRIG / Umbra Ultra-encrypted system’s nasty network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in EMF smog-bound Cheltenham were shocked into high anxiety states and temporarily inconvenienced.

So bollocks with a large capital B to political correctness - from here on in this is our legacy - to rip away the Veil of Venus blinkers and awaken people's vigilance against the corrupt establishment's totalitarian encroachment - using their eyes and ears - and brains - to say 'what if?' and make that 'consequences be damned' / 'harm's way' / 'who gives a flying fuck' quantum leap to start thinking for 'themselves' and become agents of their own destiny.

No longer accepting and believing the propaganda and lies our corrupt gutter press and biased goggle box telly spew out in a disingenuous politically correct format – or the ruling regime's sinister de facto belief that trans-national kiddie fiddling is a global 'common core' cultural value that should be accepted by a morally-misguided public - and the age of consent lowered to three years – to accommodate their perverted Satanic sexual fetishes.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the uber-racist Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle / Violate BD/SM Club kiddie fiddling cabal – along with their Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office sodomite / paedo-enablers and cover-up protectors).