Chinese PM in UK to Drum up Business

The Chinese prime minister, Who What Wen, has arrived in London on a three-day jaunt to the UK, seeking reassurance that the government will join China's fight against global protectionism.
Mr. Wen fears that the current world-wide recession will see the establishment of restrictions on Chinese import quotas in a bid to protect domestic industries, such as the manufacturing of dim sum, spring rolls, chopsticks, disposable plastic coffins and wheelbarrows.
China, always first to state the bloody obvious, say such restrictions might be damaging to its export trade.

The visit follows an announcement earlier this month by Minister for Coal Sheds, David Millipede, that kissing China’s ass is to be a "major priority" for New Labour politicians in the months ahead.
Talks are expected to focus on the global financial downturn.
Both the UK and China are keen to boost their economic ties with each other and intend to sign a mutual trade accord for supplies of old rope, barbed wire, broken glass and the import of several thousand cockle pickers for the innovative Morecambe Bay job creation scheme.
China has reportedly adopted a fast track training programme to teach the freshly recruited pickers how to swim.

Amnesty International has lodged protests with the UK's Ministry of Cages for signing a controversial deal giving China preferred bidder status in a PFI project to run Britain’s prisons.
Their current track record in China relative to prisoner welfare is judged less than exemplary, with released convicts complaining of missing internal organs.

Mr Wen's European tour has also included visits to Germany, Venezuela, Spain, Paraguay, Brussels and the World Economic Forum in Davos. A side trip to Israel to negotiate a multi-billion shekel contract for the harvesting of transplant organs from the Palestinian casualties in battle-scarred Gaza was successfully concluded on Tuesday.

In a 200-page framework document Mr. Millipede said the UK will be candid and forceful when it disagrees with China, but will build a relationship based on placating China’s grumpy, geriatric ruling mandarins.
He also stressed the importance of trade exchanges and emphasised China's growing role in the international transplant organ industry and practiced expertise in "disappearing" such annoying self-determination groups as Falun Gong.

Mr Who What Wen has so far snubbed France during his European tour, reportedly due their midget president, Nicolas Teakozy, inviting the Dalai Lama and Tibet to join the European Union last December.
China reacted at the time by totally spitting the dummy in a typical display of Sino pique, throwing all their toys out of the diplomatic pram and cancelling a scheduled summit with the EU.

The Free Tibet – or Else! protest group said it was planning a number of demonstrations during the visit and boasted it had already sabotaged the delegation’s Chinese New Year celebration banquet by pissing in the shark’s fin soup.