Sunday, 28 February 2010

Why the UK Media Won’t Touch Paedo’ Scandals

Once again, the latest and the greatest from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

The supremely arrogant Tony Bliar’s head expediently bobs precariously beneath the threatening blade of a Damoclean sword regarding prosecution under the statutes of Universal Jurisprudence for dastardly war crimes relating to his participation in the illegal invasion of Iraq – a burgeoning scandal that is currently keeping the Muppet Show Chilcot Inquiry gainfully employed by dilly-dallying around with their pantomime of an investigation and fabricating a report for the Ministry for Whitewash & Coverups.

However scandalmongering rumours issued forth by government whistleblowers inhabiting the cloisters of Whitehall’s Snitch & Grassers Department – all bent on great mischief – relate an even more explosive scandal that Bliar - and now Brown - and their vile perverted cohorts have managed to conceal behind the draconian British policy of issuing D Notices – those ‘get-out-of-jail-free’ government proclamations that prohibit the the Forces of Darkness – the British media - from reporting on embarrassing "national security" cases and raining down upon the incumbent government some foul weapon of mass distraction – the Truth - within 45 minutes of the shit hitting the fan.

‘National security’ in this particular respect regards the involvement and active membership of high profile government and establishment figures with the dirty doings and disgusting antics of a UK-based and international paedophile ring.

In 1999, a globe-spanning investigation of child pornographers and raving pederasts undertaken by Britain's National Criminal Intelligence Service, code named Operation Kiddie Fiddler, resulted in 7,250 suspects being identified in the United Kingdom alone.

Some 1,850 people were criminally charged in the case and there were 1,451 convictions of small fry offenders (pun intended) – with 500 people interviewed under caution by police, meaning they were suspects (and hopefully subjected to DNA analysis and indexing) with some 900 individuals remaining under investigation.

In early 2003, just prior to the illegal invasion of Iraq, British police began to close in on a cadre of top suspects in the Operation Kiddie Fiddler investigation, including senior members of Bliar's faggot-ridden government.

Then, like a rat out of an aqueduct, Bliar issued a D-Notice, resulting in a gag order on the press from publishing any details of the investigation – for which he cited the impending war in Iraq and that old humbug ‘national security’ as the reason for his stifling actions.

Regardless, the plods were hot to trot and also discovered links between New Labour government paedophile suspects and the trafficking of children for purposes of prostitution in the pederast havens of Belgium and Portugal - including young boys from Portugal’s Casa Pia Catholic Orphanage for Latter Day Sodomites.

In the United States, Operation Kiddie Fiddler’s counterpart was Operation Cornhole. However, U.S. authorities suspiciously only charged a mere 100 people out of the 35,000 investigated.

The international paedophile investigation began when Dallas police and the US Postal Inspection Service raided the offices of Wankslide Productions of Fort Worth, Texas and confiscated records on tens of thousands of people around the world who were child pornography customers of the firm.

Wankslide's halcyon days as a Fort Worth-based international online marketplace of kiddie porn was during the term of Texas Governor George W. Bush – with his scumbag father George HW Bush Senior as regular paedo-filth customer.

At the time of the D-Notice being issued in early 2003, the Daily Shitraker had just obtained an FBI list of the UK’s New Labour MPs who had used credit cards to pay for internet child pornography and maintained accounts with Wankslide – the catalyst that prompted Bliar to respond by imposing a massive news blackout - failing however to stop the arrest of one of his most important aides, Phillip Lyon.

Lyon was a senior clerk at the House of Conmans who used his Parliamentary ‘works’ computer to download hardcore child pornography - more than 1,000 images of children - some of whom were toddlers - subjected to disgusting sexual acts that would make the likes of Caligula vomit. Lyon was found guilty of his crimes at a jury trial and subsequently jailed for one year.

Lyon, 96, from Wankford-on-Rye, initially denied all twelve specimen charges of making indecent images of children between October 2001 and April 2002.
Conversely it was stated in evidence during his trial that he had told the arresting officers "It’s like a drug, you try one and you want to try something harder, and it has a snowball effect – you want them younger all the time.”

Ms. Riel Karmy-Jones, prosecuting, told the jury that Lyon had used both his House of Conmans and home computers "to download images and videos of disgusting acts of pederasty against young children of both sexes for his later delectation" – (read sexual arousal and masturbation fantasies).

However, Lyon was just the tip of a proverbial iceberg of an establishment kiddie fiddling scandal that Bliar and Co were scrambling to cover up which involved not only top government and judiciary figures, career civil service officers and top Whitehall Mandarins – but also ranking Freemasons and members of the Royal family.

One classical instance of this is the case of Lord George Robertson's (ex UK Defence Secretary 1997/98 and Sec Gen of NATO) links with Thomas Watt Hamilton of Scotland’s Dunblane schoolkids slaughter infamy.

When Hamilton's application for a gun licence was turned down by police authorities, due to him being assessed as a person of unsound character and the object of several paedophilia investigations, his good buddy George Robertson MP wrote him a sterling character reference and personally pursued the successful issue of the said licence while fully aware that the grounds for the original refusal were due Hamilton’s reputation of procuring boys for sexual services.

Further, Hamilton was also big mates with Michael Forsyth, MP for Stirling, and the Scottish Secretary of State – who once – ironically - congratulated and encouraged Hamilton on his establishment of a boy's gymnastics club.

So, to recap, a thick-as-thieves Bliar government insider, Robertson was thus guilty of using his influence and connections as a Freemason and MP to act as a referee in procuring a gun licence for ‘mass child murderer to be’ Thomas Watt Hamilton.
Witness testimony that remains outside the official record states emphatically that Robertson was also a member of the clandestine paedophile ring set up by Hamilton for the British establishment elite’s kiddie fiddlers.

On 13 March 1996, the mentally-unstable Hamilton, armed with four handguns, strolled into Scotland’s Dunblane Junior School and opened fire - killing sixteen children and one teacher before turning the gun on himself.

Large sections of the police report into the Dunblane massacre were banned from the public domain under a 100-year state secrecy order by the Rt. Hon. William Douglas Cullen - aka Lord Cullen of Shitekirk - an establishment insider and associate of George Robertson MP.
While Cullen headed the public inquiry into the Dunblane massacre, he conspiratorially omitted and censored a multitude of references to the police documents in his final report.

One such damning reference was authored by Detective Sergeant Paul Hughes, the head of Central Scotland Police’s child protection unit – and apparently not a member of the Freemasons.

In 1991, DS Hughes officially recommended that Hamilton’s gun licence be revoked – stating “I am firmly of the opinion that Hamilton is an unsavoury character and an unstable personality.”
“I would contend that Hamilton will be a risk to children whenever he has access to them and he appears to me to be an unsuitable person to possess a firearms certificate. It is my opinion that he is a devious and deceitful individual who is not to be trusted.”

The report was later dismissed by his superior, Deputy Chief Constable Douglas McMurdo (a Freemason) on the grounds that Hamilton had not been convicted of any crime.

During the Dunblane inquiry the dodgy Cullen curiously attempted to steer parents and teachers away from the obvious ‘questions of the day’ by advising them to concentrate their efforts on a campaign to outlaw handguns instead of focusing on how Hamilton, a mentally unstable Freemason already known by the police to be a paedophile, had obtained a firearms licence for six handguns.

No-one seemed to be bothered to inquire what Hamilton had against school children that would prompt him to go on a kiddie-killing spree.

Insidious rumours that Lord Cullen himself is a member of that Masonic paedophile ring remain, to date, simply rumours – insidious or otherwise.

Below is listed a pick n mix assortment of political party perverts for public circulation and reflection upon as voters consider their choices of Parliamentary representatives canvassing for high office at the forthcoming general election.

. Tory Party General election candidate, Michael Powell - Convicted and jailed for 3 years for downloading hardcore child porn.

. Tory Party Councillor (Wickbar/Bristol) Roger Talboys (no pun intended) - Convicted and jailed for 6 years for multiple sex attacks on children.

. Tory Party MP (Billericay) Harvey Proctor - Stood trial for sex offences of a sado-masochistic nature against teenage boys and was forced to resign.

. Tory Party Councillor ( Stratford-upon-Avon ) Christopher Pilkington - Convicted of downloading hardcore child porn on his PC. Placed on sex offenders register and forced to resign.

. Tory Party councillor ( Coventry ), Peter Stidworthy - Charged with indecent assault of a 15-year old boy.

. Tory Party Mayor ( North Tyneside ), Chris Morgan - Forced to resign after being arrested twice in 2 weeks, for indecent assault on a 15-year old girl, and for suspicion of downloading child porn.

. Tory Party Liaison Manager on the London Assembly, Douglas Campbell, who's job includes running the Tory GLA website - Arrested for allegedly downloading child porn. He is currently suspended while the police investigation continues.

. Tory Party Councillor (Folkestone - in Leader, Michael Howard's constituency), Robert Richdale - 41 year history of crime, involving 30 convictions and 5 prison sentences. Richdale’s enormous criminal record, which covers 10 pages of A4 paper, includes convictions for assault, theft, causing death by dangerous driving, forgery, drugs offences, possession of an offensive weapon, and sex attacks against underage schoolgirls.
However the Tory Party election campaign literature described Richdale as "a family man" possessed of a "compassionate personality".

. Labour Councillor (Newton Aycliffe) Martin Locklyn - Convicted and jailed for 15 years for sexually abusing three 14-year-old boys.

. Labour Councillor (North Lincolnshire) David Spooner - Convicted and jailed for one year for masturbating in front of 2 young boys.

. Labour Mayor (Westhoughton/Lancashire) Nicholas Green - Convicted and jailed for 10 years for three rapes and thirteen counts of indecent assault against little girls between the age of 6 and 10. He raped one woman on her wedding day.

. Prominent Labour Party activist Mark Tann (who knew Tony Bliar & Cherie from party functions) recently got a fifteen year sentence for raping a 4-year old girl on two separate occasions.

. The entire Labour Party machine conspired to conceal the activities of Labour Party activist and serial child-molester Mark Trotter, who died from AIDS before he could be convicted.

. Labour Councillor (Manchester), George Harding - Charged with indecent assault on a girl of 12.

. According to media reports, the names of two former Labour Cabinet Ministers said to be `household names` appear on the `Operation Kiddie Fiddler ` list of internet subscribers to hard-core child pornography.

. Lib-Dem Council candidate (Tower Hamlets), Justin Sillman - Convicted and jailed for two years for sexual abuse of young boys.

. Lib-Dem Councillor and Mayoral Candidate ( Sheffield ), Francis Butler- Prosecuted for indecent assault of a young boy.

. Lib-Dem Councillor ( Stockport ) Neil Derbyshire - Sexually assaulted a sixteen year old boy in a public toilet. He was caught with a plastic bag containing lubricant, plastic surgical gloves, a condom, and underpants.

. Lib-Dem Councillor ( Preston ), Bill Chadwick - Charged with: Making an indecent photograph of a child, Incitement to rape, Incitement to murder, Incitement to kidnap, and Incitement to torture. Chadwick's gay lover - Alan Valentine, is a Lib-Dem councillor.

So much for decency or a choice of morally-upstanding political representatives from amongst the coprophagous career bottom feeders that comprise the ranks of Parliamentary hopefuls.
And to think I once considered Labour had hit rock bottom when the party was ruled by Harold ‘Red Mole’ Wilson and his right hand hench-bitch Marcia Forkbender.

So, to conclude, with reference to the above, it’s little wonder we can’t galvanise Edinburgh’s Holyrood-based ruling elite or the lackadaisical Grampian police force to investigate the Aberdeen / Ferryhill paedophile ring and the Hollie Greig sexual abuse case – or her uncle’s murder.

Yet the foundations and structure of their entire conspiratorial kiddie fiddling cabal’s temple is apparently perceived to be so delicate that the threat of one honest man, Robert Green, an independent Parlaimentary candidate for Aberdeen, being allowed to speak publicly about the Ferryhill pederasts is enough to mobilise the forces of official malevolence to authorise his arrest and gagging via dodgy court orders to prevent him exercising his democratic right of proclaiming the Truth and demanding justice be done for Hollie and the scores of other of special needs and disabled children who suffered decades of sexual abuse from Aberdeen’s establishment elite.

Ah well, to employ a comparative metaphor, when the timbers of a building are beset with parasites and corrupting rot, then the only solution is to rip the lot down – from bottom to top – and start again.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Saturday, 27 February 2010

RBS Banksters Get Bonus - For Making Loss?

Once again the latest and the greatest from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

The Royal Bank of Scamland (RBS), which is now 84 per cent owned by us – the British common or garden taxpaying peasants - will pay out up to £1.7 billion in bonuses to its greedy, inept cash-rapist banksters after reporting a £3.6 zillion pre-tax loss for the past financial year.

Hmmm, getting paid a bonus for making a total bollocks of things financial - when they’ve invested public money in buying unsecured sub-prime porridge debt derivatives from the likes of Fannie Fuckwit and Freddie Frog Savings & Loans banks?
Now, if that makes sense to any fucker and their dog please drop me a message into an empty bottle of Old Headbanger lager and bung it into the nearest convenient river.

The loss for the 12 months to the end of 2009 is – fortunately - less than the £5 zillion forecast by the incompetent morons running the bank - and far below the £24.3 zillion loss that RBS reported for 2008. Wow, lucky us – and if it wasn’t for bad luck we wouldn’t have any.

However, the bank is facing a whole shitpile of severe – and well-deserved - criticism over its decision to reward its investment banksters with bonuses worth £1.3 zillion, or 27 per cent of its revenue, after receiving trillions of pounds in taxpayers' money during the recession to save it from collapse while the rest of us ended up joining the ranks of the ‘less’ – jobless, peniless and homeless.

Other minor bank staff – a couple of rungs down the food chain ladder - such as the boot lickers, bailiffs, nasty letter writers and bog cleaners will have to make do with sharing a mere £400 million quid in bonuses between them.

Morton van Leech, the current CEO of the Royal Bank of Scamland, who replaced that feckless dogwanker –the brass-necked and brazen Sir Fred Spinawin, told a reporter from the Usury Gazette that he was obliged to pay out commercially competitive bonuses to retain staff, adding that the “thousands of his ‘top-performing people’ who left last year to find better jobs as turnip pickers in Poland and Bulgaria, might have increased the banks’ profits by £££ multi-zillions of pounds had they been paid their customary mega-bucks bonuses and stayed on.

“We will continue to lose staff because of the tightrope we are walking. Retention of staff is my single biggest problem – next to anal retention,” Leech told Pox News, adding that the levels of media scrutiny the bank's commercial decisions received were his and the staff's “crosses to bear” since shit-for-brains decisions by banksters caused the last major fuckup in 2008 and put every action under the vigilant and interrogative gaze of the public watchdogs.

Yesterday, FUKUP, the body charged with overseeing the taxpayers' investment in the nationalised banks, gave its approval for RBS to pay the bonuses – pending the actual receipt of their stipendary 15% kickback fee into an offshore tax haven numbered account in Cuckoo Clock Land.

RBS staff who earn less than a paltry breadline salary figure of £39,000 per annum will be able to receive their bonuses immediately and in cash, up to a maximum of £20,000.

However executive directors have deferred their 2009 bonuses until 2012, and all bonuses awarded to those earning over £39,000 will be paid in three tranches over the period to June 2012 – and delivered via wheelbarrow in cash or negotiatable bonds – just in time to spend before the December-scheduled End of Times Apocalypse.

Sir Hugh Jampton, the chairman of RBS, told Fux News: "We share the public's concerns and we understand that it is impossible to defend some of the historic Croesus-style pay practices of the industry – but you really can’t blame us for being a set of greedy bastards and looking out for ourselves – society’s to blame."

Last week Sir Irwin Slugg, the chief executive of Barclays, and Billy Bob Dorkbender, the president of the bank, announced they would not accept a bonus this year but try to make do and ends meet on their basic salaries of £1:5 million quid apiece.

Conversely Mervyn Kong, the current chief of the privately-owned / Rothshite-controlled central Bank of England, told the Insolvency Gazette that there should be much more Quantitative Easing (money printing) to offset and delay the imminent – and well-overdue - complete collapse of the British Pound – which is already devalued against virtually every currency barring the Zimbabwean dollar.

But while the Bank’s interest rate remains lower than a snake’s bollocks how can any economy be expected to recover or thrive – and PM Broon and his pet toads Peter Scandalson and Darling Alastair claim we’re out of the recession - Que?

Utter bollocks – the UK’s mortally-wounded economy – initially midwived by Thatcherite de-industrialisation - is set to crash on a Biblical scale – then Britain will experience a recession of Third World basket case proportions – with redundancies and unemployment, personal bankruptcies and home repossessions reaching Guinness Book record levels.

Bring on the Revolution brothers.

Madeira Joins Haiti as HAARP Target

The Portuguese government today issued a point blank refusal to US President Barky O’Barmy’s offer to dispatch military relief teams to disaster-struck Madeira where at least 40 people are known to have died in the torrential Atlantic rainstorms and flash floods that have been sweeping the island since it was targeted last week by the Alaska-based HAARP weather wars weapons system.

Zillions of tonnes of mud, stones, uprooted trees and other assorted shit were brought down the slopes of the island in a series of deadly avalanches, flooding the streets of the regional capital, Funchal, and cutting off water supplies plus all electrical power and telephone services – including mobile phone contact – which sparked an outbreak of anxiety attacks and suicides when people were unable to text their amigos.

Portuguese PM Manuel Fuctifino, who is in Madeira on a Freemason-funded orphan-roundup campaign, told one reporter from the Calamity Gazette that he would do everything to help and a navy ship, with a helicopter and medical teams aboard, had sailed from Lisbon loaded with a cargo of tapas, paella and a million crates of Sagres beer.

Fuctifino continued "We are studying the possibility of declaring a state of emergency and perhaps seeking help from the European Union."

“As our Met’ Office anoraks and beardie boffins claim the Yank’s HAARP array caused the rainstorms – same as they caused the earthquake in Haiti – we definitely don’t want them coming here on a ‘disaster relief’ pretext, then ensconcing themselves at Funchal Airport and declaring Madeira a part of their burgeoning global empire.”

“Next thing we would be smitten with false flag Islamic terrorist attacks and have the Israelis and Mossad here running around snatching our children for their paedophile’ slave markets and kiddie fiddling Satanic blood sacrifices – just the same as Haiti with their IDF medical teams nicking transplant organs from everyone and their dog.”

British holidaymaker Feryl Beryl Muffrot told Pox News that this was her first time to travel abroad and meant to be an adventure holiday.
“Some effin’ adventure it turned out eh – me bleedin’ bloke’s buried under fuck knows how much shit an’ mud – along wiv our beach resort cottage – and all me effin’ clothes an’ Blackberry an’ what have yer.”

“Next effin’ year I’m goin’ ter Butlins again like what we normally do – an’ adventure holidays in exotic foreign places be fucked. Ah well, at least it wasn’t an effin’ earthquake.”

Friday, 26 February 2010

Aberdeen Plods Hypocrisy Squad Arrest T-Shirt

Once again the latest and the greatest from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

A High Street boutique selling "Anyone but England" T-shirts for this year's World Cup has rejected suggestions it is racist after police in Scotland’s crime capital of Aberdeen made one of their spectacular “Ello, ello, ello - what ‘ave we ‘ere then, Jimmy?” dawn raids on its store.

Police warned Slanj Kilts Ltd, which also has stores in Glasgow, Edinburgh and Uganda, that a window display featuring the T-shirt could cause offence to the sensibilities of Sassenach tourists.

Conversely, staff at Aberdeen’s Slanj Kilts branch told the media “What an effin’ joke. Some stupid plastic plod comes in the shop and starts harpin’ on about the T-shirt’s slogan being offensive and racist and all kinds of other politically correct sermonising shite.”

Grampian Police’s official spokesman PC Dorkie McTwatt told a reporter from the Time Wasters Gazette the force's visit to the Slanj Kilts store was not in response to any public complaint about the shirt slogan but prompted by an officer acting on his own initiative – specifically PCSO Moron from the force’s Aberdeen-based Rapid Response Hypocrisy Squad.

PCSO Moron told reporters from the tabloid gutter press "The Grampian area, in common with the rest of the country, has recorded incidents relating to foreign nationality and we are tasked to do our best to ensure that incidents of this nature are kept to a minimum and make people aware of the potential for disturbance such a criminal act might cause.”

"The primary role of any police force is to preserve the peace and catch criminals - and we would be failing in our duty if we did not act in a socially-responsible manner. The public expect no less of us."

Well said, PCSO Moron – the public expect no less. So, applying the same philosophy, get your shiny handcuffs out and plod off around to Ferryhill Place and start arresting members of the Aberdeen Angus Club’s disgusting paedophile ring that’s been operating with impunity and official protection in the area for decades – raping disabled children – and effecting the arrest and gagging of Robert Green for campaigning for justice for these ravished innocents – and further ordering the murder of those who sought to exposed them.

So, off you go PCSO Moron – but a word to the wise – don’t mention this to Chief Constable MacKerracher until the arrests are a done thing – and the Sassenach media present in full and assembled array to broadcast the long-overdue events.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits in the woods and there’s no-one around to smell it, does it still stink?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Orca the Killer Whale Gets Standing Ovation

A trainer at the Whale Bait Park in Orlando, Florida, has been pronounced ‘probably dead’ after being attacked and eaten by a five ton Orca.

Children on an outing from Utah’s St Sodoms School for Latter Day Pederasts told Pox News that the whale was getting totally pissed off with bottle blonde ‘fish trainer’ Candida Twatrot teasing it with a sardine treat and had jumped and grabbed her by the head from a poolside platform before dragging her underwater and ripping her to pieces.

Six-year old Billy Bob Dorkfeldt told reporters “Hey it really was a great action-packed show. When I went to the Sea World dump in California all the fish looked so bored and just swam around and shit – but this Orca thing totally spit the dummy and grabbed the dumb bitch head first – you should have heard her scream.”
“Hey, I copped the whole thing on my Blackberry too.”

Guests were evacuated while responding emergency services teams tried to rescue Ms Twatrot – who reportedly had 16 years experience in teasing big fish -but were only able to retrieve a single sanguine-stained trainer.

This same killer whale, Blinkie, was responsible for the death of a female trainer in British Columbia, Canada in 1991 – and involving similar circumstances when it swallowed its victim in two swift bites after being teased with a seafood snackie, according to its police file.

Norm Wankenberg, Whale Bait Park’s head of animal training, was quoted by the Fishmongers Review as saying: "Candida was waving a sardine in front of Blinkie’s nose to get him to jump out of the water and take the titbit outa her hand – but unfortunately Blinkie seems to have lost it – and took the titbit – and Candida – and tits and bits and all.”

After Blinkie was sold to Whale Bait Park Orlando following the 1991 ‘Canadian episode’ he was involved in an incident when authorities discovered the half-eaten body of a naked man floating around the orca pool.
Officials concluded the man, who had crept into the park after closing time had obviously never watched ‘Jaws’ and inadvertently gone for a refreshing swim with the ‘supposedly’ tame whale – and ended up as Blinkie’s dinner.

Fellattia van der Gamm, spokeswoman for the international animal rights group PETA told the Dogday Gazette they had repeatedly requested Whale Bait Park to stop taking wild, ocean-going mammals and confining them to an area that, to them, was the size of a bathtub.
“Really these stupid people wonder why the Orca’s called a ‘killer whale’ – because it gets pissed off with being cooped up and ‘kills’ things.”

Have you been adversely affected psychologically by the issues raised in this story – or did it make you laugh? Were you at Whale Bait Park in Florida on Wednesday? Do you have experience teasing killer whales and getting them to perform silly tricks in return for a fish snackie? Do you want a job? When can you start?

Allergy warning : This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel.

Thursday, 25 February 2010

Dodgy Doc’ Fiddled Med’ Research Results

In what the front page banner headline of the Scandalmonger’s Gazette is calling the largest medical research fraud to hit the news since the last large medical fraud - the big push to sell the Porcinella H1N1 virus ‘Grunt Gone’ Scamiflu vaccine - Dr. Seymour Barfstein, a former member of the Pfizer Pharmaceutical ‘Speaker’s Bureau’, has agreed to turn ‘State’s snitch’ and plead guilty to faking dozens of research studies that were published in prestigious medical journals.

In exchange Barfstein has negotiated a suspended sentence and probation order that will ensure he’s not committed to one of the sodomite’s paradises for a ten year sphincter-stretching sojourn in what is known collectively as the US Prison system.

Thus the shocking details now being reported across the mainstream gutter press media are the damning facts that Dr. Barfstein accepted a $750,000 grant from Pfizer to study their all-new experimental – and untested - Celebrex non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug used to treat everything from pain to piles – and anorexia to zoophilia.

His research, which was published in the Charlatan’s Review, the Post Mortem Herald – and the Grave Digger’s Weekly - has since been quoted by legions of other doctors and researchers as "absolute proof" that Celebrex helped reduce the chances of contracting a flesh-eating MRSA infection during post-surgical recovery – which contributed directly to Pfizer marketing zillions of Celebrex doses and correspondingly announcing mega-bucks profits due increased sales of their dodgy – untested – mutant medication.

Unfortunately there's only one ‘slight’ problem with the general medical practitioner endorsements and recommendations – the fact that ‘no patients’ were ever enrolled in the study.
Dr. Barfstein, it turns out, faked the entire study to cut down on costs and pay off the mortgage on his third home in Hawaii – plus remit alimony payments to those high maintenance assets now referred to as the ex-Mrs. Barfstein’s - numbers one and two.

However this wasn't the first study faked by Dr. Barfstein. He also trumped up the phoney research study data on Merck’s ‘Vioxx’ - and Pfizer-Pharmacia Corp’s ‘Bextra’ medications - according to reports in the Daily Shitraker – of which Barfberg now claims both company’s officials were well aware.

According to Barfstein’s depositions, FDA panel members regularly rely on falsified research in making their drug approval decisions, and the medical journals consistently quote counterfeit research to fill their otherwise boring pages.

Hence it is now proven before the Court of Public Opinion that fraudulent research is widespread in modern medicine and the pharmaceutical industry would go flat broke tomorrow without it.

Thus the falsified research gives the industry its best marketing claims, and quacks like Dr Seymour Barfstein are an important part of the pharmaceutical profit machine because without falsified research, bribery and corruption, the industry would have very little research – counterfeit or otherwise – to present to the FDA for drug approvals – just a long line of class action lawsuits suing the bollocks off them due their dodgy drug’s debilitating side effects - such as death.

The ex-Doctor Barfstein is quoted by FBI sources and leaked Grand Jury stenography records as testifying “Why would I want to solicit the services of human ‘test patients’? You have to pay them – then they only get sick from the drug’s side effects and die on you.”

“Mice are worthy and reliable enough test subjects – just toss them in the garbage – or give them to the lab’s cat when they croak.”
“Believe me, getting rid of lots of unwanted human bodies without death certificates can be a real problem – if you don’t have handy access to an alligator-infested swamp or your own in-house crematorium.”

Does this instance of deceit remind anyone of the current campaign by Ministry for Propaganda & Public Scaremongering still force-feeding the Climatgate Anthropogenic Global Warming scam down our necks to benefit the greedy pockets of the carbon credits cap n trade exchange bourse peddlers and other associate financial con’ artists?

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Israeli Politico Gives Dubai Murder Thumbs Up

Once again the latest and the greatest from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

The outlaw state of Israel’s Kadima party opposition leader - and ex-Foreign Minister – Tipzi Livid has applauded the controversial torture and subsequent murder of Mahmoud al-Mabhouh, a Hamas militia commander, in Dubai’s luxury 7-star Jolly Jihad Hotel.
The political assassination is suspected to have been carried out by a group of Israeli art students and furniture removers working for the terrorist state’s psychopathic intelligence agency Mossad.

Livid, a rabid Israeli Sabra jingoist – who is know to her colleagues and foreign diplomats alike as ‘Zippy the Nutter’ and for ‘not being a full shilling’ - informed the Genocide Weekly "The fact that a scumbag Palestinian who supported Hamas was killed - and it doesn't matter if it was in Dubai or Gaza - or Vatican City - is good news to those of us committed to fighting Islamic terrorism. This man was an anti-Semite and a Holohoax denier and deserved to die for wanting his homeland back.”

This is thought to be the first occasion a top Israeli politician has been so blatant - and stupid - as to make such arrogant comments since the 1992 death of the motor-mouthed ex-Slime Minister and Skeletor look-alike - Manky Menachem Begin.

However the coprophagous Livid, a controversial hard-core Zionist who is labelled with a well-established reputation for opening her big gob to rant and rave before engaging brain - was recently forced to cancel a trip to Britain due an international arrest warrant being issued against her in the UK under the statutes of the Universal Jurisprudence legal code for her part in the execution of war crimes against the Palestinian civilian population of beleaguered Gaza during the IDF’s 2008 Christmas festive season Happy Homicide ‘fish in a barrel’ attacks on the illegally blockaded enclave.

Diplomatic tensions between certain European countries and the rogue state of Israel have swollen like a septic carbuncle on a baboon’s arse since it was discovered that the bottom-feeding Mossad agents working for Dominic Suter’s ‘Urban Moving Systems’ – and students from Tel Aviv’s ‘Hi-Fivers Art College’ - had travelled to and from Dubai on a mix of forged British, Irish, Dutch, French and German passports (all countries that bear a past history of backing Zionism and being serial Israeli apologists) to interrogate and snuff the hapless Mr. al-Mabhouh.

Immigration and police officials in Dubai are further incensed that the Israeli death squad lied on their entry visa forms by listing the reason for their visit to the UAE as ‘Tourism’ and not ‘Political Assassination’.

Dubai’s Immigration Minister Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer told Lech Tiezdayen, the editor of the Psychopaths Gazette “This was a highly illegal act which could have resulted in their being arrested and deported - and stamped ‘persona non grata'.”

Hamas commander Mahmoud al-Mabhouh was found dead in his hotel room on the 20th January, having been repeatedly electrocuted through the skull with a high-voltage Taser gun – plus his scrotum stamped on by a size 10 Israeli army boot - then suffocated with a Greedy Grocer ‘Bag for Life’ – just to make sure he was really dead and not faking the issue.

The current Israeli Foreign Minister, the xenophobic Sheldon Rosenscum, responded to allegations of a Mossad plot last week by telling the Orla Guerin Review "Israel never responds, never confirms and never denies – even if we did do it – which we might have done – but we’re not saying, so fuck off you goyim twat."

The Israeli secret service Mossad has been widely accused of expediting the torture and murder but Israeli Slime Minister Binman Nuttyahoo has repeatedly asserted there is no proof its agents were involved.

Even the porcine Tipzi Livid – once her kibbutz' shapely ‘Miss Sharlila’ contestant - deferred from boasting that Mossad was behind the killing – stating instead that "The entire world must support those fighting Islamic terrorism.”
“Forget the 1947 U.N. Partition Plan of Palestine - any comparison between terrorism and those fighting it is immoral. We are God’s chosen people."
“This is why we have built the Great Wall of Apartheid around Gaza and the West Bank – to keep the terrorists inside.”

Were you in Dubai on the 20th January? Have you recently had your passport cloned by dodgy Shylock types? Do you support Islamic terrorism? Where were you on 9/11? Are you a kike art student? Have you even worked for Urban Moving Systems? Do you have any personal knowledge of who killed Cock Robin? Do you know the current whereabouts of celebrity nanny-basher Lord Lucky Lucan?

Send us your answers using the online form below.
Once you have ticked the terms and conditions box a selection of your comments may be sent to Mossad displaying your name and address unless you meet the blackmail payments demand on schedule.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits in the woods and there’s no-one around to smell it, does it still stink?

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees, small furry mammals - or Palestinians - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning : This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Heretics & Blasphemers Diss’ Christ

The government of the Indian state of Megashithole has confiscated school textbooks showing pictures of Jesus Christ holding a cigarette and a can of beer.

The book had been commissioned for use in primary school classes and caused a furore and several violent riots in the north-eastern state, where more than 70% of the population are Christians who worship at the Cheesy Crust Church of What’s Happening Now.

Education Minister Brakefluid Jaffacake told a reporter from the Apostasy Monitor that legal action against the publishers was being contemplated – if an irate mob of offended Christian types didn’t burn down their offices and crucify them first.

The company, Phuckwit Educational Books and based in smelly Delhi, has so far not responded to the complaints due a breakdown in state-wide communications caused by massive electricity blackouts, plus a telecommunications and a postal strike – all of which kicked off last November when workers demanded to be paid their long-outstanding 2009 salaries before Christmas.

Minister Jaffacake further commented on the textbook scandal "We are now considering legal action against the publisher of the controversial texts but we still don’t know if this was someone’s idea of a bad joke or done by Hindu extremists or Muslim subversive elements working in the company’s art and printing division.”

The controversial picture of Jesus was first discovered in new editions of cursive writing exercise books being used at the private St Sodom’s School for Latter Day Pederasts in the state capital of Shitalong when a group of religious studies pupils were reproached and disciplined by teachers for smoking and supping cans of beer on campus during their study period.

The student union leapt to their defence and took umbrage, quickly apprising the school authorities that if it was okay for Jesus the Messiah to enjoy a smoke and a can of lager, they why couldn’t religious students follow his example?

"We are deeply hurt by this profanity and the insensitivity of the apostate publisher. How can one show such total disrespect for a religion?" commented the Very Reverend Dumdum Chuckabutty, the Archbishop of Shitalong.

“Anyway, one consolation we can thank Christ – whoops – is that it’s not a picture of Allah or Mohammed with a ciggie in one hand and a can of Old Headbanger lager in the other or we’d have Fatwa’s flying everywhere and a religious jihad breaking out against the offending parties.”

So, while on the subject of addled-brained heresies and blasphemy in general one might further consider the juxtaposed and current disrespectful ‘irreligious’ comments referencing Jesus the Christ and Messiah uttered by Sir Elton John - a once quite well known music performer a couple of decades back before it was discovered he was a raving transvestite faggot and got his sad arse hitched to some limp-wristed Canadian bloke called Furnish – as his lawfully-wedded husband – or wife – thereafter totally losing touch with Reality.

Thus it was that Elton, in a most recent lapse of common sense, stated during an interview with the US magazine Gay Parade that Jesus (God’s eldest lad) was a "big poofta".
The singer also told Gay Parade that while Jesus might have been a nice sort of compassionate, forgiving bloke - who understood human problems – he was still a raving poof.

Reverend Eustace Bogbrush, the official spokesman for the Church of England, told the Iconoclasts Gazette "Elton John's reflection that Jesus calls us all to love and forgive is one shared by all Christians."
"However his biased insights into aspects of the Messiah’s sexual orientation and whether he was straight, bisexual – or a raving arse bandit who gave his twelve disciples one up the back passage - are questions perhaps best left to the theologian academics and not some sad, fat old poof whose shelf life expired years ago.”

Elton concluded the interview by revealing he is now disillusioned by fame and no longer enjoys being a celebrity as – to quote - "fame attracts nutters".

Hmmmm, possibly – but likewise it might be proffered that ‘fame creates nutters’- with raving drag queen Sir Elton being a prime example.

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Harriet Iscariot Backed Legalised Kiddie Fiddling

Once again the latest and the greatest from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth Mill

Harriet Harman, the ginger minger Leader of the House of Conmans, and Minister for Women & Equality, who also sits on a Cabinet committee for kiddie’s welfare, has been touted as a possible successor to Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown.

However, the Ranga’s obvious lack of sound political judgement to take over from the current Scots numpty dumpling has been highlighted after it emerged that she once advocated a severe diluting of child pornography laws to cater for the perverted tastes of the establishment’s career paedo’s and afiliated kiddie fiddlers.

Harman's political judgement - and ambitions to be the Top Dog – or in her case ‘Top Bitch’ - are now in question from Opposition MPs and campaign groups after The Daily Smellygraph obtained documents showing that she called on ministers to legalise sexually explicit films and photographs of children - unless there was evidence that the subject might have been harmed - such as in the cases of Jessica Chapman and Holly Wells of Soham – and too a great many more underage girls – and boys – sexually assaulted and murdered by perverts, pederasts and the general population’s burgeoning psychopathic kiddie fiddling types.

At the time she made the official submission Harman was a senior figure in the National Council for Civil Liberties (now Liberty) organisation that wanted the age of consent to be lowered to 12 - and acts of incest committed by loving fathers and uncles decriminalised.
The NCCL also defended self-confessed paedophiles in the press and allowed them to attend its meetings.

Last night Morton Fuctifno, the Tory Shadow Minister for Sprogs, told a reporter from the Sodomites Gazette “Clearly there is a serious conflict of interest with the committees she sits on, who might want urgently to clarify her position on the exploitation of children for the sexual gratification of pervy adults.”

“This point is especially relevant when one considers the festering paedophilia scandal that is currently reaching a critical mass status in Aberdeen – and amongst the SNP at Holyrood - concerning child sex offenders and their protectors from both the political and judicial establishments - and is about to set off a chain reaction of Biblical proportions and erupt into the scandal of the century.

Harman, 96, was a newly qualified solicitor - with more degrees than a thermometer and less common sense than an autistic gerbil - when she became the legal officer for the National Council for Civil Libertines in 1978.
At the time its general secretary – and her close associate - was Patricia Spewitt, who went on to become the Ill-Health Secretary in Tony Bliar’s cabinet.

Among the groups then affiliated to the National Council for Civil Libertines were the Paedophile Information Exchange and Paedophile Action for Liberation, whose members argued openly for the actual abolition of the age of consent to enable their mentally deranged members to sexually assault children from birth.

At that time the NCCL complained to the press watchdog about their treatment by the tabloid gutter press and stated in one article: “We support any organisation that seeks to campaign for anything it wants within the law. They have that right – even the National Front’s neo-Nazis wanting to pursue their racial eugenics programmes with a spot of healthy ethnic cleansing – as long as it’s legal.”

In the NCCL’s official response to the Government’s plans to reform the sex laws, dubbed a “Lolita’s Charter”, it suggested reducing the age of consent and insanely argued that “childhood sexual experiences, willingly engaged in with an adult - by little girls too young to grow hair they can sit on - resulted in no identifiable physical harm or pronounced psychological or emotional disorder.”

Conversely, amid growing public concern about establishment figures preying on minors, the Protection of Children Bill was put before Parliament in order to tighten the laws on child pornography by banning indecent images of under-16s.

However the NCCL’s official response, signed by Miss Harman, claimed that the new law could lead to “damaging and absurd prosecutions of leading public figures who enjoyed the ‘company’ of little boys – and girls”.

Just one point to remember - by the time Harman left the NCCL and was elected MP for Scumborough Hamlets, several members of the Paedophile Information Exchange she was working to accommodate had been jailed for conspiracy to corrupt public morals.

So to cap a perfect record, the news media reports that Harman – in her official capacity as Minister for Women & Equality - is currently toying with suggestions that skirts might be banned in schools because they discriminate against trans-sexuals.

Nice one Harriet – you’ve the essential makings of a splendid Labour Party leader.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Monday, 22 February 2010

Bully Boy Broon Terrorises Downing St. Staff

Gordon Brown ‘does not’ bully staff – or so goes the gospel according to Lord Peter Scandalson – Broon’s self-appointed apologist - amid damning reports the PM was warned about his barbaric behaviour towards human resources (living people) by Sir Irwin Bogbrush, the head of the Civil Service - and also Jack McTwatt – the top dog in charge of ACAS.

Scandalson, the PM’s ‘Vermin in Ermine’ business secretary, euphemistically informed the Compurgator’s Gazette that Mr Brown was "very demanding of people" - to cover up his own shortcomings and mistakes but "doesn't really bully them – well, apart from the odd Chinese burn or a poke in the eye with a sharp pencil.”

Regardless of Poofter Pete’s excuses the Daily Shitraker reports Sir Irwin was so alarmed by reports of the impromptu blood-lettings and torture sessions in the Downing Street dungeons he had been forced to investigate the horror stories circulating Whitehall of ministerial aides and secretaries forced to commit ritual seppuku for such trivial mistakes as serving Gordon’s mid-morning porridge oats at the wrong temperature – or without salt; neglecting to iron a crease in his best Sunday kilt - or forgetting to translate outgoing faxes to the SNP into Gaelic.

Conversely Downing Street dismissed the stories as "malicious allegations" put around by Posh Dave Cameron and his Tory cronies – further refuting a report that Sir Irwin had arrived with the Parliamentary Ombudsman and discovered Armitage Shanks, the hapless Cabinet Minister for Whitewash, down in Number 10’s cellars with his pelvis nailed to a bench and thumbscrews attached as punishment for sanctioning a group of campaigning doctors to view Lord Mutton’s buried report on the Dr David Kelly murder coverup after Tony Bliar and Lord Rothshite had imposed a 70 year ban on publication to conceal the Mossad assassins involvement.

Further claims of staff being intimidated and suffering acts of gratuitous violence at the hands of the demented Prime Munster are made in extracts from a new book by The Scandalmonger Gazette’s chief political commentator Wentworth Snitch.
The tabloid daily’s extracts from the book detail incidents where PM Broon grabbed staff by the lapels, shouted “See you Jimmy!” then kicked them in the goolies or dished out a good twatting with his baseball bat.

Apart from Lord Scandalson backing up Number 10’s current incumbent homicidal maniac, Broon was also supported by the mental midget Commons leader Harriet Ratbag and Home Secretary Arthur Lickspittle – both of whom informed reporters “Gordon might be a cruel and vicious bastard but at least he’s fair – he’s cruel and viscious with everyone.”

The investigation by Sir Irwin Bogbrush was apparently sparked following the failed attempted coup against Broon’s leadership by two former cabinet ministers in January who had called him a Trotskyite rigorist tyrant for throwing one of his typical morning tantrums and sticking the nut on the postman - shouting “Yer thievin’ sassenach twat – where’s me effin’ Tesco loyalty card vouchers?”

The current whereabouts of the two erring ex-cabinet ministers – missing since their coup d’etat failed - are still being ascertained by Scotland Yard detectives who continue to drag the Thames for bodies.

Regardless of official denials, several people in Gordon’s office have contacted the National Bullying Helpline since he took over the PM’s chair from Tony Bliar.
“We have evidence that 30% of Downing Street staffers are now undergoing psychiatric counselling and therapy after working with Gordon,” NBH executive Chlamydia Muffitch candidly informed the Tomcat Strangler’s Gazette.

BBC political correspondent Nick Scrunt claimed it was understood one of the individuals who had lodged a complaint with the NBH - the Cabinet Office’s Bumboy-in-Chief, Jarvis Chuckabutty - had to take time off because of stress after Gordon used him as a punchbag.

To boot, one damning leaked internal e-mail sent from the PM’s office computer states that any member of staff who filed a complaint about bullying with the NBH or ACAS was going to get their fingers broken.

Further, it was mentioned that if anybody got ideas about whistleblowing, grassing up, or snitching about Gordon’s violent outbursts and daily tantrums to the tabloid gutter press then Lord Scandalson would arrange for a couple of career paedo’s from New Labour’s Grampian Ferryhill office – such as celebrity Scottish kiddie fiddler Aberdeen Angus MacAskill - to call round with a Social Care Order and snatch their children.

A January survey of 31,472,648 British adults regarding the next General Election - widely expected to be held on 6 May - suggested 1% of people would vote Conservative for a bit of a laugh, -0.0% would vote Labour to really piss Gordon off, 2% might vote Lib Dem cos they felt sorry for Nick Clogg, but with a consensus of 95% maintaining they would vote for the Raving Loony Party then at least the public would get what they asked for.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Sunday, 21 February 2010

UK Declares War on Argies - Again

The UK has made "all the preparations that are necessary" to protect the Falkland Islands from Argentinian belligerence and invasion, Prime Munster Gordon Broon told MPs in the House of Conmans yesterday, after issuing a 'See you Jimmy’ warning to ‘stand off or else’ to the Buenos Aires government.

The Tory Shadow Minister for Foreign Aggravation, William Vague, told the Warmongers Gazette the Royal Navy's presence in the region should be increased to more that a single coracle and a couple of dugout canoes rigged with shotguns.

However while the Ministry of Defence has denied reports a naval taskforce is currently under sail and heading to the Falklands the Daily Shitraker is maintaining the scurrilous rumour that up to three extra ships were to join the islands' regular patrol vessel – the HMS Greasy Git.

Conversely Fux News’ defence correspondent Fellattia van der Gamm reports that the destroyer HMS Twatt and the fuel supply tanker RFA Oil Spill are en route to the beleaguered archipelago as well as the HMS Woolyback which is permanently anchored between the Falklands and South Georgia to act as a gannet roost.

The MoD later announced that Britain already had a permanent naval presence in the South Atlantic as well as a thousand-strong contingent of highly trained – and heavily armed - paramilitary sheep permanently based on the islands.

This Mexican-style standoff has been spawned due Argentina – in a typical display of Latino pique – attempting to enforce controls on ships passing through its waters to the islands after the UK announced plans to embark on an extended drilling programme to tap into the Malvinas Basin’s massive oil and gas reserves.

The waters surrounding the disputed islands – while being 7,758 miles from Britain - are considered by the UK to be part of the Outer Channel Islands / British Overseas Territories – much the same as Iraq and Afghanistan and the rest of the once-global encompassing Imperialist empire that gobbled up Third World shitholes to exploit their natural resources – including human slaves with perma-sun tans.

However the Buenos Aires government claims the UK is illegally occupying the Falklands, South Georgia and the South Jam Sandwich Islands – all of which lie ‘somewhere near’ Argentinian territorial waters.

Following Argentina's invasion of the Falklands in 1982, a UK taskforce seized back control in a short war spanning a two month duration that sank the Argie’s navy and claimed the lives of 6,497 Argentine troops, 2 British shepherds and the Falklands Rock lighthouse keeper - who unfortunately shit himself to death on sighting the approaching Argentinian armada.

Billy Bob Dorkberg, the Pox News correspondent in Buenos Aires, claims it was difficult to find anyone in Argentina who believed the Falklands dispute was in danger of triggering another military conflict and had a good laugh at the prospect of the nation’s useless navy ever reaching the islands without sinking en route.

Nevertheless Argentine deputy foreign minister Wotde Fuccinelli said his country would take "adequate measures" to stop oil exploration – up to an including issuing sanctions against Britain - and further threatened the possibly devastating blow of halting the export of Evita soundtrack CDs and cans of Fray Bentos corned beef to the UK.

Speaking from the Falkland’s capital Stanley on the island’s Radio Bog Standard, Ghengis McTwat, the Minister for Sheep Affairs, stated "One of the things that went wrong in the 1980s was that the Argies thought Britain wasn’t really committed to the Falkland Islands – hence we – and Westminster - mustn't make that same mistake again. Our commitment should be very clear as there is no way that we will ever concede sovereignty over the islands or the water around the islands to a bunch of dodgy dago’s".

“We’ve learned our lesson well from their 1982 treachery and sneaky invasion.
“I’ve ordered the mining of the waters around Bodybag Bay and the approaches to Gannet Green – plus all our high explosive-laden kamikaze puffins and kiliwacky birds from the 21st Royal Cormorant Regiment are stood by on a 24/7 full alert.”

Rumours that the rabid ex-Tory PM Maggie Twatcher, who rained brimstone and hellfire on the Argie forces during the 1982 Falklands conflict, is to be inducted to hiss and spit at the Argentinian truce negotiators remain unconfirmed.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Skewed News Views Roundup

Lucky, the search dog that sniffed out bombs in Afghanistan, is to be honoured with the bow-wow version of the Victoria Cross.

Princess Alexandra will award the horny leg-humping black Scrunthound the Woof Chunks Medal - and bar - at the Imperial Wardogs Museum in London on April Fool’s Day.

The now-retired dog, previously a sergeant in the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment, who now lives in the North Barking Barracks Kennels at Smegmadale-on-Sea, made a regular task of sniffing out bombs hidden beneath Afghani women’s burkahs at NATO checkpoints across the battle-torn Bellend Province.

Lucky was trained to sniff out concealed IED’s by using a mix of C4 and rotting kippers – and will be the 63rd animal to receive the medal created by veterinary charity PDSA to honour pet gallantry in war.

A total of 26 other dogs, 32 World War Two messenger pigeons, three horses and one cat have won the award, introduced by PDSA founder Candida Muffitch in 1943 – not to forget Winston Churchill’s pet - the famous Charlie - a multi-lingual Koi Carp who swam up and down the Rhine gathering intelligence for the Allied war effort – and Cyril the MI6 hamster who spied on Kremlin mice throughout the Berlin airlift crisis.

The Kuwaiti ambassador to Dubai, Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer, has had his marriage contract annulled after discovering the bride was cross-eyed and had facial hair.

According to the Sharia court record the woman had worn an Islamic veil, known as the niqab, on the two previous occasions the couple had met prior to getting hitched in Dubai’s infamous Cyclone Club at the Al Nasser Leisureland – also known as the United Nations of Prostitution.

One report in the Scandal Mongers Gazette states the hoodwinked Kuwaiti diplomat told the court the bride’s mother had tricked him into parting with the mega-shekels dowry by enrapturing him with pictures of the bride's virgin sister, who was clean shaven - and only discovered the deception when he lifted the woman's veil to kiss her following the marriage ceremony.

An even more disturbing fact came to light on their wedding night when the groom sneaked his hand up the blushing bride’s chador and he encountered a pair of hairy bollocks – and a cock bigger than his own.

The Endeavour space shuttle is finally set to launch after its recent overhaul at a Florida Kwik-Fit service station and will be loaded with the International Space Station’s long-awaited conservatory – a hi-tech’ UPVC double-glazed and triple-tinted affair that will fit over the back door air lock and provide a ‘play area’ for the astronauts to unwind and enjoy a barbeque, a few cold beers and a smoko after a hard day’s work floating around and bumping into things.

The actual conservatory unit has been assembled, tested, then disassembled by NASA and ready for shipping for some months but lack of cargo space prevented an earlier delivery – now prompted by the ISS astronauts threatening to go on strike if their ‘chill-out room’ and a new flush toilet aren’t delivered on the next shuttle.

To this end NASA engineers have fitted a modified Chevvy SUV roof rack to the Endeavour space shuttle to facilitate the loading and shipping of the new ‘Celestial Orbiter’ model conservatory.

A further delay affecting Endeavour’s night-time launch elicited streams of abuse from the stressed-out ISS team who, upon being informed that heavy clouds at Cape Canaveral were the cause, berated Mission Control in Houston with the argument “For fuck’s sake – you’re firing the effing thing straight up in the air and it’s dark anyways – so bollocks to the clouds, just light the fuse and get it off the ground and up here to dock with us pronto as we’ve run out of Becks, peanut butter, Spam and toilet rolls.”

A prosthetic limbs specialist who allegedly fitted a false left foot to a blind pensioner's right leg is due to appear before a disciplinary committee.

The Health Professions Council will consider complaints against Dr. Frank McTwat relating to his work at Smegmadale’s Hopscotch Rehabilitation Clinic for Gimps.

One of the claims is that he fitted a left foot to the ankle stump of Mr Morton Slugg, a 96-year old army veteran who lost his right foot while working as a mine clearance detector in Afghanistan.

This resulted in Mr Slugg being unable to maintain a straight line of step and walking round in ever decreasing circles – much to the chagrin and confusion of his seeing-eye guide dog Blinkie.

Bogbrush faces a string of complaints arising from what regulators have termed either shoddy workmanship or extreme bloody mindedness while employed at the Hopscotch Rehab’ Clinic – which include fabricating artificial legs that had a reverse-bending knee joint – similar to that of a horse - which would allow users to jump over fences with relative ease – and enter steeplechase races.

Thirty Fuckbook pages have been removed from the website by company regulators due hard core criminals in UK prisons using them to taunt their victims and the witnesses who gave evidence against them in court, according to Justice Secretary ‘Slack Jack’ Straw.

Straw was speaking after a meeting with victim campaigners to discuss criminals at liberty and their prison-bound cohorts using social networking sites such as Fuckbook to taunt families.

The group are discussing methods to prevent inmates obtaining and utilising smuggled mobile phones to access web pages and threaten witnesses.

Straw informed one reporter from the Grassy Knoll Gazette "These are horrible and profoundly disturbing acts committed by devious, manipulative people – and deeply offensive to public morality.”
"I'm afraid we're dealing with crooks – and as their actions have caused harassment and distress to members of society then this constitutes criminal activity.”

This elicited a string of smiles and guffaws from the gutter press hacks as Straw could well have been referring to the recent revelations of the Chilcot Inquiry – or this morning’s media reports of the disclosure of the UK’s dirty little secrets that military and intelligence services are guilty of colluding with their US psychopath contemporaries in the systematic torture of Muslim patsy terrorist suspects.

The Scottish Labour party has called for legal limits on the amount of caffeine in alcoholic drinks such as Buckfast’s ‘Shitfaced Juice’.

The party's call came ahead of the launch of its Alcohol Commission, which aims to divine some way or the other of tackling Scotland's Guinness world record of drink-related violence around its chain of Troublespot Taverns pubs.

The Alcohol Commission, chaired by ex-pisshead Dr Frank McBogbrush, will be asked to consider how much caffeine -a psychoactive stimulant that keeps boozers awake - should be allowed in drinks.

Strathclyde Police recently told the BBC’s Porridge Wog Review that Buckfast, a fortified wine with a high caffeine content, was mentioned in 5,000 crime reports over a two year period – not so much due its consumption but from drunks beating each other senseless with the synergic heavyweight glass bottles.

Buckfast contains 281 mg of caffeine per 750ml bottle - as much as eight cans of Cola, while the popular Catpiss Reloaded contains only 420 mg per litre.

Scottish Labour health spokeswoman Fellattia Gammer informed Pox News “We believe that if there’s less caffeine in the grog then the drinkers will pass out sooner and not do as much
damage to each other.”

Hmmm, not a bad idea as far as logical approaches go – but did anyone consider actually cutting down the alcohol content of the drinks instead?

In accordance with their sub-continent’s history of cultural non-conformity and mule-like stubbornness, Sir Ramjam Jaffacake QC - Britain's first Indian Sikh judge – has taken to wearing a turban in court instead of the traditional British Law Courts crepe wig.

Not content with this primary deliberate display of heterodoxy, Jaffacake has now declared that Sikhs should be allowed to wear their ceremonial daggers - known as kirpans - to UK schools and other public places – even though British law has banned the carrying of any and all knives that might be classified as offensive weapons.

Well, retorts the obstinate Judge in a typical display of brazen hubris - that might be okay for the white British savages comprising the rank and file of the chav and hoodie yob clans, but Sikhs have a religious right to carry razor sharp, pointed weapons.

Personally I think I’m going to agree with the stupid old twat – but only on the condition he concedes that what’s sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander.

As all these permanently sun-tanned types gained British citizenship through their reluctant memberships of the British Empire (and enjoy the benefits of a welfare state) Judge Jaffacake’s ruling should also apply to Ghurkas and their ceremonial Kukri knives, the Ugandan’s Assegai, the Zimbabwean’s Panga, and not forgetting our neighbourly porridge wogs – the Scots in skirts and their iconic Skean Dhu boot knives.

No doubt when the legislation is thrashed out across the breadth of the Parliament’s virescent leather benches it shall be discovered that provision must be accorded to British Muslims and their ceremonial 'hijacking' boxcutters - plus other marginalised minority groups from around the spread of the Commonwealth to bear their bows and arrows, tomahawks, bolas, boomerangs and blowpipes.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Saturday, 20 February 2010

Saudi Royal Barbarian Murders Servant

A Saudi Arabian prince has appeared in court charged with murdering one of his servants (the butler) during a stay at a five-star hotel in central London.

Prince Abdulla bin Scumbag al Nastygit, 33, spoke only to declare he was a member of the Saudi Arabian royal family - and therefore above the law - during this morning’s hearing at the City of Westminster Magistrates' Court.

The prince stands accused of killing Mustapha Bandar al Patsy, 96, who was found to be suffering from what police forensic investigators termed ‘an advanced state of deadness’ in a utility cupboard of Prince Nastygit’s deluxe Garrotter’s Suite in the Landmark Hotel at Marylebone on Monday.

An autopsy showed he died of ‘manual compression of the neck’ and head injuries – believed to have possibly been caused by the piano wire wrapped around his neck – and the claw hammer embedded in his skull.

Prince Nastygit was remanded in custody to appear at the Old Bailey on the 28th May – with a bail hearing set for this coming week.

Sir Armitage Shanks QC, counsel for al Nastygit, referred to his client as "the Prince" throughout this morning’s hearing, and later told one reporter from the Scot Free Gazette "We look forward to a trial where I shall expose a prosecution case which has turned a genuine and simple case of ‘anger management failure’ into a foul murder conspiracy.”

The Prince was assisted by a court-appointed interpreter after it was erroneously estimated his English was limited to the phrases “How much?” and “Diplomatic immunity!”

Prince Nastygit had been in London on a four-week sightseeing trip of casinos, night clubs and upper class male brothels - gambling and whoring his way around the Metropolis in the company of off-duty Coldstream Guardsmen and burly Beefeaters.

Unbeknown to the court, in his formative years to becoming a sadistic psychopath, Prince al Nastygit attended Harrow’s prestigious St. Sodom on the Hill Preparatory School for Spoiled Brats before going onto Cambridge to major in Ostentatious Waste; Hedonistic Squandering and Indolence.

The prince is in his 30's and a great nephew of King Abdullah – 182 times removed. He has only been in the City for two weeks and was travelling alone - apart from his murdered butler – and a harem of twenty-five adolescent male Nubian catamites.

The Royal House of Saud is descended from a tribe of nomadic goat buggerers and now has more than 6,000 members – all of whom claim to be Jack Shit’s best mate and have direct 24/7 cellphone access to King Abdullah and his dog.

Under the 1961 Vienna Convention, senior royals and diplomats can escape prosecutions in foreign lands. A suspect's government can waive immunity - however it is understood that the Saudis want an example making of Prince Nastygit, whom their foregn office referred to as a ‘fucking nusiance’.

Further, as a minor royal who doesn’t own any oil wells or even his own oasis, al Nastygit failes to qualify for diplomatic immunity from being tried for first degree murder.

The Met’s CID plods from the elite Numpty Squad - who watch CSI-Live each week on the telly - have been hot to trot on the case, running down motives for the crime and informed one reporter from the Headbanger’s Gazette that the murder weapons have been recovered and now labelled as prosecution evidence.

Records show that Prince Nastygit had purchased from Twatford & Khuntt of Upper Bond St. (By Appointment - Purveyors of Bespoke Flagellation Devices & Bondage Restraints since 1735) several of their finest ‘Peasant Floggers’ and Blackthorn skull-smashing cudgels – a selection of which were employed, in part, to bring about the mortal demise of his butler.

In his statement to police Prince Nastygit related “Mustapha made a right balls up of pressing me new Jimmy Choo Choo shirt with the steam iron so I lost me rag and gave him a good going-over.”
“Listen, I’m a Royal Prince and can strangle who the fuck I like – and if you fuck around with me I’ll have me Uncle Abdullah cut off yer oil supplies!”

Mr. Wotde Fucinelli, the hotel’s general manager, confirmed the death of a guest for Pox News, explaining “The police were informed immediately after we discovered the dead body.”

“However, for the comfort of our other guests – who haven’t already checked out and fled in panic - this is an isolated incident – apart from the two Columbian drug lords who got snuffed in the Penthouse Suite last week – and the Palestinian bloke from Hamas who was found sort of nailed upside down to his bathroom door.”

However, the Metropolitan police investigation to date indicates that this latest homicidal incident in a current world-wide spree of hotel murders is one that the Israeli Mossad are not suspected of being involved with.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Friday, 19 February 2010

MP’s First Class Travel Kiboshed

Sir Nicholas Winterton, the Conservative MP for Macclesfield’s Upper Snobford constituency, has angrily denounced plans to reduce first-class travel by MPs - telling one reporter from the Vulgarians Gazette he requires quiet and privacy to work when shuttling around the world by air - or on the UK’s dodgy RattleTrack train service.

The 96-year old veteran Tory MP proclaimed there were a "totally different type of people" who used standard-class train carriages and flew ‘Economy’ – whom he and his MP wife, the Lady Ann, were not disposed to mix with.

Hmmmm, yes Sir Nicholas – this ‘rabble’ you refer to are called the “Voting Public” – and while they come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes, races, religions and colours – born and bred residents of Anglo-Saxon descent - plus immigrants and refugees – they are also available washed and unwashed, homeless, malnourished, scantily educated - and probably unemployed – but who the phuck do we have to blame for the latter?

Sir Nicholas then went into total dummy-spitting mode and a protracted histrionics and whingeing session, claiming “I use my laptop pc to work when I’m commuting by rail and wish to have the privacy to conduct conferencing forums with political colleagues – or the occasional intimate live webcam botty smacking session with my personal online Dominatrix at”

“Now how can I do that when I surrounded by damn commoners all looking over my shoulder and blathering on about some mundane crap like football, East Enders and their visits to the Jobcentre.”

However, such is typical of the ‘ruling classes’ and Sir Nicholas’ outburst and protest yet another example of their brazen hubris and the open contempt they hold for 'us' - the common herd.

His diatribe is idiomatic of that minor percentage of the world to whom he ranks himself alongside - the elitist fraternity and their absurd sense of entitlement - that uses far more than it needs to live at a higher standard than those they are stealing from.

Norman Bunker, the Liberal Democrat MP for Old Scrotum, told Pox News that Winterton’s comments showed how out of the touch the Conservatives were.
"Have a good root around in the Conservative Party and you’ll discover they’ve never changed in decades. Seriously, like the dinosaur they’re all due for a mass extinction level event - probably during this next election.”

"They still think they’re a class apart, they still think they are divinely privileged, and they absolutely resent the idea they should be subject to the same controls and laws as everybody else."

“Just take the current Tory ruling elite’s socially exclusive student dining society they maintained at Oxford University – the silver spoon spoiled brats Bullingdon Club. What a bunch of hedonistic wastrels.”

However Bunker’s remarks elicited a mix of condemnation and approval from other MPs.
Lemonpip Polkadot, Labour's MP for Slutford-on-Rye, maintained "Second class seats are just as good as first class seats – even if you can’t get to sit yer arse down cos some Somalian refugee wot’s just escaped from Bellmarsh copped for the last one and you have to stand up from Euston to Edinburgh – chilblains an’ haemorrhoids permittin’.”

Conversely Sir Isaac Bogbrush, the Tory MP for East Diddling, informed Fux News “Sir Nicholas' remarks were "the out-of-touch views of a soon-to-retire backbench MP who is well past his sell-by date.”
"They do not in any way represent the sentiments or opinions of our Fuhrer - Posh Dave Cameron - or that of the Conservative Party in general - and should be treated as sour grapes from a disaffected old grouch.”

Sir Nicholas and his wife Ann, the Tory MP for the neighbouring constituency of Conger Eel, were investigated by the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner last year, who concluded that they misused their MPs' expenses to pay rent for an apartment that already belonged to them – thus defrauding the public taxpayer they hold in such low esteem.

Apparently once the mortgage on the apartment had been fully repaid, the money-grasping couple transferred the ownership of the property into an offshore blind trust owned by their cat Tiddles.
Since 2002 they had paid the rent to the trust for living in the apartment from their individual MPs' ‘second homes’ expenses by way of a ‘double fiddle’ – with each party claiming the costs.

On 25 May 2009 it was announced that both the crooked Wintertons would stand down as MPs at the next General Election – with Posh Dave Cameron branding their felonious expenses as "indefensible” – and termed the couple as “a pair of greedy sleazebags".

But neither party is a stranger to personal nor political controversy. Sir Nicholas came in for harsh criticism when he was accused of slapping Labour MP Fellattia van der Gammer’s bottom while inside the House of Conmans canteen.
When asked if the accusation was true, he replied: "I'm quite a normal public school chap, you know. Would I slap a colleague’s sexy buns – male or female? The answer is – it's certainly possible."

In May 2002 his wife Ann was sacked from her position as Shadow Minister for Propaganda & Public Scaremongering for telling a racist joke during an after dinner speech at her Conger Eel constituency’s Rugby Club involving tossing Paki’ immigrants out of a (standard class) train window.

Once again in February 2004 she was suspended from the Tory Party for telling further rabid bad taste racist jokes – with a particularly offensive one alluding to the recent drowning deaths of twenty-three illegal immigrant Chinese cockle-pickers working on the mudflats in Morecambe Bay.
Apparently one shark declared he was fed up chasing tuna and another replied, 'Why don't we swim across to Morecambe Bay and get some Chinese instead?'

Doubly condemning was the fact this disgusting incident occured at a Whitehall government dinner party to improve Anglo-Chinese relations – after which the xenophobic Lady Ann refused to apologise – blaming the ‘misunderstanding’ on the ‘slanty gooks’ having no sense of humour.

UK U-Turn on Israeli Relations

The use of six counterfeit British passports by the alleged killers of a Hamas commander is an outrage, according to Rothshite stooge and career Israeli / Jewish / Zionist apologist David Millipede.

The UK Foreign Secretary who last week vowed to get the law changed so Israeli war criminal politicians could visit Britain to negotiate their arms shopping lists with BAE Systems - and help MI5 bomb the London Underground and double deckers buses at will – yet not fear arrest under the statutes of Universal Jurisprudence - has today vowed to get to the bottom of the scandalous assassination in Dubai’s luxury 7-star Jolly Jihad Hotel, no matter who is responsible – as long as it’s not his good mates in Tel Aviv.

Dubai's police chief, Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer, told a reporter from the Psychopaths Gazette he is 99% certain of the involvement of Israeli Mossad agents in the torture and subsequent murder of Hamas military commander Mahmoud al-Mabhouh.

The international police agency Interpol has issued arrest notices for all eleven suspects, although it admitted their true identities remained obscure – even though the Dubai police department’s collated eye witness reports and CCTV camera footage clearly indicate all eleven suspects looked very ‘Jewish’ – a statement the Shylock Chronicle was quick to castigate as wholly unacceptable and being fraught with anti-Semitic racist sentiments.

British Tory party leader Posh Dave Cameron called for Israel's ambassador to the UK to be asked "some pretty tough questions" – such as “Whodunnit?” - and perhaps be poked with sharp sticks and tormented with a bag of pork scratchings.

Meanwhile, shadow foreign secretary William Vague told Pox News that Israel should issue a "robust statement" announcing its government would never sanction the cloning of British passports – regardless of it having a long and chequered history of sanctioning the extra-judicial killing of political opponents anywhere in the world – especially Bolshie Palestinians complaining about the theft of their country by a bunch of greedy Zionists.

Mr Millipede informed Fux News he "hoped and expected" Tel Aviv would co-operate fully with the investigation announced by ailing Prime Minister Gordon ‘Incapability’ Broon.

The inquiry will be headed by New Labour favourite Lord Mutton of Whitewash and be tasked with seeking to explain how UK passports bearing the names of six British citizens who are not the persons pictured, came to be used by the assassins.

Further to be investigated and established is the truth of why all six were subsequently found dead in the woods the following day – apparently having committed a joint suicide pact with a shared blunt penknife and a bag of pick n mix Co-proxamol tablets – apparently to hide ‘someone’s’ guilt.

While Mossad’s porcine chief Meir Dagan has been accused of organising the torture and murder of Mahmoud al-Mabhouh in his Dubai hotel room, FS Millipede refused to reveal what was discussed – admitted or denied - at the four hour meeting between Israeli Ambassador to Britain Hymie Scumstein and Sir Irwin Bogbrush, the head of the UK's diplomatic service – at Whitehall’s Pit Bull & Pikey Arms pub on Wednesday evening.

However speculation is rife that Sir Irwin has been promised the Chairmanship of the Tesco Greedy Grocer chain - or Mamon & Snobfords Supermarket – if the Mutton Inquiry acts with its customary sloth-like approach to diligence and prudence during the investigation and enforces a 100 year ban on publication of the inquiry's report.

Rispect Party MP George Galloway – anxious to get his personal two-pennyworth in - opined to the Beruit-based Genocide Gazette that assurances of complete innocence from Israel could not be trusted as the "rogue state" had been proven to be run by a bunch of career liars and psycho’s in the past.

“These Zionist gits are rubbing the goyim’s noses in it yet again – displaying their customary brazen arrogance that they can get away with anything - and when the fickle finger of fate points at them they turn on their accusers and label them anti-Semites and Holohoax deniers.”

“They have a long history of knocking off dissidents and rebels that dates back to them murdering Jesus Christ when he got a bit too close to the truth and called the Sanhedrin a bunch of scally twats.”

Conversely, the gospel according to Tipzi Livid – the Israeli ex-Foreign Minister wanted in the UK for war crimes against the Palestinian population of Gaza during the IDF's 2008 Operation Ethnic Cleansing military campaign – told the Jerusalem-based Pogrom Review “The murder was most probably carried out by the Iranian’s Revolutionary Guard – just stirring up trouble for Israel as usual – bumping off Hamas leaders and sticking the blame on us by wearing Jewish disguises – then spreading nasty rumours that we have nuclear weapons.”

The latest news from Al Jazeera reports that one of the suspected Israeli Mossad agents travelling on a forged British passport was arrested by police last night for acting suspiciously while sniffing at - and masturbating over - ATM cash machines in the Abu Dhabi Airport – and has since been flown to Dubai for questioning.

The latest news from Al Jazeera reports that one of the suspected Israeli Mossad agents travelling on a forged British passport was arrested by UAE police last night for acting suspiciously while loitering and sniffing around - then masturbating over – a row of ATM cash machines in the Abu Dhabi International Airport and has since been transferred under heavy guard to Dubai for questioning.

The suspect, Fred Smith of Wigan, confronted with his original immigration entry visa form when coming into Dubai the day prior to Mahmoud al-Mabhouh’s murder - plus CCTV footage of he and his ‘accomplices’ enjoying a celebratory round of drinks and hi-fiving each other in the Jolly Jihad Hotel’s ‘Assassins Bar’ after snuffing the Hamas leader – claimed they were all on a group tour which consisted of ‘art students’ and vacationing furniture shifters who worked for the Jerusalem-based Urban Moving Systems.

However, following a fun Wii ‘water sports’ gaming session in the Dubai police interrogation facility, ‘Smith’ confessed to his ATM cash machine fetish and further admitted his name was actually Seymour Weaselberg and his companions all Mossad agents - but they were only there to witness and record an Iranian Revolutionary Guard death squad snuff the Hamas commander – just as they did with the al Qaeda / WTC terrorist attacks in New York on 9/11.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Thursday, 18 February 2010

McItaly ‘Chew n Spew’ Burger Gaffe

When Italy’s Agriculture Minister, Luca Corruptioni donned an apron at the new McDonald’s Chew n Spew outlet in Rome to promote their ‘McItaly Burger’ he probably thought he was doing his country’s food producers a good turn.

Sold under the slogan “McDonald’s speaks Italian”, the McItaly was made “completely from ingredients sourced in the country," according to Corruptioni.
A greasy blob of meat plopped onto a square bun and layered with sliced tomato, a Vomitelli asparagus sauce and Asiago ‘old sock’ cheese (cunningly red, white and green ingredients to reflect the national flag) the burger was supposed to “promote the taste of Italy”.

Instead it has cooked up a furious argument, with Signore Wotde Fuccinelli, the founder of the Slow Food Movement, berating the concoction as a ‘pile of Yankee shit’ and accused the Berlusconi government of undermining Italian cuisine and a thousand years of culinary tradition in the name of commercial profit.
“You know, this thing tastes like a Neapolitan grogger – a bucket of shit with a crust on top,” Fuccineli told a reporter from the Chuck Up & Chunder Review.

McDonald’s founded its supposedly-innovative Hong Kong-based sweatshop Food Studio in 2006 to devise dishes suited to local tastes at its 31,000 Chew n Spew restaurants in 119 countries around the world.

• In France McDonald-goers can indulge in the Escargo McDo (snail) or the spicy Grenouille Burger (frog on a bun).
• Visitors to Malaysian McDonald’s can treat themselves to a Goat Satay Prosperity Burger during the coming Chinese New Year’s Kung Hee Fat Choy festive season.
• In Japan, the Ebi Filet-O consists of breaded, deep-fried seaweed, while the standard bun is steamed rather than toasted – with its pink paper wrapping intended to appeal to Japanese women and salary men faggots.
• Top of the pops in Tel Aviv is the Orla Guerin Burger – a Gaza Pogrom Patty made from deep fried kosher foreskins – and a steady favourite with the manky Mohels and rabid Rabbi’s.
• The savory McCamel Burger has proved to be a nonpareil fast food favourite with Egyptian pimps and taxi drivers.
• The You-Yu Burger - a jaw-aching crunchy dried squid patty - is a top item on the McD’s menu in Hong Kong.
• The McCurry Yummie - a pig’s ear filled with a disgusting spicy concoction that resembles diarrhoea is available at any McD’s outlet across India.
• The McKimchi Bun, available in South Korean branches of McD’s, consists of layers of red hot chillied cabbage that will leave the diner’s arsehole looking – and feeling - like a bright red tulip.
• In Canada fast-food eaters can choose to go upmarket with the McMoose Burger bun – and even request a staff member to help them chew it.
• Last but not least, let’s raise a toast to McD’s Iraq where the speciality is the McMutant Burger - made from 100% Monsanto corn-fed goatmeat patties irradiated with the wholesome goodness of genuine depleted uranium.

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Lib-Dem’s Now Zionist Stooges

Baroness Jenny Tonk has been sacked as the Liberal Democrat spokeswoman for health in Britain's House of Lords after urging an inquiry into charges that Israeli military forces in Haiti were carrying out Swiss style ‘assisted suicides’ on injured earthquake victims then harvesting their organs to feed Mossad’s illicit mega-bucks transplant trade.

The firing came after Baroness Tonk told the Pound of Flesh Gazette there should be an inquiry into eye-witness reports that Israeli forces harvested the organs of injured victims of the recent earthquake in Haiti.

"To prevent allegations such as these, which have already been posted on You Tube, going any further, the IDF and the Israeli Medical Association teams operating in Haiti should demand an independent UN inquiry immediately to clear the names – and perhaps explain why the ‘eye witnesses’ to these crimes no longer have any corneas.”

In response to the good Baroness daring to suggest Israeli complicity in such an inhuman crime, Lib-Dem party leader Nick Clogg has summarily sacked Tonk and dismissed her comments as those of a deranged, menopausal neo-Nazi anti-Semite - and latent Holohoax denier.

Clogg told one reporter from the Scandalmonger’s Gazette “I had Lord Rothshite on the phone at effin’ midnight whingeing about the Baroness’ innuendo being wholly unacceptable, provocative, and distasteful – which he and his Zionist kike mates in Israel found came a little too close to the truth and made them sound like the Beijing government and their Smiley Face Organ Transplant Prisons.”

At a later press conference held in the Pit Bull & Pikey Arms pub next door to their Cowley Street HQ, Clogg informed the half-drunk hacks "Following discussions with the Leader of the Liberal Democrats in the House of Lords, Baron Sheldon Weaselberger, we have decided that Jenny Tonk will stand down as Lib-Dem health spokeswoman following her unacceptable comments demanding an inquiry into highly offensive criminal allegations against our Jewish friends from Urban Rubble Moving Systems and all those kind-hearted Israeli art students from the ‘Hi-Fivers Club’ who are helping the IDF medical teams out in Haiti."

Lib-Dem solicitors Upshot, Shitpot & Phukrot have issued writs to prevent further media speculation into the case and that former Lib-Dem party leader ‘Ming the Merciless’ Campbell had his internal organs harvested while still in office – or Charles Kennedy’s liver was considered too inflammable for donor use.

Thus it’s sadly ‘bye bye’ to the good Baroness and so much for Democracy being all about free speech and having the conscience and ability to say what is morally or ethically wrong.

This is especially so when confronted with the fact that a horror story of Gothic proportions concerning an international Israeli conspiracy to kidnap children and harvest their vital organs is gathering momentum as another piece of timely whistleblowing divulges Tel Aviv's plot to import Ukrainian children and nick their internal bits and pieces.

The story brings to light the fact that Israel has brought some 25,000 Ukrainian children into the illegal state over the past two years in order to harvest their youthful organs for transplanting into worn-out fat kikes well past their shelf life.

It cites a Ukrainian team’s fruitless search for a mere 15 children out of the 25,000 who had been ‘adopted’ in Israel like so much slaughterhouse offal.
The kiddies had been drugged and shipped to Israeli medical centres where they were used for 'spare part surgery'.

Yet another news scoop, published in the Arabic-language ‘Orla Guerin Gazette’ recently reported that Interpol had uncovered the existence of a gang of shady Shylocks who were involved in the abduction of children from Algeria and trafficking of their organs.

Bands of Moroccan and Algerian scallies in their pay had been roaming the streets of Algerian cities kidnapping young children. They then trafficked the kids across the border into the neighbouring Morocco.

The children were then sold to Israeli and American 'yiddle-men' in Oujda, the capital of eastern Morocco, for the purpose of transplant organ harvest in Israel and the United States.

This becomes directly linked to arrests made in New York and New Jersey last year when a dodgy bunch of rabid Jewish Rabbis and other manky heathen miscreants were among the two score of criminal types arrested in connection with an investigation into illegal organ trafficking and political corruption.

That story aligns with the article published last month in Aftonbladet, Sweden's largest circulation daily, exposing the war crimes – and too – crimes against humanity - of the Israeli army who have an agenda of kidnapping and killing young Palestinians from the West Bank - and especially Gaza - to harvest their organs.

Ah well, when you’re a Jewish Israeli and one of God’s Chosen People, then the human herd is there for your personal use - and even the internal organs of the trefah goyim are suddenly ‘kosher’. It’s all written down in black and white in the Torah – and the Protocols of Zion.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic : a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

What the Scottish Papers (Didn’t) Say

When we consider the fact it is historically proven that scandals and bad news sell gutter press journals like hotcakes, it appears illogical that the Scottish media would ignore a prime commercial opportunity to cash in on the recent reincarnation of interest and focus on the Aberdeen Ferryhill paedophile ring criminally responsible for the sexual abuses in the Hollie Greig - et al - case.

Further proof of them working against their own best business interests is wholly ignoring the coincidental, linked incidence of the Kafraesque style arrest of English journalist / broadcaster – and Holyrood Parliamentary candidate - Robert Green - by Grampian's 'Thought Police' at his Aberdeen B & B on Friday - just before he could attend a meeting to publicise the case – on a concocted ‘intended breach of the peace’ charge to prevent him campaigning for a full investigation into the Scottish government’s Ministry for Muzzling, Whitewash & Coverup tactics regarding this festering leprous sore blighting the very name of Justice north of the border.

So Holyrood’s Department of Graft & Corruption directed the Stonehaven Sheriff’s Court to enact the ‘Sore Thumb’ legal statute and hold its novel 'intended' breach of the peace charge hearing ‘in camera’ – and have now bailed this honest man of social and moral conscience until further charges can be concocted against him – while gagging him with draconian bail conditions to further silence his campaign for Justice for Hollie Greig.

Thus, the gospel according to Nonceland’s Fourth Estate for Tuesday 16th February 2010 concerning their intrepid and diligent coverage of the Hollie Greig case and Robert Green’s hushed and secretive appearance before the corrupt Speculative Society Freemason Sheriff Principal, Fast Eddie Bowen, at Kinkcardineshire’s bog-standard Stonehaven rural courtroom some 18-odd miles south of Scaberdeen reads as follows:

The Press and Journal showed no fear of censorship by reporting the first stage of a fierce ‘Shock n Awe’ onslaught against Taliban Dan and his gang of Jolly Jihadist beardies by NATO forces in Afghanistan’s Bellend Province was hailed a total balls-up.

The Courier also went with the Afghan offensive and reported that an "utterly dedicated" soldier who was killed while ironing his body armour during the launch of this week’s Operation Fuckup has been named as Private Bodybag of the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment.

The Daily Record reported that Gorbals Willie McTwat, a vicious drunken bottle thug who beat a murder rap after a series of bottle attacks on the general public had been given a 50 hour community service order – picking up empty bottles around Glasgow’s Govan ‘sink or swim’ criminal breeding ground council estate.

The Daily Shitraker barely scrapes close to the truth, stating radical plans by an SNP-led council to install metal detectors at school entrances to prevent further Dunblane-style fish-in-a-barrel massacres by bonkers Masonic kiddie fiddlers with licensed handguns like Thomas Watt Hamilton were being considered – budgets permitting.

The Scottish Sun runs with a story about Chelsea footballer Ashley Scrunt undergoing emergency cosmetic surgery to treat a broken fingernail following an injury sustained during Sunday’s Premier League match against Twatford Wanderers.

The Porridge Wogs Weekly writes that Scallyshire - Scotland's largest local authority - is to pay out £100 zilion in redundancy packages after more than 20,000 people applied – and volunteered to quit under proposed cutbacks and relocate south of the border in Sassenachland.

The Scottish Daily Mail reports that a pre-op’ transvestite couple from Middlesex has won the Lottery's Euro Zillions draw – and are planning to open a haggis farm on the shores of Loch McKuntt - adjacent to Donald Trump's planned Eco-Disaster Golf Course and the planned capercaillie-chopping Alex Salmond Memorial Wind Farm.

The Scottish Daily Express claims a key Edinburgh University ‘Climategate’ scientist has admitted there has been no global warming for 15 years and has rescinded his monthly standing order donation of £5 to the Nigerian-based ‘419 Save the Polar Bears Fund’.

The Scottish Mirror reports that two Dundee boys of 14 had gastric band surgery on the NHS to prevent them drinking more than six pints of ‘Old Headbanger’ lager or ‘See You Jimmy’ tartan keg in any one boozing session – in a bid to stop them getting shit-faced during school lunch breaks and picking fights with passing lamp posts.

The Caber Tossers Review writes that Holyrood Ministers are urging Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown to brave the wrath of voters in person during the forthcoming general election campaign to help disprove rumours that he’s actually dead and Lord Peter Scandalson took over running Downing Street in October of 2007.

So, what from the iconic news flagship of the UK – the one that only exists on the tithes of the peasant classes - the BBC?
Well, the website's banner headline reads ‘Barklays bankster profits have ‘jumped’ to £11:6 zillion quid’ – with any mention of the Grampian Gangsters / Rob’ Green or the Hollie Greig case most conspicuous by their absence.

Even the crusading anti-establishment (sic / shill mag) satirical rag Private Eye had been suspiciously reserved and silent on an issue that would normally tempt those possessed with the spirit of Paul Foot to dive in head first – to expose and be damned - regardless of intimidating letters from Levy & McRae's Peter 'Wicked' Watson - the Rasputin of the Glens.

No stranger to legal threats the mag’s traditional reply to such is to refer would-be offended parties to Arkell vs Pressdram 1971 – and have been the nemesis of many an offending establishment figure who was brought to book before Lady Justice’s scales.

Conversely now they are curiously silent on what irks them the most – a clear-cut conspiratorial criminal abuse of official power.

As to caustic references of the Aberdeen / Ferryhill kiddie fiddling scandal from the hallowed ‘brimstone and fire’ pulpits of the ‘Kirk’ – the Scottish Presbyterian or Episcopal churches - nary a single peep, never mind a vocalising of those long overdue diatribes of outright fulmination and revilement at the blatant instances of establishment abuse in concealing the very worst of criminal offences – child sexual abuse.

Such unfortunately applies to the UK press and media – and establishment officialdom throughout - and this is the kicker.
A once independent and vociferously rabid Fourth Estate baying at the moon and lusting the blood of offending authority – that brought down governments past in a blaze of ignominious scandal - is now owned and controlled by a tight cabal of wealthy ruling class Masonic elitists that scratch each others backs – and other anatomical parts – and utilise said media to control the public perceptions of reality and fiction.

Fortunately we have the independent intrepid alternative cyber news websites and blogs – and the valiant, unique ilk of Robert Green – whom would martyr themselves for the cause of Truth and Justice in bringing down the criminal elitist fraternity of this world and censoring their absurd sense of entitlement - the Ferryhill pederasts and their establishment protectors.

This so-called ‘elite’ should never forget the Truth itself doesn't fear investigation nor the light of day. The Truth is feared only by those who would obscure its manifestation to conceal their own crimes and inherent guilt.

Like Agents Mulder and Scully always say – the Truth is out there – but in the case of Hollie Greig it’s just that Scottish officialdom doesn't want its damning revelations to see the light of day.
Unfortunately for them the Truth’s ‘day’ is coming – and to mis-quote Sam Clements: ‘Bad news can get its proverbial arse around the world and back while good news is pulling on its boots’.

Hollie Greig and the other disabled Ferryhill / Beechwood ‘Special’ School victims in Scaberdeen have had justice denied for too long - but their day of reckoning cometh – and the sinister, contrived arrest of Robert Green and ‘breach of the peace’ gagging of the independent candidate for the Aberdeen South Parliamentary seat – might just be the fortuitous catalyst to trigger the necessary tsunami of public outrage and reaction required to flush out Scotland’s Augean stables.

The clock is ticking towards ‘Comeuppance Day’ and ‘WE’ - the common peasant class - can apply our numerical advantage to force the issue to a critical mass state and invoke a massive chain reaction – and compel some bugger and their dog running this nation of ours to order an official investigation into the criminal issues at hand – and not one involving dodgy House of Lords apologist peers such as Harry Hutton or Charlie Chilcot.

Let this be to the shame of every Parliamentary MP who did not stand up in Holyrood or Westminster of his own volition and sense of duty and ask – “WTF is going on?” – cos something stinks in Denmark and it isn’t Hamlet’s socks?

So, if you ever wondered why Hadrian and his lads built a wall across the Scottish border – now you know – to keep the tartan-skirted kiddie fiddlers out of England’s green and pleasant land - because we have more than our fill of the scum already permeating the Westminster / Whitehall establishment’s ranks.

Luke 8:17 - ‘For there is nothing secret that shall not be made known’

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles – or Palestinian refugees - were harmed in posting this insurrectionist epistle. However, a large number of Scaberdeen-based paedo ring hoaxters, Magic Circle Speculative Society sodomites and kiddie fiddling Satanist members of the vile Violate BD/SM Noncers Club were suitably cyber-harassed and caused fear and alarm by the TRUTH being publicly broadcast across the global ethernet.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not beholden to Nonceland's Masonic Speculative Society or Scaberdeen-based Devil-worshipping paedo-scum - nor owned by Rupert Murdoch and the ZioNazi kikester lobby - but committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

This post is tagged hollie greig, kiddie-napping, paedophilia, police state, robert green.