Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Hitler’s Daughter Threatens Tory Leader

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - providing additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

Foreign leaders believe a Tory win in Britain’s scheduled general election on May 6th could prove to be the biggest obstacle to the French and German leaders’ dystopian plans to arm the EUSSR Assembly in Brussels with sweeping new powers to police national economies – and loot their sovereign treasuries at will.

Uberfrau harpy Mangie Merkel, the neo-fascist German Chancellor, has insisted ammendments to the terminally-flawed Lisbon Treaty are required to repair the treaty they fucked up earlier and introduce new measures in order to prevent another Greek economic fubar crisis.

However the Kraut authoritarian harpy insists an incoming UK Conservative government will not be allowed to use new treaty negotiations to demand powers be returned to Britain, further challenging Tory leader Posh Dave Cameron to defy the might of Berlin - and the EUSSR.

"I vill not speculate on der outcome of de British elections," Merkel informed a reporter from the Totalitarians Gazette. "Treaty changes vill be agreed by unanimity so I am not vorried about some poofter Eton schoolboy and his Oxford Bullingdon dining club chums changing vhat I do not vant – to put it bluntly. That iz der vay it iz.”
“Ya, and if dat Bonkers Boris Nonsense Tory Mayor of London person gives me a hard time and makes fun of my boobs again I shall haff him by ze balls."

Posh Dave Cameron has pledged to hold a referendum on any new European treaties and further called for powers to be repatriated to Britain – wholly managing to forget his earlier ‘broken’ promise that if the Tories were voted into power by some unfortunate accident or quirk of fate, they would hold the Labour-denied referendum for ‘in’ or ‘out’ of the purgatorial quagmire.

However, Merkel, the self-appointed EUSSR bully-frau Compliance Troll claims she is ready to oppose any further referendums - and the populist defeats that blighted the original fated Constitution - and too the Lisbon Treaty - all in keeping with Baron Rothshite’s instructions.

Merkel and her sycophantic lapdog, Nicholas Teakozy – the poison dwarf French President - have ordered Herman van Rompy Pumpy, the EUSSR chief, to form a special "task force" to look at "all options" for improving economic stability - including a European Monetary Fund and an expulsion procedure for euro members that break the rules – unconsciously providing a Get Out of Jail Free card for the Brits by way of simple ‘non-complaince’ and ‘bureaucratic disobedience’.

William Vague, the vertically-challenged Shadow Minister for Hobbit Affairs, informed a reporter from the Anarchists Review that a future Tory government would not accept any restriction on "Britain's ability to determine our own financial fuck-ups".
"An EUSSR economic policy covering Britain will never be acceptable to a Conservative government,” Vague stated, taking a sneaking glance over his shoulder.

The call for a new treaty also contradicted Gordon Brown's insistence that there should be no discussion of a new treaty until after 2055 – when he is long dead and the calamitous New Labour Party no more than a dreadful memory.

Senior poridge wog Broon,who is scheduled to holds an Easter egg breakfast session round of talks with the Kraut Gorgon in Downing Street next week, insisted the EUSSR heirarchy did not want to hear any more institutional or constitutional changes mentioned after the ‘labour pains’ (sic) of railroading the Lisbon Treaty past demands for a British referendum on EUSSR membership.

However the German pit bull spit the dummy when one journalist wit inquired that if the EUSSR’s Stalinist edifice did not stand the test of time would she agree the founding principles were flawed – comparing the Brussels based bureaucratic nightmare to Hitler's Thousand Year Third Reich – which lasted a mere twelve – with six of those involved in a total war with every fucker and their dog across Europe – and far beyond.

So, to round off what has so far turned out to be a bad start to a totally fucked up week, Merkel, aka the Templin Troll, has carried on in like vein during an official visit to Ankara by alienating the Turkish Prime Minister Revup Tieclip Ecodogcan in repeating her xenophobic belief that Turkey is still a Third World basket case and not suitable for full EUSSR membership until it gets its proverbial shit together.

Things quickly went from bad to worse with expletives being thrown in both languages due disagreements over Iran, Cyprus, drowning polar bears, Somali pirates, aardvark rights - and educating immigrant Turkish children in Turkish – in German schools.

Conversely Germany is Turkey's main trading partner, its largest foreign investor and its major source of fat Kraut tourist revenue - with nearly three million Turks living inside Germany – almost enough to keep several large Konzentrationslagers topped up and busy.

But Turkish PM Ecodogcan was not amused and told Pox News “This woman is a whore – she insulted me and my country saying we are not fit to join the EUSSR.”
"The Wheels of Progress regulations she is trying to impose upon us before we are allowed to join the EUSSR are inherently destructive to our financial stability and culture – and national identity. Her Wheels of Progress are going to crush our economy and our lives.”

Merkel, who privately boasts a Lipizzaner pedigree, nevertheless has a lot of the rude mongrel in her genes.
Mangela originally came to national prominence as a Stasi stoolie posing as an Agitprop activist and honorary member of the Baader-Meinhoff Gang – was the sole founder of the Templin Bad Breath Society - and has been described by allies and critics alike as the type of go-getting totalitarian fascist politician who would have the brazen hubris to erect Arbeit Macht Frei signs over all German factory gates.

Merkel is no stranger to controversy, with her first husband Ulrich, a chronic monkey spanker, dying of an ingrowing foreskin condition while using a penis enlargement pump connected to the domestic vacuum cleaner.

The German Chancellor was personally the source of controversy during a springtime visit to the Oslo Opera House in 2008 when her evening gown’s plunging cleavage allowed her mammary glands to flop out when she sneezed – with her boobs plummeting like a pair of hanged men. Photos appearing in magazines at the time refeered to her ‘exposed assets’ as ‘Merkel’s Weapons of Mass Distraction’.

Although she claims to be ‘sexually straight’ rumours abound of her lesbian affairs - first with Ukranian Prime Minister Yulia Dildodo, followed by ‘Bavarian Beastie’ rampant doggying sessions in the Black Forest with French First Lady Sapphie Godemiche – and in a Washington Georgetown motel with US Secretary of Sleaze super-dyke Hilarious Rodent Clinton.

However the biggest scandal and embarrassment of all is that political opponents claim she is the actual daughter of Adolf Hitler.
While the fact that Hitler purportedly snuffed himself in 1945 and Merkel wasn’t born until 1954 is explained away by ex-Nazi Dr. Karl Klauberg dutifully collecting and preserving frozen samples of Adolf Hitler’s sperm when he used to jack off over the cat and Eva Braun’s jackboots each evening while listening to Wagner.

Although Merkel’s bio’ maintains the illusion she was born on July 17, 1954, and is the daughter of a Lutheran minister from an East German-controlled church, Soviet KGB archives reveal an entirely different story.
Stasi GDR files indicate that she was born on April 20th, 1954, and details of her birth were included in the records of the German Dr. Karl Klauberg, who was one of the Nazi "death camp doctors" convicted by Soviet courts and imprisoned. When he was later recognized as a brilliant scientist, he was released and became known as the father of artificial insemination.

The Rothshite Zionist forces of darkness controlling East Germany decided to produce a child from Hitler's sperm.
Klauberg and his Soviet team brought Gretl, the youngest sister of Eva Braun to Eastern Germany, where she was artificially inseminated and acted as a surrogate mother – with the resulting progeny being a daughter, born on the 20th April 1954 – the same birthday as Hitler’s - 20/04/1889.

It was then 'agreed' by the Rothshite Zionist controlled Soviets, Americans and the Vatican that the baby Merkel would become a custodian of the Catholic Church through its connections with her Pastor foster father’s East German Lutheran Church.
Further it became ordained that once a German Pope assumed the Roman throne of St Peter, Merkel was to also take her biological father's position as German Chancellor.

By sheer coincidence, symbolism discounted, on April 20th, 2005, the ex- Hitler Youth Nazi, Cardinal Joseph Ratflinger became Pope Benny - the Mk 16 model – precisely on the 116th anniversary of Hitler’s birth. Hitler's daughter, Mangela Merkel, was elected Chancellor of Germany that November.

Hitler, the illegitimate son of a Rothshite mistress, arises from nothing and is coached and mentored into the Chancellorship of Germany – and kick-starting the apocalypse that constituted World War Two – all in the name of lebensraum (breathing space) for his Germanic hordes.

Merkel arises from nothing and is coached and mentored into the Chancellorship of Germany, President of the European Union, and then head of the powerful G-8 economic cartel.
A rabid and fanatical, spittle-raging bigot when in full verbal gallop – high in oath and blood-splattered - a true psycho masterpiece – just like her biological father.
So, who better qualified to lead the New World Order’s Fourth Reich – to greatness – or destruction.

Hmmmm, there’s nothing like a string of real coincidences to make the hairs on the back of your neck prickle.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Microchipping Pets Causes Cancer

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - with additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.
The hot gossip topic of the moment on the tip of all personal injury litigation suit tongues this weekend is “Do implanted microchips cause cancer in cats and dogs?”

That's the burning question pet owners are rightfully asking after highly aggressive tumours developed around the microchip implants of a pair of four-legged barking machines, killing one and leaving the other terminally knackered – with the pathology and autopsy reports indicating a direct link between the Schering-Plough ‘Where’s Fido?’ carcinogenic microchips and formation of rapid-growth malignant cancers.

Godzilla, a five-year-old twin-horned Rhino Hound, originally weighing in at 500 pounds, passed away peacefully last week after developing a hemangio-sarcoma – a malignant form of cancer that can snuff humans in double-quick time.

According to a pathology report Godzilla’s tumour appeared between his shoulder blades within two weeks of receiving an RFID microchip, which developed into a large mass the size of a camel’s hump, with the cancer metastasising to the dog’s lungs, liver and spleen.

Godzilla underwent emergency surgery at the Mount Woofer Clinic for Latter Day Canines where veterinary surgeons extracted a twenty pound tumour from the dog’s back – which had the RFID microchip embedded right at the centre.

However Godzilla never fully recovered and last week flew out to Switzerland to the Dignitas Clinic where he signed up for the Kennel Club’s assisted suicide option and barked his last.

Recently a three-year-old Smegmadale pit bull terrier named Snarly was also diagnosed with a cancerous tumour growing between his shoulder blades, in the same location where the Applied Digital Solutions RFID microchip had been implanted the previous month.
The excised tumour was the size of a medium free range ostrich egg and identified as malignant lymphoma – with Snarly's microchip embedded in the centre of the tumour.

A Scumborough-on-Sea grandma, Mrs Rita Scrunt, recently took her pet tomcat Tiddles to the vet’s when he started to grow a lump on his neck and resemble a feline version of Quasimodo.
In this case the vet removed a huge malignant tumour – once more formed around the moggy’s implanted microchip.

Dog-Gone - the national pet recovery and identification network, harassed the vet to review the pathology report, and re-assess his findings, claiming without any form of proof that the microchip was not the cause of the tumour.
However the company sent Granny McScrunt a £300 quid cheque to pay for Tiddle’s medical expenses.

Mrs. McScrunt told a reporter from the Daily Shitraker “They might well claim it wasn’t their micro-chip wot caused Tiddle’s hump but somethin’s got ter be well an’ truly fucked up fer them ter be givin’ me £300 nicker.”
“These are the twats wot’s makin’ the microchips they want ter inject inter our kids so we know where the fuck they are – and next comes Alzheimer’s an’ dementia patients – then the rest of us sheeple.”

Would you have your dog or cat microchipped just to keep Big Brother happy? How about having one implanted in the scruff of your kiddie’s neck? Do you think the pet chipping thing is just another Kansas City shuffle to get the human herd chipped so the NWO can switch us on or off at will?

Send your comments using the online post form below and we’ll pass them on to Homeland Security’s domestic terrorism department so they can index you with all the other tea party radicals.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No dogs, cats or other small furry mammals were harmed - or euthenised - in posting this message. However, a large number of RFID chips were temporarily scrambled.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If someone’s pet bear shits in the woods and it’s not been microchipped , how the fuck will the park warden know who to slap a fine on?

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Mossad Maniacs False Flag Manky Moscow

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - providing additional proof that this still is the month of the Mad March Hare.

Scores of commuting peasants were killed and legions wounded when two split-arsed Muslim suicide bombers known as 'Black Widows', and believed to be garbed in burkahs reportedly blew themselves all the way to Paradise when they detonated their 38CC ‘Boob Bombs’ on the Moscow Metro during this morning’s rush hour.

Dozens died in the first blast at 07:56 hours as a train stood at the central Lubyanka station, beneath the offices of the FSB intelligence agency.

Forty minutes later, at approximately 08:38 hours - with all train services continuing to run without interruption - a second explosion ripped through a train at Park Kultury, leaving another twenty-plus dead and maimed.

The Chekist Federal Security Service (FSB) at Paranoia Central wasted no time in declaring - to anyone daft enough to listen - that a cadre of Islamist rebels fighting for independence in Chechnya was responsible for this current wave of suicide bombings. This premature conclusion was reached following receipt of an e-mail that claimed “It woz the goyim Chechens wot done it.”

In February the Chechen rebel leader Vladimir Pisstoffsky, a Maoist devotee of asymmetric warfare - and eating cold Pol Pot insta-noodles - opened his big mouth to a ‘foot-in-it’ level when informing a reporter from the Warmongers Gazette that the Zionist First Sphere of Influence ruling the Kremlin would now be targeted and Russia suffer for past transgressions when he extended the zone of military operations to the cities of the Rodina.”

Ministry of Scaremongering spokeswoman Titsup Trollenberg informed media reporters the first explosion tore through the carriages of a train when it stopped at the Lubyanka station at the peak of the rush hour.
The station, which accommodates both the busy Sokolnicheskaya and the Tagansko-Krasnopresnenskaya lines, lies conspicuously beneath the headquarters of the Federal Security Service (FSB) in Lubyanka Square.

The second blast at Park Kultury, which is six stops away from Lubyanka on the Sokolnicheskaya line, came at 0838 (0438 GMT). It reportedly struck at the back of the train as people were getting on board.
Police estimates now state that more than 100 people were injured in the two attacks, 30 of them seriously, while another 25 just shit their pants.

In a meeting with Prime Minister Vladimir Putrid and President Medevac, FSB chief Alexander Bollocksky revealed his investigators had received information via a Tel Aviv-based intelligence source that the attacks had been carried out by "Islamic terrorist groups related to the North Caucasus".

Conversely 23-year old Moscow night club ‘erotic’ pole dancer Tekem Orloff, who was a passenger on the 07:56 train told a reporter from the False Flag Gazette "I was moving up the carriage when I heard a loud bang - a blast – behind me and I looked around and saw a bomb or explosives had gone off under the train and blasted the carriage floor upwards – just like the three 7/7 London tube bombings did.”

Well, Tekem Orloff’s little statement tempts one to jump to conclusions and speculate that there were no little Miss Jihadi Shaheeds on the trains with PETN Boob Bombs or Semtex backpack charges, and the rogue Israeli Apartheid State’s Thug Squads have been going hard at it again - like a lizard drinking – 24/7 plus overtime.

And what busy bees they have been too - besides waging an all-out war against the besieged Palestinian population of Gaza, plus bulldozing mega-hectares of West Bank settlements to usurp the rightful owners so they can build a few thousand illegal homes for Kikesters, they find time to forge scores of foreign passports then trip off to Dubai with a sloppy Wet Job Squad to snuff a Hamas militia leader – and knock off a Syrian Hamas agent in Budapest last week also.

Not to forget those metallurgists in Tel Aviv, going flat out like a lizard drinking and gold-plating thousands of tungsten ingots to replace the real McCoy looted from Fort Knox by the kikesters controlling the Federal Reserve.

We have PM Binman Nuttyahoo burning the midnight oil in the US – shoring up the credibility of AIPAC and bullying the Kenyan bloke in the White House to stand firmly behind the blood-stained flag of Zion - and bomb the shit out of Iran – prior to invading the place.

Really, with all that shit going down, how do Mossad find the time to pull a couple of false flag bombing jobs in Moscow to demonise the Chechen Muslim adherents of Islam – simply to broadcast the fact they hate the Russian’s Democratic freedoms.

But these guys are well versed and practiced – just look at their New York WTC 9/11 false flag job. That kicked off the desired invasions and on-going conflicts in both Afghanistan and Iraq.
As Mark Twain once said “A lie can skip round the world and back again while the Truth’s still pulling it’s boots on.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If Mossad crapped in the middle of Lubyanka Square would the FSB smell something ‘shitty’ was ‘afoot’ before they trod in it?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Accident? Call NHS Helpline – in Delhi

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - providing additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

Top secret NHS Trust documents leaked to the Daily Scandalmonger by a group anarchist snitchers and grassers working for the Ox-Rat stool pigeon charity reveal that the Smegmashire Ambulance Service gets a bonus kickback of £38 quid for every patient they ‘don't’ take to hospital.

Yep, you read it correctly the first time - the Ambulance Service is being paid bonuses for ‘not’ taking patients to hospital in a bid to help dodgy NHS Trusts hit their controversial targets.

The UK patients group ‘Sickies’ expressed 60% outrage, 25% horror and 15% total disbelief at the "bizarre Nazi-style experiment" in which National Ill-Health Service managers have agreed to pay £38 for every casualty that the para-medics comprising ambulance crews keep out of Accident and Emergency (A&E) departments after a 999 life-or-death crisis call has been made in a futile hope of summoning their attendance.

Sickies spokeswoman Ms. Fellattia van der Gobble told a reporter from the Daily Shitraker “These clowns are confusing the word ‘patient’ with ‘profit’ – and all thanks to yet another one of New Labour’s major snafu’s.”

The tactic is part of an attempt to juggle resources and the increasing demand for emergency care amid failings in the fubar GP 24/7 out-of-hours system which has proved to be more of a ‘loss sharing’ scheme that one of profit-sharing – and consequently of as much use as tits on a bull – with the only beneficiaries being to the NHS Mortuary department staff – in overtime work - and local undertakers who have been reaping a windfall boom in business since the scheme was introduced.

Documents passed on to the Daily Scandalmonger by Ox-Rat disclose that staff at the majority of Britain's ambulance services have been encouraged to maximise the organisation's income by securing bonus payments for diverting patients to telephone helplines – specifically the Samaritans or the Swiss Dignitas Clinic.

The bonuses are among dozens of hare-brained schemes being tried out by ambulance trusts across the country in a desperate attempt to improve their emergency response times and help A&E departments meet controversial targets to treat all patients within three – or four - days of arrival and definitely reduce the numbers croaking in hospital corridors.

Another plan being bandied around would see thousands of 999 calls currently classed as ‘urgent’ downgraded so that whingeing patients receive telephone advice from a Delhi-based medical clinic instead of a local UK ambulance response.

A recent investigation was launched into the dubious practices of the Smegmadale NHS Trust piloting the scheme following the death of a man whose case was referred to a New Delhi call centre when a ‘blue light’ ambulance should have been immediately dispatched to deal with the twenty-three assorted stab and bullet wounds he sustained outside the Scallies Arms pub while attempting to prevent a gang of yobs from nicking the wheels off his bike.

More than a dozen types of medical crisis currently designated as urgent, and requiring ‘blue light’ ambulance assisstance ‘immediately - if not sooner’ - are either transferred to medical advisors at the Delhi call centres – or advised to ring back in a couple of hours if the ‘problem’ persists.

Mrs Hilda Scrunt, 96, a Smegmadale-on-Sea resident, received a like message when she dialled ‘triple nine’ last month, only to get put on hold and listen to a recording of Beethoven’s ‘Death March’ – then eventually told to call back later.

“I told ‘em, the stupid buggers, that me husband Frank woz havin’ a heart attack an’ they said ‘Get him ter take deep breaths an’ drink weak tea.”
“Anyways, I calls ‘em back a couple of hours after, like they said an’ they’re gonna send an ambulance round this time but I told ‘em not ter bother an’ can they just drop a body bag off instead – an’ let the undertaker know I might have some business fer him.”

How are your First Aid skills? Have you ever carried out a simple surgical procedure on a loved one or close relative? Splinter removal or suturing a severed femoral artery? How about on your neighbours – or any of their pets? Does your local library stock books on organ transplants? Would you know how to Google ‘Emergency Tracheotomy’ then jab a sharpened ball pen tube through your own windpipe before you choked to death?

Send your comments using the online e-mail form below and you might win an all-expenses paid trip to the Swiss Dignitas Resort and take their NVQ1 course in Assisted Suicide – Theory & Practice.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange declaration: No 999 ‘blue light’ ambulance calls were made while posting this message – and all £38 bonus payments will be donated to our favourite charity – the local pub.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Monday, 29 March 2010

NATO Start to Take Afghan War Seriously

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - providing additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

Burger bars and pizza joints infesting the NATO bases across Afghanistan like swarms of festering vermin are being closed down faster than a rat out of an aquaduct in an effort to increase efficiency across the battlefields by getting the fat-arsed troops off junk food and back on healthy K-rations.

NATO spokesman WO Billy Bob Redneck informed the ‘Haute Cuisine’ page columnist from the Warmongers Gazette that "amenities" at bases across the country are being phased out for logistical as well as tactical reasons.
“Hellfire, we got more shit comin’ in here fer the fast food franchises than we got weapons an’ ammo' an’ body bags – an’ they’re usin’ more electricity an' water than we can generate.”

“Plus there’s more Afghanis than enough mannin’ the junk tucker joints so ya jest don’t know how many Taliban moles an’ Fifth Columnist Jolly Jihadis wearin’ Semtex vests or crotch bombs is in here jest ready ter take a shot at us – or poison the guys’ pizza rations.”

NATO's top Afghanistan commander, General Ghengis McTwatt, made it clear last year that the days of the Burger King and Pizza Hut chew n spew outlets on ISAF bases were numbered.

He expressed concern that burger bars, pizza restaurants, sex toy stores and Happy Ending Rub n Tug massage parlours in the sprawling International Security Assistance Force bases at Kandahar, Bagram and Mazar-e-Sharif served as a distraction to the main military mission – which has always been – then and now - to safeguard the gas pipeline and the poppy fields / opium crops.

"For several months now we have been in the process of bringing in President O’Barmy’s 39,000 extra ‘Surge’ troops to join up with the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment and 18th Window Lickers Brigade – plus scores of technical trainers to mentor the Afghan Army’s elite Special Forces 27th Sodomites Battalion.”

“Hence we need the space these private enterprises are utilising before we launch the Stage 2 Shock n Awe push of Operation Mishmash and Operation Clusterfuck against the Taliban forces entrenched in caves around the Twat-al-Dork region of Bellend Province.”

“Anyways I don’t like our guys eating this shite junk food on a daily basis while they’re in barracks – plus how many casualties have we encountered from them being out on patrol and calling up Pizza Hut or McD’s for a platoon-sized field delivery of Big Mick’s and fries and large Cokes – then the Taliban triangulate their position from the cellphone calls and put a mortar round on top of ‘em. Plus the stupid kid on the McD’s 50cc Honda delivery bike hits a land mine and ends up like minced dogmeat.”

Staff Sergeant Fellattia van der Gobble, head of the Bagram base’s HSE Team told Fux News “Apart from the logistics aspect we’ve grave concerns over hygiene and sanitation with the local Afghan staff working in the fast food joints.”
“Seriously, we did a snap inspection at Achmed’s Fubar Burger King last week and never in my entire career have I seen a kitchen so effing gross and filthy that even the cockroaches and rats come out spewing.”
“Same deal at the Dairy Queen outlet where we discovered one of the male store staff on night shift masturbating in the Blizzard sundaes for a bit of a laugh.”

"This is a war zone, not an amusement park. We need to get the troops refocused or we’re going to get our arses trashed again – same as Vietnam.”
“So no more chew n spew fast food shacks, no more Frisky Fatima’s sucky-fucky massage salons, no more cheap whore houses and pole dancing strip joints with see-though burkahs.”

Are you stationed at one of NATO’s SNAFU bases in Afghanistan? How do you feel about the closure of the chew n spew joints? Did you ever eat one of the Dairy Queen Blizzard’s? How did it taste? Did you get to shake hands with Prince Charles last week? Are those his real ears?

Send your comments using the online post form below and you could win an all-expenses paid two weeks vacation in your own en suite cave at Tora Bora’s Jolly Jihad Mountain Resort.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If the Taliban shit in the oven at Bagram’s Pizza Hut will it be classed as extra-toppings? Is the white stuff on McD’s Big Mick burgers really mayonnaise?

Bin Laden Threatens US from the Grave

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - providing additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

Deceased Al Qaeda terrorist leader Osama bin Laden, speaking through his regular CIA clairvoyant medium at a Washington kidney dialysis clinic séance last night, warned that ‘legions’ more Americans would be slaughtered if Mohammed al Pasty - the Mossad-brainwashed self-proclaimed mastermind behind the 9/11 false flag attacks - is executed for the crimes committed by Israel and their American agents.

“If the Great Satan bends to the corrupt commands of their Zionist kike masters and make such a decision to that goes against the will of Allah the Almighty - to execute Mohammed bin Patsy and his Fedayeen compatriots - then the Mujahideen fighters of the Green Crescent’s Jolly Jihad Brigades will be sent forth to loose havoc on the infidels – led by the ghosts of the martyred Shaheed.”

The table-rattling spirit of the former al-Qaeda leader further warned President Barky Hussein O’Barmy of ‘personal retribution’ for his apostasy and perfidious crimes against islam – threatening the publication of his Kenyan birth certificate and too a copy of his Indonesian Barry Soetoro passport – stamped with a Muslim Hajji visa for entry to Jeddah and Mecca in 1978.

“The Kenyan cuckoo squatted in the Oval Office nest shall have ten kinds of shit fall upon his head and upon the tents of his tribe – and for all eternity shall he remain the colour he is – never to become white like Michael Jackson.”

The Virginia-based Intel-Center spokesman, Colonel Billy Bob Rosenscum, told a reporter from the Ouija Board Gazette that the voice recordings of the Bin Laden apparition’s statements checked out to be as genuine as all the earlier tapes the CIA had released for public scaremongering.

“Hey, I ain’t joking – this is either the real McCoy or a very authentic forgery – so we need to step up TSA manning at all our airports and points of entry to the US - then recruit another bunch of Homeland Security goons from Slackwater/ XE - and be very afraid. Thank God for Dubya’s Patriot Act”

The last Tinsel Town séance tape aired in January, in which Bin Laden’s ghost declared that al-Qaeda was responsible for the attempted high explosive dirty knickers ‘crotch bombing’ of a Detroit-bound airliner on Christmas Day by the Nigerian Muslim radical Jihadist - Ibn Zamel al Stooge.

It has been speculated that Bin Laden's taped netherworld messages often air days after they have been recorded as they are thought to be carried by pigeon courier from his secret hideaway within the Islamic ‘Paradise’.

Conversely Bin Laden is well known by Western intelligence agencies for his beyond-the-grave boasts and exaggerations – and even claiming responsibility for Mossad’s false flag operations - and anything else that goes Ka-Boom!

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange declaration: No Afghan civilians or Muslim types were harmed in posting this message. However several American consciences were ‘temporarily’ stirred.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If Big Al Qaeda shits in a cave around Tora Bora and there’s no NATO troops around to smell it, does it still stink?

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Knesset ‘Shakran’ Claims Gaza Not Besieged

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - providing additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

According to Ramaim Ibn Zamel - Israel’s Minister for Euphemisms - the Palestinians in the Gaza Strip are not under siege and definitely not enduring a humanitarian crisis, he declared in a briefing to the Knutty Knesset Rashaim Affairs and Genocide Committee yesterday.

His Knesset report follows the recent high profile visits to Gaza by UN Secretary-General Ban Loony Moony and the EUSSR’s foreign policy chief Fellattia Gashton.

Mr Ibn Zamel showed the UN visitors pictures of bustling markets in Gaza – revealing that hundreds of trucks travel into the Palestinian enclave every day - supplying fuel, water, isotonic energy drinks, Hershey bars, tins of Spam, sex toys, depleted uranium, Marvel action comics and medical equipment.

He further revealed hundreds of Gazans visit Israel every morning, seeking medical care for their overnight bullet wounds and white phosphorous burns, and to pray at the St Shylock’s Synagogue.

“Talk of hunger and a siege in Gaza is all anti-Semitic goyim propaganda,” Ibn Zamel stated for the record. “There is no humanitarian crisis and the huge wall we have built around the place is for the Palestinian’s protection.”

“Gaza and the West Bank are very happy places. It is like Disneyland in Florida – everyone smiling and Jews getting along with their Palestinian neighbours. Don’t believe me – just ask Bono.”

Ibn Zamel went on to boast of Israeli stoicism and enduring patience concerning reports there had been a rise in rocket fire from Gaza at Israeli civilians, which he blamed on tension over the illegal Jewish setlements in Jerusalem and told the UN heavies and Pox News he did not believe it would intensify –especially so after IDF troops and bulldozers had levelled the village from where the make-shift rockets were fired - and shot everyone old enough to bleed.

Apparently the incident Mr Ibn Zamel was referring to involved a Hamas militia Kassam rocket being fired willy-nilly from Gaza on Saturday night which perchance struck a Kikester brothel packed with drunken IDF thugs located on the Ashkelon coastal road.

So, where is your family vacation caravan headed this year? Disney World in Paris or Florida – or holed up in some bombed-out bunker in Gaza? Have you ever thought of going totally gaga and investing in a West Bank timeshare apartment to offset the bankrupting financial ravages caused by 13 years of Labour Party mismanagement?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

* Shakran – Heb’ – Liar.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Moat-Man Hogg: MP’s Underpaid

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - providing additional proof that this is definitely the month of the Mad March Hare.

Sir Dinsdale von Hogg - the avaricious Tory MP for Old Scrotum - whose moat dredging bills became a symbol of the House of Conmans dodgy expenses scandal and all that’s wrong with bent politicians in Britain - informed Ron Shylock, the embezzlement columnist for the Pound of Flesh Gazette, that an MP's annual salary of £65,000 is far too low.

Sir Dinsdale claims it should be increased by at least 50% - to attract people of ‘the right calibre’ into politics.
Que, con permiso Dinsdale? Please clarify that one – do you mean ‘honest’ people of the right calibre – or even more money-grubbing kleptomaniacs and career criminals like yourself perched on the green leather benches of the biggest doss house in Britain?

Hogg, a professional coprophagous bottom feeder, comes from a long line of inbred scumbags and is visibly afflicted by the abundance of mongrel genes in his dubious vaunted pedigree.
Nevertheless the Viscount considers himself to be Ubermench and arrogantly displays the self-proclaimed elite’s customary contempt for the human herd and general population by sneering at the local peasantry.

For Viscount Hogg, son of Quintin (ex-Lord Hailsham) is a silver spoon wunderkind and upper echelon Tory grandee – and considers himself a cut above the common sheeple as he inherited the 2,000 hectare Scumsters Hall country estate in his Greedshire constituency from his robber baron ancestors – a hereditary line of inbred mutant snobs that stretches back to Porcinellus von Gruntus – the 13th Century Teutonic founder of the English Hogg family.

Hogg, voted by his peers as the “Least Likely to Ever Be Known As A Man of The People” while at Eton, served as Minister for Garden Sheds in the Twatcher government. Over the years his money-grubbing habits have spurred various derogatory sobriquets – with the Viscount once being labeled as “a person the English language lacks the necessary words with which to describe him and his avaricious condition.”

However Hogg’s attitude is synonymous with the elitist political fraternity and their absurd sense of entitlement - that percentage of society who use far more than they need to live at a higher standard than those they are stealing from.

But Sir Dinsdale’s days of living high on the hog (pun intended) at the public’s expense are drawing to a close, for his Boss – Posh Dave Cameron – has given Dinsie the bullet and he is being forced to stand down from political life as a Tory MP at the next election. Precisely the ignominy he so justly deserves.

In his first public interview since the expenses scandal broke, the veteran Conservative MP for Old Scrotum told Ron Shylock from the Pound of Flesh Gazette that he didn’t even have a moat around Scumsters Hall and the claim was a misunderstanding made by the Parliamentary Fees Office as it was a ‘drainage ditch’ that he had dredged – totally ignoring the fact the dodgy expense claim was emblazoned with the word ‘MOAT’ - in capital letters – and also listed repairs to a ‘drawbridge’ and a ‘portcullis’.

Sadly the Crown Prosecution Service informed Frank Shyster, a journalist with the Scott Free Review, that there is insufficient evidence to proceed with charges of embezzlement from the public purse or Misconduct in Public Office - or prosecution under the statutes of the Serious Fraud Act 2006, or the Thieving Gits Act 1968 – even though Hogg has been ordered to repay mega-bucks claimed in expenses and has been categorised alongside society scumbags like tax evaders, benefit cheats, banksters, Scottish lawyers, Aberdeen paedophiles and sheep molesters.

Such are the perks of being a ranking Freemason and knowing all manner of funny handshakes.

However Hogg, who believes that anyone forced to live on £65,000 quid a year is existing on a pittance, maintains that MP’s salaries should be boosted by 50% to allow them to enjoy a better quality of life.

Quite right too, as £65 grand per annum definitely won’t pay for the upkeep of a 13th Century manor house and 2,000 hectare estate complete with its own lake. Nor will that paltry amount cover repairs to the stables or having horses re-shoed, nor the upkeep of gardens – and gardeners, nor cover the housekeeper’s salary – or her car’s running expenses – nor pay for piano tuners –or the ‘mole’ man – nor having a bumble bee’s nest nuked.

Further it definitely will not cover the costs of high maintenance assets like a Russian mistress such as Ms. Tekit Orloff - the famous celebrity Russian stripper and bottom-spanking Dominatrix. Thus it’s obvious why MP’s need their expenses.

Have you ever claimed expenses to have your country manor’s moat cleaned out? How about a floating island gazebo for your ducks? Ever claimed for a mortgage on a second home that doesn’t exist? £1500 quid for a vase like Harry McYidd of the Kikesters Party? How about your own personal flagpole? Porno DVD’s to keep your pervy hubby entertained? A London flat you don’t live in like Baroness Marzipan Pola Dacoit, the Minister for Takeaways? A couple of £ grand £ on toyboys like Iris Slobinson?

Send your comments using the online post form below and you could win a free one-way trip to the fabulous Swiss Dignitas resort and take part in one of our ever-popular assisted suicide surveys.

A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location so Community Enforcement Service officers from Renta-Thug can come round, kick your front door in and arrest you on charges of anarchy and domestic terrorism.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If an MP shits on his own doorstep, can he claim to have it cleaned up?

Saturday, 27 March 2010

MI6 Claim ‘Tit Bombs’ Latest Terrorist Threat

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

According to a top secret terrorist intelligence report discovered by homeless scavvies in a pile of men’s magazines while mooching around on a landfill site at Smegmadale-on-Sea, female – and too shemale – Muslim suicide bombers are being surgically kitted out with high explosive breast implants which are nigh on impossible to detect – until they actually go Ka-Boom!

The shocking MI6 report - titled ‘Demonising Islam & Muslims: Part #126’ – reveals the novel Al Qaeda terror tactic involves radical doctors inserting the explosives in women's breasts during a simple plastic surgery procedure — making them invisible to airport scanning machines.

The Patsy & Schmucks Gazette, along with the False Flag Review, both report it is believed the surgeons performing the ‘bomb op’s’ have been trained at some of Britain's leading teaching hospitals before returning to their own basket case disaffected countries to perform the surgical procedures so the split-arsed Shaheed can attack the Great Satan – and their cohorts and cronies across the EUSSR and rain destruction upon our hated Democratic freedoms – whatever they are.

The ‘discarded’ MI6 report further states that female Fedayeen suicide bombers are being recruited by Big Al Qaeda personally to have Semtex and PETN high explosive charges inserted in their breasts using the same medical techniques as breast enhancement surgery.
It is further rumoured that the Jolly Jihad Brigade’s ranks have been augmented with scores of Islamic radical transvestites, who are undergoing hormone therapy followed by Boob Bomb surgery.

The discovery of plans for these radical ‘suicide bombs’ was made after the Nigerian-born Umar Fuckwit al Patsy came close to blowing off his wedding tackle on an Northwest Scarelines plane over the U.S. on Christmas Day when he attemppted to detonate the explosive dirty knickers crotch bomb he was wearing.

Within hours after he had failed, Britain's intelligence services began to pick up lots of "clucking and chatter" emanating from Pakistan and Yemen that alerted MI6 to the design of the lethal breast implants.

Military explosive specialists have now confirmed that a Muslim woman’s breast implant containing as little as five ounces of PETN could blow "a considerable hole" in the side of a commericial aircraft – besides blasting a ‘considerable’ hole in her bra too.

Five ounces of high explosive is estimated to equal a mere 32A brassier cup size, so a common or garden pair of 36CC knockers could well blast a Boeing 787 Screamliner or Airbus A380-800 out of the sky with a quick twist of a perky erect nipple.

Thus it is now being bandied that airport security will have the recently commissioned ‘full body’ scanner teams further augmented with a trained ‘Tit Squeezer’ assigned to detect explosive breast implants in well-endowed ladies – and too in any porky males of the species sporting a pair of ‘man tits’.

Rumours currently abound that recruitment guidelines for the posts must stipulate Straight Females Only – with all male and lesbian candidates barred from applying.

So, from suitcase bombs we evolve to Semtex vests to non-exploding ‘shoe’ bombs to smouldering underwear crotch bombs – and now from Booby Traps to ‘Boob Traps’.

Would you allow some dodgy dyke in a Renta-Thug security uniform to squeeze your tits and pinch your nipples while queuing to board a flight? Really? Oh well, whatever turns you on.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Tony Bliar Richer Than Croesus

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - with additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

Career criminal Tony Bliar waged a sinister, profit-motivated battle since 2003 to keep secret a corrupt deal with a multinational oil corporation which now – thanks to Bliar - has extensive interests in Iraq – the Third World shithole the ex-PM dragged the UK into illegally invading in 2003 and bombed back into the Stone Age – in the name of Democracy.

According to front page reports embellishing today’s copy of the Scandalmongers Gazette the scumbag ex-PM tried to keep the British peasantry in the dark over his dealings with South Korean oil firm UI Energy Corporation.

Bliar - who has made a tax-free £20 zillion quid since quitting Downing Street in June 2007 - also went to great efforts to keep hidden a £1 million cash-in-hand deal advising the ruling royal family in Iraq's neighbour Kuwait – while he was still Slime Minister.

In an unprecedented move, he cajoled the Advisory Committee on Business Appointments – whose established purpose is to vet the jobs of former ministers - to keep details of both corrupt deals from the public for 20 months, claiming it was commercially sensitive – and he was a”pretty up-front sort of bloke”.

The committee agreed to suspend its normal practice and keep the deals secret for three months but Bliar then asked for a further extension.

However the deals were blown wide open for trial in the Court of Public Opinion yesterday when the Chairman of ACBA – Sir Irwin Bogbrush - finally lost patience with Bliar’s self-serving evasive bullshit and decided to ignore his objections and passed details of both deals onto Parliament’s Snitch & Grassers office for general circulation via the graft and corruption grapevine.

News of the secret crony deals fuelled fresh accusations that the untrustworthy Bliar has been personally 'cashing in on his contacts' and the illegal Iraq war while he was still in office – an act one Tory MP termed 'revolving door politics at its worst'.

These scandalous revelations also shed fresh light on his astonishing earnings, which include lucrative after-dinner speeches - telling dirty jokes; plus consultancies with banks and foreign governments, a generous advance for his forthcoming memoirs “Tony’s Twatanomics” - as well as the pension and other perks he enjoys as a former Slime Minister.

The full extent of Bliar’s income is cloaked in secrecy due his Rothshite Zionist crime syndicate buddies constructing a complex web of shadowy companies and partnerships which allows him to hide mega-bucks earnings from both felonious kick-backs and semi-legal commercial ventures.

This dodgy arrangement has so far protected him from being charged with offences of Misconduct in Public Office - and prosecution under the statutes of the Serious Fraud Act 2006 and the Thieving Gits Act 1968 – although poitical enemies are still hoping he will eventually face Universal Jurispudence charges for war crimes – along with his fellow offender – the moronic George Dubya Bush.

Tory MP for East Twatford, Douglas Arsesmell told a reporter from the Daily Shitraker concerning Bliar's links to the Korea-owned UI Energy Corporation: 'This doesn't just look bad, it stinks of a culture of graft and corruption that has permeated the entire New Labour political machine since it unfortunately got into office in 1997.”

Liberal Democrat MP for Numpty Hamlets, Norman Bonkers opined to Pox News 'These revelations show that our former Prime Minister is for sale like a five dollar whore - he is driven by making as much money as possible.”

“We think the public will find it deeply offensive that he is cashing in on his contacts from the Iraq war to make money for himself – especially so by advising a consortium of oil and gas investors led by UI Energy since January of 2003 – before he and Bush were ordered to fake their Weapons of Mass Distraction dossier and kick-start an illegal invasion - and a bloody conflict that is still going on.”

The exact nature of the deal is unknown, but UI Energy is one of the biggest investors in Iraq's oil-rich Lemon Kurdistan region, which became semi-autonomous in mid-2003 after the Lemon Kurds slaughtered all Saddam’s Republican Guard units garrisoned in the region.

Bliar's fee has never been formally disclosed but is likely to amount to what banksters and accountants refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’.
However the secrecy arouses the worst kinds of suspicions and speculations as the Korean CEO of UI Energy – Kim il Kimchi - is fond of boasting of the corporation’s string of ‘foreign jukebox political cronys and stooges’ who include the former Australian prime minister Bob Squawk and several serving American politico scumbags.

Alas Bliar - a career bottom feeder with a lot of mongrel in his dubious pedigree – and too a person I’ve always considered the English language lacks the necessary words to describe him and his human frailty ‘condition’ of contemptible greed and lust for material gain regardless of the expense or suffering of others.

He surrendered the facility for Truth for temporal wealth – and at the same time had the bare-faced audacity to convert to Catholicism. Now how’s that for gross hypocrisy.

Would you buy a used car from Tony Bliar? How about used Weapons of Mass Distraction? Have you ever shaken hands with Bliar? Did you count your fingers afterwards? Were any missing?

Allergy warning : This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If Tony Bliar shits in the woods and there’s no-one around from the Parliamentary Ombudsman’s office to smell it, does it still stink?

Friday, 26 March 2010

Rodent Fabricates Consent for Attack on Iran

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - with additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

US Secretary of Sleaze Hilarious Rodent Clinton went into total ‘PMS Rabid Bitch Hypocrite Harpy’ mode during a sychophantic speech addressing the influential pro-Israel AIPAC Kikesters lobby group in Washington on Monday, stating Israel faced 'difficult choices' on Mideast peace and termed Israel's illegal West Bank and Jerusalem settlements policy a real problem – for the marginalised Palestinians.

The Rodent informed the AIPAC assembly (Arseholes Incorporated Preying on America Communities) - and their new leader Lee ‘Rosy’ Nosenscum - that the United States will push for tougher UN and international sanctions against Iran, in an effort to prevent the Islamic Republic from developing nuclear weapons – and end up as hawkish and powerful as Israel.

Clinton stressed that US-based Kikesters and Israel have a common interest in preventing Iran from developing nuclear weapons.
She believes that possession of nuclear arms would embolden Iran’s Jolly Jihad “terrorist clientele” to brave new offensives against the outlaw state of Israel and give the nasty Shylock Zionists the big finger.

“This is wholly unacceptable to the rogue Zionist Jews who control the US economy and government.”

Hmmm, in all truth this is unacceptable to Israel as it will threaten their regional military hegemony and perhaps make them think twice before bombing the living shit out of Gaza – or Lebanon – or conducting surgical air strikes on Syria – or sending forth with great arrogance their teams of Mossad assassins to Dubai.
Hey, it might even stop Prime Minister Binman Nuttyahoo blathering on about pushing the US into pre-emptive military strikes on Iran.

Obviously enjoying the sound of her own voice and in a further effort to elicit applause by demonising Iran and Muslims in general, the Rodent continued with “Elements in Iran’s government have become a menace to everyone in the known Universe.”
“Iran’s president Mahdog Ahmadashell foments anti-Semitism, denies the Holohoax ever took place, threatens to destroy Israel – and even claims that the New York 9/11 attacks were expedited by Zionist Kikesters and sloppy hi-fiving Mossad agents.”

The Arkansas Gorgon then claimed to the hypnotised Shylock audience “In addition to threatening Israel, a nuclear-armed Iran would spark an arms race that could destabilize the region. This is unacceptable to US-based Zionist Jews and is unacceptable to Israel.”

“There will be ‘painful consequences ‘ for Iran if they continue with their nuclear programme – and quite possibly radioactive consequences if we have to attack with our bunker buster bombs.”

Hmmm, the dumpy dyke is quite the hawk at times – especially so, just like her Artful Draft Dodger husband Bill, when she’s nowhere near the firing line and the betting stakes comprise the blood and lives of others.

However the record of actual history reveals that the Mid-East atomic ‘arms race’ was kick started by Israel’s clandestine possession of a massive nuclear weapons arsenal – covertly supplied via the US in the early 1960’s - followed by both classical basket case India and the Muslim sovereign stronghold of Pakistan developing – and testing their own atomic stockpiles.

So, there’s the Islamic nuke arsenal – ready built and spread around a few Pakistani bunkers - all ready to detonate – thanks to radical scientist Abdul Qadeer Khan.

One to ponder on - are these kike clowns running the illegal rogue Zionist state of Israel – and too the good ole US of A – actually ignorant of the fact that when the USSR broke up in 1989/1990, nuclear weapons bunkered in the Muslim southern states were sold off to Khomenei’s boys in the Revolutionary Guards – they have a complete suitcase arsenal ready and waiting.

With regard to the Rodent’s tongue-slip mention of bunker buster bombs it may just be yet another coincidental fact that the US has recently shipped an excess of 400 of these deep penetration devices from California to the British island of Diego Garcia located in the Indian Ocean – the ‘Last Footprint of Freedom’ as the brainwashed Yanks like to call their usurped atoll.

Analysts employed by the Warmongers Gazette believe that the ‘bunker bomb’ cargo manifest from the US Navy is being put in place for an already-scheduled forthcoming assault on Iran's medical nuclear research facilities – doubly so since the USAF and USN used Diego Garcia as a base to attack Iraq in 1991 and 2003.

Meanwhile, in typical Kikester ‘hands-out’ begging bowl fashion, Israeli PM Binman Nuttyahho – while on his current visit to Washington - is demanding some of the sophisticated 400-odd nuclear-tipped bunker buster bombs stockpiled at the air and naval base on Diego Garcia in preparation for their own pre-emptive sneak attack on Iran’s domestic nuclear energy programme facilities – plus any other likely weapons of mass distraction sites such as baby formula plants, paint factories, dairies, baklava bakeries, bicycle repair shops, and mobile groceries.

While Israel has the region's sole atomic arsenal, it has a long-standing agenda to bomb Iran's nuclear sites, arguing that the country is a potential threat against Israel’s criminal outlaw regime.

Thus in a blatant display of gross hypocrisy, despite Tel Aviv's refusal to renounce nuclear and other weapons of mass destruction, Israel and its Western Zionist allies accuse Iran of seeking to develop nuclear weapons under the guise of a civilian program — a charge hotly denied by Tehran – and too Russia and China and the IAEA inspectors.

Iran, a signatory to the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT) – which Israel is not - views the Kikester’s claims as "unfounded and baseless” as the non-diversion of Iranian nuclear materials has been repeatedly verified in unannounced visits by UN inspectors – much the same as Iraq’s WMD programmes were too – which didn’t deter the US and UK from concocting false data and dossiers to illegally invade the country in 2003 on the orders of their Rothshite Zionist controllers.

So, to conclude, the best advice to Iran – dig in and get ready to duck – for it is coming and no amount of diplomacy on Earth will stop it – as the Zionist NWO criminals want the land mass and natural resources of Greater Persia and then Balkanize the entire country al la the chaotic mess that now comprises Iraq.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No Iranian nuclear fuel enrichment facilities or bunkers were damaged during the posting of this message. However a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning : This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references that can be attributed to Bono.

Wales Bans Electro-Torture of Pets

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - with additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

Welsh Wales has become the first part of the Nanny State UK to outlaw the use of electric shock collars, cattle prods and tasers to 'persuade' bellicose cats and disobedient dogs into behaving and submitting to the capricious whims of their Master’s – or Mistress’s - will.

The ban, introduced by members of the Llywodraeth Cynulliad Cymru assembly, mandates that from midnight anyone caught using the devices faces a penalty of having to wear one of the 50,000 volt ‘shock’ collars themselves while serving a community service order of up to six months.

The collars are used to train dogs and cats by delivering a paralysing electric shock when the animal is deemed to have committed a 'pets behaving badly' sin – such as meowing or barking out of turn, tearing the curtains to shreds, eating the goldfish, chewing up the Argos catalogue, shitting in the bath, biting lumps out of the baby or mortally savaging the postman.

Wales' Rural Affairs Minister Chlamydia Mingerot told the Big Brother Gazette that she believed there was no place for electro-shock collars in modern animal training – although she did agree with government authoritarians who promulgate the use of the collars to expedite the Pavlovian response conditioning of mayhem-bent hoodies and chavs who disobeyed the statutes of their Asbo’s.

Conversely manufacturers claim the devices helped to successfully train dogs not to chase livestock, or attack other pets or people, and had been developed in Iraq’s Abu Ghraib Prison for training recalcitrant Muslim terrorists not detonate high explosive Semtex suicide vests in crowded pedestrian shopping malls.

Ghengis Torquemada, chairman of the FTH (Fuck That Hurt) company that manufactures the high voltage electro-shock collars "I reckon the ban’s a bad idea all round because it’s going to rip a swathe through our profits and put us all out of business.”
“Fer fuck’s sake, it’s only dogs and effin’ cats that are getting it – not women and kids. We’re not the Israelis doing one on the Palestinians round Gaza.”

“This is what we make – instruments of pain and torture - and the Welsh Assembly ban could mean massive lay-offs for our staff.”

While animal welfare groups such as the RSPCA and the Kennel Club supported the ban and want to see it implemented across England too, they also sympathised with Mr Torquemada’s position and that of FTH Inc. – who currently turn out half a million collars per annum.

However the FTH Inc. company might well have salvation on the horizon as Home Secretary Sir Isaac Hunt announced that following consultations with the HM Prisons Board and the Probation Service that the government was seriously considering legislation to have the shock collars forcibly fitted to erring yobs who breached the mandates of their Asbo’s.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy or Bono-type philosophy.

Thought for the day: If a drunken yob pisses through your letterbox and there’s no-one around to see him, will he get automatically zapped?

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Kikester Hoofed Out In Diplomatic Row

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - with additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

Today’s reading is taken from the gospel according to St David of Millipede, the current UK Foreign Secretary – until May 6th.

In response to the cloning and forging of a dozen British passports by the rogue Israeli ‘intelligence’ (sic) agency Mossad - used to expedite the killing of Hamas leader Shaheed bin Kess Emakk in Dubai last January – Millipede has declared an Israeli diplomat - Shylock ben Scumberger (Mossad station chief) persona non grata and expelled him from the UK forthwith.

The foreign secretary told a reporter from the Khazars Gazette that the misuse of British passports by a bunch of state-sponsored criminal Kikesters was ‘intolerable’ – and there were "compelling reasons" to believe Israel was responsible for the forgeries – and hence the murder of Mr Shaheed bin Kess Emakk.

However Israel's ambassador to London, Ron Tosser, told the Genocide Review “The relationship between Israel and the UK is of mutual importance as we need the financial backing of British Zionist Jews – and British armament sales.”
“Hence we are disappointed that the government is taking offence at us using British passports for our agents to go and knock off Jolly Jihadi terrorist types.”

Ambassador Tosspot concluded “For Jehovah’s sake, it would be a bit effin’ obvious if we had Mossad travelling around pulling false flag op’s and doing hit jobs on Israeli passports now wouldn’t it.”

Britain's Serious and Organized Crime Agency discovered the forged British passports were counterfeit copies of authentic documents handed to Israeli officials for inspection either in Israel or other countries – and that the fakes were high-quality professional forgeries and almost certainly "made by a state intelligence service – such as Mossad."

FS Millipede declared that whatever pretence or façade of trust existed between the two countries had been badly dented and demanded formal assurances from Ambassador Tosser it would never occur again. Further, in an unusual step, he issued travel advice to U.K. citizens warning their identity details – and also transplantable internal organs - may be at risk if they visit the outlaw state of Israel on business or vacation.

To add emphasis to the British government’s displeasure, pro-Zionist Millipede has pulled out of an event at the Israeli Embassy this afternoon, where he was due to be the guest of honour at a "waterboarding party" to mark the opening of its new ‘extraordinary rendition centre’ in up-market Kensington.

While Israel’s fanatical goyim-hating ultra-nationalist Foreign Minister Avigdor Orla Guerin maintains that his government has never been supplied with any proof that Israel was involved in this affair, he regretted Britain's decision as it could well have been the Nigerians or Icelanders who were responsible.

However this is not the first time British passports have been misused by Israel. In 1987 the rogue state was caught forging UK passports for an intelligence operation, and Israel promised it would not do it again.

On that occasion, eight British passports altered to facilitate travel for Mossad agents were found in a bag - in a West German telephone booth. Que??
Then in 1988 Britain expelled Israeli diplomat Sharlila Bala’a il A’air over a spying row – who was described by MI6 as a scumbag Mossad agent.

Conversely the expulsion of the Mossad head of station in London has provoked outrage in the Israeli Knesset, with Cabaz Kelevra, the National Big Nose Nekeshers Party lawbreaker, totally spitting the dummy and quoted by the Genocide Gazette as comparing the British to "dogs"– just because their sloppy hit team amateurs got caught out red-handed on CCTV murdering political opponents.

Hmmm, ‘dogs’ - a bit of a change from being termed an anti-Semite or Holohoax denier for disagreeing with anything the Israelis say or do.

So, reflecting on the length, breadth, height and depth of this 'wet job' cluster fuck, the past media hype afforded to Israel by the Hollywood kikesters - promoting Mossad as some kind of super-spy agency – is obviously more at scent than substance.

What we see from Dubai – and in Belgrade last week – are sloppy cack-handed botched jobs wholly lacking in any form of sophistication that the career Zionist Yids who own and operate Tinseltown promote and propagandise in every kikester movie they produce.

Thus to assess Mossad’s agents, Ninjas they are not - as was clearly evidenced by the hi-fiving bungling clots who were responsible for the WTC demolitions in NY on 9/11 – and in Bali with the Sari Club micro-nuke – and at the Madrid Railway Station - and again in London on 7/7 - and the Mumbai false flag attack. The Three Stooges - Moe, Larry and Shemp - could do no worse at hiding their carbon identity footprints.

The entire Dubai fiasco now reads alike some botched Wiley T Coyote or Looney Tunes script or scenario - masterminded by Homer Simpson and his black brother OJ – with assistance from the Tiger Woods School of Driving.

Who do you think forged the British passports and snuffed the Hamas leader in his Dubai hotel? Was it Snow White and the 26 dwarves? Perhaps it was the gang from South Park – or the Iranians – just to make Binman Nuttyahoo and the Knesset look bad?

Ah well, the rogue state of Israel sticks out like a sore thumb – as usual – due their brazen arrogance and total disregard for law and order.

It’s a Dogger’s Life with no Woods

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - with additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

A Wankashire council has used a health and safety smokescreen to justify clearing a 12 hectare forested roadside site the on the outskirts of Darwen, just south of Blackburn, claiming that the 60-year-old trees were in danger of falling over and perhaps squashing a rabbit or squirrel.

The huge expanse of woodlands that ran for kilometres alongside the busy A666 ‘Satan’s Boulevard’ was ‘axed’ following a contrived health and safety survey that reported the trees were unsafe.
Conversely the real reason for the criminal devastation of this stunning beauty spot was to stop couples holding nocturnal al fresco sex session sex in public.

Alderwoman Fellattia van der Gobble informed a reporter from the Voyeurs Gazette that an excess of 6,000 trees had been chopped down at the Cottagers Woods area after it became a hotspot for ‘Amomaxia’ – or ‘dogging' as it is colloqually known - where people have sex with strangers while being watched - by other strangers.

Morton Bogbrush, a spokesman for the local Council Tax Avoiders Alliance told the Daily Shitraker 'It's awful that a public green space, an asset to the local community, has been destroyed mindlessly just to stop folk enjoying a dogging session.”
“Now that’s got to have made a right bollocks of the council’s carbon credit cap and trade exchange balance at the Global Warming Bank.”

'If the police ever got off their lazy fat arses and the law was enforced properly then there would be no need to chop down the trees. Before you could drive past slowly and make out ‘suggestive’ silhouettes and shadows – now it’s wholly embarrasing as there are no trees or bushes to hide behind so everyone’s shagging each other rotten in plain sight across a car bonnet when they get caught in the headlights.”

“Seriously it interferrs with driving concentration – watching some bloke’s hairy arse going like a fiddler’s elbow while he’s porking that spotty slapper off the complaints counter from the local B & Q DIY centre.”

While ‘dogging’ is a ‘Common Law’ offence - of ‘Outraging Public Decency’ – such is rarely imposed – mainly due the police arriving on the scene and joining in themselves.

Critics have slammed the scorched Earth policy of the local council, with the popular Dogging-After-Dark website’s noticeboard hosting scores of complaints such as Jacko the Cocksman’s : “It really woz a swinger’s heaven, now your bare ass gets lit up in the headlights of passing cars which puts me right off the vinegar strokes and affects me performance.”

Local Councillor Chlamydia Killjoy insisted the area will be replanted with a native species of trees – dwarf Sequoias – to provide a self-sustaining fence and windbreak - but not sufficient cover for rampant al fresco sexual escapades.

Conversely Ms Candida Muffrot of the Darwen Prudes Society told a reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette “We consider it a disgrace all this sex in public – why don’t these people go and shag each other silly in the privacy of their own homes – or garden sheds if they want some outdoor activities.”

Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange declaration: A total of 6,000 trees were chopped down while posting this message – causing a mass extinction level event of all dependent life forms – including several threatened species of 'Pervertus Doggus'.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits in Doggers Wood is it classed as a Public Order offence?

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Israeli Organ Transplant Breakthrough

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - with additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

Doctors at the St Shylock Bris Milah Memorial Hospital in the Tel Aviv suburb of Manuke Khara have performed the country's first kidney transplant involving a donor and recipient not only with different blood types but also different religions and nationalities – and too political convictions.

While the medical profession has applauded the procedure as a major breakthrough that could see a significant increase in the number of Palestinian children getting kidnapped and butchered for transplant organs, the fundamentalist rabbi’s have cursed the news stating it is against Talmudic law to go around transplanting non-kosher organs from ‘trefah’ goyim cadavers into the sacred physical bodies of Jehovah’s ‘Chosen People’.

According to a stop press report in the Transplant Weekly, the double kidney recipient was 96-year old AIPAC spokesman Seymour Weaselstein who has type B kosher blood – and received the organs from a kidnapped 11-year old Palestinian urchin named 'Lucky' who ‘had’ type A trefah goyim blood.

Dr Ghaban Ibn Himar, chief of experimental medicine at Israel’s ‘Facility 1391’ extraordinary rendition and re-education centre, where transplant organs are harvested for sale on the international black market, told a reporter from the War Crimes Gazette the operation thus proved that organs stolen from kidnapped Palestinian Muslim children – such as those comprising the ranks of Hamas’ Gaza-based 25th Brick Chucking Brigade - could be successfully transplanted into the bodies of pro-Zionist Jews – regardless of what Jehovah or the rabid Rabbi’s claimed.

The procedure is based on technology developed decades ago in Germany where similar cultural restrictions and beliefs had to be overcome by pioneering Kraut surgeons to prove to the Nazi hierarchy that organs harvested from concentration camp inmates with mongrel Khazar bloodlines could be successfully transplanted into the bodies of wounded Aryan Ubermensch warriors of the Third Reich’s Wehrmacht and Waffen-SS.

Almost 700 Israelis are currently awaiting kidney transplants, but medical officials claim this was due to the archaic religious stigma involving differing racial types.

With this week’s successful transplant breakthrough the staff at Facility 1391 are expecting a rush of orders for organs, with the IDF’s ‘Butcher Battalion’ working 24/7 to kidnap or head shot the requisite number of West Bank and Gaza-based Palestinian youths to keep up with the supply and demand chain – and at the same time avoid witnesses from do-gooder organisations like the Red Crescent, Amnesty International and the Ox-Rat snitch and grassers charity.

Conversely the Jerusalem-based Rabbi Sharmuta Rosenscum told reporters from Fux News “Just wait a while then these people who have had goyim organs transplanted will turn into self-hating Jews and become Holohoax deniers and start throwing bricks at the IDF and proclaiming we have to give half of Israel back to the Palestinians.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a suspected anti-Semite propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references – all attributed to Bono.

Fudgers Barred From B & B

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - with additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

A middle-aged gay couple were turned away from a Smegmadale-on-Sea guest house by the lady owner who said it was "against her religious beliefs and moral convictions" for two men to share a bed – especially so in the Biblical sense.

Rupert Slippon and his Italian partner Lucio (call me Nancy) Faggerotti, from Cockhampton in Gomorrahshire had booked a double room – with a pretty sea view - at the Cottagers B & B on Fudger’s Lane for the weekend.

However when they arrived the guest house owner, Mrs. Feryl Beryl McTwatt, refused to let them stay, stating it was against her policy to accommodate same sex couples - neither ‘ginger beers or rug munchers’.

The poofy pair then spat the dummy and reported the incident to the Smegmashire Valley Police, claiming they had been sexually discriminated against – especially Lucio who was kitted out in his Sunday best gold lame and silks.

Under the Equality Act 2006 it is illegal to discriminate against people on the grounds of sexual orientation – even if the Bible clearly states God’s personal view that homosexuality is a sin and to be condemned – and that poofters are ‘an abomination’ and should be ‘put to death’ then ‘cast into the fires of Hell and suffer eternal damnation’.

Conversely Mrs McTwatt informed the Sphincter Stretchers Gazette “When Mr Slippon made the booking last month he told me it were for a double room for him and his Italian partner Nancy – then he turns up with this transvestite Guinea greaseball called Lucio.”

“I mean, I think it’s an effin’ disgrace – grown men stickin’ their tadgers up each others arses and suckin’ another bloke’s cock. I’m not havin’ them kippin’ in my beds an’ getting’ shit all over me nice pastel coloured sheets - an' leavin’ God knows what type of AIDS an’ clap infections on the bog seats.”
“What is wrong with these blokes – don’t they like the taste an’ feel of real pussy?”

“I seem ter remember when I were a girl that it were illegal in this country for two blokes ter carry on like that – shaggin’ each other.”
”Now, since that New Gay Labour party got inter power then yer can’t say anythin’ against the buggerin’ sods – an’ just look at what Parliaments full of today – thievin’ poofters and dykes.”

Speaking with the Catamites Review, Rupert and ‘Nancy’ explained “We came down for our gay friend’s wedding at the local St Sodom’s Church for Latter Day Gynanders on the Saturday as Nancy was being a bridesmaid, but when we walked into the Cottagers B & B Mrs. McTwatt told us – quite unceremoniously - to “piss off”.

“Well, what a commotion, Nancy started crying and I asked Mrs McTwatt if we could sleep in the barn round the back and she said we might bugger one of her sheep or molest her geese.”
“Then Nancy had an anxiety attack as her mascara was running so we drove off and reported the matter at the local police station – and lucky us - there was this peachy young constable on desk duty and he let us stay in one of his nice cells overnight.”

Mrs McTwat, who is due to appear in court next week to face a charge of sexual discrimination under the statutes of the 2006 Equality Act claims she will plead ‘not guilty’ as there was nothing ‘gay’ about Rupert and ‘Nancy’ as they were a pair of raving faggot perverts – with Nancy impersonating a woman.

“Anyways, I’m puttin’ a big sign up in me front window – with a whoopin’ quote outa the Bible “No buggery allowed on these premises” – that should put ‘em off comin’ here an’ tryin’ ter indulge in their unnatural lusts, don’t yer think.”

Allergy warning : This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area of homophobia and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references attributed to Bono.

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Pelosi: How to Keep the Third World Poor

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

The gospel according to the Capitol Hill whistle blowers from Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers anarchist watchdog charity, report that US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has arranged special legislative favours for Shit-Kist Tuna's parent company – the dodgy slave-traders of centuries past - Del Monte Foods – in return for the company contributing heavily to her numbered Swiss bank account and also her political campaigns – plus due the fact hubby Shylock Pelosi owns umpteen zillion dollars-worth of Shit-Kist stock.

All good rumours and scandals, by their very corrupt – and corrosive – nature, take a while to ripen up, fester and rot down to produce the necessary bubbling stench that forever surrounds and permeates acts of criminal turpitude committed while serving in public office.

Thus it was back in 2007 when the US Fair Minimum Wage Act was increased from $5.15 to $7.25, that Nancy Pelosi had the entire basket case Third World region of American Samoa exempted from the increase so Del Monte would not have to pay the higher wage – thus saving them mega-bucks in salary increases, making Del Monte products less expensive than their competition's - plus boosting corporate profits – and hubby’s stock values.

Now, just to set the conspiracy theorists on the right track, it’s only coincidence that Shit-Kist Tuna's parent company, Del Monte Foods, is headquartered in California's 8th Congressional District, which Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi just happens to be the elected Representative for.

Once again it’s only coincidence that Del Monte’s Shit-Kist Tuna company owns the biggest smelly dead fish cannery in American Samoa – and employs 75% of the region’s actual work force.

Further improbity on Pelosi’s part derives from the financial bailout bill passed by Congress in late 2008 that included a two-year extension of the economic development credit originally granted to American Samoa in 2006.
Last week when the huge bailout bill was passed, the dodgy Congresswoman stapled an earmark to the final bill adding $33 million dollars for an 'economic development credit in American Samoa ' – specifically a shipping dock, freezer plant and canning works – all for Del Monte.

But in American Samoa the tuna industry rules the roost. Canneries employ nearly 5,000 workers on the island, 75% of the work force, paying on average $3.60 an hour, compared to $7.99 an hour for Samoan government employees. Samoan minimum wage rates are set by federal industry committees (don’t laugh) which visit the island every two years.

However, besides Pelosi’s sycophantic political patronage the island’s slave-wage canneries have a protector of a different political stripe - Democratic delegate Eni F.H. Faleomavaega - a real-time 320 pound Fat Cat - whose campaign coffers have been well stocked by the Del Monte / Shit-Kist Tuna industry that runs his island's economy in all but name.

Faleomavaega, in an outpouring of Humpty Dumpty rhetoric, claims the island's economy could not handle the federal minimum wage increase which might force Del Monte to move this section of their thriving sweatshop slave empire to pastures new – and cheaper – regardless of Shit-Kist over-fishing the tuna grounds and reeling in zillions of bucks per annum in profits.

So it’s many thanks to Miz Nancy Pelosi – your friendly neighbourhood Congresswoman – friendly if you happen to be Del Monte Corporation.

Pelosi, a former cheerleading suck n swallow champion at the St. Fellattia State High in Maryland, has her back well covered and is in thick and fast with the Kenyan cuckoo occupying the White House - and the Zionist Yids running the US – and its military-industrial conglomerates via AIPAC – a lucrative connection for which she long ago pawned whatever moral franchise she ever possessed.

A career Israeli apologist, only this week she publicly reaffirmed that "America and Israel share an unbreakable bond: in peace and war; and in prosperity and in hardship".
Hardship? – for whom? The US taxpayers who keep Israel afloat – or the subjugated Palestinian polulation whose land was stolen and now exist under the fascist jackboot of the rogue neo-Nazi Israeli state.

To add further insult to injury against the American people she is supposed to represent, Pelosi has been personally – and criminally – responsible for railroading through Big Pharma’s – okay, Barky O’Barmy’s - fascist Health Care Bill – terming anyone who did not support this piece of totalitarian legislation as a 'domestic terrorist'.

Hmmm, for a woman that once had the brazen audacity to call the corrupt Dubya Bush administration ‘Corrupt’ then her actions on behalf of Shit-Kist Tuna – to the detriment of the Samoan workers - top the pops for blatant hypocrisy.

Allergy warning : This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of mild exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a Samoan shits in a can of Del Monte’s tuna will it affect the corporate share price?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Slim Jim Okays McD’s Chew n Spew

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

Slim Jim Porkenstein, the anorexic CEO of Fat Twats World (SA) has officially endorsed Kiwi McSluggets as a "healthy meal option" in down-under New Zealand, where McD's Chew n Spew fast food outlets will begin carrying the official ‘Fat Twats World’ logo on all its greasy high cholesterol menu items.

This weird and bizarre promo’ decision has now made Fat Twats the laughing stock of the slimming and fitness community where nutrition and weight loss advisers and trainers only use the terms ‘Chew n Spew fast food" and "slimming diet" in the same sentence derisively.

According to one report in today’s Slobs n Blobs Review, Slim Jim claims "As part of the deal, which is the first of its kind in the world, the Chew n Spew franchise will use the Fat Twats logo on its menu boards and in reciprocation Fat Twats will promote the Chew n Spew menu to dieters."
“Hey, it might well amount to a shitpile of hypocrisy but this is business – and if you put on a heap of flab then sue us.”

Fellattia van der Gobble, an internationally-renown nutritionist, not surprisingly, told a reporter from the Couch Spuds Gazette she was flabbergasted at the idiotic announcement.

“Really, the idea of eating at Chew n Spew fast food outlets to lose weight is as effin’ ridiculous as a weight watchers diet of fried food, cream cakes and draught Guinness - and anyone who believes that eating Kiwi McSluggets will assist in any weight loss programme is definitely one McSlugget short of a Happy Meal.”

“Has Fat Twats World suddenly gone totally bonkers and adopted a complete reversal of marketing strategy from being a slimming / weight loss / healthy diets orientated corporation to one promoting ‘Fat is Beautiful’?”

“Considering past campaigns run by Fat Twats World have derided the unhealthy Bad McHabits lard arse diets that are simply based on snarfing down factory-farmed meaty bits and offal chopped off dead animals - like pigs, chickens, cows – and now these battery-raised kiwis – bred in concentration camp conditions that might more accurately be called "Cowschwitz.”

However, as we live in a world where corporate greed and promotional lies are disgusting at best and criminal at worst, what else might we expect from the sales propaganda teams marketing the poison – or a government voted into office to supposedly regulate such abominable corrupt practices. Ha, don’t we just wish.

We no longer have a National Health Service there for ‘prevention’ but a collection of National Ill-Health / Sickness Service trusts promoted by Big Corporate Pharma’ who don’t want to cure our ills – just continue to treat them.

Thus the spin or win propaganda ‘doctors’ – pretty gay types in white coats on TV – recommend we take psychotropic drugs to make us happy – and that chemotherapy will cure cancer once it’s trounced your complete immune system - and now we hear that eating Chew n Spew fast food will make you lose weight.

The TV ad’s tell our kids that sugary junk drinks will give them "energy", yet that ‘sugarless’ products are also good for you – and chocker full of the artificial sweetener neuro-toxin ‘aspartame’.
Just the same story with fluoride in toothpaste – and drinking water - a toxic waste product from the fertiliser and aluminium industry that is ‘not’ good for teeth – or health – and was used by the Nazi in their concentration camps to ‘dumb down’ the inmate populations.

Further, the asinine statement that toxic vaccines are necessary for your immune system to work correctly but vitamin supplements are dangerous, and - without a single mention of Vitamin D (or rickets and osteomalacia) - that sunlight causes squamous-basal skin cancer, accelerated ageing, and melanoma.

Allergy warning : This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of gross exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees, small furry mammals – or kiwis - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Thought for the day: If a bear wanders into a Chew n Spew outlet and shits on the burger hotplate would anyone really notice?

Monday, 22 March 2010

Scandal-Hit Parliament Hit by New ‘Scandal’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

If the political outlook for New Labour wasn’t bad enough already and they need even more bad news like a fish needs a bike – guess what – they just got another quadruple helping of the stuff – warts and all.

A corrupt cabal of New Labour MPs known around the House of Conmans as the ‘Gang of Four’ have been implicated in a 'cash for influence' scandal.
Information leaked to the Daily Shitraker indicates the four former Labour cabinet ministers have been accused of some very dodgy dealings with scumbag commercial interests.

This centres on them offering to use their old boy network political influence in return for payments amounting to lots and lots of money, according to one opposition Parliamentarian who spoke with reporters on conditions of complete confidence and anonymity (Sir Borkum Riff - Tory MP for Snitchford-on-Rye).

MPs Stephen Lyers, Ratricia Spewitt, Geoff Loon and Maggie Moron – who have been instructed to stand down at the next election due the recent scandal and recriminations concerning their extortionate personal expenses – were secretly filmed and recorded discussing financial payments with Ronnie McGrass, an uncover reporter with the Scandalmongers Gazette, posing as Senor Cabron Pendejo - an investment consultant for the Mexican ‘Sinalao’ drug cartel, looking to hire corrupt MPs for lobbying and public relations work.

Mr Lyers, the former Minister for Garden Sheds, is alleged to have described himself as “like a sort of cab for hire” for up to £5,000 a day, echoing Mohamed al-Fayed's revelations sixteen years ago viz Neil ‘The Wheel’ Hamilton that you can "hire an MP the way you hire a London taxi."

Patty Spewitt, previously the Secretary for Body Bags at the Department of Defence, claimed she required £3,000 a day in £50 quid notes to make sure consultants employed by the cartel obtained key seats on a Government narcotics advisory panel.

Geoff Loon, the former chief at the Ministry for Wheelbarrows and Paint, offered to lead drug-peddling delegations to ministers, stating he was looking to turn his knowledge and crony political contacts into “something that frankly makes mobs of money”, adding it would cost the Sinalao Cartel £3,000 a day for anything that involved criminal actions on his part.

Ms. Moron, - aka Manky Magg’ the Slag - the disgraced Scumdale Hamlets MP who was forced to pay back £22,500 in bent expenses, boasted she could telephone a “lezbo girlie gang” of colleagues to help clients – whose names included Jacqui Shitt, the former kitchen sinks secretary, Hazel Bleary, the former head of the Ministry for Scaremongering, and Harriet Hawhaw, the ginger minger deputy leader of the Labour Party.

Moron, a former Secretary for Tea Towels – and founder of the Scumdale Bad Breath Society - is currently under investigation by the Parliamentary Ombudsman concerning her dubious ‘business relationship’ with exiled Russian Wankprom zillionaire oligarch Oleg Mobsaroubles, who made a fortune out of old rope sales during the 1990’s the break-up of the USSR monolith.

Serious allegations have been filed that Moron received ‘payments’ from Mr Mobsaroubles to expedite and facilitate, on behalf of his girlfriend - the celebrity stripper Tekit Orloff - the issue of an operating permit for Ms Orloff’s planned chain of Happy Ending Rub n Tug massage salons to be opened throughout London and the Sussex stockbroker belt.

Apparently McGrass, the undercover reporter, approached a total of thirteen Labour MPs and seven Conservatives in total – including Gordon Broon – who apparently suggested that if the cartel’s hit men did an all-round snuff job on political opposition figures on the night before the General Election he’d be quite willing to ammend the 1971 Misuse of Drugs Act and reassess cocaine from its current prohibited Class A status to that of a non-prescription ‘recreational’ stimulant.

Stephen Lyers - allegedly to prove his corruptibility - informed ‘Senor Pendejo’ he had previously brokered a secret deal with Lord Adonut, the current Minister for Wheels, on behalf of Rattle Track, which was seeking to abandon the loss-making East Coast rail franchise without incurring financial penalties - but still claim zillions of pounds in government subsidies.

According to the secretly taped conversation Lyers stated: “I convinced Lord Adonut to be publicly very critical of Rattle Track so they could ditch the dodgy franchise – which he did once his numbered Swiss bank account was topped up with lots of Euros.”

Lyers was further recorded stating that the Sinalao Cartel would benefit from the “trump card” of his cuddly friendship with Lord Peter Scandalson, Gordon Broon’s current business secretary.
“Really, old ‘Vermin in Ermine’s a handy jukebox politician – he’ll play anything if you pop a few bob in his pocket.”

Lyers then relates he persuaded Lord Scandalson to put a stop to “massively bureaucratic” food labelling regulations after he was contacted by Pestco, the UK’s largest Greedy Grocer supermarket chains.

Pestco CEO Shylock Weaselstein denied any links with the former minister, alternately stating "We did not speak to Stephen Lyers on food labelling, regulation or indeed any other issues. These claims are completely fictitious and Mr Lyers has admitted this after we threatened to break his legs."

Conversely once the allegations appeared plasterd across the banner headlines of the Daily Shitraker, Mr Lyers issued a statement claiming he had mixed up his anxiety attack medication that day and was apt to tell a few porkies and slightly exaggerate things.

Lord Adonut and Rattle Track have also denied the accusations, and with Lord Scandalson claiming a ‘selective memory attack’ and that he had "no recollection" of discussing the issue Mr Lyers.

Ratricia Spewitt MP for Old Scrotum, told Pox news she was offering to do the work only after she left the House of Conmans. “I am always willing to give advice to companies who have something positive to offer me in return – like a Pestco ‘bag for life’ stuffed with nifty £50’s.”

Ms Sue Fleecem QC, acting for Geoff Loon, informed Fux News his comments had been misrepresented as he had realised Senor Pendejo was a reporter and was only having a bit of a laugh.

In her own defence Maggie Moron informed the media "The meeting with the Sinalao Cartel representative involved hypothetical discussions about the future and ‘what if’. I wasn't looking for a job – just to earn a few quid on the side and rebuild my fucked-up life after I get kicked out of Parliament shortly."

Chancellor Alistair Darling says what happened was "ridiculous"- and the former ministers should have been asking at least twice that amount of money per day.
Foreign Secretary David Millipede - always anxious to open his mouth and say something stupid – told Shite News Live he was "appalled" by the apparent cheapo corrupt antics of his former cronies, stating "There is absolutely no room for anyone to be peddling their ministerial influence for thirty pieces of silver as the going rate is a minimum of a hundred.”

Chief Labour Whip Sir Irwin Bogbrush informed the media any rule breaches would be dealt with "in a firm manner" with the requisite slap on the wrist and having to stand in the corner - but he had been assured by those involved that no breaches had actually occurred – so everything was okay.

Hmmm, obviously that puts any Crown Prosecution Service action out of the picture.

Conservative leader Posh Dave Cameron told the House of Conmans assembly he wants the amount of time before former ministers are allowed to lobby the government to be doubled - to two weeks after being fired from office - with tougher penalties such as withdrawing the Parliamentary privilege ‘biscuit ration’ for breaking the rules.

How odd that the Gang of Four, whilst denying any and all culpability in the influence peddling scandal, have all been found guilty in the Court of Public Opinion of their expenses swindles – which they also denied.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange advisory.
Is influence peddling on a bicycle less damaging to the environment that doing it from a Chelsea Tractor?

Stop press / Drop the ‘Dead Donkey’: The Sinalao Cartel tonight issued a statement from their Mexico City HQ regarding the influence peddling / bribery scandal, stating for the record that it would never do business with a bunch of low life criminal MPs from the British House of Conmans as it set its business ethic standards on a far loftier moral plane.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of untruths, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If an MP shits on his own doorstep is it considered a breach of Parliamentary privilege?