Friday, 30 April 2010

Cameron & Broon’s Campaign Trail Bollocks

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

As part of their usual ‘say any bloody thing to get votes’ strategy, the Tories have announced they will be only too happy to accommodate the ‘botty-porking’ subspecies segment of our society and ‘consider’ making same-sex marriages legal - if they all vote Tory and the party gets elected, shadow chancellor George Poofbourne informed gay rights activist leader Guido Faggarotti.

Poofbourne met gay rights demonstrators including Rupert Twatchell ahead of a protest outside the Conservative election HQ by the Equality for Bum Bandits and Rugmunchers campaigning group.

Mr Poofbourne confided that the Tories had a long history of being closet Marmite miners from their sodomistic upbringings at public schools and then on into the arse bandit infested cloisters of Whitehall’s civil service – where interns spent the first year of their indentured service on their knees under a desk providing blow jobs and prostate masages to the gaylord mandarins.

However, Twatchell declared that a commitment simply to ‘consider’ the case for reform was meaningless and as much use as tits on a fish.
Conversely, the Civil Partnerships Act already gives gays and lesbians the right to the same legal treatment across a range of matters as married couples – apart from walking up the aisle together – and getting divorced.

Regardless, the Tory Fuhrer, Posh Dave Cameron, commented to one reporter from the Fudgepackers Gazette that he thought it a spiffing idea to get all these ‘iron-hoofers’ and ‘muff munching’ oiks married off to each other – and sod what the Bible – or that homophobe dickhead Chris Gaything - says about them being a abomination that shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a respectful B & B.

“Well, why not – it’ll be a kick start to my population control programme anyway, and solve the birth rate explosion if it’s going to be a country full of men buggering each other – and the split-arsed dykes doing whatever they do to each other with priapic vegetables and so on. Now that type of behaviour’s not going to result in any baby booming generation again is it - with an epidemic of unscheduled pregnancies to cater for in our social engineering policy.”

Meanwhile, at the opposing end of the political spectrum, Labour leader Gordon ‘No Mates’ Broon has by far surpassed and capped the Conservative Party’s faux pas alienations of voters efforts by dropping his second major bollock of the week.

Since his calamitous ‘Meet the Peasants’ walkabout round rancid Rochdale on Wednesday, where he chatted with a 96-year old grandmother, Mrs Gladys Muffrot on the subject of swan-roasting Albanian pikey immigrants, before getting into a car and voicing the disastrous ‘bigoted old bat’ comment, Gordon and the New Labour Battle Bus went down to Smegmadale-on-Sea yesterday where his campaign handlers yet again screwed up royally by continuing their blundering ‘blue skies’ tactic of prevailing upon the misanthropic Broon to mix with the public at large.

As the hapless PM stood outside the local Pound Stretcher outlet, glad-handing the peasants and pontificating on the inherent evils of voting for the Tories - or the Librarian-Dummercats - Frank Rotten, younger brother of deceased Sex Pistols rock star Johnny Rotten, egged on by seditious members of the gutter press, walked up and said “Put it there matey, nice ter meet yer.”

Broon, his face visibly straining to produce the required smile, extended his hand then looked down and reeled back in revulsion at being presented with a festering stump – crying out for all to hear “Piss off yer leprous Sassenach twat!” - then stuck the nut on the prospective voter before hurrying away to the secure confines of the Battle Bus, muttering curses and oaths in his cryptic Gaelic tongue.

Ms Fellattia Gammer, Labour’s PR spokeswoman, was quick to point out to the media “Gordon was deliberately set up by his political rivals – what other type of reaction do you expect when caught unawares by a leper proffering his septic stump of a hand to be shaken.”

Lord Peter Scandalson, (aka Vermin in Ermine), speaking to Fux News following the televised event, opined “Really, Gordon did the right thing as knowing his strong caber-tossing grip and enthusiastic handshakes he might well have done the chap considerable damage and ripped his entire necrotic arm off. This was a set up by press hacks from the opposition, but don’t worry – I recognised their faces and know where they all live.”

Conversely the press and media had a field day, coaching the putrefying Frank Rotten on the statutes of the Equal Opportunities Act then interviewing him about his disastrous Prime Ministerial encounter.

“Wot a load of bollocks eh. All I wanted ter do woz shake the bloke’s hand and he calls me an effin’ leper an’ sticks one on me – bastard porridge wog – I’m votin’ fer the BNP now.”
“I’ve got me effin’ rights too – that’s disability discrimination refusin’ ter shake me hand an’ sayin’ I’m a leper and unclean an’ all that Biblical sterotypin’ bullshit – very politically incorrect when wot I’m sufferin’ from is Hanson’s Disease.”

What would you sooner do – shake hands with a leper or ‘No Mates’ Gordon? Do you believe in equal rights for homosexuals? Would you shake hands with a gay leper? Would you allow your Fundamentalist Christian B & B to be turned into a fusging leper colony?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a gay bear with festering paws arrived at your B & B with its same-sex Paddington look-alike partner, would you refuse to put them up for the night and risk official condemnation – or simply say “sod it” and let them bugger each other silly?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Millipede Bankrupts Foreign Office

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

The Foreign and Commonwealth Office has spent zillions of pounds of taxpayers’ money on an asinine new logo – which is nigh on identical to the previous design sans the traditional artwork.

Foreign Secretary (until May 6th) David Millipede, a career moron who comes from an established line of career morons, ordered the £80,000 logo makeover to coincide with the department being forced to draw up a hit list of embassies and consulates around the globe it intends to close down to save money - £80,000 quid minimum.
Further, in addition to the new branding costs, the FCO will be forced to spend mega-bucks on new stationery carrying the updated logo format.

Last year alone, under Millipede’s inept leadership, the Foreign Office was £110 zillion quid over budget – mainly caused by its massive overspend in upgrading its stock of graphite lead pencils and on felonious PR work to further demonise Muslims as dyed-in-the-wool terrorists – and advertise what a good job the British army was doing in Afghanistan – guarding a poxy pipeline and hectares of opium poppies.

Yet at the same time senior civil service mandarin parasites called in a team of image consultants to rebrand the FCO which has been in existence since 1782 when the Southern and Northern departments of the Secretary of State were joined and brought under the custodianship of the Whig wanker Charles James Fox.

A glossy brochure which accompanies the rebrand claims that the nouveau identity – featuring a new Royal Crest (one without the donkey with the big spike stuck out of its head – unicorn - and the nasty spitting cat - lion) and a new typeface for the words ‘Foreign & Commonwealth Office’ – will subtly represent the illusionary Power to Influence.

The new FCO brand came into effect last month with all embassies and consular posts around the world – the one’s not being chopped and closed down to save £80,000 quid - issued with a ‘brand tool kit’ including a lists of do’s and don’ts on how to use the new logo.

An 80-page glossy pamphlet obviously designed for use by a window-licker with a minus-zero IQ states: ‘Our logo consists of the Royal Crest and name beneath it. We need to use this on all our print materials.’

The image consultants from the Morons-R-Us PR Group also designed a simplified version of the crest for use on the FCO website – removing the Royal motto ‘Dieu et mon droit’ – ‘God and my right’ – and the motto of the Order of the Garter ‘Honi soit qui mal y pense’ – loosely translated as ‘Evil be to him who evil thinks’ – which might just now apply to Millipede and Co for fucking with a Royal insignia which has been fit for purpose throughout Empire’s Day, incalculable foreign wars and an even greater number of extraneous Mexican standoff scenarios.

The highly-paid consultants also chose a new typeface to be used on all the FCO’s paperwork. The font, called Fuckitup, is also employed by the shit-for-brains and bankrupt National Health Service – which hardly constitutes any sort of positive recommendation.

According to the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, since it is now run by ‘foreigners’ and ‘commonwealth’ refugees, this new brand represents a philosophical maxim spelled out in six words: ‘Empowering, Insightful, Principled, Persuasive, Strategic and Intelligent’ – and a total waste of £80,000 quid that could have been spent on body armour for squaddies in Bellend Province – or a good old piss up for the lads at Shitehall’s Rat and Pikey pub on Friday afternoon.

As the Chinese sage Confucious pontificated to his wife when she started to nag about a new bathroom suite “If it’s not broke then don’t fuck with it!”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel.

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Gordon ‘No Mates’ Gaffe & the Bigoted Bitch

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

New Labour’s hapless outgoing Prime Minister, Gordon ‘Incapability’ Broon, confided in one reporter from the Daily Shitraker that he was "mortified" after being ‘caught’ dead to rights by a microphone recording describing Rochdale’s only certain New Labour voter - with whom he had just spoken – as a "right bigoted old bag".

Mrs Gladys Muffrot, a 96-year old grandmother, had confronted and challenged Broon during his Rochdale walkabout this morning on issues including the price of donkey stones, cold porridge, sporrans, mini-kilts, unprotected sex with haggis, and illegal immigration into the UK by hordes of Polish plumbers and swan-roasting Albanian pikeys.

Gordon exited ‘stage left’, telling Granny Muffrot "Very nice to meet you – and I’ll get Peter Scandalson to look into reducing the import duty on donkey stones” – then climbed back into his waiting ‘escape vehicle’. However the numpty clot was still wearing a Shite News broadcast microphone and was heard to comment “Well, what a fuck up that was - having to listen to that bigoted old bitch harping on and whingeing about all kinds of mundane crap.”

Next thing a full gaggle of frenzied press hacks were on the case like rats into the corpse of a dead cat and stirring up calumnious hot gossip and trouble faster than a gang of soccer yobs on a booze binge blitz bender.
Within the hour Gordon’s biggest fubar since last month’s ‘bullying’ fubar was broadcast around the globe - via the International Space Station and the Moon – then back again – including an on-site interview with a fuming and incensed Granny Muffrot who had just listened to the recording and commented “Well, the nasty pillock can wave our votes ta-ta and kiss my fat old arse.”

One bunch of amused Conservative Party canvassers opined that ‘No Mates’ Gordon’s comments spoke for themselves – with Shadow Chancellor Georgie Puffball relating "That's the thing about general elections, they do reveal the truth about people – and in this case just what an evil piece of work the Prime Minister really is."

Librarian-Dummercats leader Mick Clogg said the incident was "just hilarious" and then fell over laughing. Affecting a partial recovery Clogg claimed that Broon was the type of bloke you can take anywhere twice – the second time to apologise.
“Seriously, this week especially so - if it wasn’t for ‘bad luck’ then Gordon simply wouldn’t have any.”

Scum News Channel’s chief political correspondent Fellattia Kunttsberg opined that the Labour Party's new tactic of putting him in contact with more "ordinary people" had "gone quite horribly wrong and turned out to be an effing disaster – to put it mildly.”

Meanwhile Scandal 4 News’ political editor Ronnie Dorksonn declared it was an outright calamity for the prime minister as it demonstrated the gap between his public face of being nice then switching to his ‘eavesdropped’ private side that considers all British peasants to be a bunch of contemptible gits well below his unqualified arrogance and dignity to converse or mix with.
“The monocular twat needs to be reminded - preferably with a sound kick in the ballot box – that no bugger voted for him to be Prime Minister. He only got the hand-me-down job after Tony Bliar made such a bollocks of it and had to bail out.”

Rumours remain unconfirmed that both the Tory and Lib-Dum parties are holding a joint booze-guzzling banquet tonight to celebrate the fact New Labour have shot their bolt at any chance of getting re-elected on May 6th- especially so around rabid Rochdale.

Do you live in the Rochdale area? Have you ever been insulted by a Prime Minister nobody voted for? Would you cast your ballot for a two-faced porridge wog? Do you think Gordon has the personality of a landfill site – and is as amusing as a course of chemotherapy?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If Gordon ‘No Mates’ goes canvassing down in the woods today will he be sure of a big surprise - if he calls Paddington a bigot and gets done over and shit on by a bunch of bears?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

EUSSR Snoopers Invade UK

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

British citizens face being subjected to secret 'Big Brother' spying missions by the Stasi police forces of other EUSSR states.
Even though on it’s last mortal legs the Labour Party is still supporting plans for a dramatic expansion in the powers available to fellow member states who accuse British nationals of committing even the most minor crimes while visiting their countries.

Under the draconic and dystopian terms of the dodgy Treaty of Lisbon (thank the Paddies for that one) other countries will have the right to demand surveillance of a UK resident who has returned home, and access to his or her bank records.
They could also be entitled to demand British police take a suspect's DNA or other samples – fingerprints, tissue, blood, hair, urine, stool, semen, saliva or sputum – probably all in the same sample jar.

Civil liberties groups across the continent are furious at the tyrannical proposals, designed to bolster the controversial new EUSSR Evidence Warrant - a partner to the deeply controversial EUSSR Arrest Warrant.

Cases to which the despotic arrest warrants have been applied include the numpty instance of a Smegmadale-on-Sea football fan accused of the 'theft of a 5 zloty dessert' in a Polish cafe as he refused to pay for a custard tart after discovering a dark pubic hair poking out of the filling.

Under the proposed new regime, such a person could be placed under surveillance or have his bank records accessed to check that he had paid for the poxy pube-infested dessert, according to EUSSR critics.

Minutes of a parliamentary committee show Labour is wholeheartedly backing the idea, with Home Office minister Chlamydia Mingerot telling Fux News: 'We support any and all moves to slap the handcuffs on scallies operating within the EUSSR zone – even if they are British and do get extradited and end up in some shithole of a Polish dungeon with a bunch of Slavic sodomites for five years due non-payment for a custard pie in a Cracow café.”

Last night Tory shadow justice minister Fellattia van der Gobble informed a reporter from the Totalitarian Gazette: 'Giving states which do not afford citizens the same legal protections as the UK the right to demand DNA samples, intercept communications or snoop on the personal data of British citizens is a worrying development – especially if you’re guilty as hell – but it’s one we’ll have to go along with now we’re governed out of Brussels.”

“However, it’s pretty obvious that for the EUSSR and the New World Order’s totalitarian state system to work then they’ve got to have full control and forget pissing around with all this namby-pamby stuff about personal dignity and privacy – and the old threadbare maxim of innocent until proven guilty.”

“Remember that these plans are being fully supported by that monocular porridge wog Gordon, who’s still squatting at No 10 Downing Street – until May 6th anyway.”
“Labour’s supporting this proposal and showing its relish for surveillance and disdain for civil liberties because they really believe they’re going to get re-elected in May.”

The new evidence warrant will allow bent magistrates or judges in one corrupt Mafiosa-run state - like Italy - to authorise searches of a person's property in another state, and demand the seizure of anything that might be construed as evidence or of pawn shop cash-in value.

Now a European Commission Red Paper proposes going much further by enabling authorities in any member state to engage in 'real time' interception of communications in another EUSSR state, monitor a person's bank account and bowel movements – and demand DNA or fingerprints.

Currently, under the tried and tested best of British law, police may only require a DNA sample from a suspect who is under arrest and being investigated for a serious enough offence to warrant a long jail term – such as double parking, shoplifting, using the incorrect wheelie bin to dump garbage, non-payment of council tax – or mass murder.

In 2009 an excess of 14,000 warrants were issued across Europe, with 351 people extradited from the UK alone to face charges in Poland - of stealing custard tarts.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If you discovered a bunch of alien pubic hairs growing out of your custard tart would you refuse to pay for it?

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Kikester’s False Flag Dirty Nukes Now in Situ

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Rampant rumours of an upcoming nuclear ‘dirty bomb’ Islamic terror attack to be blamed on Iran (who else) are moving around the First and Third World intelligence services ‘backchannel chatter’ grapevines like insider trading hotpicks gossip between New York’s dodgy stockbroker cabals.

The purposely unencoded electronic chatter being eavesdropped is between Russia and China concerning the targeting of their mutual ally Iran as being responsible for an imminent Zionist-schemed false flag ‘attaché case nuke’ attack has been monitored by both Western and Asian intelligence services – with all evidence pointing straight back, like the fickle finger of Fate, to the ever-duplicitous rogue state of Israel and its kikester chickenhawk leaders.

The scandalous gospel according to third-hand hearsay, is no Fifth Column subversive canard and claims the plot has been well thought through this time as they’ve planned an attack that goes ‘Bang!’ with a big mushroom cloud for evidence, thus no ambiguity or confusion results such as with bio-weapons that might just be the flu, or chemical attacks that could have come from another major Bhopal “Whoops!” incident - courtesy of Union Carbide.

The Knesset kikesters supposedly running Fortress Israel – a term so very reminiscent of Hitler’s Fortress Europe - have now come up with the required new threat to the region. A threat of such magnitude that it would justify whatever action they would choose to take regardless of the precepts of the Ninth Commandment – and several others the Istimna operatives of Mossad seem to have no problem or conscience about ignoring.

Of course the Zionist kikesters are too blatantly arrogant and moronic to take a step back and mull the question: since we’ve been demonising Iran with iniquitous lies and black propaganda for having a nuclear weapons programme are they now likely to be so gaga as to simply go and set one off in a major Western city just to provide an excuse for Israeli mad dogs and the Pentagon’s psychopaths to attack them?

So, who tops the list of primary suspects for false flag jobs? Why, the old sneaky beaky Israelis and their US-based AIPAC network of back-stabbers - who have a veritable arsenal of tote bag sized nuclear weapons, some primarily “dirty bombs,” supplied secretly by previous US administrations, and too of their own manufacture at Dimona.

These devices run from the one-hundred of a kiloton to the fifty kiloton range, highly radioactive, extremely small and can be engineered to leave the signature of a primitive terrorist style device.

Nor will it be the first time Mossad’s Maktal agents have planted a micro-nuke and then blamed it on an IED bomb composed of ‘fertiliser and LPG cylinders’ in the back of a van - when in reality the device was the size of a can of baked beans (Heinz premium brand) secreted inside a drain on Jalan Legian, right opposite the Aussie-patronised Sari Club in Bali– and detonated via a cellphone signal.

Same in 2005 when their Maktal Squad blasted the car of Lebanese PM Rafik Hariri and his companions to dust with a micro-nuke buried in the road in Beirut – that left a fifteen foot deep crater - fifty feet across - which was blamed on a 300 kilos HE car bomb as a fictitious distraction from the real micro-nuke culprit – as car or truck bombs DO NOT leave craters.

One major ‘sore thumb’ revelation of this high tech’ attack was that the static emitter frequency jammers of Mr Hariri's convoy, purpose built to prevent the activation of bombs at a distance, "totally failed". The VHP ECM IED jammers are a battle proven, modular wireless communication bomb jammer, designed for vehicle or fixed installation – and were part of a system that could only be neutralized by the manufacturer, which coincidentally was none other than a Swiss company founded by ex-Mossad ‘Orla Guerin’ agents.

However this time the manky Mossad maniacs are aiming at something a bit spicier than the Beirut Hariri nuke – something more on the lines of Hiroshima but twice the blast potential - around the 40 kiloton range, and with plenty of Strontium 90 and Iodine 131 fallout to keep on maiming and killing and killing and killing - even after all that nasty black smoke and dust have settled – just to keep reminding everyone how evil the Muslims of Islam really are.

Israel has never been in more trouble than it is today, not from any imaginary Arab armies or sabre-rattling from Iran, a country with only minor defensive weaponry and a second-rate military power. Israel’s shitting kittens due the fact the chickens are coming home to roost.

The West and every other sod and their dog barmy enough to pay lip service and listen to the Zionist media radio or TV - or read the propaganda sheets that pass as newspapers have been conditioned to ignore the apartheid walls, the land grabs, ethnic cleansing and Holocaust type war crimes in the West Bank and Gaza.

Not to overlook all the years of lies and infotainment from AIPAC’s Onanists, plus the ADL, the JDL and B'nai B'rith etc, along with movies and TV series depicting the Muslims as homicidal maniacs who seek the Islamization of the Christian world because they ‘hate our democratic freedoms’ - plus the destruction of Israel.- have served their purpose.

However things started to go seriously tits up for Israel when top military leaders and anyone with an ounce of mechanical or explosives experience saw straight through the entire WTC 9/11 airplanes and fires scam - and the ‘Pentagon Hole’ / ‘where’s the effin’ plane’ deception.”

The rumour now goes that the attache case nukes are in place in Europe and the US with the usual suspects being some kind of Mohammed al Patsy Islamic terrorist group that has either been recruited, invented or is being thawed out.
News stories are pre-scripted and the emergency services and film crews will be all ready to go – as with 9/11 when they arrived on site the night before the attacks.

Witnesses have been rehearsed and stand ready to declare “No shit – that was a Muslim terrorist nuke if ever I saw one!”
“It must have been those guys we saw round there yesterday – a bunch of Arab / Middle Eastern types talking with some gooks who looked – and sounded - like North Koreans.”

Next thing, just at the perimeter of the nuclear crater, some official jobsworth will discover the slightly-scorched Iranian passport of one Mohammed al Patsy, a known Jolly Jihadist radical who just happened to study nuclear physics in Pyongyang – and Moscow and Beijing – with testimony and evidence supported by reams of CCTV footage fresh out of a Hollywood cutting room.

Mind you, knowing how Mossad’s dirty tricks ‘Sloppy Squads’ have been mis-performing this past few years (9/11 hi-fivers and Dubai hotel snuff jobs on forged Brit’ passports) a backpack nuke will probably (hopefully) go off by accident in Tel Aviv – then they can blame Hamas and the Gaza Gangsters – and Iran.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Local Council’s Nine Bins Madness

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Warning: Persons finding any form of amusement in the following news article, or are caught laughing by CCTV cameras, face an on-the-spot fine of £100 quid and up to 250 hours of unpaid community service work – licking the insides of green and brown wheelie bins clean.

To comply with new EUSSR regulations regarding the recycling of domestic waste, households across the UK are to be instructed to separate cardboard from paper, and plastic bottles from glass, tins and aerosols.

The draconian regulations have prompted outbursts of fierce criticism, with people complaining that the scheme is too confusing and their homes do not have sufficient space to park the expanding numbers of different bins and bags – and it becomes a trip hazard scenario - and a time-consuming exercise to carry out the mandatory HSE risk assessments every time the kids have to walk down the wheelie bin infested garden path.

The new wheelie bin system due to be enforced on hapless residents by the Smegmadale-on-Sea County Council includes a silver slop bucket for food waste, which is emptied into a larger green outdoor bin – which then gets knocked over every night by feral urban-dwelling foxes and badgers – and the contents eaten by a variety of vermin whose gourmet appetites are stimulated by starvation.

As of May 1st there will be a pink bag for used sanitary napkins, baby daipers and knotted condoms (all colours and sizes), a blue box for green glass bottles, a green box for blue glass bottles and a clear plastic box for clear glass bottles. The presence of any other colour of glass bottle should be reported to the resident’s local Community Enforcement Stasi operative for correct proceedural disposal.

An orange bag will be supplied for kitchen foil, tins and aerosols, a dark green bag for thick cardboard and a light green bag for thin carboard (Vernier thickness guages will be provided - £14.95 inc VAT) - with wholly separate bright blue bags for paper and certain magazines – plus a black bag clearly marked ‘Over 18’s Only’ for porno mag’s, Page 3 cut-outs and other generalised wanking materials.

Clothing and textiles are to go in a white bag, dead pets and garden waste in a wheelie bin with a green lid and non-recyclable waste such as depleted uranium, cold custard and half-eaten tins of anchovies in a separate bright yellow wheelie bin clearly marked with the EUSSR’s toxic materials warning sign on all four sdes – plus the top – and bottom - for good measure.

If successful, the scheme – which is more rigorous than any previous recycling standards expected of households – is likely to be adopted by councils up and down the country and generate hunderds of jobs for wheelie bin Enforcement Officers and zillions of £££ quid in council revenue from on-the-spot fines levied against hapless old age pensioners who haven’t a phucking clue what’s going on.

Candida Muffitch, a 96-year old retired tomcat strangler told a reporter from the Anarchists Gazette that the houses on her terraced street had no gardens, but residents still had to find somewhere to put all the recycling boxes and large wheelie bins for domestic waste.

“I’ve had ter take me brown bin – the one fer dogshit and such like excretary waste - down ter me allotment – there just isn’t room in me back yard ter house the effin’ thing – an’ the rest of the bins and boxes an’ other assorted shit gets stuck in the bathroom cos these bone idle council twats only come round ter empty the effin’ bins every two weeks.”

“Fer fuck’s sake I need a bigger house and garden and yard to fit all nine bins, yet in the 1970’s we used ter get away wiv one binfull per week – an’ the binmen weren’t like the faggy jobsworth poofters yer have now – getting’ their measuring tapes out ter see if they can call up some Plastic Plod from Renta-Moron to slap yer wiv an on the spot insta-fine of £100 quid fer placing yer bin too close ter the kerb.”

Candida opined “I’m all fer recyclin’ but expectin’ us ter cope wiv nine different bins and bags is askin’ too much – it’s takin’ the effin’ piss in fact if I dare to be so out-fuckin’-spoken.”
“Why don’t they go an’ dump it all up in the Arctic if the effin’ icecap’s meltin’ so effin fast then the effin’ polar bears have got summat ter stand on an’ then they won’t git drowned like.”

Nazi Gestapo-style Wheelie Bin Plod Squads – from the quango security agency Renta-Thug - are now used across Britain to ensure recycling regulations are met, with the threat of £100 spot fines for those who overfill bins, leave extra rubbish bags lying around or put bins out on the wrong day.

Non-payment of the fines by pensioners and unemployed folks who simply don’t have any money can result in the culprits being taken to court, where they could be given a £1,000 fine – plus costs - which will then create a ten times worse debt scenario than the £100 they can’t afford to pay in the first place.

Perhaps, following the next social revolution, when all the gunfire and screaming has died down, and the guillotine’s blade’s been dulled to a blunt edge, and the unseasonable rains have washed the blood from Whitehall’s streets and Pall Mall and Parliament Square, some budding social-political history under-graduate will look back on the utter dystopic shambles that the EUSSR is becoming and wonder who the fuck was running the show in Brussles – or in Westminster - when it all went tits up – and quite possible conclude it must have been someone even dumber than Wiley T. Coyote.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Further allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel.

Thought for the day: Which colour wheelie bin is a bear supposed to take a shit in?

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

SA’s Red Ants Ready for ‘Claim Jumping’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Julius Kweri Malema, the 29-year old moronic youth leader of South Africa’s ruling political party, is hot to trot and going flat out alike a lizard drinking in stirring up jingoist hatred directed at white farmers.

The career hypocrite Malema is fomenting a campaign of violent land-grabbing based on the self-defeating ‘forcible land reform’ (read criminal land theft) programme initiated by Robert Rhubarbie and his Parasite Party in 2000 across Zimbabwe which resulted in the economic collapse of the Third World basket case nation due the fact the crop simply didn’t grow themselves – no matter how hard the irrigation-ignorant usurping Shona ‘war veterans’ stared at them or prayed for rain.

Rhubarbie inherited a veritable Eden created and farmed by a century of white innovation and gumption, and promptly converted it in a few short years into a barren Hell due his misguided Marxist ‘Utopia’ racist policies and personal unqualified arrogance.

Malema, who has now formed the breakaway ‘National Kick Out de Honkeys Party’ aligned with career bigamist President Jacob Pielkop Zuma’s ‘ANC Kleptocracy Party’ is planning to initiate his Zimbabwean style criminal land invasions enterprise following the FIFA 2010 World Cup, amid reports Zimbabwe’s Zanu PF and War Veterans Association will provide crucial support for the programme.

One Malema camp whistleblower working for the international Ox-Rat snitch and grassers charity, who spoke to the Lebensraum Gazette on conditions of complete anonymity (Clatus Jaffacake) revealed that when President Zuma visited Zimbabwe to participate in the coalition talks between Rhubarbie’s Zanu PF and Morgan Tallgiraffe’s Movement for Demagogic Change, he discussed in fine military detail the plan to expedite the South African indigenisation programme and land grabs - and how to conceal the violet blood-lettings from the international press.

This week a high-level blacks-only cabal from the South African security forces, intelligence and media - with close links to Malema’s National Kick Out de Honkeys Party and the ruling ANC - are travelling to Zimbabwe where they will undergo three months of training at the Zimbabwe National Army’s Staff College.
Senior Zimbabwe National army officers who led the violent, sanguine land invasions and slaughtered white farmers will train their South African counterparts and impart a wealth of murderous knowledge based on their own barbaric experiences.

Gargoyle Fuckwitt, the South African Minister of Rural Development and Land Reform accused white Afrikaner farmers of scuttling the land reform programme by frustrating the ANC government’s ‘willing buyer / unwilling seller’ policy through demanding a fair price for their farmlands – and in certain cases even refusing to sell.

Minister Fuckwitt went on to explain the intricacies of President Jacob Pielkop Zuma’s land grab programme. ”So, once de World Cup soccer tournament thingie is over an’ all de foreign honkey journalists am done gone home den we shall let young Malema an’ his gangs of firebrand Red Ant thugs loose on de honkey farmers an’ chase dem all back to wherever de fuck dey came from.”

“Den all de natural resources like what dey grow on de arable farms and all de gold and diamonds what dey get from de mines will be in de hands of de ANC an’ Black Power’ – den we will all be rich an’ have big numbered bank accounts in Switzerland – and we can den go dere shopping an’ buy chocolate an’ cuckoo clocks like what Mrs Disgrace Rhubarbie am doing.”

Foreign observers interpret the young Malema as obviously having something at fault within his mental capacity when he esteems the 19th Century despot Kabaka Mutesa of Buganda as his ‘hero’ and who worships at the altar of his political idols - Idi Amin, Jacob Zuma and Robert Rhubarbie.

However, while the corrupt and poorly-educated demagogue might only be endowed with the intellect of a banana-guzzling ape, he is an Illuminati-Zionist ordained stooge – chosen due the fact he’s a paranoid jingoist possessed by the Messianic calibre of xenophobic racist delusions necessary to kick-start a Rwanda-style massacre across South Africa.

Recently described by the Moron’s Review as a reckless populist, and a demagogue, bent on sparking a rascist conflict with the potential to destabilise the whole of the southern portion of the continent – Malema is further criticised by political opponents – both white and black - for his lavish lifestyle.
Additionally he was recently labelled by the Freedom Party’s ‘Afrikaner Volksfront’ Boer leaders Constand Viljoen and Pieter Mulder as a ‘Kaffir Draadtrekker’ (black wanker) and an all-round ‘Pielkop Poes’ (a dickhead cunt) who will probably be the cause of a black / white civil war that will lay waste to the country.

Originally hailing from a grass and mud hut in the ‘O’Dinga Shittygogo’ area of Limpopo Province, Julius Kweri Malema, through his corrupt and criminal enterprises, now resides in the elitist enclave of Sandton, a wealthy suburb of Johannesburg.

Malema's school career was undistinguished and he failed two high school grades due cheating - as well as several subjects in his final secondary school examination – in which he was rated by his teachers as ESN – educationally sub-normal.

His highest mark attained at school was reported as a "C" for second language –‘Swearing’ - with his lowest marks published as a "Z" (sub 75%) in banana peeling and a "Z minus" (sub 90%) in differentiating between Truth and Lies.

Under the old Afrikaans apartheid political system Malema strived to become Public Enemy No 1, but due his moronic approach to political activism only succeeded in reaching the unenviable rank of Public Nuisance No 7.

Upon the election of Admiral Nelson Mandela as South Africa’s president in 1994 and the subsequent collapse of the old apartheid system, Malema joined the black African Free Ride Party’s Kweri Youth League, quickly achieving prominence due his big mouth and ability to shout opponents down with questionable rhetoric – or have them beaten to a pulp by his entourage of Red Ant thugs.

Malema’s insistence of having his assembled followers sing the apartheid era song that includes the words "Shoot the Boer" is viewed by foreign jurists as an incitement to violence and regarded as the probable cause of the recent murder of the white supremacist farmer Eugene Terre'Blanche.

Earlier this month Kweri Malema was again unwittingly was caught in the limelight’s glare which illuminated his overall pigshit-thick ignorance to the Nth degree while making yet another of his demagogic speeches – this one regarding the Rhubarbie Land Grab Plan - at Luthuli House, the headquarters of his new ‘National Kick Out de Honkeys Party’.
It was during this press conference he snapped and went into a frenzied spitting rage at BBC journalist Jonah Fisher who accused Kweri Malema of gross hypocrisy and dared to employ that most devastating of political weapons - the unblemished Truth.

Kweri Malema went on to accuse Fisher (Rhubarbie style) of coming from a country (the UK) which undermined the credibility and integrity of African leaders - when they are more than capable of doing so themselves at every available opportunity.

Malema then threatened to have Fisher forcibly removed from the press conference by his security thugs and exploded into total dummy spitting mode after the journalist compared his land reform ‘claim jumping’ plans as a Mickey Mouse scenario and a ‘joke’ – with Malema accusing him of "white tendency" and calling him a "bastard", "bloody agent" and "small boy" – all in the same bated breath - before ordering his eviction when the entire Western press assembly broke out in laughter at his inept ragings.

Mayhap Jukius Kweri Malema and his handlers might well now reflect on the obvious fact that his barbaric and unsophisticated feral behaviour are responsible for Westerners and whites having their low opinion of African black kleptocrats impersonating politicians as uneducated savages once again doubly reinforced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a white bear shits on the veldt will a black bear shout “Dat’s mine, ya honkey fleabag!” and promptly lay claim to the steaming pile of crap?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

OK Corral Gunfight Verdict Questioned

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Records from an inquest into the notorious Sleazy Twat Saloon punch up, which immediately preceded – and apparently was the cause of - the 1881 shootout at the infamous OK Corral in Tombstone, Arizona - have been discovered pigeonholed in a Bellend County court storeroom.

The controversial scrawled notes are a transcript of a witness statement about the firefight between a group of ‘shoot first – ask questions later’ lawmen including Wyatt Twerp - and a bunch known desperados, who were all slightly killed during the incident.

However two groups of palaeography experts brought in to consult on and verify the authenticity of the documents are now at loggerheads - with the Harvard-based camp claiming the inquest report and witness statement are all genuine and circa 1881, while the opposing camp from Princeton claim the yellowed pages, in entirety, are about as kosher as President Barky O’Barmy’s Hawaiian birth certificate.

Regardless of proven authenticity being established, since this new ‘evidence’ relating to the OK Corral shootout was discovered and became public knowledge, Ms Fellattia Clayton and Ms Chlamydia McLaury, both direct descendants of the respective slain outlaws, have initiated what some media sources are referring to as the biggest bullshit nuisance lawsuit since Razorback Palaver, the late Shah of Iran tried to sue Sayyed Ruhollah Mousavi Khomeini (aka Mr Happy) - the late Ayatollah of Rock n Rolla – for the return of his seized Iranian assets – specifically Iran.

However, while crying “Foul!” over the ensanguined outcome of the infamous gunfight, Ms Sue Fleecem, the Las Vegas-based attorney for both women, who just happen to be ‘therapists’ at the modern day Sodom’s infamous Rub n Tug Massage Salon on Scumsters Boulevard, claim their outlaw ancestors were set up and bushwhacked - and are now demanding criminal compensation - plus 129 years of accumulated interest - from the Wyatt Twerp Foundation Museum.

The gospel according to contemporary history states that on the 26th October, 1881, Wyatt, Virgil and Morgan Twerp, accompanied by Doc (call me Mary) Holliday, confronted Ike and Billy Clanton and Frank and Tom McLaury behind the OK Corral and proceeded to have a pissing contest which apparently became quite nasty – as pissing contests have a bad habit of doing – and a firefight broke out – in which the McLaury brothers and Billy Clanton were seriously killed.

The incident and subsequent investigation were covered heavily in the Twerp-controlled news media and penny dreadfuls at the time, with the gun fight entering the folklore of the Wild West which made heroes of the Twerp brothers and has been portrayed more times in Hollywood films than the Zionist kikester Holohoax.

Conversely, nearly 130 years after the shootout, it still remains unclear which party fired first - and even whether any of the outlaws were armed.
The official inquest report states the Twerps and Doc Holliday swore they were defending themselves, but the outlaw supporters of the dead men – all members of the infamous Scally Gang, claim they were set up and murdered.

The apocryphal witness document appears to include testimony by a certain Billy Bob McTwatt, who the Tombstone historian Claytus Fuctifino identified as a friend of the three dead men - and too a member of the dreaded Scally Gang.

McTwatt’s witness statement reads “The McLaury boys and old Billy Clanton got themselves bushwhacked. The Twerp brothers lied and said Doc had gone on holiday but we saw him – he was right there behind the OK Corral – hiding up on top of Grassy Knoll Hill with his Sharps 30/30 buffalo rifle sniping at our boys backs.”

What do you think? Were the Scally Gang members set up to get snuffed? Do you believe Doc Holliday was on vacation? Did he send any postcards? Was Billy Clanton the victim of an ‘assisted suicide’? Have you ever heard of an international assassin called Mr. Grassy Knoll?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits on a Grassy Knoll is there a chance an assassin might tread in it and leave a footprint?

Monday, 26 April 2010

Pope Benny Condoms – One Size Fits All

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

The Foreign Office has apologised for the release of a "foolish" satirical document which suggested the Pope's forthcoming visit to the UK could be marked by the launch of "Pope Benny condoms – one size fits all – choirboys included.”

Posted on the Foreign Office website for three days before any clot noticed, under the title header "The ideal visit would see God’s Vicar on Earth working to solve the global over-population problem by endorsing the use of condoms with a Papal blessing" – the essay claimed the Pope could be invited to open an abortion clinic and bless a gay marriage at St. Sodoms Church for Latter Day Fudgers during September's visit.

Details of the document only came to the FO’s attentions following their publication on the front page of the Sunday Shitraker.

The UK's ambassador to the Vatican, Sir Uriah Creep, a practiced Dickensian lickspittle, was ordered by the Minister for Apologies to get off his lazy arse and express profound apologies and regrets to the Holy See on behalf of Gordon Broon’s pathetic government.

Pro-Zionist Foreign Secretary David Millipede, a career Israeli apologist and practicing yarmulke aficionado, is said to have been "appalled" by the incident and suffered a total sense of humour failure – offering to turn the guilty party over to the Inquisition to be publicly flagellated in St Peter’s Square as a gesture of atonement.

The spoof article was posted on the Foreign Office website as one of three "background documents" to a memo dated the 23rd April inviting officials in Shitehall and Downing Street to attend a meeting to discuss themes for the papal visit.

It suggested Pope Benny, the all-new multi-purpose and German built-to-last Mk XVI model, could display a hard line on the sensitive issue of child abuse allegations against Roman Catholic priests by "sacking dodgy bishops" and launching a fully-staffed call centre helpline for the thousands of sexually abused children around the world.

The burlesque document went on to propose the Pope could further apologise for the Spanish Armada or sing a song with the Queen and U2 career clot Bono to raise money for one of the many ‘abused choirboys’ charities that have been springing up globally like roadside weeds on a rainy Spring day since the latest round of Catholic Church kiddie fiddling scandals hit the media.

The satire listed "positive" public figures who could be made part of Pope Benny's visit, including war criminals alike Tony Bliar and Israeli PM Binman Nuttyahoo – or 2009 Britain's Got Talent runner-up Susan Gargoyle – plus a sampling of those considered "negative", such as prominent atheist Richard Dawkins – plus have Benny chair a televised séance to contact David Kelly in the spirit world and learn the elusive identity of his 'assisted suicide' helper in the Grassy Knoll Woods.

A further distasteful suggestion was to request the Pontiff to canonise the Dunblaine paedophile and mass murderer Thomas Hamilton as a gesture of peace and reconciliation with all kiddie fiddling Scottish Freemasons.

The civil servant responsible for posting and circulating the memo said in a cover note: "Please protect - these should not be shared externally. The 'ideal visit' parody in particular was the product of a brainstorm which took into account even the most far-fetched of ideas while we were all pissed."

Foreign Office spokesman Sir Armitage Shanks told Pox News the department was "deeply embarrassed and sorry" for any offence the document might have caused to Catholics – and any other persons who pray to fantasy divine entities and were born without a sense of humour.”

"This is clearly a most juvenile and asinine document that does not in any way reflect the UK government or Foreign Office policy or views.”
"The individual responsible, Rupert Fuctifino, an ex-Eton and Oxford Hurrah Henry just up for initiation into his Pater’s Freemasonry lodge, has been transferred to other duties – specifically bent over a desk with his trousers round his ankles.”
“He has been told orally and in writing that he had been very naughty and this was a serious error of judgement and not the type of creative blue-skies thinking we expect from our juniors – even if it raised a few belly laughs with the anti-Papists and Satanists among us."

The Foreign Office now claim the website posting and circulated memo had resulted from discussions by a group of several junior staff in a team that was led by Mr Fuctifino, who were tasked with working on the early planning stages for the papal visit during their usual afternoon inebriated sojourn in the Rat and Pikey pub on Shitehall’s King Charles Street.

Pope Benedict XVI's visit will take place from 16 to 19 September, during which time one top priority will be to visit Scotland’s Grampian area and bless Donald Trump’s planned Ferryhill Estate Golf Course.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees - or small furry choirboys - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of atheists had a good giggle.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Posh Dave Tells Jobless: Work or Starve

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Conservative Party leader Posh Dave Cameron, the type of upper class over-priveleged twit who thinks ‘Manual Labour’ is the name of some Spanish quiz show celebrity, yesterday announced his planned Tory policy crackdown on the legions of British unemployed and workshy, declaring “the free ride is over.”

The message was carried on the first of a new series of election campaign posters, featuring the slogan: 'Let's cut benefits for those who refuse work' – which were swiftly ‘Banksied’ with graffitti conveying the messages “Create some jobs then yer dog wankin’ poofter” – and “Yer own stupid faults cos that old slag Twatcher wot done got rid of all our industry and the jobs wiv em too.”

Tories hope the series of slogans starting with 'Let's' will highlight the party wanting to work with the public to change Britain and convince the common herd of voting sheeple to put their ballot cross in the box marked ‘Conservative’ – the one with the big ‘C’ at the front of it and definitely not the one with the big ‘L’ – for ‘Losers’.

However canny political observers believe that while Labour hasn’t a cat in Hell’s chance of getting re-elected after the total bollcks they’ve made of things since 1997, the voting public retain sour memories of what the Tories did – and didn’t do - in the 17 years prior under Maggie Twatcher and the inept John Major.

What have the Tories got to offer in the wayof credible personages in their cabinet ranks? One swift glance along their front bench / shadow cabinet composed of a mix of contemptible cretins and oiks alike the moronic Georgie Osbourne, the pathetic Chris Gaything, the acne-faced Michale Grove resembling a ventriloquist’s dummy - and the likes of old mutant-features Pauline Neville-Jones whose prominent incisors and generally fucked-up dentistry have equipped her to eat a bunch of applea through a chicken wire fence.

Honestly, who the phuck is going to vote for a bunch of dorks that look like an audition line-up for Fraggle Rock?

If God really does have a rotten sense of humour and the Tories get into power by some freak of luck, they’re threatening that within six months of taking power they'll get David Blaine to wave his magic wand and create 50,000 training places and 400,000 apprenticeships for the under-25s – but with nary a mention of industrial placements and job creations for the UK’s legions of unemployed multi-skilled engineers. Nope, that would take a real miracle.

However that was one question Posh Dave was quick to skip over and instead announce that he would establish ‘work clubs’ to teach the unemployed all manner of skills such as ‘pencil sharpening’ and ‘brushing up’- with those hoping to start businesses promised to get access to a business mentor on TV’s Dragon’s Den and loans of as much as £50.

Long-term claimants who cannot find work will be required to "work for their £60 quid per week jobseekers allowance" on community programmes as canine ‘poop scoopers’ or ‘pavement lickers’, and all people claiming incapacity benefits will be reassessed - and transferred onto JSA if they are fit enough to crawl, operate crutches or propel a wheelchair.

Posh Dave informed a reporter from the Totalitarian Gazette ”You know, just look at me when I’m home at weekends – taking an NVQ 1 course in how to operate the truffle toaster and use the remote control for my new 200 inch wall mounted plasma telly. Then I have to teach the new Somalian au pair how to drive the lawn mower. Busy, busy, busy – that’s me.”
“So if these blokes have sod all to do they can get out there erecting wind turbines on their neighbour’s roof, and go off sweeping up the motorways of all the road kill critters – such as drunken pikeys and illegal immigrants disguised as badgers.”

Well, there you have it, that’s Posh Dave’s ‘Big Society’ plan for Step One in creating Utopia. Cutting off welfare benefits to the chronically sick, the disabled and the two and a half million ‘registered’ unemployed voters. Yep, that’s several million votes he’s won’t be getting before we even reach the ballot box.

Do you believe Posh Dave is the true Messiah? Do you think Gordon Brown’s a total twat? Any thoughts on Nick Clogg and his band of Lib-Dums? How about Nigel Barrage and the useless UKIP? Perhaps a vote for Nick Griffin and his BNP Paki-Bashers Party? Let’s face it – you could do worse – and get stuck with Gordon Broon and New Labour for yet another four years of utter purgatory.

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a place in the Tory cabinet if anyone’s barmy enough to vote them into power.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If everyone boycotts the election do you think it’ll dawn on the clots that we want a return to tribalism and autonomous collectives?

Sunday, 25 April 2010

The David Emslie Case: Grampian’s Mafiosa Exposed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Scotland’s scandal-ridden Grampian establishment Mafiosa, composed of officialdom’s local Masonic worthies, are rightly under the spotlight yet again due the inevitable ‘question time’ that has fortuitously presented the opportunity to grill Scotland’s – and too the entire UK’s – dodgy politicians seeking the public’s vote on May 6th - over ‘justice denied’ for Hollie Greig.
A justice now being sought and demanded by Hollies Army, currently comprising 26,000-plus pissed-off rolling stone peasants who want to see this corrupt edifice of vice and sin brought low and cast down into the eternal blazing fires of Hell.

The Grampian and Aberdeen scandals far surpass those of Clochemerle and are comprised of an assortment of crimes that would make the faces of the usual suspects at Nuremberg blush. The Ferryhill kiddie fiddling ring (Ref Hollie Greig et al), drug dealing, blackmail, kidnapping, murder (Robert Greig et al), miscarriages of justice, (Robert Green) justice denied, the subversion of justice (Robert Green - again) – and the indexing of broken laws could go on endlessly – even faster than the EUSSR in Brussels can make them up.

So, little wonder the scandalous antics of the Grampian plod squad have prompted critics to pose the question “What’s the difference between an organised crime syndicate and the Grampian Police Force? Why, absolutely none.”

But this is forever the case when people in glass houses start throwing anything – especially so shit. Moist excrement has a bad habit of sticking to whatever it hits – and the more shit that gets thrown, the more is uncovered.
Same with the occasional murder – one body isn’t too conspicuous – it’s all the other bodies that get piled on top to cover up the existence of the first.

Here we have the establishment Satanists hiding behind the veneer of the purported moral rectitude of Freemasonry. Government officers, police, social workers, doctors, nurses, teachers and the judiciary. Each area of what is supposed to comprise polite society. Virtually every profession and trade in the book and across the Four Estates in fact. The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker – old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

All of these have jointly conspired to subvert British law to achieve the continued concealment of the myriad nefarious crimes of the pyramid social control system.

Robert Green, an honest man who wishes to run as an MP for Aberdeen South in the forthcoming general election and expose the Grampian Mafia is barred from entering the confines of the Oil City due the stipulations and restrictions enforced by the terms of his bail conditions – arrested then bailed for a crime before he could commit it – of harbouring the very notion of publicly accusing Aberdeen Sheriff Graeham Buchanan of being a kiddie fiddling pederast and questioning his involvement in the murder of Hollie Greig’s Uncle Robert.

Hmmm, how’s that for subverting the law to suit your own nefarious purposes – and making sure Mr Green doesn’t get elected as the MP for Aberdeen South and toss the lot of them under the Crown Prosecution Service’s microscope – or have Scotland’s Lord Advocate Elish Angiolini – a paedo’ kiddie fiddling protector since her days as Aberdeen’s Proculator Fiscal – prosecute herself under the statutes of the Misuse of Public Office Act and for perverting the course of justice.

So, we now come to officialdom’s persecution of David Emslie, a 63 year old homeless gentleman and patriot suffering ill-health that has been the victim of abuse and negligence by the Grampian judicial and social services establishment for many years simply due him being a good citizen and reporting criminal behaviour - plus chasing the wholly inefficient and Rachmanesque Grampian Housing Authority to fix his leaky roof – a transgression that eventually ended up with a court-sanctioned eviction from his home.

Such is the price of conscience and being a thorn in the side of an inutile and corrupt establishment and their quangos – labelled a nuisance and cast out as a pariah.

Let’s not overlook nor forget that one of the foremost aims of the Iluminati’s New World Order is to achieve and maintain a ‘damaged and disfunctional society’ hence why yobs, scallies, hoodies, chavs are not regulated, why we still have massive youth unemployment, violent video games, movies, hard core porno, a total collapse of moral society, rampant homosexuality, armed robbery, gang culture killings, binge drinking / alcoholism, drug addiction, paedophilia, Satanism and ritual murder – with the wholesale disruption of British, nay global, society numero uno on their demonic agenda.

In a response to a report filed with the police by David Emslie, who observed a disqualified drunk driver without road tax being let off by police, the Plod Squad’s complaints department stated for the record “We are satisfied with the information available that the officers who attended the reported incident took the appropriate course of action.” So much for the application of law and order when the police themselves are working hand in hand with known criminals – for an excess of 18 months in that particular case.

However David Emslie is by no means the only one at odds with the corrupt system in the Grampian region. Over the last few years a legion of residents have lost all faith in the appointed officials tasked to protect them and uphold the law.

Of the thousand-plus residents polled, 55% had no faith in the police preventing scallies and career criminals breaking the law, with 43% declaring they had no faith in the Plod Squad’s ability – or resolve - to investigate to a successful conclusion any crime that had been committed.

Hence it’s not just the researched statistics that illustrate people’s distrust of the Grampian police and the Holyrood government; it’s their blatantly unethical and corrupt approach.

Whistleblowers working within the crooked Grampian Plod Squad have openly admitted to Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers charity, that career criminal informers are allowed to get away with a variety of ‘tolerable crimes’ – including murder - if they agree to dish up the goods on other crim’s and do a few distasteful ‘dirty deeds’ for the police themselves - such as permanently silencing a troublesome relative threatening to expose the sexual abuse of their disabled underage niece by an Aberdeen paedophile ring composed of the bent establishment’s Masonic worthies (RIP Hollie Greig’s Uncle Robert).

Thus one is left to wonder what is more important to the general public’s safety than locking up a killer - especially so when there are over fifty unsolved murders in the area.

Other issues that concerned David and made him a questioning rebellious dissenter in the eyes of the Grampian Big Brother authorities were the bizarre actions of their politicians.
First Minister Alex Salmond claimed it was his duty to lobby for the protection of an illegal Chinese immigrant wanted on drugs charges relating to his cannabis farm.

Salmond wrote to the Home Secretary Alan Johnson last month asking him to give “favourable consideration” to Zheng Bin being allowed to stay in Scotland.
The Banff and Buchan MP spread the bullshit thick and fast, stating Zheng had many friends in the fishing town and had “integrated” well with the local community – by supplying them with narcotics and other prohibited drugs.

Obviously someone got a cosy little ££££££ six figure retirement ‘bung’ for that one. Nice one Alex – yet a pity you couldn’t apply the same scrupulous attentions – any attentions in fact - to David Emslie's well documented complaints or Hollie Greig’s sexual abuse case - or her uncle's murder.

For 25 years David had been fighting the Grampian Housing Association over illegal VAT and rent increases and managed – against all odds – to win several court cases against them between 1994 and 1997.

David elaborates “My flat had a water leak in the loft from December 1994 to March 1998 and Grampian Housing Association refused to fix the problem so when it rained I had to go up into my loft and empty buckets.”
“This went on for over three years until I managed to get a 24-page report resulting from an investigation by the Housing Association Ombudsman into my case. He found the GHA guilty of numerous counts of administrative errors in their failure to rectify the water leaks in my roof.”

David was awarded £850 quid in compensation by him, but the GHA simply refused to pay him the money.

Due winning these minor victories – seven in total - David was considered a pain in the proverbial neck by Grampian’s corrupt Masonic business elite, so both the GHA and Grampian Plod Squad joined forces to get rid of him.
Thus, as Orwell so aptly phrased it “In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” and the establishment can’t be having revolutionaries like David standing up for the people and butting heads with their corrupt system.

David explains “I was winning court cases against the Police and the Grampian Housing Association. I was exposing how they all protect each other, how they deny you the access to the legal aid help and an honest independent media that will expose the corruption and criminality they are fostering and involved in.”

“In Scotland there are 261 Housing Associations funded by taxpayers’ money and most of them are incompetent and corrupt, and treat tenants with contempt. So anyone like me who acts as a social conscience whistle blower gets targeted.”

“The GHA preferred housing criminals, junkies and alcoholics, as they get housing benefit for them and they don’t bother to complain about the terrible conditions – with the GHA raking in £700,000 quid from the government per annum – according to the freedom of information request I got back from the Housing Benefit office.”

In a deliberate attempt to silence and remove him, the crooked GHA officials began filling his building with known criminals and in 2007 initiated steps to have him evicted with help by the police, who canvassed the area with leaflets asking people if they had any complaints about David. Ironically David had complained to the police many times previously concerning the criminal activities of these same neighbours but no action was ever taken.

“These criminals in my apartment building were all working off the books and under the DWP’s radar, claiming Housing Benefit and Jobsekers Allowance and committing crimes. They had cars with no road tax licences displayed and doubtful any insurance either so I contacted the Police and also Crime Stoppers but neither lot did sweet FA.”

Since 1991 David claims there have been 27 attempts on his life by legit criminals ignored by the police and those working above the law as police informants. Due this he installed a CCTV system in his building which recorded one terrifying image of a man late one night outside his door with a knife in his hand. “I had CCTV evidence, but the police would do nothing about the incident.”

Following a campaign of underhanded tactics the Grampian Housing Association officially (although illegally) evicted David in August of 2008. Despite being eligible for legal aid the corrupt system prevented him from obtaining it.

Of the one hundred lawyers approached, not one would take on his eviction case and he had to fight the system by himself. For the gallant and forbearing David this was nothing new as he’d won many times before, but now his illnesses were becoming more severe and this time around the dodgy GHA were determined to be rid of him for good.

While David was out shopping on the 6th August 2008 (Hiroshima Day) a dozen thugs hired by the GHA invaded his flat and proceeded to evict him on the strength of a most irregular “Decree With Immediate Extract” court order which meant that instead of following normal procedure, which gives tenants two weeks to appeal and arrange other accommodation, they can evict the person on the same day – rain or shine. Hmmm, thank God for our Big Nanny welfare state.

Thus while still out and oblivious to what was taking place, the GHA thugs, supervised and protected by a legion of Grampian’s Finest (the Plod Squad), boarded up David’s doors and windows so he no longer had a roof over his head – since which the poor guy has been homeless.

Amazing to have an actual police presence for a wholly commercial matter when a regular bully boy bailiff would be fit for purpose. But that’s Grampian’s Finest for you – there to oversee the eviction of poor David Emslie - much as they diligently pursue anyone opposing Donald Trump’s bid to have compulsory purchase orders issued against the rightful land and home owners of Menie in Aberdeen so the bouffanted Yank clot can build yet another elitist golf course.

Such a pity Grampian’s Finest are never where you want them when the Asbo scallies and crim’s are hot to trot – and disabled children from special schools are getting systematically gang raped by the Ferryhill Masonic Paedo’s Club.

In conclusion, David finally took his complaints to the Lord Chief Justice but the department responded, “Unfortunately the Lord Chief Justice cannot investigate complaints against the police.
In Scotland who can? Apparently nobody.

For further coverage of the “More Corruption From Grampian Police: The David Emslie Case” go to

David Emslie can be contacted via Keelan Balderson at the ‘’ website.

For full coverage of the Hollie Greig and Rob Green scandals read David Icke’s website re-postings of Peter Eyre’s iconoclastic Palestinian Telegraph articles – which are still available to view in the PT’s archives.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

School Lunches Cause of Fat Army Recruits

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

A survey undertaken by the Pentagon-funded 'Mission Moron Readiness' think tank has revealed that school lunches are making American kids so fat that fewer of them can meet the military's physical fitness standards – which in turn is putting the army and marines recruitment programmes in jeopardy.

A copy of the top secret report from the MMR think tank was leaked to the Warmongers Gazette by a Pentagon-based whistleblower working for the Ox-Rat snitch and grassers charity and states without ambiguity that 65 percent of Americans aged 16 to 25 are too overweight to join the military.
The report further claims that high-calorie school and college junk food lunches are the direct cause and constitute a clear and present threat to US national security.

One of the Joint Chiefs, Navy Rear Admiral Barney Porkenstein III, informed a reporter from Slimmer’s World that the majority of young Americans are simply too fat to fight and if drafted and deployed out in Afghanistan’s Bellend Province to guard the opium crops would make easy targets for the Taliban’s Jolly Jihadi terrorists and Muhijadeen guerrillas. “Really, this could prove to be one God-damn problem - how are we gonna fit these fat gits into regular sized body bags?”

JCS Top Dog, General Billy Bob Dorkbender, told Pox News “Hellfire, we don’t want them like a Pikey’s dog – all dick and ribs so they rattle and the Taliban can hear them a-comin’ – but by that self-same rule we don’t need them with thirty-plus pounds of lard hanging round their guts and arses either.”
“If these kids think they’re gonna get all fatted out with man tits and spare tyres so they fail the draft selection board then they’ve got another think comin’ – especially when they get slapped with 60 days in one of FEMA’s Camp Auschwitz slimming centres.”

The Pentagon’s Joint Chiefs of Staff have now tasked Homeland Security with pushing the Congressional passage of a wide-ranging nutrition bill that aims to make the nation's school lunches healthier – more of the 5-a-day traffic light colours raw foods and fruits – and less of the high carb’s and bad fats Chew n Spew variety.

Thus, at least, with the weight (pun intended) of the Pentagon’s JSC and the military machine behind this ‘lean, mean fighting machine’ recruitment programme the scumbag politicos infesting the halls of Congress who are lickspittles to the food industry lobby might actually get their fat arses into gear and kick start a campaign to reform the eating habits of young Americans. (But don’t hold your breath on this one either).

Do you live off a diet of Chew n Spew junk food? Do you eat your five-a-day? How about four – or three – or even two a day? One a week? Who got caught on CCTV eating all the pies?

Send us your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a free one-way trip to Canada and dodge the draft – just like Bill Clinton did.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Saturday, 24 April 2010

Marmite: Sinister Connections to BNP

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Unilever, the manufacturer of the national favourite toast finger spread ‘Marmite’ is threatening legal action against the British National Party to stop it from using a jar of their piquant culinary salve in a party broadcast and on their campaign posters.

Sir Irwin Fuctifino, CEO of Unilever, informed a reporter from the Daily Shitraker the company had not given the BNP permission to use its product in any way, shape or form and was in contact with Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot (Solicitors & Commissioners of Oaths) to pursue the issuance of a High Court injunction.

However in their defence BNP spokesman Ghengis Tourettes told Fux News the broadcast was created as a spoof.
“Yeah right, they can be a bunch of effin’ snotty twats if they like but it’s good advertisin’ fer the kunts innit, eh – an’ we did send ‘em a Very Sorrygramme.”

“Wot we woz tryin’ ter do like woz ter tap inter Marmite's "Love it or Hate it" advertising slogan – cos that wot some of these upper class dildos think of us – either love us or ‘ate us – but just wait til Al Qaeda blows their effin’ ‘ouse up – or their daughter gets gang-raped by a bunch of gollies, then they’ll all be votin’ fer the BNP ter come an’ sort all this immigration shit out.”

Conversely Unilever spokeswoman Fellattia McGammer informed Pox News "Neither Marmite nor any other Unilever brand – such as our KY Jelly or Preparation H products - are aligned to any political party.”
"Further we are currently initiating injunction proceedings against the BNP to remove the Marmite jar from the online broadcast and their election campaign posters, and prevent them from using it on any future occasion."

“Good God, it’s taken us a generation just to get the floods of Pikey immigrant types to try our Marmite and acquire a taste for it, and now that might be threatened by our perceived association with a bunch of scumbag political racists and xenophobic misanthropic thugs.”

“We experienced a similar problem some years ago when the perving sodomites from the Gaylord Liberation Front Party used a jar of our best Marmite spread on one of their publicity posters and plagiarised our advertising slogan coupled to the statement “Anal Sex – you either Love it or Hate it.”

Do you love it or hate it? – Marmite, not anal sex. Okay, how about anal sex? Is any member of your family a Marmite addict? Do they snort it, smoke it, or inject it in their arm? Have they ever undergone a Marmite detox’ or tried the Aussie Vegemite substitute?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a bear shit in a jar of Marmite would anyone notice the difference?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Lib-Dums to Give Vote to Serial Killers

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

One Labour candidate MP up for re-election has got himself embroiled in a no-brainer row with the Liberal Dumocrats after daring to suggest they would give war criminals, serial killers, mass murderers, swan-roasting Pikeys and and kiddie fiddling paedophiles – including Catholic priests - the right to vote – as long as it was for the Lib-Dums.

Roger Gobsniff, who is standing as MP for Birminghamstan East, distributed leaflets embellished with a picture of Vlad the Impaler, who was renown for abusing children and barbequing babies for his traditional ‘full Transylvanian’ breakfast.

The leaflets distributed by Gobsnot raised the idiotic question: "Do you want convicted murderers, rapists and paedophiles to be given the vote? The Lib-Dums do".
Gobshite defended the move, claiming the images were strong but his opponents were not being straight with the public – in perfect keeping with what politicians do when dealing up close and personal with their constituents.

Conversely the Lib-Dums claim they would not give those currently in prison the vote as they simply couldn’t justify a bunch of convicted crooks voting for another bunch of crooks.
However, they stressed the issue needed to be re-examined following a 2005 ruling by the European Court of Rights and Wrongs that found the UK's ban on extending the vote to convicted scallies and dungeon dwellers was actually unlawful.

MP Globsnot’s leaflets contained pictures of a number of high-profile historical criminals including arch-homophobe Robert Rhubarbie, Atilla the Hun, notorious nanny-basher Lord ‘Lucky’ Lucan, Ghengis Khan, Idi Amin, David Blindgit, Israeli PM Binman Nuttyahoo, Jack and Jill - the celebrity Rippers, and Adolf Eichmann of the ‘Six Million Kikester Holohoax’ scam – who was eventually jailed on a charge of aggravated shoplifting from Mrs. Blabberstein’s 7/11 store in Buenos Aires.

New Labour’s Ministry of Foot Dragging have been scrying with their most reliable ouija board on how to respond to the European Court’s 2005 ruling - since 2005 - with Lib-Dum critics accusing them – with no similie intended - of ‘dragging their feet’.

The Lib-Dum leader Nick Clogg told one reporter from the prestigious Diebold Ballot Tamperer's Gazette that they were "unhappy" with Mr Gobsnotter’s accusations but were not pursuing a political agenda to give already convicted prisoners the right to vote, describing such a step as ‘hopscotch in a legal minefield’.

Clogg further explained that the ‘prisoner voting rights’ was the only bit of campaign controversy their think tank could come up with – apart from teasing the Tories with the old “Our Chief Whip’s bigger than your Chief Whip” trick – or pulling a major tergiversation stunt by getting Ming Campbell – the oldest politician in the known Universe -to defect to the Incredible Loopy Lemmings Party and go over the cliff in a Busby Berkeley spectacular fashion.

In contrast, Tory leader Posh Dave Cameron, who is going flat out like a lizard drinking to promote the benefits of voting for his novel Good Ideas Party told Pox News “Well, if they’ll cast their ballot for us then I don’t see any problem with giving a bunch of locked up scallies and Asbo types the vote.”

Unfortunately the last bloke to have a ‘good idea’ concerning what should be done with Parliament and its human (sic) infestations was that great Yorkshireman of letters - Guy Fawkes Esq. – who ended up getting frazzled at the stake for his trouble.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits in a designated ‘no-crap’ area of the woods is it automatically barred from voting?

Friday, 23 April 2010

St George’s Day Protest

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Hark to this all Englishmen staunch and true: April 23rd, a date that should be a National Holiday to celebrate and revere the Feast of St. George, the patron saint of our once-sceptred green and pleasant land – before the Tories and New Labour made a total bollocks of the place.

His emblem, a red cross on a white background, is the flag of England, and the integral foundation layer of the British Union Jack standard. St George's emblem was adopted by Richard the Lion Heart (a good enough sort of bloke - even if he was a raving Plantagenet poofter) and brought to England in the 12th Century; with the chests of English knights and yeoman’s tunics emblazoned with the red cross to prevent identity confusion on the battlefield - and avoid beating the wrong guys to death.

Like England, every country in the UK has its own patron saint who, in times of great peril, is called upon to help save the country from its enemies – specifically what we all need during this coming star-crossed month of May - from Gordon Incapability Broon and his chronically-corrupt Labour Party.

However, unlike every other country (Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland) the English are denied by their government from celebrating the feast of their patron saint with a day of rest from their drudging labours of walking down the local Jobcentre every morning looking for work - and the opportunity to create a neighbourhood jamboree.

Those tartan-kilted porridge wogs, the Jocks, venerate their St Andrew with much applause and festivities. The sheep-shagging Taffy’s revere their leek-scoffing St David with equal gusto, and so too the bomb-chucking Ulster Paddy’s of Northern Ireland when saluting and glorifying their St Patrick – the man who blessed the holy spud and drove all the snakes out of the Emerald Isle.

So, regardless of the stupid Labour government pointing out every time someone mentions ‘St George’ and ‘National Holiday’ in the same breath, the fact that St. George wasn’t actually English – well neither is our Prime Minister – who no fucker or their dog ever voted for – has got sweet FA to do with the fact. He’s our adopted patron saint and we want an effing holiday on the 23rd of April.

For phuck’s sake, what are the government dicking around at?
The entire concept of the EUSSR / Jew World Order was to break down cultural barriers and national sovereignty – to ‘indigenise’ us - so we become a Pikey-infested integrated cosmopolitan society.
Thus a foreign-born patron saint called George (very old English name) is our own lad – regardless if he was an Anatolian rhubarb addict cum conscientious objector who went on a whinge binge to the Emperor Diocletian to protest against the Romans’ habit of not being very nice to Christians and was martyred for bringing the subject up - and being an all-round social nuisance.

Today you’d get an Asbo for what St George did – then, in 303 AD, it was beheading or crucifixion - with no parole or time off for good behaviour.

Now, which of the myriad of political parties with half a chance of winning the general election is going to do the unemployed and homeless English peasants a real big favour and promise two things to win our vote? Numero Uno – a one-off referendum on continued EUSSR membership and – Numero Dos – the 23rd April declaring as a National Holiday to celebrate our English patron saint’s victory over some old dragon.

And if that isn’t enough, Shakespeare was born on 23rd April 1564 and being a stickler for schedules and punctuality, conveniently died on the same day in 1616.
Hence we can have St George and Willy Shakespeare Day together – two for the price of one.

Yep, that’s what we want - a national holiday so we can all get dressed up in armour or chain mail – with the requisite national flower – a red rose in the button hole – and tear into a full English breakfast, then be in the pub half the afternoon knocking back pints of old English ale, then home for a supper of roast beef, taters, two veg’ and Yorkshire puds – followed by a dessert of Dragon Pie and custard.

Is your name George? Can you ride a horse? Are you flying the flag today? Have you ever killed any dragons? Or did you end up marrying one?

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No dragons, war horses, serfs, peasants or patron saints were injured during the posting of this message. However, a large number of English patriots were moved to pull a sickie and celebrate St George’s Day regardless of the cost.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel.

Thought for the day: Under current EUSSR regulations would the RSPCA permit the wholesale slaughter of an ‘endangered species’ fire-breathing dragon just because it had the hiccups and caused a spot of unintentional arson?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Voters on ‘Hung Parliament’ – “They Should Be”

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry on the bloodline of the sons of Belial.

In the run-up to the country’s General Election, scheduled for May 6th, Parliament's House of Conmans will be dissolved on April 12th – in a large bucket of warm water, stirred in a vigorous manner with a big wooden spoon.

While the three main political parties are out and about, all hot to trot, running around like a flock of proverbial headless chickens, campaigning up and down the countryside, back-biting and sniping each other; the only one who seems to be catching the voting public’s undivided attentions is satire comedian and impressionist Rory Bremner and his ‘Battle Bus’ who would be voted into Downing Street no problem if he ever stood for office as the ‘Taking the Piss’ Party candidate.

After generations of lies and deceits from the Tories and Labour – and the Lib-Dums historical predecessor – the Whigs, it is finally beginning to dawn on the British voting public that all political parties are more at scent than substance – with no significant element or saving grace to endear them – apart from the odd posh accent.

Now Posh Dave, the hapless Broon and Nick Clogg also realise, as individuals, that they don’t have the answers or solutions to solve the myriad problems that have turned our sceptred isle, this once-green and pleasant land – into a de-industrialised bankrupt basket case and our prized dark Satanic mills sold off to the likes of Monty Mittal and Co (Bombay).

Thus these men whose unqualified arrogance gives them cause to promote themselves as ‘leaders’ and ‘nation builders’ now fear ‘who will the stupid public vote for?' Who will gain a majority? Will anyone even bother voting? Will they vote for ‘Bad’ – or ‘Worse’? Will we end up with a hung Parliament and desperately form dodgy alliances and coalitions?

Just wait for the lessons to come – presented by all those university students graduating from their hallowed halls of advanced learning into the big wide world of unemployment, overdraft interest payments and credit card debt – just in time to cast their votes before worrying about repaying their massive educational loans on Jobseekers Allowance of £60 a week.

Yet the Tories, Labour and the Lib-Dums are clutching at straws and extolling their party manifesto’s as the best thing since sliced bread while ignoring what the public want – and what the country actually needs to get its feet out of the economic quagmire and striding back to self-reliant prominence.

First on any political agenda of national resurrection should be to clear the career civil service vermin out of Shitehall and rid the seat of government of the hereditary ‘Curse of the 4 C’s’: Cronyism, Collusion, Corruption, and Complacency.

Next, hold a ‘one-off’ referendum on membership of the EUSSR so the British peasantry can give Brussels the big finger. All troops out of the US-Zionist-led illegal foreign wars and a halt to demonising Islam. Re-industrialise the country to meet the specifications and requirements of the 21st Century. Shitcan the CCTV and speed trap cameras. Put the uniformed plod squads back on the streets and dump the plastic PCSO and CEO power-mad morons.

Initiate a National Service conscription programme for the Asbo generation of social pariahs. Lose the ‘Conscience of Empire’ mindset and call a halt to all immigration – then deport any fucker and their dog who doesn’t wish to conform to the British culture and customs and way of life. Tell the IMF to shove any and all national debt up their jacksy – and we’ll see them in court – perhaps.

Take the Bank of England out of private scumbag Kikester hands and start printing our own interest-free currency again. Introduce legislation to ban political lobbying – especially so from foreign influence agents – such as the Zionist pro-Kikester vermin infesting government and the civil service and perverting British foreign policy to serve the criminal interests of the rogue apartheid Israeli state.

Disenfranchise multi-national corporations under the Monopolies and Trust Act. Shitcan the global warming scam and carbon credits cap n trade exchange, then admit that climate change cannot be prevented – just lived with. Then last, but by no means least, declare St George’s Day a national holiday for England.

And that little lot is just for starters.

So, what answers to the UK’s myriad problems have these illustrious party leaders come up with in their 100-page plus manifestos to stop the rot?

Gordon ‘Culpability’ Broon is clueless. Nick Clogg seems to spend more time pulling the Tories to bits like a terrier with a dead cat than scrying up solutions to our social ills. Meanwhile Posh Dave Cameron exercises his democratic right to talk and act like a fool and announces his ‘Big Society’ plans which sound reminiscent of one of Stalin’s or Mao’s – or Hitler’s bad ideas.

While continuing a instituted policy of reducing the proletariat to penury at all costs and create a distinct social order of Rich and Poor (Us and Them) the fact all of them are ignoring are the harsh lessons of 1789 and 1917, where no middle class existed to form a buffer zone between the landless peasantry and the Second Estate of silver spoon royal parasites and other associated blue blood nobility – whom on both occasions faced extinction level events and went the way of the dinosaurs in France and Russia.

Thus the current political theme and social engineering aim of relegating the middle class to the dusts of history – leaving the upper classes as the only remaining entity with any modicum of consumer purchasing power - simply makes the direction and aims of violent revolution easier to map as there’s no longer a ‘middle’ ground (sic).

Hence the poverty stricken unemployed peasant class can storm the ramparts and rip down the elitist bastions and go straight for the throats of their self-appointed social betters and the high-born parasites to achieve the desired and just populist ‘equity’.

One public opinion poll undertaken by the Daily Shitraker this week around London’s Skidrow Hamlets sink or swim council estate on the coming election elicited a most apt response from a 96-year old pensioner Mrs Hilda Scumm when asked her opinion on the chances of a ‘hung parliament’ to which she replied “They should be – the whole bloody lot of ‘em.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

FBI Investigate Gold-in-Sacks

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

The gospel according to this morning’s Daily Shitraker claims the global financial crisis – and ensuing (ongoing) recession - was not just caused by the banksters’ greed, stupidity and colossal mismanagement but due to the new financial complexity offering up the opportunity for widespread, systemic fraud at every turn by the avaricious priests of Mamon.

Today’s announcement that the world's most infamous investment bank, the New York-based Gold-in-Sacks, is to face civil charges for fraud brought by the American regulator is but the latest of a series of investigations that have been launched, arrests made and criminal charges levelled against a legion of dodgy financial institutions and operators around the world.

The US Financial Services Authority, working hand-in-hand with the US Securities and Exchange Commission, has charged Gold-in-Sacks with misleading investors in a 2007 ‘synthetic collateral debt obligation’ known to canny banksters as Abacus – and to the rest of the common or garden peasantry as a ‘deceptive crock of shit’.

Well, what the phuck can we expect while the spectre of a privately-owned Federal Reserve and the mathematical madness of a ‘fractional reserve’ banking system of ‘times x ten’ (minimum) hangs over our heads like a toxic radioactive cloud with a half life of several generations and the stench of insolvency at every turn.

The financial meltdown wasn't a mistake – it was a well-planned con’ job undertaken by the self-same embezzlers who not only got their sad arses bailed out by the taxpayers but have further purloined the national gold reserves from Fort Knox and replaced the 99.99% AU ingots with gold-plated tungsten billets.

Concealed behind the complexities of our fucked up financial system where the Bank of England – just like all other global Central Banks – is privately owned – lock, stock and barrell - by the ilk of the Rothshite Kikesters who have even connived the audacious right to print our sovereign and sterling currency – and controlled for the benefit of the few and to the detriment of the many.

Yep, our Old Lady of Threadneedle Street has been a Masonic Kikester whore since her actual creation in 1672, courtesy of that most inept Stuart king – Charles II. During the first half of the seventeenth century, banking in England was mainly in the hands of the goldsmiths who, in the course of business, made whopping great loans to the wastrel spendthrift Crown.

However, in 1672 the suspension of payments by Charles II brought about a wave of bankruptcies and the call for a public bank. It was the young Scottish financier William Paterson who, backed by a powerful City group of Freemasons and Jewish moneylenders, proposed the loan of over one million pounds to a Government which by then had become increasingly desperate for funds to continue their asinine war against the foul and most foreign French.

In return Paterson’s subscribers would be incorporated as the Governor and Company of the Bank of England – with the licensed right to print and control the nation’s currency and gold reserves.

These insidious kikesters are akin to the Japanese Kuromaku – the unseen men manipulating events from behind the black curtain used in Kabuki theatre - to obscure the visual cacophony of frantic – and in this case illegal - backstage activities.

Hence, Big Finance turns out to be no more than a blatant display of Big Fraud. However, long-suffering Britain, the centre of the world financial system, has not yet levelled charges against any bank, with the worst to date being the whispered allegation that a high-level insider trading ring embarrassingly involves a bankster advising the government, who played his part in the deployment of vast political lobbying power and money to create the relaxed regulatory environment in which all this financial legerdemain could take place.

Thus it is doubtful we shall see any of these erring banksters pilloried while the likes of career criminal Lord Peter Scandalson (aka Vermin in Ermine) is the usless Gordon Broon’s Business Secretary - and comfortably ensconced - both-feet-in-bed - with the Rothshite kikester clan.

Regardless, beneath the Kabbalistic complexity, the charges are all rooted in the same phenomenon – deception – by conspiring to conjure schemes to enrich favoured investors – and themselves personally - at the expense of others – including, via the Royal Bank of Scumland, the British taxpayer - with auditors and accounts such as Ernst and Young and the British firm of Linklaters both lying through their teeth concerning the probity of the dodgy balance sheets and the fact that Lehman’s Repo 105’s were genuine profitable trades and not the bank’s own in-house debt mule liabilities.

Then we have the legions of dodgy lawyers, auditors, accountants, credit rating agencies, "portfolio selection agents," etc et al sanctifying and approving the credit default swaps that had been deliberately created as an asset class by the big investment banks to allow hedge funds to speculate against collateralised debt obligations.

To wit, the gospel according to Lloyd Blankfein, the beleaugered CEO of Gold-in-Sacks, stated, perhaps semi-ironically, that his bank was doing ‘God's work’. Now, how’s that for a display of unqualified arrogance – even if he does worship Mamon.

Crisis chronology:

September 2007: Funding problems at the Northern Crock of Shit triggers the first run on a British bank. After going tits-up in a Busby Berkeley spectacular fashion it is nationalised in February 2008 – with taxpayers bread.

April 2008: Bear Stearns faces bankruptcy after an engineered run on the company wipes out their Micawberish nickle and dime 'fractional' cash reserves in less than two days. Backed by the Zionist Kikester-owned Federal Reserve, JP Morgan buys up shares at far below market value – as planned.

September 2008: Scumberg Brothers files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, becoming the first major bank to collapse since the last major bank collapsed.

December 2008: Career shyster Bernie Greedoff arrested for operating the largest Ponzi scheme in history - with one hedge fund actually comprised of no more than several donkey-chewed stands of privet and a large pile of compostable cuttings.

January 2009: The Rothshite-controlled Bank of England launches a £200 zillion quid programme of quantitative easing – pumping money it has created ex nihilo (out of nothing) into the economy – at interest, of course.

March 2010 Former chairman of Anglo Irish Bank Sean Fitzpatrick is arrested in Dublin after failing to disclose details of loans worth zillions from the bank and getting his sticky fat fingers caught in the cash register drawer.

April 2010: Former zillionaire directors of Northern Crock, David Baker and Richard Barclay, are fined £504,000 and £140,000 respectively for deliberately telling porky pies to audit analysts prior to nationalisation.

April 2010: The US Securities and Exchange Commission accuses Gold-in-Sacks of "defrauding investors by telling an even bigger bunch of porkies.

April 2010: Baron Jakob Rothshite’s wallet bursts while on a visit to Tel Aviv, killing and injuring scores of greedy bystanders.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a kikester-infested area and may contain traces of rampant avarice.

Thought for the day: What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world and yet lose his own soul?

Second thought for the day: Has anyone taken note of the fact that the shit-or-bust Icelandic banks have taken their timely revenge for the economic mayhem and havoc foisted on them by the Kikesters by financially crippling the European air travel industry in setting off the Mount Whatafuckup volcano and covering the EUSSR zone with sulphur-ridden ash clouds.