Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A Sussex care worker who invited a few close friends to a picnic at the scenically-sinful Doggers Wood to mark Brighton's Gay Pride celebrations in August has been forced to call it off.
Waiyne McFudge, from Old Buttocks, used Facebook to send out invitations to his free event. However, the number of guests posting messages on his ‘wall’ saying they would attend quickly rose to 80,000, which led the moronic jobsworths at Brighton & Hove Council to issue a noise-abatement order against him.
The 2011 Gay Pride celebration, scheduled for the 13th August, will this year be fenced off and ticketed for the first time in its immoral 19 year history to help cope with the event’s growing ‘rave’ popularity - and keep out hordes of Bible-thumping homophobes from denouncing the assembly as an obscene abomination in the eyes of God.
McFudge informed one reporter from the Shirtlifters Gazette that he and his friend Ginger Simon had planned an alternative event for a select group of 15 to 20 similar minded chutney merchants and cross dressers to watch the parade and then go off to Doggers Wood with a few drinks and their picnic hamper - in protest at the council’s draconic introduction of charges.
"The council seem to think that I'm organising a shindig like the Bumboy Slim event," McFudge opined, referring to a gig on the beach in 2002 which attracted a mixed bag of 250,000 rug-munching dykes and brown hatters and turned into an all-night booze and drug-fuelled sex orgy of Bacchanalian magnitude, which resulted in the hospitalisation of scores of arse bandits and snatch tribbers suffering from near-fatal overdoses of debauchery.
In a statement to the gutter press, council spokeswoman Mingeeter Dildodo announced: "People turning up for a picnic on the beach will not be prevented from doing so. But we have a responsibility to ensure people are able to have fun in a safe environment and not get buggered by a bunch of over-enthusiastic sodomites."
McFudge received an official missive from Brighton and Hove City Council, stating that he could be fined and even jailed for organising an unauthorised rave event – which prompted him to close down the Facebook page and cancel the planned picnic in entirety.
“It’s such a pity really as I was so looking forward to wearing my new party dress. However, while cobbling together a batch of cucumber sandwiches and cream puffs for a cosy group of 20 is okay, Simon and I simply couldn’t cater for 80,000.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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