In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A former Snottingham Plod Squad constable has been found guilty of assaulting a suspected car thief. However, PC Genghis ‘Pitbull’ McTwatt denied kicking 16-year old Wayne Fuctifino during his arrest in the Slumborough Hamlets area of the city on 25th July last year, or for using what might be termed ‘unnecessary force’.
Crapfield Crown Court viewed actual CCTV footage of the controversial arrest and heard testimony from several eye witnesses that the hapless Mr Fuctifino was thrown against a wall, then Tasered and blasted in the face with hot chilli pepper spray before being handcuffed, pushed to the floor and giving a sound kicking.
McTwatt claimed he felt under threat from Mr Fuctifno due his uncooperative demeanour, and stated that when officers dealt with "non-compliant" prisoners – such as persons having the audacity to protest their innocence – or those suffering from the effects of alcohol or drugs – there was often a need to use reasonable and proportionate force.
Giving evidence in his own defence, McTwatt admitted landing a blow and flooring his prisoner but claimed he had followed standard police procedure by applying a recognised arrest technique known as ‘putting the boot in’.
At the time of the incident involving Wayne Fuctifino, PC McTwatt had been dealing with a report of a stolen Ford Fiesta and was pursuing two suspects from the abandoned vehicle along Scally Alley.
Apparently McTwatt ran headlong into Mr Fuctifno, who claimed he was out for his early morning jogging session and became annoyed when PC McTwatt tried to arrest him for car theft.
After he was ‘subdued’ and handcuffed by PC McTwatt, Mr Fuctifino was taken to the force's custody suite on Scrote Street but later transferred to the Queen's Medical Centre to receive treatment for a broken nose, fractured ribs, a collapsed lung and other severe facial injuries.
The court heard evidence that McTwatt was dismissed from the force in April after a psychopathic evaluation diagnosed him as a sadist with psychopathic tendencies.
A police disciplinary tribunal had ruled against him for using unreasonable force in two previous cases – when he head-butted Ms Chlamydia Mingerot, - a 16-year old mother of three suspected of shoplifting from Poundland in 2009 after she called him a ’dog wanker’.
McTwatt has also been suspended in 2008 following an internal investigation into injuries sustained by a certain Jacko Bogbrush, a 69-year old retired tortoise polisher, whom he arrested for being drunk in charge of a wheelbarrow outside the Pikeys Arms, one of the Troublespot Taverns pub chain, on the town centre’s notorious Pissheads Parade.
One whistle-blowing plod informed the court that McTwatt was often overheard boasting to other PC’s “That’s wot I joined the effin’ force for – ter give hoodies an’ chavs a good kickin’.”
Apparently McTwatt had a poster of Simon Harwood, the Met’ force’s Territorial Support Group thug who murdered an innocent passer-by: specifically news vendor Ian Tomlinson at the G20 demonstrations in 2009 – inside his changing room locker door - plus a news clipping photo of Sgt Delboy ‘Conan’ Stinkie, responsible for punching G20 protester Nicola Fisher in the face and who got off Scott free by disingenuously claiming that the orange juice carton she was holding looked very like a hand grenade.
However, the most condemning revelation was a news photo of Sgt Mark ‘Mad Dog’ Andrews dragging the 59-year old Pamela Somerville across the floor of Melksham police station in Wiltshire in July 2008, then bodily throwing the suspected ‘driving under the influence’ prisoner into a cell head first where she sustained serious facial injuries.
Apparently McTwatt’s superiors were concerned with the fact he’d written ‘My Heroes’ across the top of his ‘rogue’s gallery’ of barbaric plods.
Summing up the defence case, PC McTwatt’s legal brief, Sir Basil Bottomfeeder QC, of Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, informed District Judge Rigby Ratstamper that the Crown should dismiss the case due the lack of proof his client had actually assaulted Mr Fuctifino as there was no compelling forensic evidence to back up the allegations – apart from the undeniable fact that Mr Fuctifino was dead.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Courts Slammed for Draconian Sentences
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Senior magistrates and judges have responded angrily and spit the dummy in a foot-stamping infantile tantrum over accusations voiced publicly by several prison governors – then blown out of all proportion by the red top gutter press tabloids - that they’re indulging in a delirium-driven, apoplectic frenzy when sentencing offenders found guilty of acts of riot, pillage and plunder associated with the recent civil disturbances in several of the UK’s major cities.
Prison Governors Association President, Irwin Bogbrush, told one reporter from the Totalitarians Gazette that the harsh custodial sentences simply appealed to a perverted ‘Hang ‘em High’ mentality and magistrates had opted for remand rather than bail for those referred to the Crown Court to have ‘tougher’ penalties meted out on their sorry arses.
Bogbrush criticised the assembly line situation where courts were working 24/7 shifts, sitting through the night and at weekends, to deal with the large numbers of scallies arrested by a hyper-drive Plod Squad making the best of the overtime opportunities while they lasted - with the standard sentence proclamation starting to sound like Alice in Wonderland’s clemency-challenged, insane Red Queen bawling “Off with their heads!”
However, Magistrates Association chairman Sir Hammon de Mattoid informed gutter press hacks that sentencing had followed the strict regime authorised by Downing Street, and bore Prime Minister Posh Dave Scameron's personal seal of approval, and who had stated “Bollocks to my election campaign’s ‘Hug a Hoodie’ philosophy - these bloody oicks are going to suffer for making a right fuck-up of my holiday!”
Sir Hammon added “Really, our vulgarian Prime Minister is very annoyed over having to fly back from Butlins in Tuscany, and if we still had a farrago of criminal penalties as were available to us in the Middle Ages - such being racked, hung, drawn and quartered – then burned at the stake – this is what these scallies would be getting for their rebellious antics.”
Since the riots, the prison population has shot up by more than 1,000, and reached a record high for the third consecutive week last Friday, at 86,997 – a mere 3 scrotes short of its operational capacity of 87,000 – after which it’s ‘standing room only’.
In one perfect example of excessive punishment, over-zealous magistrates in Manchester jailed a 15-year old mother-of-three, Candida McSkanger, of the Stench Hill council housing estate, for five months for accepting a looted Man’ United polo shirt. A Crown Court judge, backed by a modicum of common sense and base logic, later freed McSkanger and ordered her to do 75 hours' unpaid community service work at the RSPCA’s ‘Meerkat Rescue Sanctuary’ instead.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Senior magistrates and judges have responded angrily and spit the dummy in a foot-stamping infantile tantrum over accusations voiced publicly by several prison governors – then blown out of all proportion by the red top gutter press tabloids - that they’re indulging in a delirium-driven, apoplectic frenzy when sentencing offenders found guilty of acts of riot, pillage and plunder associated with the recent civil disturbances in several of the UK’s major cities.
Prison Governors Association President, Irwin Bogbrush, told one reporter from the Totalitarians Gazette that the harsh custodial sentences simply appealed to a perverted ‘Hang ‘em High’ mentality and magistrates had opted for remand rather than bail for those referred to the Crown Court to have ‘tougher’ penalties meted out on their sorry arses.
Bogbrush criticised the assembly line situation where courts were working 24/7 shifts, sitting through the night and at weekends, to deal with the large numbers of scallies arrested by a hyper-drive Plod Squad making the best of the overtime opportunities while they lasted - with the standard sentence proclamation starting to sound like Alice in Wonderland’s clemency-challenged, insane Red Queen bawling “Off with their heads!”
However, Magistrates Association chairman Sir Hammon de Mattoid informed gutter press hacks that sentencing had followed the strict regime authorised by Downing Street, and bore Prime Minister Posh Dave Scameron's personal seal of approval, and who had stated “Bollocks to my election campaign’s ‘Hug a Hoodie’ philosophy - these bloody oicks are going to suffer for making a right fuck-up of my holiday!”
Sir Hammon added “Really, our vulgarian Prime Minister is very annoyed over having to fly back from Butlins in Tuscany, and if we still had a farrago of criminal penalties as were available to us in the Middle Ages - such being racked, hung, drawn and quartered – then burned at the stake – this is what these scallies would be getting for their rebellious antics.”
Since the riots, the prison population has shot up by more than 1,000, and reached a record high for the third consecutive week last Friday, at 86,997 – a mere 3 scrotes short of its operational capacity of 87,000 – after which it’s ‘standing room only’.
In one perfect example of excessive punishment, over-zealous magistrates in Manchester jailed a 15-year old mother-of-three, Candida McSkanger, of the Stench Hill council housing estate, for five months for accepting a looted Man’ United polo shirt. A Crown Court judge, backed by a modicum of common sense and base logic, later freed McSkanger and ordered her to do 75 hours' unpaid community service work at the RSPCA’s ‘Meerkat Rescue Sanctuary’ instead.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Tuesday 30 August 2011
Tagged Scally ‘Hops It’
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The courts-affiliated ‘Crim-Watch’ division of private security firm G4S has sacked – with ‘extreme prejudice’ - two members of their field service ‘Mobile Morons’ unit who tagged a man's wooden leg, allowing him to remove it and break a court-imposed curfew for several weeks.
The pair, fired for committing a serious disciplinary offence, were fooled by Long John McSkanger, 69, an unemployed pirate, who disguised his prosthetic limb under a bandage when G4S’s ‘Crim-Watch’ operatives set up the electronic tag system on his person at McSkanger’s Manchester home on the notorious Stench Hill sink or swim council housing estate in July.
McSkanger was able to remove the limb and ‘hop off’ down to his local Troublespot Taverns pub – the Pikeys Arms - every night for a few pints of Old Headbanger special brew – thus breaching his curfew and bail restrictions, imposed for variety of offences including welfare benefit fraud, being drunk in charge of a wheelbarrow, non-payment of council tax – and buccaneering.
Police caught onto McSkanger’s curfew-breaching AWOL status after receiving a 999 call from a branch of Bargain Booze that some old alkie with a parrot on his shoulder and an eye patch was in possession of a bathroom caulking gun and a rubber cutlass which he brandished in front of counter staff in an attempt to obtain credit through means of intimidating threats, psychological duress and bad language.
Arresting officer PC Genghis Twatt told press hacks “The poor old bloke just wanted a couple of bottles of Captain Morgan’s Old Jamaican Rum on the slate until Friday when his DWP disability pension giro came through. However he agreed to come quietly after we tasered the bugger and gave him a spot of hot chilli pepper spray in the face – plus a swift kick on the kneecap – then he didn’t have a leg to stand on.”
Conversely, Baz Fuctifino and Lenny Nump, the ex-G4S Crim-Watch employees fired for incompetence told press hacks “We’re takin’ the bastard management ter the Employments Tribunal over this shit. How the fuck are we supposed ter tell the difference between a real leg an’ a false one when its got an effin’ big thick bandage wrapped around it an’ the bloke sez it's cos he’s got leprosy. So we just slapped the electronic tag on him double-quick an’ pissed off sharpish like, before we caught owt nasty.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The courts-affiliated ‘Crim-Watch’ division of private security firm G4S has sacked – with ‘extreme prejudice’ - two members of their field service ‘Mobile Morons’ unit who tagged a man's wooden leg, allowing him to remove it and break a court-imposed curfew for several weeks.
The pair, fired for committing a serious disciplinary offence, were fooled by Long John McSkanger, 69, an unemployed pirate, who disguised his prosthetic limb under a bandage when G4S’s ‘Crim-Watch’ operatives set up the electronic tag system on his person at McSkanger’s Manchester home on the notorious Stench Hill sink or swim council housing estate in July.
McSkanger was able to remove the limb and ‘hop off’ down to his local Troublespot Taverns pub – the Pikeys Arms - every night for a few pints of Old Headbanger special brew – thus breaching his curfew and bail restrictions, imposed for variety of offences including welfare benefit fraud, being drunk in charge of a wheelbarrow, non-payment of council tax – and buccaneering.
Police caught onto McSkanger’s curfew-breaching AWOL status after receiving a 999 call from a branch of Bargain Booze that some old alkie with a parrot on his shoulder and an eye patch was in possession of a bathroom caulking gun and a rubber cutlass which he brandished in front of counter staff in an attempt to obtain credit through means of intimidating threats, psychological duress and bad language.
Arresting officer PC Genghis Twatt told press hacks “The poor old bloke just wanted a couple of bottles of Captain Morgan’s Old Jamaican Rum on the slate until Friday when his DWP disability pension giro came through. However he agreed to come quietly after we tasered the bugger and gave him a spot of hot chilli pepper spray in the face – plus a swift kick on the kneecap – then he didn’t have a leg to stand on.”
Conversely, Baz Fuctifino and Lenny Nump, the ex-G4S Crim-Watch employees fired for incompetence told press hacks “We’re takin’ the bastard management ter the Employments Tribunal over this shit. How the fuck are we supposed ter tell the difference between a real leg an’ a false one when its got an effin’ big thick bandage wrapped around it an’ the bloke sez it's cos he’s got leprosy. So we just slapped the electronic tag on him double-quick an’ pissed off sharpish like, before we caught owt nasty.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Hand of Irony Smites RNLI Swimmers
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
In what was subsequently described ‘ex post facto’ as a proverbial ‘Chinese fire drill’, with one senior Coastguard officer stating he’d seen better organised riots, 80 people had to be rescued by the Dover Lifeboat service after they were swept out to sea during a charity swim – ironically undertaken to raise cash for the Royal National Lifeboat Institute.
The swimmers had been taking part in the charity race, starting from Tosspots Bay off Broadstairs in Kent last Sunday, to swim along the coast, past Margate, with one clockwise circuit around the Isle of Sheppy, then back to Herne Bay for hot chocolate and buttered teacakes around a beach bonfire of derelict deck chairs and discarded wooden legs.
However, after rounding the Margate headland they became caught in a rip tide off Scattford Sands that started dragging them up the Thames Estuary at 10 knots towards Bellend-on-Sea.
Captain Harry McSnott of the Dover Coastguard told one reporter from the Davy Jones Gazette that they received a distress message via Blackberry text from a certain concerned female, one Mrs Agnes Skanger, who was walking her dog on the beach at Sheerness at about 10:30 that morning and reported scores of swimmers in a state of distress, floating past and screaming ‘Help!’
“Between our own lifeboat crew and the lads from the RNLI station on Canvey Island, we spent about two hours rescuing foundering swimmers and searching for the missing participants - who had apparently been carried off up the Thames as far as Greenwich.”
The race had been organised by event and coaching company Numpty-Fest to raise funds for the RNLI – with corporate spokeswoman Candida Mingerot explaining to media hacks “We encourage everyone to join in and have a go at this type of tourney but unfortunately a lot of non-swimmers turned up on paddle boards and inflatable air beds wanting to get into the thick of things too.”
“Luckily the very same organisation we were raising money for came to the rescue of the majority of participants before they were swept further offshore or up the river.”
“All things considered it was fortunate that out of the hundred-plus entrants to the race only 19 got drowned – with two of the die-hards raising well over their expectations from sponsors – with one getting fished out at the Thames Flood Barrier and another ending up at Teddington Locks.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
In what was subsequently described ‘ex post facto’ as a proverbial ‘Chinese fire drill’, with one senior Coastguard officer stating he’d seen better organised riots, 80 people had to be rescued by the Dover Lifeboat service after they were swept out to sea during a charity swim – ironically undertaken to raise cash for the Royal National Lifeboat Institute.
The swimmers had been taking part in the charity race, starting from Tosspots Bay off Broadstairs in Kent last Sunday, to swim along the coast, past Margate, with one clockwise circuit around the Isle of Sheppy, then back to Herne Bay for hot chocolate and buttered teacakes around a beach bonfire of derelict deck chairs and discarded wooden legs.
However, after rounding the Margate headland they became caught in a rip tide off Scattford Sands that started dragging them up the Thames Estuary at 10 knots towards Bellend-on-Sea.
Captain Harry McSnott of the Dover Coastguard told one reporter from the Davy Jones Gazette that they received a distress message via Blackberry text from a certain concerned female, one Mrs Agnes Skanger, who was walking her dog on the beach at Sheerness at about 10:30 that morning and reported scores of swimmers in a state of distress, floating past and screaming ‘Help!’
“Between our own lifeboat crew and the lads from the RNLI station on Canvey Island, we spent about two hours rescuing foundering swimmers and searching for the missing participants - who had apparently been carried off up the Thames as far as Greenwich.”
The race had been organised by event and coaching company Numpty-Fest to raise funds for the RNLI – with corporate spokeswoman Candida Mingerot explaining to media hacks “We encourage everyone to join in and have a go at this type of tourney but unfortunately a lot of non-swimmers turned up on paddle boards and inflatable air beds wanting to get into the thick of things too.”
“Luckily the very same organisation we were raising money for came to the rescue of the majority of participants before they were swept further offshore or up the river.”
“All things considered it was fortunate that out of the hundred-plus entrants to the race only 19 got drowned – with two of the die-hards raising well over their expectations from sponsors – with one getting fished out at the Thames Flood Barrier and another ending up at Teddington Locks.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Monday 29 August 2011
NHS Mulls UK Public’s State of Fatness
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Sir Dinsdale Spatchcock, chairman of the Ministry for What can we Fuck with Next’s think tank, initially calculated that recession-related redundancies, mass unemployment and homelessness – juxtaposed with generalised socio-economic difficulties - would solve the burgeoning obesity problems blighting the British public.
Conversely, it appears that with having nothing to do apart from sign on at the Jobcentre once a fortnight, and get out and about for an hour a day scrounging around the local landfill site or their local Greedy Grocer supermarket - shop-lifting for dinner – then people are just sat on their arses watching telly all day.
Thus Sir Dinsdale is pressing for tougher action – such as increased taxes on chew n spew junk food and those fizzy soft drinks loaded with toxic aspartame sweetener - if the obesity crisis is going to be tackled before someone does a Mr Creosote and actually explodes.
“We don’t have a National Health Service here in Britain – it’s a National Sickness Service – catering to people’s ills caused by their disgusting dietary habits instead of promoting the 5-a-day diet and exercise and staying clear of high carb’ crap and soft drinks.”
“I mean, how moronic can we get – gastric bypasses indeed. The Nazis came up with the best weight loss programme ever at Auschwitz – the ‘Concentration Camp Diet’ - forced labour and less than 100 calories per day – and you didn’t see too many fatties in that place.”
The Ministry’s researchers, who have published a series of articles in the Corpulence Review magazine, claim that – no pun intended and love handles besides - the government and NHS has yet got to ‘get a grip on’ the problem before health systems are swamped with obesity-related problems, such as diabetes and heart disease – which now account for 6% of health care costs in the UK – further predicting that illnesses and disabilities caused by obesity will rise to 40% by 2030.
The Gorgonesque ginger-mingin Public Health Minister Anne Milton, told gutter press reporters that the government believed the best way to achieve results was through a collective voluntary effort and forcing a pledge from the food and drinks industry to put calorie information on menus - and to reduce fat, sugar and salt - and ensure healthier options are available.
“Believe you me, we don’t need a crystal ball to see what’s going to happen down the road a few years from now. Turn up at your family GP’s surgery – or at a hospital’s A & E with some health problem and the first action will be an obesity assessment and patients, if grossly overweight, getting slapped with a ‘fat rat tax’ for the treatment provided.”
However, Frank Sloth, the director of the human rights related ‘Who’s Fat?’ charity, opined to one press hack from Flab Magazine “Yeah, wot a fuckin’ example the effin’ Libservative Coalition’s settin’ fer the public wiv twats like their lard-arsed Local Communities Secretary – Mr Eric ’I Beat Bulimia’ Prickles impersonatin’ an effin’ Teletubbie. Then yer got that other fat cunt, Lord John ‘Two Shags’ Prescott, the dumpy pillock wot ate all the pies – an’ that Tory MP Ann ‘Deadweight’ Widdecombe wot woz on Strictly Come Dancin’ getting’ dragged round the floor on her arse an’ givin’ her partner an’ effin’ hernia tryin’ ter lift her up.”
“Wot they needs is ter introduce legislation like wot they have fer Class A drugs – make the fuckers illegal or by doctor’s prescription only. So if yer needs a massive carbs boost or yer chewin’ yer effin’ fingernails down ter the root fer some sweeties, then yer got ter go ter see yer local quack an’ get a prescription fer a pack of Eccles Cakes or a Mars Bar or a bag of M & M’s.”
“Really, we never had problems wiv folk bein’ overweight when every fucker smoked 40 a day.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Sir Dinsdale Spatchcock, chairman of the Ministry for What can we Fuck with Next’s think tank, initially calculated that recession-related redundancies, mass unemployment and homelessness – juxtaposed with generalised socio-economic difficulties - would solve the burgeoning obesity problems blighting the British public.
Conversely, it appears that with having nothing to do apart from sign on at the Jobcentre once a fortnight, and get out and about for an hour a day scrounging around the local landfill site or their local Greedy Grocer supermarket - shop-lifting for dinner – then people are just sat on their arses watching telly all day.
Thus Sir Dinsdale is pressing for tougher action – such as increased taxes on chew n spew junk food and those fizzy soft drinks loaded with toxic aspartame sweetener - if the obesity crisis is going to be tackled before someone does a Mr Creosote and actually explodes.
“We don’t have a National Health Service here in Britain – it’s a National Sickness Service – catering to people’s ills caused by their disgusting dietary habits instead of promoting the 5-a-day diet and exercise and staying clear of high carb’ crap and soft drinks.”
“I mean, how moronic can we get – gastric bypasses indeed. The Nazis came up with the best weight loss programme ever at Auschwitz – the ‘Concentration Camp Diet’ - forced labour and less than 100 calories per day – and you didn’t see too many fatties in that place.”
The Ministry’s researchers, who have published a series of articles in the Corpulence Review magazine, claim that – no pun intended and love handles besides - the government and NHS has yet got to ‘get a grip on’ the problem before health systems are swamped with obesity-related problems, such as diabetes and heart disease – which now account for 6% of health care costs in the UK – further predicting that illnesses and disabilities caused by obesity will rise to 40% by 2030.
The Gorgonesque ginger-mingin Public Health Minister Anne Milton, told gutter press reporters that the government believed the best way to achieve results was through a collective voluntary effort and forcing a pledge from the food and drinks industry to put calorie information on menus - and to reduce fat, sugar and salt - and ensure healthier options are available.
“Believe you me, we don’t need a crystal ball to see what’s going to happen down the road a few years from now. Turn up at your family GP’s surgery – or at a hospital’s A & E with some health problem and the first action will be an obesity assessment and patients, if grossly overweight, getting slapped with a ‘fat rat tax’ for the treatment provided.”
However, Frank Sloth, the director of the human rights related ‘Who’s Fat?’ charity, opined to one press hack from Flab Magazine “Yeah, wot a fuckin’ example the effin’ Libservative Coalition’s settin’ fer the public wiv twats like their lard-arsed Local Communities Secretary – Mr Eric ’I Beat Bulimia’ Prickles impersonatin’ an effin’ Teletubbie. Then yer got that other fat cunt, Lord John ‘Two Shags’ Prescott, the dumpy pillock wot ate all the pies – an’ that Tory MP Ann ‘Deadweight’ Widdecombe wot woz on Strictly Come Dancin’ getting’ dragged round the floor on her arse an’ givin’ her partner an’ effin’ hernia tryin’ ter lift her up.”
“Wot they needs is ter introduce legislation like wot they have fer Class A drugs – make the fuckers illegal or by doctor’s prescription only. So if yer needs a massive carbs boost or yer chewin’ yer effin’ fingernails down ter the root fer some sweeties, then yer got ter go ter see yer local quack an’ get a prescription fer a pack of Eccles Cakes or a Mars Bar or a bag of M & M’s.”
“Really, we never had problems wiv folk bein’ overweight when every fucker smoked 40 a day.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Sunday 28 August 2011
Rioters Cram the Slammers
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The Libservative Coalition Prisons Minister, Crispin Clunt, has declared that in his unqualified, moronic opinion the recent civil disturbances in major cities up and down our once-sceptred isle this month were going to be a "one-off" event now that the rioting scallies involved – or copy-cat contemporaries contemplating similar acts - have most definitely been dissuaded from repeats due the draconic custodial punishments handed down for acts of looting and arson – and being so stupid, breaking the 11th Commandment (getting caught) and ending up with their names – fingerprints, photos and DNA - in the Plod Squad’s ‘Naughty Book’ for all eternity.
Clunt informed one press hack from the Jailbirds Gazette that the British prison system can, and will prevail, and magistrates and judges alike should continue dishing out harsh custodial sentences to marginalized youths who dared give Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society the ‘big’ finger by having the audacity to launch their rebellious rampages and – like Colonel Gaddafi - spoil the Prime Minister’s vacation.
While the number of Her Majesty’s Prison ‘guests’ hit a record of 87,000 last week, largely driven by arrested rioters - with another 1,300 skangers behind bars for six months and more – and a further 797 subversive suspects still on remand, awaiting appearance before Crown Court judges, who have, as a body, been instructed by their political masters to come down hard on the nihilistic hooligans and plunderers.
On Friday HMP Scumbag in Smegmashire overflowed due the induction of the latest batch of teenage scallies jailed for their part in the riots, with extra bunks installed in designated two-man cells already occupied by hardened criminals, all short on the pleasures of the female form – creating what Minister Clunt aptly described as a ‘sodomite’s paradise’.
“This bunch of scrotes will think twice about rioting again - just wait until some hard case makes them his bum boy rental bitch and they’ve got a line of lags queuing up for a suck and swallow blow job or a butt fuck session.
Acting on orders from Minister Clunt, prisons chiefs have devised contingency plans in case they too run out of space – by contracting Ikea to supply 5,000 flat pack cells which will be housed in 40 foot shipping containers on board the decommissioned HMS Ark Royal aircraft carrier – anchored in the North Sea.
Regardless of Minister Clunt’s pledge to accommodate all riot-related hoodlums at Her Majesty’s Pleasure, Justice Secretary Ken ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Clarke reiterated his plan to make more use of community-based sentences for offenders guilty of less serious crimes - with unemployed subversive vandals forced into slavery, doing full time unpaid work – re-classified under the ‘political correctness’ label as ‘community payback’.
The scheme aims to force offenders to work a minimum of 28 hours over four days on manual labour projects such as removing anti-establishment graffiti from walls and bus shelters – and licking pavements clean - with the fifth day to be wasted searching for a non-existent ‘real job’.
Clarke told a reporter from the Totalitarians Review "People want assurances that sentences being served by offenders in the community are providing adequate punishment and that they’re being carried out under a regime of stern-eyed supervision."
“Hence I’ve decided to recruit New Labour’s ex-Sleazeborough MP, Jacqui Smith to administer the project – having chain gangs of teenage prisoners decorating her friend’s houses and looking after their gardens.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The Libservative Coalition Prisons Minister, Crispin Clunt, has declared that in his unqualified, moronic opinion the recent civil disturbances in major cities up and down our once-sceptred isle this month were going to be a "one-off" event now that the rioting scallies involved – or copy-cat contemporaries contemplating similar acts - have most definitely been dissuaded from repeats due the draconic custodial punishments handed down for acts of looting and arson – and being so stupid, breaking the 11th Commandment (getting caught) and ending up with their names – fingerprints, photos and DNA - in the Plod Squad’s ‘Naughty Book’ for all eternity.
Clunt informed one press hack from the Jailbirds Gazette that the British prison system can, and will prevail, and magistrates and judges alike should continue dishing out harsh custodial sentences to marginalized youths who dared give Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society the ‘big’ finger by having the audacity to launch their rebellious rampages and – like Colonel Gaddafi - spoil the Prime Minister’s vacation.
While the number of Her Majesty’s Prison ‘guests’ hit a record of 87,000 last week, largely driven by arrested rioters - with another 1,300 skangers behind bars for six months and more – and a further 797 subversive suspects still on remand, awaiting appearance before Crown Court judges, who have, as a body, been instructed by their political masters to come down hard on the nihilistic hooligans and plunderers.
On Friday HMP Scumbag in Smegmashire overflowed due the induction of the latest batch of teenage scallies jailed for their part in the riots, with extra bunks installed in designated two-man cells already occupied by hardened criminals, all short on the pleasures of the female form – creating what Minister Clunt aptly described as a ‘sodomite’s paradise’.
“This bunch of scrotes will think twice about rioting again - just wait until some hard case makes them his bum boy rental bitch and they’ve got a line of lags queuing up for a suck and swallow blow job or a butt fuck session.
Acting on orders from Minister Clunt, prisons chiefs have devised contingency plans in case they too run out of space – by contracting Ikea to supply 5,000 flat pack cells which will be housed in 40 foot shipping containers on board the decommissioned HMS Ark Royal aircraft carrier – anchored in the North Sea.
Regardless of Minister Clunt’s pledge to accommodate all riot-related hoodlums at Her Majesty’s Pleasure, Justice Secretary Ken ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Clarke reiterated his plan to make more use of community-based sentences for offenders guilty of less serious crimes - with unemployed subversive vandals forced into slavery, doing full time unpaid work – re-classified under the ‘political correctness’ label as ‘community payback’.
The scheme aims to force offenders to work a minimum of 28 hours over four days on manual labour projects such as removing anti-establishment graffiti from walls and bus shelters – and licking pavements clean - with the fifth day to be wasted searching for a non-existent ‘real job’.
Clarke told a reporter from the Totalitarians Review "People want assurances that sentences being served by offenders in the community are providing adequate punishment and that they’re being carried out under a regime of stern-eyed supervision."
“Hence I’ve decided to recruit New Labour’s ex-Sleazeborough MP, Jacqui Smith to administer the project – having chain gangs of teenage prisoners decorating her friend’s houses and looking after their gardens.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Saturday 27 August 2011
Panopticon Surveillance State Goes Viral
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
At the last count, there are currently an excess of twelve thousand CCTV cameras on the London Underground system alone, monitoring the movements of millions of passengers ‘every single day’ – apart from at Stockwell Tube Station on July 22nd 2005 when the Met Plod Squad’s trigger happy SO15 Counter Terrorist Squad and SO19 Armed Response Unit mistook Brazilian electrician Jean Charles de Menezes for a Jolly Jihad Islamic terrorist suicide bomber due his ‘Mongolian’ looks and pumped seven rounds of 9mm expanding Black Talon rounds into his head – in yet another of their illegal Kratos style murders.
But since the advent of the ubiquitous mobile smart phones that can snap as clear a photo as a £27,600 quid Hasselblad H4D-60 camera, some shit-for-brains commuters are also doing their own electronic reconnaissance – with a growing number of websites and photo galleries springing up across the net, dedicated to critiquing the appearance, dress and behaviour of fellow strap-hangers.
Baz McTadger was travelling on the Bakerloo line in London one Sunday morning after a night out on the lash, when his photograph was secretly taken by some moronic slapper using a mobile phone.
It wasn't until a few days later when his Mum called up and said “Yer famous Bazzer, yer piccies on the tubecrush.net website an’ a connected Twitter account.”
Apparently tubecrush.net invites commuters to send in pictures of total strangers they find a bit weird, bizarre or suspicious – (especially ‘females’ wearing a burkha and Doc Martins – or heavily bearded Muslim blokes toting a backpack and reading Airbus A-330 flight manuals) - with the proviso that the subjects must be males of the species and travelling on the London underground.
Mr McTadger later commented to Plod Squad detectives "It were a bit strange at first, but then I were quite flattered – until I read the online assessments of meself: balding scrote wot looks a bit like that kiddie fiddling Freemason twat Hamilton wot snuffed the class of sprogs at Dunblane in 1996.”
“Then I woz effin’ shocked – an’ insulted – an’ the next bleedin’ thing is some fat gyppo bitch from Albania shoves a post on sayin’ “That looks just like the shifty git wot tried ter rape me last year when I woz on me hol’s in Kosovo.”
“Fer fuck’s sake, two days later the plods turn up ter arrest me on suspicion of attempted rape – an’ even though I tells ‘em I ain’t never bin anywhere near fuckin’ Kosovo they don’t believe me an’ I ends up wiv me name on the Sex Offenders Register an’ a pending prosecution fer tryin’ ter three-hole some pikey slag wot I’ve never met. I mean ter say, let’s be fair, I’ve got more respect fer me cock than ter go stickin’ it in a porky scrubber like that.”
However, the hapless Mr McTadger’s hardly alone facing this dilemma now a veritable profusion of similar social networking accounts and online galleries have sprung up. Some like @peopleonthetube focus on odd clothing and strange circumstances, while the @tube_chicks rated pictures of female passengers that inspired an insta-hard-on by the size of their boobs for a tit wank - and the calculated ‘suck n swallow’ blow job ability of their lips.
The popular @shop-a-scrote website was shut down when certain Bolshie and anarchist elements started leaving character assassination comments against every photo posted – such as “Got shoplifter written all over her face” – “Looks like a right skanger” – and “This twat’s got ter be of them Israeli war criminals wot’s always on the news fer murderin Palestinian kids”.
However, Ms Candida Mingerot, the transport@peopleonthetube website spokeswoman, informed the gutter press that “We have clear instructions posted on our website informing users what to do if someone sees their own picture in a gallery, and wants it removed.”
“We prudently installed a "photo removal request" option and so far, in the seven months our site’s been active, we’ve only had a few people request that their images be taken down – and all of them were Israeli war criminals – apart from one convicted paedophile from Aberdeen.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
At the last count, there are currently an excess of twelve thousand CCTV cameras on the London Underground system alone, monitoring the movements of millions of passengers ‘every single day’ – apart from at Stockwell Tube Station on July 22nd 2005 when the Met Plod Squad’s trigger happy SO15 Counter Terrorist Squad and SO19 Armed Response Unit mistook Brazilian electrician Jean Charles de Menezes for a Jolly Jihad Islamic terrorist suicide bomber due his ‘Mongolian’ looks and pumped seven rounds of 9mm expanding Black Talon rounds into his head – in yet another of their illegal Kratos style murders.
But since the advent of the ubiquitous mobile smart phones that can snap as clear a photo as a £27,600 quid Hasselblad H4D-60 camera, some shit-for-brains commuters are also doing their own electronic reconnaissance – with a growing number of websites and photo galleries springing up across the net, dedicated to critiquing the appearance, dress and behaviour of fellow strap-hangers.
Baz McTadger was travelling on the Bakerloo line in London one Sunday morning after a night out on the lash, when his photograph was secretly taken by some moronic slapper using a mobile phone.
It wasn't until a few days later when his Mum called up and said “Yer famous Bazzer, yer piccies on the tubecrush.net website an’ a connected Twitter account.”
Apparently tubecrush.net invites commuters to send in pictures of total strangers they find a bit weird, bizarre or suspicious – (especially ‘females’ wearing a burkha and Doc Martins – or heavily bearded Muslim blokes toting a backpack and reading Airbus A-330 flight manuals) - with the proviso that the subjects must be males of the species and travelling on the London underground.
Mr McTadger later commented to Plod Squad detectives "It were a bit strange at first, but then I were quite flattered – until I read the online assessments of meself: balding scrote wot looks a bit like that kiddie fiddling Freemason twat Hamilton wot snuffed the class of sprogs at Dunblane in 1996.”
“Then I woz effin’ shocked – an’ insulted – an’ the next bleedin’ thing is some fat gyppo bitch from Albania shoves a post on sayin’ “That looks just like the shifty git wot tried ter rape me last year when I woz on me hol’s in Kosovo.”
“Fer fuck’s sake, two days later the plods turn up ter arrest me on suspicion of attempted rape – an’ even though I tells ‘em I ain’t never bin anywhere near fuckin’ Kosovo they don’t believe me an’ I ends up wiv me name on the Sex Offenders Register an’ a pending prosecution fer tryin’ ter three-hole some pikey slag wot I’ve never met. I mean ter say, let’s be fair, I’ve got more respect fer me cock than ter go stickin’ it in a porky scrubber like that.”
However, the hapless Mr McTadger’s hardly alone facing this dilemma now a veritable profusion of similar social networking accounts and online galleries have sprung up. Some like @peopleonthetube focus on odd clothing and strange circumstances, while the @tube_chicks rated pictures of female passengers that inspired an insta-hard-on by the size of their boobs for a tit wank - and the calculated ‘suck n swallow’ blow job ability of their lips.
The popular @shop-a-scrote website was shut down when certain Bolshie and anarchist elements started leaving character assassination comments against every photo posted – such as “Got shoplifter written all over her face” – “Looks like a right skanger” – and “This twat’s got ter be of them Israeli war criminals wot’s always on the news fer murderin Palestinian kids”.
However, Ms Candida Mingerot, the transport@peopleonthetube website spokeswoman, informed the gutter press that “We have clear instructions posted on our website informing users what to do if someone sees their own picture in a gallery, and wants it removed.”
“We prudently installed a "photo removal request" option and so far, in the seven months our site’s been active, we’ve only had a few people request that their images be taken down – and all of them were Israeli war criminals – apart from one convicted paedophile from Aberdeen.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Strauss-Kahn: Freed on Impotence Defence
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
New York Judge Sheldon Scroteberg has dismissed the sexual assault case against the French ex-IMF director Dominique Strauss-Kahn after hearing convincing medical testimony that the horny old goat can no longer get it up without a double dose of 100 mg Viagra.
The ‘little blue pills’ defence move came as a double-whammy after the Manhattan District Attorney’s prosecutors publicly cited doubts over the credibility of his accuser, 32-year-old hotel maid Mingeeter Dildodo – elaborating that they didn’t feel it was a prudent career move on their parts to pursue the case in court.
Assistant DA Seymour Scattstein informed one press hack from the Perjurers Gazette that “Miss Dildodo’s come across as a gold-digger out to make a fast buck on the back of someone else’s demise. Her evidence against Strauss-Kahn is totally fucked as she changes her story every five minutes – which in our eyes labels her as a pathological lying cunt possessed with the ability to present fiction as fact with complete conviction - and a straight face.”
Medical and DNA evidence in the case is rumoured to be considered totally inconclusive for providing solid proof of a forced sexual encounter, as the gobful of semen Ms Dildodo purportedly spit on the carpet after gagging during a forced suck and swallow blow job consisted of 90% mayonnaise.
Further, the forensic examination of Ms Dildodo’s back passage by consultant proctologist Dr Morton Fudger indicated, according to the resulting diagnostic report, that “The female subject had not, as is claimed, been an anal virgin until this recent ‘rear-end’ rape occurred – as her dilated sphincter indicates she’s been taking it up the arse for several years previously.”
Mr Strauss-Kahn, 96, was accused in May of subjecting the African immigrant to an hours-long bout of lascivious ravishment and three-hole rape after she made the fateful mistake of bending over while cleaning his hotel room and he became instantly erect and tried to mount her doggy fashion.
Strauss-Kahn’s defence attorney, Shlomo Matzo, presented the court with medical evidence that his client was virtually impotent and required a couple of hours notice and two full strength Viagra tablets before he could raise a stiffy.
“My client may well have a reputation of being a French Lothario and notorious sex maniac who’d fuck a sick chicken, but at 96-years of age, he’s only got one good fuck left in him - and that’s holding him together.”
Strauss-Kahn, the ex-IMF head that did so much to further the Rothshite crime syndicate’s ‘Disaster Capitalism’ and ‘Debtocracy’ projects that have doomed the entire Eurozone to generations of penury, now intends to request an inquiry into the mechanics of the ‘rape charges set-up’, claiming it was a politically motivated character assassination campaign to fuck up his chances of running for political office back in France and posing a ballot box challenge to the incumbent troll-featured midget, President Nicholas Sarkozy, at the next election.
Have you ever been touched-up or raped by Dominic Strauss-Kahn like hundreds of other women? Why not join French writer Ms Tristane Banon and file a case today - and you too could be in line for a mega-bucks out of court settlement.
Using the online reply form below, simply send your signed affidavit to Ambulance_Chasers_R_Us and you could qualify for a no-win no-fee civil prosecution representation with an attorney of your choice.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
New York Judge Sheldon Scroteberg has dismissed the sexual assault case against the French ex-IMF director Dominique Strauss-Kahn after hearing convincing medical testimony that the horny old goat can no longer get it up without a double dose of 100 mg Viagra.
The ‘little blue pills’ defence move came as a double-whammy after the Manhattan District Attorney’s prosecutors publicly cited doubts over the credibility of his accuser, 32-year-old hotel maid Mingeeter Dildodo – elaborating that they didn’t feel it was a prudent career move on their parts to pursue the case in court.
Assistant DA Seymour Scattstein informed one press hack from the Perjurers Gazette that “Miss Dildodo’s come across as a gold-digger out to make a fast buck on the back of someone else’s demise. Her evidence against Strauss-Kahn is totally fucked as she changes her story every five minutes – which in our eyes labels her as a pathological lying cunt possessed with the ability to present fiction as fact with complete conviction - and a straight face.”
Medical and DNA evidence in the case is rumoured to be considered totally inconclusive for providing solid proof of a forced sexual encounter, as the gobful of semen Ms Dildodo purportedly spit on the carpet after gagging during a forced suck and swallow blow job consisted of 90% mayonnaise.
Further, the forensic examination of Ms Dildodo’s back passage by consultant proctologist Dr Morton Fudger indicated, according to the resulting diagnostic report, that “The female subject had not, as is claimed, been an anal virgin until this recent ‘rear-end’ rape occurred – as her dilated sphincter indicates she’s been taking it up the arse for several years previously.”
Mr Strauss-Kahn, 96, was accused in May of subjecting the African immigrant to an hours-long bout of lascivious ravishment and three-hole rape after she made the fateful mistake of bending over while cleaning his hotel room and he became instantly erect and tried to mount her doggy fashion.
Strauss-Kahn’s defence attorney, Shlomo Matzo, presented the court with medical evidence that his client was virtually impotent and required a couple of hours notice and two full strength Viagra tablets before he could raise a stiffy.
“My client may well have a reputation of being a French Lothario and notorious sex maniac who’d fuck a sick chicken, but at 96-years of age, he’s only got one good fuck left in him - and that’s holding him together.”
Strauss-Kahn, the ex-IMF head that did so much to further the Rothshite crime syndicate’s ‘Disaster Capitalism’ and ‘Debtocracy’ projects that have doomed the entire Eurozone to generations of penury, now intends to request an inquiry into the mechanics of the ‘rape charges set-up’, claiming it was a politically motivated character assassination campaign to fuck up his chances of running for political office back in France and posing a ballot box challenge to the incumbent troll-featured midget, President Nicholas Sarkozy, at the next election.
Have you ever been touched-up or raped by Dominic Strauss-Kahn like hundreds of other women? Why not join French writer Ms Tristane Banon and file a case today - and you too could be in line for a mega-bucks out of court settlement.
Using the online reply form below, simply send your signed affidavit to Ambulance_Chasers_R_Us and you could qualify for a no-win no-fee civil prosecution representation with an attorney of your choice.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Friday 26 August 2011
Kikester Tipzi Livid Goes Homicidal
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Officials of the Kadima Parliamentary opposition party, headed by the ginger-mingin genocidal warmonger, Tipzi Livid, are currently demanding that the Israeli government of Bobo Nuttyahoo launch another ‘ethnic cleansing’ military offensive against the Gaza Strip, including a baby-crushing ground invasion with US-supplied M1-A2 Abrams battle tanks – basically a homicidal bloodbath repeat of the 2008 Xmas festive season ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’ undertaken by the IDF’s bully boy Hafganat Koah Brigade barbaric psychopaths.
Kadima party officials attacked Prime Minister Nuttyahoo after news of a cease fire between Israel and the democratically-elected ruling Hamas party in Gaza was reported in the Warmongers Gazette this week.
Tipzi ‘Piranha Teeth’ Livid, an outed rug-munching ‘kike dyke’ whose fucked-up dentistry has equipped her with the X-Men mutant ability to eat an apple through a tennis racket - along with the Jabotinskyist war hawk members of the Knesset’s defence committee - Zayin O’chel Batachat and Ratsach Koos Emakk - are pushing for an illegal ground invasion of the Gaza Strip to target the leadership of Hamas and their Gaza Gangster militia infrastructure – and remove them from power.
Obviously the pig-eyed Livid is either stricken with a terminal bout of brazen hubris – or amnesia – relative to her push for further war crimes to be visited upon the civilian Palestinian population of Gaza - besieged behind the scandalous 30-foot high Great Apartheid Wall, in the biggest concentration camp on the planet – for she still has an outstanding international arrest warrant for war crimes waiting to greet her if she turns up in Britain.
Livid was the incumbent Foreign Minister who sanctioned the 22-day murderous Operation Kill Every Fucker assault on the Gaza Strip in 2008 - which purposely targeted non-combatant women and children - for no other reason but the fact that the Knesset’s ruling Ashkenazi Jews of convenience are demonically possessed with an inherent prejudice against Gentiles in general – Muslims in particular - and all things ‘goyim’ - for those not members of the ZioNazi kikesters money-grubbing celestial elite – God’s ‘Chosen People’.
At the end of the day, Tipzi Livid is yet another shit-for-brains career hater – raised as a Jabotinsky-inspired racist, being the ultra-hawkish daughter of Polish parents, whose father, along with Menachim ‘Skeletor’ Begin, was a member of the Irgun Zevai Leumi terrorist organisation responsible for the 1946 bombing of the King David Hotel in British Mandate Palestine, and the deaths of 90-plus British soldiers and civilians, with scores more maimed, crippled and injured.
Apart from being an all-round sociopathic skanger, Livid further served in the Wiley T. Coyote-organised Mossad unit responsible for Operation Wrath of God in the 1980’s - which attempted to target the PFLP’s Black September muhijadeen fighters deemed responsible for the 1972 Munich Olympics attacks on Israeli athletes.
During this period, covert Israeli assassination units killed dozens of hapless ‘suspected’ conspirators across Europe, including the clusterfuck murder of an innocent Moroccan waiter, Ahmed Bouchiki in Lillehammer, Norway – with Mossad’s over-rated bunglers mistaking him for the ‘Public Enemy Number One’ Palestinian terrorist, Shaheed al Ka-Boom.
Hmmm, ‘Operation Wrath of God’ - (obviously Yahweh and not the Christian deity who tells us all to turn the other cheek) - how typical of ZioNazi chutzpah and their ‘kvelling’ (boastful) mindset.
Livid, now a ranking paliamentary politician, boasting she was part of an Israeli murder squad – wholly illegal under international law – but when have the niceties of polite society ever bothered the Ashkenazi gangsters running the Knesset, Mossad and the IDF.
Israel: funded by the Rothshite family crime syndicate, founded on terrorism, by terrorists – for terrorists. And these racist scumbags have they hypocritical audacity to whinge and complain about Russian pogroms and Hitler’s Nazi Holohoax?
Thought for the day: Fuck the Rothshites and global Zionism and the kikester’s New World Order.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Officials of the Kadima Parliamentary opposition party, headed by the ginger-mingin genocidal warmonger, Tipzi Livid, are currently demanding that the Israeli government of Bobo Nuttyahoo launch another ‘ethnic cleansing’ military offensive against the Gaza Strip, including a baby-crushing ground invasion with US-supplied M1-A2 Abrams battle tanks – basically a homicidal bloodbath repeat of the 2008 Xmas festive season ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’ undertaken by the IDF’s bully boy Hafganat Koah Brigade barbaric psychopaths.
Kadima party officials attacked Prime Minister Nuttyahoo after news of a cease fire between Israel and the democratically-elected ruling Hamas party in Gaza was reported in the Warmongers Gazette this week.
Tipzi ‘Piranha Teeth’ Livid, an outed rug-munching ‘kike dyke’ whose fucked-up dentistry has equipped her with the X-Men mutant ability to eat an apple through a tennis racket - along with the Jabotinskyist war hawk members of the Knesset’s defence committee - Zayin O’chel Batachat and Ratsach Koos Emakk - are pushing for an illegal ground invasion of the Gaza Strip to target the leadership of Hamas and their Gaza Gangster militia infrastructure – and remove them from power.
Obviously the pig-eyed Livid is either stricken with a terminal bout of brazen hubris – or amnesia – relative to her push for further war crimes to be visited upon the civilian Palestinian population of Gaza - besieged behind the scandalous 30-foot high Great Apartheid Wall, in the biggest concentration camp on the planet – for she still has an outstanding international arrest warrant for war crimes waiting to greet her if she turns up in Britain.
Livid was the incumbent Foreign Minister who sanctioned the 22-day murderous Operation Kill Every Fucker assault on the Gaza Strip in 2008 - which purposely targeted non-combatant women and children - for no other reason but the fact that the Knesset’s ruling Ashkenazi Jews of convenience are demonically possessed with an inherent prejudice against Gentiles in general – Muslims in particular - and all things ‘goyim’ - for those not members of the ZioNazi kikesters money-grubbing celestial elite – God’s ‘Chosen People’.
At the end of the day, Tipzi Livid is yet another shit-for-brains career hater – raised as a Jabotinsky-inspired racist, being the ultra-hawkish daughter of Polish parents, whose father, along with Menachim ‘Skeletor’ Begin, was a member of the Irgun Zevai Leumi terrorist organisation responsible for the 1946 bombing of the King David Hotel in British Mandate Palestine, and the deaths of 90-plus British soldiers and civilians, with scores more maimed, crippled and injured.
Apart from being an all-round sociopathic skanger, Livid further served in the Wiley T. Coyote-organised Mossad unit responsible for Operation Wrath of God in the 1980’s - which attempted to target the PFLP’s Black September muhijadeen fighters deemed responsible for the 1972 Munich Olympics attacks on Israeli athletes.
During this period, covert Israeli assassination units killed dozens of hapless ‘suspected’ conspirators across Europe, including the clusterfuck murder of an innocent Moroccan waiter, Ahmed Bouchiki in Lillehammer, Norway – with Mossad’s over-rated bunglers mistaking him for the ‘Public Enemy Number One’ Palestinian terrorist, Shaheed al Ka-Boom.
Hmmm, ‘Operation Wrath of God’ - (obviously Yahweh and not the Christian deity who tells us all to turn the other cheek) - how typical of ZioNazi chutzpah and their ‘kvelling’ (boastful) mindset.
Livid, now a ranking paliamentary politician, boasting she was part of an Israeli murder squad – wholly illegal under international law – but when have the niceties of polite society ever bothered the Ashkenazi gangsters running the Knesset, Mossad and the IDF.
Israel: funded by the Rothshite family crime syndicate, founded on terrorism, by terrorists – for terrorists. And these racist scumbags have they hypocritical audacity to whinge and complain about Russian pogroms and Hitler’s Nazi Holohoax?
Thought for the day: Fuck the Rothshites and global Zionism and the kikester’s New World Order.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Six Year Old Cops Maths GCSE
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A six-year-old girl from riot-torn Tottenham, who sat her GCSE maths at the age of five, has passed the exam magna cum laude. Winnebago Chuckabutty, of Slumborough Hamlets, is considered to be the youngest person in the known Universe to pass a GCSE and achieved an A* grade to boot.
Her father Morton, an unemployed tortoise polisher who boasts an IQ of 165 and more degrees than a thermometer from the University of Burkino Faso, told one press hack from the Smartarse Gazette that "I bin watchin’ re-runs of dat Doogie Howser kid on de telly – him bein’ a real clever little fucker an’ all dat good shit an’ passin’ his medical exams when he’s only four years old and you think, fuck it - why not let her have a go?"
Possessing a genius intellect and an eidetic memory, little Winnie, who was among 650,000 nail-biting pupils receiving their GCSE results today, told the media that maths was not her favourite subject and had been studying corporate law since she was three years old.
Winnie elaborated for the gob-smacked interviewer: “I mean, who wants to be wasting time, pissing around at school until they’re 17 or what have you, when they can be out in the commercial world earning mega-bucks. I’m aiming for a degree in Ambulance Chasing from Oxford, then get into the personal injury claims business as a barrister and start racking up £400 quid an hour and all those lovely success fees.”
A pupil at the St Sappho School for Latter Day Dykes, Winnie puts her success down to taking extra tuition on Saturdays and being prohibited from watching porn movies on Sky’s ‘Filth Channel’ after classes on school nights.
Across England, Wales and Northern Ireland the proportion of entries awarded between an A* and a C grade rose for the 23rd year in a row, with 69.8% making the grade now pupils can sneak miniaturised Bluetooth earpieces into exams and communicate with some distant cohort who’s manning a laptop and supplying all the right answers.
Child psychologist Dr Beverly Titwank, interviewed on BBC 4’s ‘Clever Cunts’ programme, explained “It’s hardly surprising that children are becoming top-end achievers at an earlier age due better medical care and superior nutrition – unlike all the moronic thickies we used to produce pre and post World War 2. Look at that little Russian genius from Chernobyl, up on the International Space Station playing cosmonaut for the school holidays - and he’s only nine years old.”
“Last year we had a boy of seven, Barry McScrunt, from the Stench Hill ‘sink or swim’ council housing estate in Manchester, who set a new UK record when he received an NVQ 3 diploma in Welfare Benefit Fraud – and Barry comes from a totally dysfunctional family and broken home too. Obviously with that kind of qualification behind him at his age he’s going to bleed the entire benefits spectrum dry by the time he leaves school and can be classed as officially unemployed.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
A six-year-old girl from riot-torn Tottenham, who sat her GCSE maths at the age of five, has passed the exam magna cum laude. Winnebago Chuckabutty, of Slumborough Hamlets, is considered to be the youngest person in the known Universe to pass a GCSE and achieved an A* grade to boot.
Her father Morton, an unemployed tortoise polisher who boasts an IQ of 165 and more degrees than a thermometer from the University of Burkino Faso, told one press hack from the Smartarse Gazette that "I bin watchin’ re-runs of dat Doogie Howser kid on de telly – him bein’ a real clever little fucker an’ all dat good shit an’ passin’ his medical exams when he’s only four years old and you think, fuck it - why not let her have a go?"
Possessing a genius intellect and an eidetic memory, little Winnie, who was among 650,000 nail-biting pupils receiving their GCSE results today, told the media that maths was not her favourite subject and had been studying corporate law since she was three years old.
Winnie elaborated for the gob-smacked interviewer: “I mean, who wants to be wasting time, pissing around at school until they’re 17 or what have you, when they can be out in the commercial world earning mega-bucks. I’m aiming for a degree in Ambulance Chasing from Oxford, then get into the personal injury claims business as a barrister and start racking up £400 quid an hour and all those lovely success fees.”
A pupil at the St Sappho School for Latter Day Dykes, Winnie puts her success down to taking extra tuition on Saturdays and being prohibited from watching porn movies on Sky’s ‘Filth Channel’ after classes on school nights.
Across England, Wales and Northern Ireland the proportion of entries awarded between an A* and a C grade rose for the 23rd year in a row, with 69.8% making the grade now pupils can sneak miniaturised Bluetooth earpieces into exams and communicate with some distant cohort who’s manning a laptop and supplying all the right answers.
Child psychologist Dr Beverly Titwank, interviewed on BBC 4’s ‘Clever Cunts’ programme, explained “It’s hardly surprising that children are becoming top-end achievers at an earlier age due better medical care and superior nutrition – unlike all the moronic thickies we used to produce pre and post World War 2. Look at that little Russian genius from Chernobyl, up on the International Space Station playing cosmonaut for the school holidays - and he’s only nine years old.”
“Last year we had a boy of seven, Barry McScrunt, from the Stench Hill ‘sink or swim’ council housing estate in Manchester, who set a new UK record when he received an NVQ 3 diploma in Welfare Benefit Fraud – and Barry comes from a totally dysfunctional family and broken home too. Obviously with that kind of qualification behind him at his age he’s going to bleed the entire benefits spectrum dry by the time he leaves school and can be classed as officially unemployed.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Thursday 25 August 2011
IPCC Confirm Plods Are Scumbags
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The latest report released by the Independent Police Complaints Commission simply goes to confirm public opinion - and that which the more cognisant of the common herd have known for years – precisely what protesters at last December’s tuition fee hike demonstrations were shouting at the Plod Squad: specifically “Scum!”-“Filth!”-“You cunts!”-“Bastards!”- and “Pigs!” – plus several other choice expletives which amply served to describe the uniformed barbarians – sans shoulder tag IDs - who tossed the disabled Jody McIntyre from his wheelchair into the middle of the road and dragged him by the scruff of the neck to the pavement.
After viewing a most embarrassing, and too incriminating, video recording - originally posted on You Tube, and which won acclaim and prizes in this year’s Cannes Film Festival’s ‘Police Brutality’ section, the ‘Cop Complaints’ watchdog has upheld a grievance from Jody McIntyre, disabled since birth with cerebral palsy, and the man thrown into the road after his wheelchair was up-ended and then unceremoniously dragged to the kerb by PC Bazzer ‘Pitbull’ McGnasher from the Met’s ‘Thug Squad’.
As if to confirm the reason the IPCC were branded with the disparaging misnomer of the Independent Police ‘Coverups’ Commission, the unscrupulous watchdog, bombarded with a plethora of witness statements, sworn affidavits and video coverage of the criminal event, finally held their hands up and admitted that the hapless McIntyre had been subjected to a serious and unjustified assaulted by one of the Met’s licensed yobsters applying ‘excessive force’.
However, the time limit for a prosecution had now passed – as under the statutes of the Gimps & Cripples Whinge Act 2009, such requires action by the Crown Prosecution Service within six months of the offence taking place.
In May 2011, Scotland Yard’s ‘Scandals Control’ department cleared officers who had ‘moved’ McIntyre based on the perceived risk to him being in the middle of the road in his wheelchair, and simply recommended "management action", rather than more serious disciplinary proceedings, against the officer who had dumped McIntyre head-first onto the tarmac then dragged him across the road like a sack of shit.
Following the investigation a revision of wheelchair user handling techniques was undertaken by the Common Sense & Logic Office – which now actually advocates pushing wheelchairs and not man-handling their disabled occupants in front of scores of Bolshie protesters with video recording devices.
Thought for the day: Hmmm, the IPCC prove yet again that the UK’s Plod Squads exist to serve as the enforcers of the political elite and the rich and shameless – to the benefit of the few and the detriment of the public at large.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The latest report released by the Independent Police Complaints Commission simply goes to confirm public opinion - and that which the more cognisant of the common herd have known for years – precisely what protesters at last December’s tuition fee hike demonstrations were shouting at the Plod Squad: specifically “Scum!”-“Filth!”-“You cunts!”-“Bastards!”- and “Pigs!” – plus several other choice expletives which amply served to describe the uniformed barbarians – sans shoulder tag IDs - who tossed the disabled Jody McIntyre from his wheelchair into the middle of the road and dragged him by the scruff of the neck to the pavement.
After viewing a most embarrassing, and too incriminating, video recording - originally posted on You Tube, and which won acclaim and prizes in this year’s Cannes Film Festival’s ‘Police Brutality’ section, the ‘Cop Complaints’ watchdog has upheld a grievance from Jody McIntyre, disabled since birth with cerebral palsy, and the man thrown into the road after his wheelchair was up-ended and then unceremoniously dragged to the kerb by PC Bazzer ‘Pitbull’ McGnasher from the Met’s ‘Thug Squad’.
As if to confirm the reason the IPCC were branded with the disparaging misnomer of the Independent Police ‘Coverups’ Commission, the unscrupulous watchdog, bombarded with a plethora of witness statements, sworn affidavits and video coverage of the criminal event, finally held their hands up and admitted that the hapless McIntyre had been subjected to a serious and unjustified assaulted by one of the Met’s licensed yobsters applying ‘excessive force’.
However, the time limit for a prosecution had now passed – as under the statutes of the Gimps & Cripples Whinge Act 2009, such requires action by the Crown Prosecution Service within six months of the offence taking place.
In May 2011, Scotland Yard’s ‘Scandals Control’ department cleared officers who had ‘moved’ McIntyre based on the perceived risk to him being in the middle of the road in his wheelchair, and simply recommended "management action", rather than more serious disciplinary proceedings, against the officer who had dumped McIntyre head-first onto the tarmac then dragged him across the road like a sack of shit.
Following the investigation a revision of wheelchair user handling techniques was undertaken by the Common Sense & Logic Office – which now actually advocates pushing wheelchairs and not man-handling their disabled occupants in front of scores of Bolshie protesters with video recording devices.
Thought for the day: Hmmm, the IPCC prove yet again that the UK’s Plod Squads exist to serve as the enforcers of the political elite and the rich and shameless – to the benefit of the few and the detriment of the public at large.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Jacqui Smith Copped Fiddling Again
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
An inquiry is under way by the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money into how a pair of day-release jailbirds from HMP Scum ended up decorating the £450,000 quid mansion of disgraced former New Labour MP Jacqui ‘Tealeaf’ Smith instead of doing the community service work they’d been assigned to.
Smith, the ginger-mingin former MP for Sleazeborough East and Cabinet Minister for Pornography, lost her seat in the 2010 General Election following a public backlash scandal in which she was exposed for falsely claiming House of Conmans Parliamentary expenses to pay for her shifty onanist husband’s porno’ DVD hire from the online Renta-Wank video store – plus a further £116,000 nicker in assorted fiddles.
Sir Aldous Cocksquirrel, the Chairman of the Committee on Standards in Public Life was critical of Smith’s expense claims, stating for the public record that naming her sister's garden shed as her main home was ‘fraudulent’.
HMP Scum bosses have now launched an investigation into how the prisoners, Frank ‘Pitbull’ McScally and Genghis ‘Asbo’ Scroteberry, who were meant to be working on community service projects – such as improving parks, dredging rubbish-strewn streams, and licking pavements clean - instead ended up redecorating Jacqui Smith’s palatial ‘Dun Thievin’ home at Pikeys Crotch last month.
The gutter press has been quick off the mark to expose this latest scandal of Smith taking unfair advantage of community assets by utilising a spot of slave labour for her own use - and demonstrating yet again what a penny-pinching unscrupulous skanger she really is when it comes to abusing the tax-payers’ purse.
Smith’s notoriety as a low-life bottom feeding social pariah was exposed in 2008 when it was discovered her wanker of a husband Richard Timney, who was then managing her constituency office, to be responsible for the authoring and posting a series of deceptive letters praising her Parliamentary works to high heaven, that were sent to local and national newspapers in a pitiful bid to boost her popularity with the voting public.
Mrs Chlamydia Ffinch-Gargoyle - the director of the Batchley Support Group charity which apparently now caters to ex-MPs gardening and decorating requirements – told one press hack from the Scandalmongers Gazette that assigning the prisoners from HMP Scum had been a favour and Mrs Smith made a donation of £5 quid to the community charity for the work carried out.
While the money-grubbing Smith, whose ambitions far exceed the scope of her abilities, doesn’t qualify for a slot in the index of Linnaean taxonomy – and within the Oxford English Dictionary’s indexed lexicon of 250,000-plus words there is none that accurately describes the swindling bitch and her absurd sense of entitlement - it has been unanimously agreed by a conclave of semi-inebriated press hacks that the word CUNT comes pretty close.
Thought for the day: How do you know when a politician’s lying? Their lips move.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
An inquiry is under way by the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money into how a pair of day-release jailbirds from HMP Scum ended up decorating the £450,000 quid mansion of disgraced former New Labour MP Jacqui ‘Tealeaf’ Smith instead of doing the community service work they’d been assigned to.
Smith, the ginger-mingin former MP for Sleazeborough East and Cabinet Minister for Pornography, lost her seat in the 2010 General Election following a public backlash scandal in which she was exposed for falsely claiming House of Conmans Parliamentary expenses to pay for her shifty onanist husband’s porno’ DVD hire from the online Renta-Wank video store – plus a further £116,000 nicker in assorted fiddles.
Sir Aldous Cocksquirrel, the Chairman of the Committee on Standards in Public Life was critical of Smith’s expense claims, stating for the public record that naming her sister's garden shed as her main home was ‘fraudulent’.
HMP Scum bosses have now launched an investigation into how the prisoners, Frank ‘Pitbull’ McScally and Genghis ‘Asbo’ Scroteberry, who were meant to be working on community service projects – such as improving parks, dredging rubbish-strewn streams, and licking pavements clean - instead ended up redecorating Jacqui Smith’s palatial ‘Dun Thievin’ home at Pikeys Crotch last month.
The gutter press has been quick off the mark to expose this latest scandal of Smith taking unfair advantage of community assets by utilising a spot of slave labour for her own use - and demonstrating yet again what a penny-pinching unscrupulous skanger she really is when it comes to abusing the tax-payers’ purse.
Smith’s notoriety as a low-life bottom feeding social pariah was exposed in 2008 when it was discovered her wanker of a husband Richard Timney, who was then managing her constituency office, to be responsible for the authoring and posting a series of deceptive letters praising her Parliamentary works to high heaven, that were sent to local and national newspapers in a pitiful bid to boost her popularity with the voting public.
Mrs Chlamydia Ffinch-Gargoyle - the director of the Batchley Support Group charity which apparently now caters to ex-MPs gardening and decorating requirements – told one press hack from the Scandalmongers Gazette that assigning the prisoners from HMP Scum had been a favour and Mrs Smith made a donation of £5 quid to the community charity for the work carried out.
While the money-grubbing Smith, whose ambitions far exceed the scope of her abilities, doesn’t qualify for a slot in the index of Linnaean taxonomy – and within the Oxford English Dictionary’s indexed lexicon of 250,000-plus words there is none that accurately describes the swindling bitch and her absurd sense of entitlement - it has been unanimously agreed by a conclave of semi-inebriated press hacks that the word CUNT comes pretty close.
Thought for the day: How do you know when a politician’s lying? Their lips move.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Wednesday 24 August 2011
Designer Vaginas - Your ‘New Look’ Pussy
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Now here’s one for all the girls preparing to go on their summer vacations, who gritted their while submitting to a thorough Brazilian pube-rip waxing, and are now stood in front of the dressing mirror anxiously pondering their all-too pronounced camel toe profiles, visible through a skimpy Lycra bikini bottom.
So, ladies, if any of you are sick and tired of your boyfriends or hubbies calling you ‘bucket cunt’ or referring to your labial folds as ‘beef curtains’, then why not go for this season’s ‘must have’ fashion accessory – your very own ‘designer vagina’.
A report just released by the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology claims that the NHS is being bombarded by women seeking genital cosmetic surgery to address and correct cases of significant labial asymmetry
While family GPs might refer patients with pissflaps like the Lone Ranger’s saddle bags to NHS consultants, if the desired labial reduction (twatopsy) is for aesthetic reasons alone then the patient has no option but resort to financing their own surgery through a private clinic.
Smegmadale-on-Sea’s prestigious and celebrity-patronised ‘Betty Beaver’s Cunt Care Clinic’ offer a wide (sic) range of vulval surgical procedures to create the perfect ‘designer snatch’ – with costs starting from £1,500 quid for a simple one-lip trim labiaplasty - to £3,500 for hymen repair or ‘re-virgination’ for promiscuous brides-to-be; to £5,000 nicker for the full vaginal rejuvenation or ‘twat tightening’ - (a favourite with jet-setting sluts with a quim like a horse’s collar).
Harley Street gynaecologist Dr Fellattia Trollenberg spoke on the subject to a press hack from the Minge Eaters Gazette. “Really, the amount of women now seeking corrective vulval surgery for cosmetic reasons is epidemic, which I personally put down to the glut of pornography being viewed on Sky’s Filth Channel and the internet – with these porn’ stars and their perfect ‘kissable’ pouting Cupid lips pussies just dying to be muffed.”
“The majority of females referred to me have quite normally-formed labia minora – unless their moronic sex partners have been sucking on one side only – so hence they have to fund their own ‘designer pussy’ surgery procedures. However, in cases where a poor woman is unable to ride her bike due her labia getting trapped between her thighs and the seat, then I automatically approve NHS-funded surgery.”
One of Dr Trollenberg’s patients, Ms Candida McSkanger, a 17-year old mother of three from Manchester’s Stench Hill sink or swim council housing estate, related “Me minge woz so slack after years of fistin’ wiv me lesbo mates at school - then droppin’ three sprogs – that all me boyfriend wanted ter do woz shag me up the arse - wot left me effin’ constipated fer days after. Anyways, the doctor recommended me fer a full pussy overhaul an’ I got me vagina re-sleeved on the NHS – now it’s like a mouse’s ear.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-14627659
Now here’s one for all the girls preparing to go on their summer vacations, who gritted their while submitting to a thorough Brazilian pube-rip waxing, and are now stood in front of the dressing mirror anxiously pondering their all-too pronounced camel toe profiles, visible through a skimpy Lycra bikini bottom.
So, ladies, if any of you are sick and tired of your boyfriends or hubbies calling you ‘bucket cunt’ or referring to your labial folds as ‘beef curtains’, then why not go for this season’s ‘must have’ fashion accessory – your very own ‘designer vagina’.
A report just released by the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology claims that the NHS is being bombarded by women seeking genital cosmetic surgery to address and correct cases of significant labial asymmetry
While family GPs might refer patients with pissflaps like the Lone Ranger’s saddle bags to NHS consultants, if the desired labial reduction (twatopsy) is for aesthetic reasons alone then the patient has no option but resort to financing their own surgery through a private clinic.
Smegmadale-on-Sea’s prestigious and celebrity-patronised ‘Betty Beaver’s Cunt Care Clinic’ offer a wide (sic) range of vulval surgical procedures to create the perfect ‘designer snatch’ – with costs starting from £1,500 quid for a simple one-lip trim labiaplasty - to £3,500 for hymen repair or ‘re-virgination’ for promiscuous brides-to-be; to £5,000 nicker for the full vaginal rejuvenation or ‘twat tightening’ - (a favourite with jet-setting sluts with a quim like a horse’s collar).
Harley Street gynaecologist Dr Fellattia Trollenberg spoke on the subject to a press hack from the Minge Eaters Gazette. “Really, the amount of women now seeking corrective vulval surgery for cosmetic reasons is epidemic, which I personally put down to the glut of pornography being viewed on Sky’s Filth Channel and the internet – with these porn’ stars and their perfect ‘kissable’ pouting Cupid lips pussies just dying to be muffed.”
“The majority of females referred to me have quite normally-formed labia minora – unless their moronic sex partners have been sucking on one side only – so hence they have to fund their own ‘designer pussy’ surgery procedures. However, in cases where a poor woman is unable to ride her bike due her labia getting trapped between her thighs and the seat, then I automatically approve NHS-funded surgery.”
One of Dr Trollenberg’s patients, Ms Candida McSkanger, a 17-year old mother of three from Manchester’s Stench Hill sink or swim council housing estate, related “Me minge woz so slack after years of fistin’ wiv me lesbo mates at school - then droppin’ three sprogs – that all me boyfriend wanted ter do woz shag me up the arse - wot left me effin’ constipated fer days after. Anyways, the doctor recommended me fer a full pussy overhaul an’ I got me vagina re-sleeved on the NHS – now it’s like a mouse’s ear.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-14627659
Tuesday 23 August 2011
Libya Falls – Syria Next – Then Iran
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Rather overstepping (read ‘flagrant abuse of’) their UN-sanctioned remit of ‘humanitarian intervention', NATO troops, specifically US/UK special forces teams and a full company of US Marine Corp grunts from the 26th MEU, led the rag-arsed NTC rebels into Tripoli over the weekend in ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’ - with drones and planes bombarding likely Gaddafi-held targets – including Millett’s display of camping equipment and tents – plus a branch of Achmed’s Barf Burger outlet on the south side of Chew n Spew Square.
By morning 1,300 hapless unarmed civilians were lying in the streets in various states of deadness, with a further 5,000-plus wounded from the constant bombings and Apache gunships blasting the shit out of all and sundry.
Rebel leader Mustafa ibn Himar, head of the National Transitional Council, told a press hack from the Mayhem Gazette “Once we have secured Gaddafi’s Bab Al-Aziziya compound then it is me and my commanders who shall be sitting in his jacuzzi hot tub tonight after Iftar is sounded from the minaret – and we will be eating Spam fritters and hotdogs - drinking his French wines and pissing in his bubbly bath – while our 21st Cannon Fodder Battalion revolutionary fighters go on a well-deserved rampage of rape and pillage.”
So, has the raving bonkers Colonel gone at last – either escaped to Venezuela or captured – or dead via his own hand in a copy-cat version of Dr David Kelly’s assisted suicide in 2003?
In fact is anything that NATO’s propagandists and the rebels are gobbing off about actually true? Yesterday they claim to have captured Gaddafi’s son Saif al-Islam, who turns up in Tripoli the same evening at the head of a force of loyalist troops and gives a fucking press conference while tucking into a four course dinner at the Rixos al Nasr Hotel. Next the NTC forces claim to have captured Gaddafi's eldest son Muhammad - who reportedly escaped from rebel custody shortly after being detained.
Really, who’s in charge and commanding of this bunch of rebel dog wankers – Wiley T. Coyote?
When questioned at the hotel bar, post-prandial, by foreign press hacks concerning his father’s whereabouts and state of health, Saif responded “He’s down at the Oasis Club in his Kevlar tent, watchin’ the new X-Factor on the telly. Me Dad’s got better things ter do than worry about a bunch of scabby rebel amateur insurgents pissin’ around wiv a revolution.”
So, if the Gaddafi’s eventually do a runner, doubtless the Zionist political commissars will be on hand to direct occupational NATO forces to seize control of and secure the eastern oil fields before they set to work systematically looting the place and then Balkanise the entire country – in an identical repeat of the socio-cultural and political disasters they’ve purposely – and with calculated malice aforethought - made in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Establish a totally dysfunctional society with every ethnic tribal Bedouin and their dog at each other’s throats. Divide n conquer – a tried and tested prime military strategy that goes back beyond even Sun Tzu’s era.
An editorial in the latest issue of Carnage Weekly speculates that the Rothshite crime syndicate’s ZioNazi warmongers running the US and Israel have already issued orders to their stooge political leaders around Europe to be ready to commit further troops to the scheduled NATO (now re-branded as the ‘Atlantic Alliance’) ‘humanitarian intervention’ campaign in Syria.
Oh yes, Syria’s next on the list – and by stealth also – arms supplied via Turkey and the Golan – plus military advisers and a mob of agents provocateur to get things stirred up nicely for Mr Assad while the Afghan-based neo-colonial NATO army gets set for a spot of mischief in Pakiland – ready to grab their Islamic nuclear arsenal.
It’s all about regime change – total control of the Middle East and the monopoly on the oilfields – and establishing the Greater Israel.
Then, finally, onto Iran – which has been atop the battle plan drawing board since 1999 – just like the next scheduled false flag terrorist attack on the US to provoke an all-out invasion scenario response – tactical nukes targeting the Iranian atomic research sites and uranium enrichment plants will be in the air before the ‘9/11 Part Deux’ dust settles in whichever hapless US state cops for the dirty bomb this Autumn – California or Illinois?
Thought for the day: In a most moronic statement comprising ‘the bloody obvious’ and total hypocrisy, the Zionist stooge puppet UK Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, has announced to anyone interested in listening to his pathetic drivel that “Colonel Gaddafi’s regime is falling apart at the seams and in full retreat – and while there will undoubtedly be difficult days ahead, the Libyan peasants are now closer to their dream of a better future” – just like the hapless proletariat in Afghanistan and Iraq – and anywhere else the Rothshite ZioNazi crime syndicate get their greedy, grasping hooks into.
Meanwhile, off on an ‘ego’ trip of his own, Deputy Prime Minister Mick Clogg – the type of person who gives hypocrites a bad name - made a speech in London about the wider Arab Spring, which has seen uprisings across the Middle East and North Africa.
Cloggy stated for the public record that these countries were "on the right side of history" and the UK would do all it could to help the pro-democracy protesters and demonstrators - offering practical support to create new political parties, prevent corruption, promote a plural press and register voters.
Er, yeah right Mick – apart from in the ex-British protectorate of Bahrain - where the ruling Royal despot, Sheikh Fizzy al-Kaseltzer, can carry on ordering the extra-judicial arrests, torture, imprisonment and executions of dissidents who don’t agree with the piss-ant fascist regime’s policies, and petition for domestic reforms – and no-one utters a single word of reproach or condemnation.
Hmmm, double standards anybody?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Rather overstepping (read ‘flagrant abuse of’) their UN-sanctioned remit of ‘humanitarian intervention', NATO troops, specifically US/UK special forces teams and a full company of US Marine Corp grunts from the 26th MEU, led the rag-arsed NTC rebels into Tripoli over the weekend in ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’ - with drones and planes bombarding likely Gaddafi-held targets – including Millett’s display of camping equipment and tents – plus a branch of Achmed’s Barf Burger outlet on the south side of Chew n Spew Square.
By morning 1,300 hapless unarmed civilians were lying in the streets in various states of deadness, with a further 5,000-plus wounded from the constant bombings and Apache gunships blasting the shit out of all and sundry.
Rebel leader Mustafa ibn Himar, head of the National Transitional Council, told a press hack from the Mayhem Gazette “Once we have secured Gaddafi’s Bab Al-Aziziya compound then it is me and my commanders who shall be sitting in his jacuzzi hot tub tonight after Iftar is sounded from the minaret – and we will be eating Spam fritters and hotdogs - drinking his French wines and pissing in his bubbly bath – while our 21st Cannon Fodder Battalion revolutionary fighters go on a well-deserved rampage of rape and pillage.”
So, has the raving bonkers Colonel gone at last – either escaped to Venezuela or captured – or dead via his own hand in a copy-cat version of Dr David Kelly’s assisted suicide in 2003?
In fact is anything that NATO’s propagandists and the rebels are gobbing off about actually true? Yesterday they claim to have captured Gaddafi’s son Saif al-Islam, who turns up in Tripoli the same evening at the head of a force of loyalist troops and gives a fucking press conference while tucking into a four course dinner at the Rixos al Nasr Hotel. Next the NTC forces claim to have captured Gaddafi's eldest son Muhammad - who reportedly escaped from rebel custody shortly after being detained.
Really, who’s in charge and commanding of this bunch of rebel dog wankers – Wiley T. Coyote?
When questioned at the hotel bar, post-prandial, by foreign press hacks concerning his father’s whereabouts and state of health, Saif responded “He’s down at the Oasis Club in his Kevlar tent, watchin’ the new X-Factor on the telly. Me Dad’s got better things ter do than worry about a bunch of scabby rebel amateur insurgents pissin’ around wiv a revolution.”
So, if the Gaddafi’s eventually do a runner, doubtless the Zionist political commissars will be on hand to direct occupational NATO forces to seize control of and secure the eastern oil fields before they set to work systematically looting the place and then Balkanise the entire country – in an identical repeat of the socio-cultural and political disasters they’ve purposely – and with calculated malice aforethought - made in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Establish a totally dysfunctional society with every ethnic tribal Bedouin and their dog at each other’s throats. Divide n conquer – a tried and tested prime military strategy that goes back beyond even Sun Tzu’s era.
An editorial in the latest issue of Carnage Weekly speculates that the Rothshite crime syndicate’s ZioNazi warmongers running the US and Israel have already issued orders to their stooge political leaders around Europe to be ready to commit further troops to the scheduled NATO (now re-branded as the ‘Atlantic Alliance’) ‘humanitarian intervention’ campaign in Syria.
Oh yes, Syria’s next on the list – and by stealth also – arms supplied via Turkey and the Golan – plus military advisers and a mob of agents provocateur to get things stirred up nicely for Mr Assad while the Afghan-based neo-colonial NATO army gets set for a spot of mischief in Pakiland – ready to grab their Islamic nuclear arsenal.
It’s all about regime change – total control of the Middle East and the monopoly on the oilfields – and establishing the Greater Israel.
Then, finally, onto Iran – which has been atop the battle plan drawing board since 1999 – just like the next scheduled false flag terrorist attack on the US to provoke an all-out invasion scenario response – tactical nukes targeting the Iranian atomic research sites and uranium enrichment plants will be in the air before the ‘9/11 Part Deux’ dust settles in whichever hapless US state cops for the dirty bomb this Autumn – California or Illinois?
Thought for the day: In a most moronic statement comprising ‘the bloody obvious’ and total hypocrisy, the Zionist stooge puppet UK Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, has announced to anyone interested in listening to his pathetic drivel that “Colonel Gaddafi’s regime is falling apart at the seams and in full retreat – and while there will undoubtedly be difficult days ahead, the Libyan peasants are now closer to their dream of a better future” – just like the hapless proletariat in Afghanistan and Iraq – and anywhere else the Rothshite ZioNazi crime syndicate get their greedy, grasping hooks into.
Meanwhile, off on an ‘ego’ trip of his own, Deputy Prime Minister Mick Clogg – the type of person who gives hypocrites a bad name - made a speech in London about the wider Arab Spring, which has seen uprisings across the Middle East and North Africa.
Cloggy stated for the public record that these countries were "on the right side of history" and the UK would do all it could to help the pro-democracy protesters and demonstrators - offering practical support to create new political parties, prevent corruption, promote a plural press and register voters.
Er, yeah right Mick – apart from in the ex-British protectorate of Bahrain - where the ruling Royal despot, Sheikh Fizzy al-Kaseltzer, can carry on ordering the extra-judicial arrests, torture, imprisonment and executions of dissidents who don’t agree with the piss-ant fascist regime’s policies, and petition for domestic reforms – and no-one utters a single word of reproach or condemnation.
Hmmm, double standards anybody?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Taliban End Game Offensive Underway
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A post-mortem report regarding the Taliban Dan Gang’s ‘Happy Anniversary’ attack on the British Council offices in the Afghan capital of Kabul last weekend has been released by NATO forces – (now re-branded as the all-powerful ‘Atlantic Alliance’ – even if they are thousands of miles from the actual Atlantic)
The multiple suicide attack by Taliban die-hard self-harmers was scheduled to mark the anniversary of Afghanistan's independence from the UK in 1919, when British troops from the Raj finally pulled out of the Graveyard of Empires - a battlefield still littered with the bones of foreign invaders dating back millenniums – to the time of Alexander of Macedonia and Ashoka of India – and too the Ruskies in the 1980’s.
In one of their Jolly Jihad extravaganza spectaculars, a suicide car bomber - identified later by the bits of him stuck to the surrounding buildings as Shaheed bin Mincemeat - destroyed the British Council’s compound wall, which enabled a squad of heavily armed Taliban mujahideen fighters, dressed in androgynous burkas, to storm the buildings, killing at least 12 people and dominating the compound for several hours – providing the planned opportunity to access the British military computers and data banks – which resulted in NATO’s top secret encrypted communications codes being totally compromised.
Speaking from the advantage point of pig ignorance regarding the Afghan Islamic culture and Muslim jihadist mindset towards foreign invaders of their sacred land, the UK Prime Minister, Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron, condemned the "cowardly assault", claiming that Taliban patriots had no right attacking the administration facilities of the military forces illegally occupying their once-sovereign nation
Likewise, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, the rug-munching US Secretary of Sleaze, labelled the attack as "vicious" and claimed this confirmed the fact that Western forces needed to stay in Afghanistan a few more years - propping up the despotic regime of President Hamid Kami-Karzai’s ruling Kleptocracy Party government.
Not missing a chance for a photo shoot opportunity and blabbering his two-penneth of moronic twaddle, British Foreign Office Minister Alistair Burt told one press hack from the Carnage Gazette "My thoughts are with those killed and injured and their families and friends, including locals working to protect the British Council building – and anyone else they might know. These people are in Afghanistan to help grow and protect the opium crops so our heroin addicts back in Britain can afford a fix of 100% pure H at a decent price and not have to go making themselves sick with Monsanto’s genetically-modified heroin that’s been cut on the streets with chalk and talcum powder.”
Conversely, Taliban Kamikaze Brigade commander Mullah Liwat ibn Zamel, speaking to a reporter from the Mayhem Review at his Tora Bora cave hideaway, was adamant that a fresh wave of assaults were planned to strike to the very heart of the NATO forces illegally occupying his country just to keep the running dog stooge President Hamid Karzai in power, so they could maintain their military bases, preparing for a choice moment to invade Pakiland and steal their nuclear arsenal.
“We shall overcome these Western infidels and their Zionist masters from the Great Satan. The next time the Kenyan Obama sends more ‘Surge’ troops to bolster their shock and awe ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’, then he should kit each one out with their own body bag.”
“How many foreign invaders have our ancestors defeated here over the centuries – more than the fingers on the hands - and last time it was a world super power –the Soviet Russian Bear – and next it shall be the pig-eating American global bully and their corrupt European cohorts.”
“Now they shoot down their own Chinook helicopter over Wardak and blame us – these people are out to defeat themselves. They kill their Seal Team 6 troops, the ones who know the falsity, that Osama bin Laden was not at the compound in Abbottabad – now they are silenced and can never reveal the deception. These people in Washington are crazy keeping the bogey man spectre of bin Laden alive when he has been dead since 2001. Are they so stupid they cannot conjure up some new anti-Christ enemy to blame for the next false flag terrorist attack?”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
A post-mortem report regarding the Taliban Dan Gang’s ‘Happy Anniversary’ attack on the British Council offices in the Afghan capital of Kabul last weekend has been released by NATO forces – (now re-branded as the all-powerful ‘Atlantic Alliance’ – even if they are thousands of miles from the actual Atlantic)
The multiple suicide attack by Taliban die-hard self-harmers was scheduled to mark the anniversary of Afghanistan's independence from the UK in 1919, when British troops from the Raj finally pulled out of the Graveyard of Empires - a battlefield still littered with the bones of foreign invaders dating back millenniums – to the time of Alexander of Macedonia and Ashoka of India – and too the Ruskies in the 1980’s.
In one of their Jolly Jihad extravaganza spectaculars, a suicide car bomber - identified later by the bits of him stuck to the surrounding buildings as Shaheed bin Mincemeat - destroyed the British Council’s compound wall, which enabled a squad of heavily armed Taliban mujahideen fighters, dressed in androgynous burkas, to storm the buildings, killing at least 12 people and dominating the compound for several hours – providing the planned opportunity to access the British military computers and data banks – which resulted in NATO’s top secret encrypted communications codes being totally compromised.
Speaking from the advantage point of pig ignorance regarding the Afghan Islamic culture and Muslim jihadist mindset towards foreign invaders of their sacred land, the UK Prime Minister, Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron, condemned the "cowardly assault", claiming that Taliban patriots had no right attacking the administration facilities of the military forces illegally occupying their once-sovereign nation
Likewise, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, the rug-munching US Secretary of Sleaze, labelled the attack as "vicious" and claimed this confirmed the fact that Western forces needed to stay in Afghanistan a few more years - propping up the despotic regime of President Hamid Kami-Karzai’s ruling Kleptocracy Party government.
Not missing a chance for a photo shoot opportunity and blabbering his two-penneth of moronic twaddle, British Foreign Office Minister Alistair Burt told one press hack from the Carnage Gazette "My thoughts are with those killed and injured and their families and friends, including locals working to protect the British Council building – and anyone else they might know. These people are in Afghanistan to help grow and protect the opium crops so our heroin addicts back in Britain can afford a fix of 100% pure H at a decent price and not have to go making themselves sick with Monsanto’s genetically-modified heroin that’s been cut on the streets with chalk and talcum powder.”
Conversely, Taliban Kamikaze Brigade commander Mullah Liwat ibn Zamel, speaking to a reporter from the Mayhem Review at his Tora Bora cave hideaway, was adamant that a fresh wave of assaults were planned to strike to the very heart of the NATO forces illegally occupying his country just to keep the running dog stooge President Hamid Karzai in power, so they could maintain their military bases, preparing for a choice moment to invade Pakiland and steal their nuclear arsenal.
“We shall overcome these Western infidels and their Zionist masters from the Great Satan. The next time the Kenyan Obama sends more ‘Surge’ troops to bolster their shock and awe ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’, then he should kit each one out with their own body bag.”
“How many foreign invaders have our ancestors defeated here over the centuries – more than the fingers on the hands - and last time it was a world super power –the Soviet Russian Bear – and next it shall be the pig-eating American global bully and their corrupt European cohorts.”
“Now they shoot down their own Chinook helicopter over Wardak and blame us – these people are out to defeat themselves. They kill their Seal Team 6 troops, the ones who know the falsity, that Osama bin Laden was not at the compound in Abbottabad – now they are silenced and can never reveal the deception. These people in Washington are crazy keeping the bogey man spectre of bin Laden alive when he has been dead since 2001. Are they so stupid they cannot conjure up some new anti-Christ enemy to blame for the next false flag terrorist attack?”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Monday 22 August 2011
Israel Tops International Pariah List
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Israel’s popularity hits an all-time low – on a par with chemotherapy, prostate surgery, ballistic diarrhoea and syphilis – as PM Bobo Nuttyahoo and his criminal cohorts running the Knesset go from bad to worse with mad dog rabid strategies staged against their Muslim Arab neighbours - bombing the shit out of the Gaza Strip yet again - who they blame for the Eilat bus attack which killed a bunch of IDF troops - while totally disregarding the IDF’s qualified opinion that Hamas wasn’t responsible.
Not satisfied with slaughtering 14 women and kids in the besieged coastal sliver, trapped behind the 30-foot high Great Apartheid Wall, they then decide to go totally ape shit and snuff a bunch of Egyptian civil police officers along the Gaza border in the Sinai Peninsula.
While the Israeli Defence Minister, Kedeshah Rosh Tahat, has issued a statement saying “Whoops, sorry”, thousands of Egyptians rallied outside the Israeli embassy in Cairo for a second day over the arbitrary killing of the five constables from the Egyptian Plod Squad - where demonstrators climbed the building, ripped down the Israeli flag and replaced it with a bunch of soiled jamrags salvaged from the trashcan of a nearby belly dancing club.
The Egyptian mob - fresh from their Arab Spring protest training that saw the downfall of Western puppet Hosni Mubarak and his corrupt regime of kleptomaniacs - demanded the immediate expulsion of the Israeli envoy from the country as Cairo recalled their ambassador from Tel Aviv and cut off diplomatic relations with the rogue Zionist state.
So, if it wasn’t for bad luck, then PM Nuttyahoo and the Knesset wouldn’t have any when considering the domestic problems they are currently stricken with viz the ‘July 14 Social Justice Movement’ demanding economic and political reforms – and the introduction of a welfare state.
Last weekend hundreds of thousands of protesters took to the stolen streets of Palestine that now comprise the byways of the state of Israel, demanding change - shouting slogans and bearing banners with the message they’re fed up with the ruling elite and a war-footing government that no longer listens to its people - just as their Arab Muslim counterparts did five months ago in Cairo's Tahrir Square.
So, about time that the Israeli peasant classes woke up and realised they too are the victims of the all-consuming greed of the Rothshite crime syndicate’s kikester stooges in the Knesset. These Khazar and Ashkenazi Jews of convenience who have no historic connection to Palestine – the Holy Land - which derived this name due its connection to Jesus Christ and has sweet FA to do with Yahweh or any other pagan or heathen false gods.
Good show all round. Perhaps a spot of home-front ‘Trouble at th’ Mill’ insurrection might distract the Israeli hierarchy from their customary day to day activities of fomenting military conflicts on foreign fields and expediting false flag attacks on their purported Western nation allies (NY 9/11, Bali bombing, Madrid bombing & London Tube bombings 7/7) to demonise Islam and further their Rothshite master’s Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion agenda – plus directing Mossad and AIPAC & Co to commit whatever subversive, criminal actions are necessary and required to sabotage the Palestinian’s planned UN vote for statehood recognition in September.
Perhaps Karma is coming full circle on the scumbag Israeli elite at long last for their myriad sins – as today their record of human rights and wrongs and war crimes enacted against the Palestinian populations of the occupied West Bank - and the Gaza Strip, besieged behind a 30 foot high Great Apartheid Wall in the biggest concentration camp on the planet - presents an account of barbarity that far exceeds that which they maintain was visited on them by the German Nazis during the Holohoax.
Their spiteful and vindictive treatment of the indigenous and true Arab Muslim population of Palestine - the sovereign nation they usurped and stole (with the tacit approval of the Zionist-kikester dominated UN) in the bloody 1948 Yawm an-Nakbah (Day of the Catastrophe) – although condemned internationally, has never yet been prosecuted before a Nuremberg style tribunal.
Oh yes, the supreme hypocrite, PM Bobo Nuttyahoo, and his ruling cabal of Jews of convenience - flailing their accusations of ‘anti-Semitism’ and ‘Holohoax denial’ on any and all Gentiles – the ‘goyim’ - who would dare criticize their misdeeds – and if one of the so-called Chosen People themselves, then branded a ‘self-hating Jew’.
Aside from their venal - and bizarre - cultural obsessions with money-grubbing usury and snipping foreskins, the tactics of the Zionist 'Israel First' lobby plumb the depths of dishonour and indecency and include character assassination, selective misquotation, the wilful distortion of the record, the fabrication of falsehoods, and an utter disregard for the truth.
Anti-Semitism - this term the Ashkenazi elitist kikesters have, with brazen hubris aforethought, hijacked and made their personal credo and weapon of condemnation against those who dare question their criminal motives and actions - though they collectively lack a single trace of Semitic DNA in their genes – and the true Semites remain the Palestinians.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Israel’s popularity hits an all-time low – on a par with chemotherapy, prostate surgery, ballistic diarrhoea and syphilis – as PM Bobo Nuttyahoo and his criminal cohorts running the Knesset go from bad to worse with mad dog rabid strategies staged against their Muslim Arab neighbours - bombing the shit out of the Gaza Strip yet again - who they blame for the Eilat bus attack which killed a bunch of IDF troops - while totally disregarding the IDF’s qualified opinion that Hamas wasn’t responsible.
Not satisfied with slaughtering 14 women and kids in the besieged coastal sliver, trapped behind the 30-foot high Great Apartheid Wall, they then decide to go totally ape shit and snuff a bunch of Egyptian civil police officers along the Gaza border in the Sinai Peninsula.
While the Israeli Defence Minister, Kedeshah Rosh Tahat, has issued a statement saying “Whoops, sorry”, thousands of Egyptians rallied outside the Israeli embassy in Cairo for a second day over the arbitrary killing of the five constables from the Egyptian Plod Squad - where demonstrators climbed the building, ripped down the Israeli flag and replaced it with a bunch of soiled jamrags salvaged from the trashcan of a nearby belly dancing club.
The Egyptian mob - fresh from their Arab Spring protest training that saw the downfall of Western puppet Hosni Mubarak and his corrupt regime of kleptomaniacs - demanded the immediate expulsion of the Israeli envoy from the country as Cairo recalled their ambassador from Tel Aviv and cut off diplomatic relations with the rogue Zionist state.
So, if it wasn’t for bad luck, then PM Nuttyahoo and the Knesset wouldn’t have any when considering the domestic problems they are currently stricken with viz the ‘July 14 Social Justice Movement’ demanding economic and political reforms – and the introduction of a welfare state.
Last weekend hundreds of thousands of protesters took to the stolen streets of Palestine that now comprise the byways of the state of Israel, demanding change - shouting slogans and bearing banners with the message they’re fed up with the ruling elite and a war-footing government that no longer listens to its people - just as their Arab Muslim counterparts did five months ago in Cairo's Tahrir Square.
So, about time that the Israeli peasant classes woke up and realised they too are the victims of the all-consuming greed of the Rothshite crime syndicate’s kikester stooges in the Knesset. These Khazar and Ashkenazi Jews of convenience who have no historic connection to Palestine – the Holy Land - which derived this name due its connection to Jesus Christ and has sweet FA to do with Yahweh or any other pagan or heathen false gods.
Good show all round. Perhaps a spot of home-front ‘Trouble at th’ Mill’ insurrection might distract the Israeli hierarchy from their customary day to day activities of fomenting military conflicts on foreign fields and expediting false flag attacks on their purported Western nation allies (NY 9/11, Bali bombing, Madrid bombing & London Tube bombings 7/7) to demonise Islam and further their Rothshite master’s Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion agenda – plus directing Mossad and AIPAC & Co to commit whatever subversive, criminal actions are necessary and required to sabotage the Palestinian’s planned UN vote for statehood recognition in September.
Perhaps Karma is coming full circle on the scumbag Israeli elite at long last for their myriad sins – as today their record of human rights and wrongs and war crimes enacted against the Palestinian populations of the occupied West Bank - and the Gaza Strip, besieged behind a 30 foot high Great Apartheid Wall in the biggest concentration camp on the planet - presents an account of barbarity that far exceeds that which they maintain was visited on them by the German Nazis during the Holohoax.
Their spiteful and vindictive treatment of the indigenous and true Arab Muslim population of Palestine - the sovereign nation they usurped and stole (with the tacit approval of the Zionist-kikester dominated UN) in the bloody 1948 Yawm an-Nakbah (Day of the Catastrophe) – although condemned internationally, has never yet been prosecuted before a Nuremberg style tribunal.
Oh yes, the supreme hypocrite, PM Bobo Nuttyahoo, and his ruling cabal of Jews of convenience - flailing their accusations of ‘anti-Semitism’ and ‘Holohoax denial’ on any and all Gentiles – the ‘goyim’ - who would dare criticize their misdeeds – and if one of the so-called Chosen People themselves, then branded a ‘self-hating Jew’.
Aside from their venal - and bizarre - cultural obsessions with money-grubbing usury and snipping foreskins, the tactics of the Zionist 'Israel First' lobby plumb the depths of dishonour and indecency and include character assassination, selective misquotation, the wilful distortion of the record, the fabrication of falsehoods, and an utter disregard for the truth.
Anti-Semitism - this term the Ashkenazi elitist kikesters have, with brazen hubris aforethought, hijacked and made their personal credo and weapon of condemnation against those who dare question their criminal motives and actions - though they collectively lack a single trace of Semitic DNA in their genes – and the true Semites remain the Palestinians.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Sunday 21 August 2011
Ofcom Fine Squawk-Squawk Mega-Bucks
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The UK’s communications industry regulator Ofcom has slapped phone and internet services provider Squawk-Squawk and its Piscali subsidiary with a massive fine of £3 zillion quid for incorrectly billing more than 65,000 customers for services they had not received - following an investigation into the two businesses that was kick started back in July 2010 as a result of more than 100,000 complaints from users that their services were ‘absolute shite’.
Squawk-Squawk’s chief executive, Ms Dildo Hardon, told one press hack from the Crapmongers Gazette that she was disappointed at the scale of the fine as the company had forked out an excess of £2.5 zillion nicker in refunds and goodwill payments to affected customers.
As a result of this action, and other remedial measures by the company to rectify the mass of problems, Ofcom replied to the criticism that the fine was far less than would have been imposed if Squawk-Squawk had ignored the myriad glitches reported in the complaints.
The company, which bought Piscali UK in 2009, initially blamed the billing errors on their outsourced accounting department in Delhi which lacked staff with a basic knowledge of rudimentary maths and simply invoiced customers £250 per month, regardless of usage, via direct debit – which resulted in colossal overdraft charges for the more fortunate clients - and bankruptcy for scores of others.
However it wasn’t only the billing system that encountered problem, but the actual supply of cellphone units too. One customer in Smegmadale signed up for a 12 month Squawk Mobile contract with unlimited free texts and received two Ovaltine cans and a long length of string through the post instead of the advertised Crapple iPhone 4.
Vinnie McTwatt, the editor of Chav Power magazine signed up with Squawk-Squawk and got his requested Blackberry Curve 9300 smartphone - with 100 minutes of free calls, 500 texts and 1 gig of data – only to discover every time he tried to use the unit he received an ‘out of coverage’ area message.
“I mean ter say, there I am stood outside our effin’ office an’ they got this fuckin’ big cellphone antenna on the roof an’ it sez I’m still outside the coverage area. Summat’s fucked, init, eh.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The UK’s communications industry regulator Ofcom has slapped phone and internet services provider Squawk-Squawk and its Piscali subsidiary with a massive fine of £3 zillion quid for incorrectly billing more than 65,000 customers for services they had not received - following an investigation into the two businesses that was kick started back in July 2010 as a result of more than 100,000 complaints from users that their services were ‘absolute shite’.
Squawk-Squawk’s chief executive, Ms Dildo Hardon, told one press hack from the Crapmongers Gazette that she was disappointed at the scale of the fine as the company had forked out an excess of £2.5 zillion nicker in refunds and goodwill payments to affected customers.
As a result of this action, and other remedial measures by the company to rectify the mass of problems, Ofcom replied to the criticism that the fine was far less than would have been imposed if Squawk-Squawk had ignored the myriad glitches reported in the complaints.
The company, which bought Piscali UK in 2009, initially blamed the billing errors on their outsourced accounting department in Delhi which lacked staff with a basic knowledge of rudimentary maths and simply invoiced customers £250 per month, regardless of usage, via direct debit – which resulted in colossal overdraft charges for the more fortunate clients - and bankruptcy for scores of others.
However it wasn’t only the billing system that encountered problem, but the actual supply of cellphone units too. One customer in Smegmadale signed up for a 12 month Squawk Mobile contract with unlimited free texts and received two Ovaltine cans and a long length of string through the post instead of the advertised Crapple iPhone 4.
Vinnie McTwatt, the editor of Chav Power magazine signed up with Squawk-Squawk and got his requested Blackberry Curve 9300 smartphone - with 100 minutes of free calls, 500 texts and 1 gig of data – only to discover every time he tried to use the unit he received an ‘out of coverage’ area message.
“I mean ter say, there I am stood outside our effin’ office an’ they got this fuckin’ big cellphone antenna on the roof an’ it sez I’m still outside the coverage area. Summat’s fucked, init, eh.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Saturday 20 August 2011
Double-Standard Sentencing Plagues Courts
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
UK Magistrates have been issued with a directive by Her Majesty’s Courts and Tribunals Service to disregard normal sentencing guidelines when dealing with those convicted of offences committed during the outbreak of recent riots that finally woke the Libservative Coalition up to the fact there’s something very wrong with their multi-cultural Big Society.
The HMCTS directives, given in open court by justices' clerks, will result in piss-ant petty theft and social nuisance cases that would usually be disposed of by a gaggle of numpty magistrates slapping offenders with a few quid fine, or an Asbo or community service order, now being referred to the crown court for more severe punishments.
However Downing Street has denied rumours that those convicted have received punitive sentences for offences that would normally attract a far lesser penalty due PM Posh Dave Scameron ordering Justice Secretary Ken ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Clarke to ensure rioters and looters involved with the ‘social meltdown’ copped for harsh sentences for spoiling his sunny tosspot vacation in Tuscany.
Hmmm, ‘Buy British’, so he fucks off to Butlins in Italy – good example Dave.
In Manchester, Candida McSkank, a 16-year old mother of three from the Stench Hill sink or swim social housing estate, was jailed for five months for receiving a six pack of Meths Breezers given to her after they had been looted from a city centre branch of Troublespot Taverns.
Likewise, in south London, Bazzer Fuctifino, a 17-year old unemployed apprentice skateboard mechanic from Slumborough Hamlets, was sentenced to six months hard labour in Dartmoor’s Marmite quarries for stealing a roll of triple tinted toilet tissue from one of the Pestco ‘Greedy Grocer’ supermarket branches – regardless of the fact he pleaded ‘justifiable looting’ due having a case of ballistic diarrhoea after eating at Biffo’s Barf Burger chew n spew fast food outlet – and offered his heavily skid-marked jockey shorts as Exhibit A.
While PM Scameron is on the Parliamentary Hansard record as telling the recalled House of Conmans that anyone involved in the violent disorder riots and looting should to go to prison; the Ministry of Justice, after coming under a mortifying shower of criticism from human rights and wrongs groups, has now denied it advised HM Courts and Tribunals Service to come down hard on convicted hoodies, chavs, and any other scallies and scrotes – and definitely did not issue a directive to ‘hang the fuckers’.
While magistrates can only sentence offenders to a maximum of six months in prison for a single offence, the chairman of the Magistrates' Association, Sir Genghis McTwatt, has been pressing the government to raise their maximum sentencing power to five years.
Speaking to one press hack from the Misanthropy Gazette, McTwatt opined "Many of these cases would have been dealt with more expeditiously and cheaper if we had expanded powers and could sentence the Bolshie anarchist bastards to twenty strokes of the lash – or a week in the pillory – or tar and feathering – or branding."
Conversely, civil rights groups have raised serious questions regarding this perceived ‘double-standard’ now applied in our iconic British law – one for the common herd peasantry and one for the elitists – when the recent sentences handed out to persons accepting looted goods of minimal financial value far surpass those levied on crooked MPs who knowingly, and with criminal malice aforethought, fiddled their Parliamentary expenses to the tune of tens of thousands of pounds and got away with slap on the wrist custodial sentences – of which they’re serving but a mere fraction.
Such was exampled by New Labour’s ginger-minging dumpy dwarf Hazel Sneers, the brass-necked MP for shitty Salford, who coined in mega-bucks by fiddling her expenses and claiming the max’ on whatever possible – but was let off with a finger-wagging and a couple of ‘tut-tut’s’ when she admitted ‘Whoops, sorry – can I pay it back?” – an offer not made available to looters willing to return their stolen tellys or trainers – or bling jewellery.
Sir Peter Sniggers, the Tory MP for Old Scrotum, who claimed thousands of pounds for a floating pagoda ‘duck island’ for his back garden pond, had his name entered into the Parliamentary Whip’s naughty book and was told not to do it again.
Likewise Douggie Hogg, the Tory MP for Sleazeford, who claimed what accountants refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’ to have the moat around his country pile dredged of peasants bodies – was likewise issued a half-arsed reprimand for breaking the 11th Commandment – getting caught out on his felonious claims.
Disgraced former New Labour MP for Dun Thievin, David Cheator, who made £22,000 nicker in false expenses claims, was sentenced in January to 18 months for forging tenancy documents and invoices – then released from prison in May under the conditions of Home Detention Curfew after serving a mere 4 months.
Eric Illsley the New Labour MP for Robbers Clough, admitted three charges of false accounting at Southwark crown court and making false claims for £14,500 quid. Illsley copped for a custodial sentence of 12 months imprisonment in February, and was released on the 13th May 2011 after serving three months - but will have to suffer the inconvenience and social stigma of wearing an electronic tag for the remainder of his term.
Fat Cat Tory peer Lord Hanningfield - aka Paul Edward Winston Shite - was sentenced to a 9 months custodial sentence by Maidstone crown court in July 2011 for falsely claiming £14,000 nicker on expenses but is appealing his sentence due the fact he doesn’t feel well and prison won’t suit him.
Likewise, yet another Upper House Fat Cat, Lord Wormhole Taylor of Warwick, the son of Jamaican immigrants who rose to attain an NVQ1 diploma in Barrack Room Law and became the first Tory peer to sport a permanent suntan, was sentenced to 12 months imprisonment in June for falsely claiming £11,000 quid in expenses for a house he never lived in.
Taylor disingenuously stated in court that he was a devout Pastafarian, who belonged to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and had spent the money on helping the poor – specifically himself – to fund his fairytale honeymoon to American evangelist Chlamydia Mingerot at Paris Disneyland’s ‘Sleeping Beauty’ suite – a contrived gold-digging marriage that just managed a half-life of 24 days before the bride obtained an annulment on the grounds Taylor was a lying cunt.
The former Smegmadale New Labour MP, Jim Devine, who initially faced two charges under Section 17 of the Theft Act 1968 for false accounting and swindling the taxpayer out of over £8,000 quid, was sentenced to 16 months imprisonment back in March but released on August 1st after serving a mere quarter of his sentence.
Elliot Morley, the New Labour MP for Cunthorpe, who fiddled £31,000 quid in false expense claims, was handed down a 16 month custodial sentence back in May and is due for early release after serving 4 months at the cushy Ford Open Prison in West Sussex.
In what might be termed ‘poetic justice’, two weeks ago fellow prisoners robbed the hapless Morley of his £3,000 quid Rolex watch – probably bought from fiddled expenses cash.
These scumbags, elected to office on the public trust, committed their crimes then had the brazen hubris to seek refuge from rightful prosecution and the reach of true justice by claiming indemnity under the most dubious statute of Parliamentary privilege - to be tried by their fellow crooks in the House of Conmans.
What is equally amazing is the fact they were prosecuted in the Crown Court, where the sentencing parameters are ‘limitless’, yet such as Eric Illsley got off with a 12 month sentence and served a mere quarter of the term – while Magistrates courts are handing down full six month sentences for looting or receiving items of little value – or referring those convicted to the Crown Court to be dealt longer prison terms – where this week Bev Titwank, a masseuse at Bristol’s Rub n Tug whole body therapy salon, copped for a two year prison term for ‘theft by finding’ when she picked up a pack of cigarettes dropped by rioters who had looted an Achmed’s news kiosk in the city centre.
To quote Dicken’s Mr Bumble the Beadle: “If that Sir is the law, then the law is an ass.”
Oh yes, something stinks in Denmark – and it isn’t Hamlet’s socks.
Thought for the day: Anyone notice the bit of a sore thumb conflicting contrast between the gaggle of disgraced MPs sentencing – and early release dates – for stealing thousands in taxpayers money on knowingly fiddled expense claims to that of the hapless 14-year old Winnebago Chuckabutty who was turned in to the Plod Squad by his own mother for looting a packet of crisps from Bargain Booze and copped for a custodial 6 month sentence in one of her Majesty’s Young Offenders sodomite paradises?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
UK Magistrates have been issued with a directive by Her Majesty’s Courts and Tribunals Service to disregard normal sentencing guidelines when dealing with those convicted of offences committed during the outbreak of recent riots that finally woke the Libservative Coalition up to the fact there’s something very wrong with their multi-cultural Big Society.
The HMCTS directives, given in open court by justices' clerks, will result in piss-ant petty theft and social nuisance cases that would usually be disposed of by a gaggle of numpty magistrates slapping offenders with a few quid fine, or an Asbo or community service order, now being referred to the crown court for more severe punishments.
However Downing Street has denied rumours that those convicted have received punitive sentences for offences that would normally attract a far lesser penalty due PM Posh Dave Scameron ordering Justice Secretary Ken ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Clarke to ensure rioters and looters involved with the ‘social meltdown’ copped for harsh sentences for spoiling his sunny tosspot vacation in Tuscany.
Hmmm, ‘Buy British’, so he fucks off to Butlins in Italy – good example Dave.
In Manchester, Candida McSkank, a 16-year old mother of three from the Stench Hill sink or swim social housing estate, was jailed for five months for receiving a six pack of Meths Breezers given to her after they had been looted from a city centre branch of Troublespot Taverns.
Likewise, in south London, Bazzer Fuctifino, a 17-year old unemployed apprentice skateboard mechanic from Slumborough Hamlets, was sentenced to six months hard labour in Dartmoor’s Marmite quarries for stealing a roll of triple tinted toilet tissue from one of the Pestco ‘Greedy Grocer’ supermarket branches – regardless of the fact he pleaded ‘justifiable looting’ due having a case of ballistic diarrhoea after eating at Biffo’s Barf Burger chew n spew fast food outlet – and offered his heavily skid-marked jockey shorts as Exhibit A.
While PM Scameron is on the Parliamentary Hansard record as telling the recalled House of Conmans that anyone involved in the violent disorder riots and looting should to go to prison; the Ministry of Justice, after coming under a mortifying shower of criticism from human rights and wrongs groups, has now denied it advised HM Courts and Tribunals Service to come down hard on convicted hoodies, chavs, and any other scallies and scrotes – and definitely did not issue a directive to ‘hang the fuckers’.
While magistrates can only sentence offenders to a maximum of six months in prison for a single offence, the chairman of the Magistrates' Association, Sir Genghis McTwatt, has been pressing the government to raise their maximum sentencing power to five years.
Speaking to one press hack from the Misanthropy Gazette, McTwatt opined "Many of these cases would have been dealt with more expeditiously and cheaper if we had expanded powers and could sentence the Bolshie anarchist bastards to twenty strokes of the lash – or a week in the pillory – or tar and feathering – or branding."
Conversely, civil rights groups have raised serious questions regarding this perceived ‘double-standard’ now applied in our iconic British law – one for the common herd peasantry and one for the elitists – when the recent sentences handed out to persons accepting looted goods of minimal financial value far surpass those levied on crooked MPs who knowingly, and with criminal malice aforethought, fiddled their Parliamentary expenses to the tune of tens of thousands of pounds and got away with slap on the wrist custodial sentences – of which they’re serving but a mere fraction.
Such was exampled by New Labour’s ginger-minging dumpy dwarf Hazel Sneers, the brass-necked MP for shitty Salford, who coined in mega-bucks by fiddling her expenses and claiming the max’ on whatever possible – but was let off with a finger-wagging and a couple of ‘tut-tut’s’ when she admitted ‘Whoops, sorry – can I pay it back?” – an offer not made available to looters willing to return their stolen tellys or trainers – or bling jewellery.
Sir Peter Sniggers, the Tory MP for Old Scrotum, who claimed thousands of pounds for a floating pagoda ‘duck island’ for his back garden pond, had his name entered into the Parliamentary Whip’s naughty book and was told not to do it again.
Likewise Douggie Hogg, the Tory MP for Sleazeford, who claimed what accountants refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’ to have the moat around his country pile dredged of peasants bodies – was likewise issued a half-arsed reprimand for breaking the 11th Commandment – getting caught out on his felonious claims.
Disgraced former New Labour MP for Dun Thievin, David Cheator, who made £22,000 nicker in false expenses claims, was sentenced in January to 18 months for forging tenancy documents and invoices – then released from prison in May under the conditions of Home Detention Curfew after serving a mere 4 months.
Eric Illsley the New Labour MP for Robbers Clough, admitted three charges of false accounting at Southwark crown court and making false claims for £14,500 quid. Illsley copped for a custodial sentence of 12 months imprisonment in February, and was released on the 13th May 2011 after serving three months - but will have to suffer the inconvenience and social stigma of wearing an electronic tag for the remainder of his term.
Fat Cat Tory peer Lord Hanningfield - aka Paul Edward Winston Shite - was sentenced to a 9 months custodial sentence by Maidstone crown court in July 2011 for falsely claiming £14,000 nicker on expenses but is appealing his sentence due the fact he doesn’t feel well and prison won’t suit him.
Likewise, yet another Upper House Fat Cat, Lord Wormhole Taylor of Warwick, the son of Jamaican immigrants who rose to attain an NVQ1 diploma in Barrack Room Law and became the first Tory peer to sport a permanent suntan, was sentenced to 12 months imprisonment in June for falsely claiming £11,000 quid in expenses for a house he never lived in.
Taylor disingenuously stated in court that he was a devout Pastafarian, who belonged to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and had spent the money on helping the poor – specifically himself – to fund his fairytale honeymoon to American evangelist Chlamydia Mingerot at Paris Disneyland’s ‘Sleeping Beauty’ suite – a contrived gold-digging marriage that just managed a half-life of 24 days before the bride obtained an annulment on the grounds Taylor was a lying cunt.
The former Smegmadale New Labour MP, Jim Devine, who initially faced two charges under Section 17 of the Theft Act 1968 for false accounting and swindling the taxpayer out of over £8,000 quid, was sentenced to 16 months imprisonment back in March but released on August 1st after serving a mere quarter of his sentence.
Elliot Morley, the New Labour MP for Cunthorpe, who fiddled £31,000 quid in false expense claims, was handed down a 16 month custodial sentence back in May and is due for early release after serving 4 months at the cushy Ford Open Prison in West Sussex.
In what might be termed ‘poetic justice’, two weeks ago fellow prisoners robbed the hapless Morley of his £3,000 quid Rolex watch – probably bought from fiddled expenses cash.
These scumbags, elected to office on the public trust, committed their crimes then had the brazen hubris to seek refuge from rightful prosecution and the reach of true justice by claiming indemnity under the most dubious statute of Parliamentary privilege - to be tried by their fellow crooks in the House of Conmans.
What is equally amazing is the fact they were prosecuted in the Crown Court, where the sentencing parameters are ‘limitless’, yet such as Eric Illsley got off with a 12 month sentence and served a mere quarter of the term – while Magistrates courts are handing down full six month sentences for looting or receiving items of little value – or referring those convicted to the Crown Court to be dealt longer prison terms – where this week Bev Titwank, a masseuse at Bristol’s Rub n Tug whole body therapy salon, copped for a two year prison term for ‘theft by finding’ when she picked up a pack of cigarettes dropped by rioters who had looted an Achmed’s news kiosk in the city centre.
To quote Dicken’s Mr Bumble the Beadle: “If that Sir is the law, then the law is an ass.”
Oh yes, something stinks in Denmark – and it isn’t Hamlet’s socks.
Thought for the day: Anyone notice the bit of a sore thumb conflicting contrast between the gaggle of disgraced MPs sentencing – and early release dates – for stealing thousands in taxpayers money on knowingly fiddled expense claims to that of the hapless 14-year old Winnebago Chuckabutty who was turned in to the Plod Squad by his own mother for looting a packet of crisps from Bargain Booze and copped for a custodial 6 month sentence in one of her Majesty’s Young Offenders sodomite paradises?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Friday 19 August 2011
Tories Adopt ‘Slave Labour’ Policy
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The Libservative Coalition leader and Tory Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, has added a piquant touch of spice to his Big Society / Let’s Mend Broken Britain campaign to stop us all rioting and looting the local Pound Stretcher shops of valuable merchandise – by taking a page from Stalin and Mao’s totalitarian regime policies and adopting a doctrine of unpaid ‘slave labour’ to keep the millions of unemployed peasants busy and unable to congregate for their regular afternoon Bolshie whinge and bonding sessions down the local Troublespot Taverns ale house.
Under the ‘Get Britain Off Its Arse’ banner scheme Pestco, Pukesbury’s and Mammon & Snobfords– the main UK Greedy Grocer supermarket chains - are taking unemployed 16-24 year olds for ‘unpaid’ Work Experience Placements (read ‘slavery’) direct from the Jobcentre Plus (Jobcentre - 'plus exploitation’).
Stricken and cursed by the paradox of there being zero sustainable employment opportunities since Thatcher de-industrialised Britain in the 80’s and hence there are no job vacancies to be filled - thousands of hapless youths are being mandated to work without pay in a ‘job creation’ programme for multinational corporations, including Pestco, Shiterose, Skidmark and Stilton Hotels, by the quangos administering the government's welfare reforms - working flat out like a lizard drinking for up to six months to qualify for an unemployment benefit pittance of £67.50 quid a week - or less.
Ms Beverly Titwank, the director of Pestco’s ‘PPP’ slave labour division (Poles, Pikeys & Peasants) told one press hack from the Serfdom Gazette that the company has created 3,000 unpaid work experience placements for the ‘young unemployed’ labouring in their warehouses - and described the Big Society project as “What a brilliant scheme on the Tories part for upping our profits.”
Besides Pestco taking unfair advantage of unpaid labour, Pukesbury’s supermaket and the Skidmark clothing chain are both named in a damning list, obtained by the Abolition Now! human rights and wrongs charity last month under the Snitch & Grassers Act 2007 – which names companies, voluntary and public sector bodies taking advantage of unpaid work placements organised by A4e, another shifty employment company contracted by the government, although Pukesbury's denied working with A4e – stating for the public record they ran their own in-house ‘No Chance’ employment scheme and preferred to round up slave labour from the desperate ranks of the homeless camped out on landfill sites – and illegal migrants who didn’t fancy a stay in Belmarsh Prison or a career as cockle pickers.
For the public record, the gospel according to A4e’s website, they claim to be, quote: “A social purpose company with one sole aim - to improve people's lives around the world. We do this by helping them to find unpaid work”.
Further to exploitation by greedy corporations out to boost profits by any means – and morality be damned - under the draconic statutes of the Libservative’s Mandatory Work Activity scheme, 20,000 hapless sods will be put to toil and labour (unpaid) for up to 40-plus hours a week for six months.
The DWP claims these jobs will deliver a contribution to the local community - by having the unemployed cleaning council official’s window and doing their gardens – plus picking up litter, scooping dogshit and licking the neighbourhood pavements clean.
Conversely, Bazzer McGnasher of the Boycott Workfare campaign, told reporters “It’s all a crock of shit cos these placements aren’t designed ter help people inter full-time paid work but just boost the profits of private commercial organisations – an’ at the end of the effin’ day there’s no jobs ter be had.”
“Wot they’re doin’ is ter provide a constant stream of free labour an’ suppress wages an’ undercut existin’ jobs by replacin’ paid workers wiv unpaid slaves. Them wot’s signin’ on at the Jobcentre are coerced, bullied an’ sanctioned inter takin’ the placements under the threat of havin’ their benefits stopped.”
“Placements in the public sector an’ charities are no better either an’ are makin’ volunteerin’ compulsory - wot deprives the God-given right of a person ter sell their own labour - and their free will ter choose wot they volunteer their time for.”
“Believe you me, this twat of a Prime Minister Scameron, fer all the ‘Big Society’ bullshit an’ ‘Let’s mend Broken Britain’ waffle – his true constituency isn’t Shitney in Poxfordshire but the Fortune 500 company index. The man’s a cunt - in cunt’s clothin’.”
Thought for the day: Anyone ever heard of a guy named William Wilberforce – or Britain’s abolition of slavery which came into being via the medium of The Slave Trade Act receiving Royal Assent on 25 March 1807?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The Libservative Coalition leader and Tory Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, has added a piquant touch of spice to his Big Society / Let’s Mend Broken Britain campaign to stop us all rioting and looting the local Pound Stretcher shops of valuable merchandise – by taking a page from Stalin and Mao’s totalitarian regime policies and adopting a doctrine of unpaid ‘slave labour’ to keep the millions of unemployed peasants busy and unable to congregate for their regular afternoon Bolshie whinge and bonding sessions down the local Troublespot Taverns ale house.
Under the ‘Get Britain Off Its Arse’ banner scheme Pestco, Pukesbury’s and Mammon & Snobfords– the main UK Greedy Grocer supermarket chains - are taking unemployed 16-24 year olds for ‘unpaid’ Work Experience Placements (read ‘slavery’) direct from the Jobcentre Plus (Jobcentre - 'plus exploitation’).
Stricken and cursed by the paradox of there being zero sustainable employment opportunities since Thatcher de-industrialised Britain in the 80’s and hence there are no job vacancies to be filled - thousands of hapless youths are being mandated to work without pay in a ‘job creation’ programme for multinational corporations, including Pestco, Shiterose, Skidmark and Stilton Hotels, by the quangos administering the government's welfare reforms - working flat out like a lizard drinking for up to six months to qualify for an unemployment benefit pittance of £67.50 quid a week - or less.
Ms Beverly Titwank, the director of Pestco’s ‘PPP’ slave labour division (Poles, Pikeys & Peasants) told one press hack from the Serfdom Gazette that the company has created 3,000 unpaid work experience placements for the ‘young unemployed’ labouring in their warehouses - and described the Big Society project as “What a brilliant scheme on the Tories part for upping our profits.”
Besides Pestco taking unfair advantage of unpaid labour, Pukesbury’s supermaket and the Skidmark clothing chain are both named in a damning list, obtained by the Abolition Now! human rights and wrongs charity last month under the Snitch & Grassers Act 2007 – which names companies, voluntary and public sector bodies taking advantage of unpaid work placements organised by A4e, another shifty employment company contracted by the government, although Pukesbury's denied working with A4e – stating for the public record they ran their own in-house ‘No Chance’ employment scheme and preferred to round up slave labour from the desperate ranks of the homeless camped out on landfill sites – and illegal migrants who didn’t fancy a stay in Belmarsh Prison or a career as cockle pickers.
For the public record, the gospel according to A4e’s website, they claim to be, quote: “A social purpose company with one sole aim - to improve people's lives around the world. We do this by helping them to find unpaid work”.
Further to exploitation by greedy corporations out to boost profits by any means – and morality be damned - under the draconic statutes of the Libservative’s Mandatory Work Activity scheme, 20,000 hapless sods will be put to toil and labour (unpaid) for up to 40-plus hours a week for six months.
The DWP claims these jobs will deliver a contribution to the local community - by having the unemployed cleaning council official’s window and doing their gardens – plus picking up litter, scooping dogshit and licking the neighbourhood pavements clean.
Conversely, Bazzer McGnasher of the Boycott Workfare campaign, told reporters “It’s all a crock of shit cos these placements aren’t designed ter help people inter full-time paid work but just boost the profits of private commercial organisations – an’ at the end of the effin’ day there’s no jobs ter be had.”
“Wot they’re doin’ is ter provide a constant stream of free labour an’ suppress wages an’ undercut existin’ jobs by replacin’ paid workers wiv unpaid slaves. Them wot’s signin’ on at the Jobcentre are coerced, bullied an’ sanctioned inter takin’ the placements under the threat of havin’ their benefits stopped.”
“Placements in the public sector an’ charities are no better either an’ are makin’ volunteerin’ compulsory - wot deprives the God-given right of a person ter sell their own labour - and their free will ter choose wot they volunteer their time for.”
“Believe you me, this twat of a Prime Minister Scameron, fer all the ‘Big Society’ bullshit an’ ‘Let’s mend Broken Britain’ waffle – his true constituency isn’t Shitney in Poxfordshire but the Fortune 500 company index. The man’s a cunt - in cunt’s clothin’.”
Thought for the day: Anyone ever heard of a guy named William Wilberforce – or Britain’s abolition of slavery which came into being via the medium of The Slave Trade Act receiving Royal Assent on 25 March 1807?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Thursday 18 August 2011
Chins Tell Politburo: “Fuck Communism”
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
To hear it straight from the proverbial ‘horse’s mouth’ – the covert political activists and dissidents on the streets - the pre-Maoist political chaos of General Cash My Cheque’s Nationalist Kleptocracy government was preferable to the Chinese People’s Marxist Utopia they’re stuck with today - governed by successive regimes of senile octogenarians that have gripped the entire one point five zillion population in their totalitarian ‘Chinese burn’ stranglehold since 1949.
With the advent of Mao’s Great Leap Forward and the aptly misnamed ‘Cultural Revolution’ – suffered under the excesses of the greedy Gang of Four - millions of peaceful Chinese citizens have been monitored, arrested, re-educated, tortured to death – (and while imprisoned had their internal organs stolen to feed the highly profitable transplant black market trade) - due the dynastic hierarchy determining the religious beliefs of the masses to be a threat to their rule – and brutally crushed all attempts by anyone having the audacity to contemplate organizing a political opposition party.
Now enter the gallant Mr Fuk Yew Tu and his Tuidang (Renounce Communism) movement, which now numbers over 100 million members – a figure statisticians refer to as ‘an awful lot of people’ – and one that continues to grow at a geometric rate - with approximately 55,000 signing on each and every passing day.
Fuk Yew, a former rickshaw mechanic who went on to gain a prestigious NVQ1 diploma in Barrack Room Law, spoke to one press hack from the Anarchists Gazette, revealing “Our manifesto denies the efficacious constitutionality of the Marxist-Leninist dogma as a valid political doctrine. We want a return to our historic cultural religions and spirituality and sneer at these corrupting attempts by the Politburo to make us slaves to materialistic consumerism and worship at the altar of Mammon like the Debtocracies of America and Europe.”
When the roof of the Bigfoot Bong shoe factory collapsed in Wanking Province due piss poor construction materials being used, killing scores inside, the surviving workers formed a committee and demanded an official inquiry into what became known throughout the Middle Kingdom as the ‘Sandal Scandal’.
However, as the construction company at fault was owned by Wu Tang Willie Wong, the brother of a ranking Politburo member Yip Yap Wong, instead of launching an investigation, paid agents of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) from the dreaded Sum Dum Fuk Triad infiltrated the group demanding justice and compensation for the dead and injured - then arrested and jailed the recalcitrant workers – including their leader Flip Flop Fong and human rights and wrongs lawyer Sue Mee – dishing out harsh, hard labour sentences of up to ten years of re-education in the Manchurian Marmite mines.
Hence from the nefarious seeds of this act of nepotistic favouritism, applied to cover up graft and corruption, did Fuk Yew Tu’s ‘Tuidang’ movement take root and grow - denying the legitimacy of the Communist Party to rule China.
Fuk Yew’s Tuidang political manifesto states that they want a return to the raditional faiths and principles – the ethical concepts and social structures that have been violently usurped and rent asunder by the Chinese Communist Party.
“Empathy, love and spiritual harmony among the people have been twisted into struggle and hatred – which has resulted in a total collapse of social, moral, and ecological systems, and a profound crisis for the Chinese people – all brought about through the deliberate planning, disorganization, and corrupt control of the CCP.”
References to gods or higher forces that watch over man are anathema to the Politburo, which denies the existence of any deity or power greater than their own.
Such spiritual beliefs were historically a fundamental part of Chinese culture from the time of the benign rule of the Yellow Emperor until 1949, when the Communist Party forcefully suppressed all religions and ancestor worship as superstitions born from ignorance.
Thus the Politburo’s draconic suppression of the Beijing-based pop group, Falun and the Gongs, which was forced to go underground after General Sum Dum Fuk ordered his army tanks to carry out a ‘Crush-a-Thon’ around Tiananmen Square in 1989, slaughtering hundreds of democracy activists and human rights protesters.
Hmmm, with a population of 1:5 billion unhappy fuckers watching the pro-democracy uprisings across North Africa and the Middle East, no doubt the Tuidang revolutionary theologists are carefully weighing the implications for socio-political freedom if they collectively apply their numerical potential to say NO to the outdated CCP system and cease to cooperate with their own enslavement – and finally re-educate the Politburo and their rank and file Commissars.
Thought for the day: Cometh the hour then cometh the man – for nothing in this Universe hold more potency than a concept whose time has finally arrived.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
To hear it straight from the proverbial ‘horse’s mouth’ – the covert political activists and dissidents on the streets - the pre-Maoist political chaos of General Cash My Cheque’s Nationalist Kleptocracy government was preferable to the Chinese People’s Marxist Utopia they’re stuck with today - governed by successive regimes of senile octogenarians that have gripped the entire one point five zillion population in their totalitarian ‘Chinese burn’ stranglehold since 1949.
With the advent of Mao’s Great Leap Forward and the aptly misnamed ‘Cultural Revolution’ – suffered under the excesses of the greedy Gang of Four - millions of peaceful Chinese citizens have been monitored, arrested, re-educated, tortured to death – (and while imprisoned had their internal organs stolen to feed the highly profitable transplant black market trade) - due the dynastic hierarchy determining the religious beliefs of the masses to be a threat to their rule – and brutally crushed all attempts by anyone having the audacity to contemplate organizing a political opposition party.
Now enter the gallant Mr Fuk Yew Tu and his Tuidang (Renounce Communism) movement, which now numbers over 100 million members – a figure statisticians refer to as ‘an awful lot of people’ – and one that continues to grow at a geometric rate - with approximately 55,000 signing on each and every passing day.
Fuk Yew, a former rickshaw mechanic who went on to gain a prestigious NVQ1 diploma in Barrack Room Law, spoke to one press hack from the Anarchists Gazette, revealing “Our manifesto denies the efficacious constitutionality of the Marxist-Leninist dogma as a valid political doctrine. We want a return to our historic cultural religions and spirituality and sneer at these corrupting attempts by the Politburo to make us slaves to materialistic consumerism and worship at the altar of Mammon like the Debtocracies of America and Europe.”
When the roof of the Bigfoot Bong shoe factory collapsed in Wanking Province due piss poor construction materials being used, killing scores inside, the surviving workers formed a committee and demanded an official inquiry into what became known throughout the Middle Kingdom as the ‘Sandal Scandal’.
However, as the construction company at fault was owned by Wu Tang Willie Wong, the brother of a ranking Politburo member Yip Yap Wong, instead of launching an investigation, paid agents of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) from the dreaded Sum Dum Fuk Triad infiltrated the group demanding justice and compensation for the dead and injured - then arrested and jailed the recalcitrant workers – including their leader Flip Flop Fong and human rights and wrongs lawyer Sue Mee – dishing out harsh, hard labour sentences of up to ten years of re-education in the Manchurian Marmite mines.
Hence from the nefarious seeds of this act of nepotistic favouritism, applied to cover up graft and corruption, did Fuk Yew Tu’s ‘Tuidang’ movement take root and grow - denying the legitimacy of the Communist Party to rule China.
Fuk Yew’s Tuidang political manifesto states that they want a return to the raditional faiths and principles – the ethical concepts and social structures that have been violently usurped and rent asunder by the Chinese Communist Party.
“Empathy, love and spiritual harmony among the people have been twisted into struggle and hatred – which has resulted in a total collapse of social, moral, and ecological systems, and a profound crisis for the Chinese people – all brought about through the deliberate planning, disorganization, and corrupt control of the CCP.”
References to gods or higher forces that watch over man are anathema to the Politburo, which denies the existence of any deity or power greater than their own.
Such spiritual beliefs were historically a fundamental part of Chinese culture from the time of the benign rule of the Yellow Emperor until 1949, when the Communist Party forcefully suppressed all religions and ancestor worship as superstitions born from ignorance.
Thus the Politburo’s draconic suppression of the Beijing-based pop group, Falun and the Gongs, which was forced to go underground after General Sum Dum Fuk ordered his army tanks to carry out a ‘Crush-a-Thon’ around Tiananmen Square in 1989, slaughtering hundreds of democracy activists and human rights protesters.
Hmmm, with a population of 1:5 billion unhappy fuckers watching the pro-democracy uprisings across North Africa and the Middle East, no doubt the Tuidang revolutionary theologists are carefully weighing the implications for socio-political freedom if they collectively apply their numerical potential to say NO to the outdated CCP system and cease to cooperate with their own enslavement – and finally re-educate the Politburo and their rank and file Commissars.
Thought for the day: Cometh the hour then cometh the man – for nothing in this Universe hold more potency than a concept whose time has finally arrived.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Mubarak Trial Nixed for UK Telly Broadcast
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Millions of anxious Sky TV viewers in the UK have expressed their profound disappointment that the much-awaited English translation of the Hosni Mubarak trial – or even a sub-titled version - will never now be broadcast since the Cairo-based presiding Judge, Hee-Haw ibn Himar, ruled in favour of objections to the televising filed by the ex-President’s defence team.
Ms Chardonnay McSkanger, a 16-year old mother of three and resident of Greater Manchester’s Stench Hill sink or swim social housing estate, told one interviewer outside her local welfare benefits office “I were really gettin’ inter it all, like, every afternoon – even if it woz all in Egyptian or effin’ Arabic or summat."
"Me an’ me mates woz hopin’ that Hosni might get off wiv a community service order or summat like that an’ not cop fer a custodial sentence at his fuckin’ age, poor old cunt. Yer know, wiv all them nasty Muslim Brotherhood twats breathin’ down his effin’ neck – who couldn’t sympathise.”
For reasons that still baffle social scientists and anthropologists alike, the British public’s fascination with all things Egyptian – the mysterious Nile, pyramids, pharaohs, camels, the Suez Canal - and their plant pot Fez headgear which so inspires memories of our beloved Tommy Cooper – is a veritable conundrum which manifested with the Arab Spring revolt that saw the common herd go from bad to worse in their collective ‘frying pan to the fire’ political faux pas - and exchange Mubarak’s oppressive autocratic regime for an unelected military junta.
Insh’Allah, what a pity there’s no known cure for chronic stupidity.
Since the overthrow of Mubarak’s ruling Kleptocracy Party government and the installation of Field Marshall Bala’a il A’air Tarantula as head of the Supreme Council of the Armed Forces, now composed of ex-torturers, jailers and spies, all out for a quick buck and their very own numbered Swiss bank accounts – members of the old regime, such as the ex-president himself and his family of light-fingered sprogs – and too Mr Liwat Manuke Khara, the ex-Minister for Graft & Corruption, have been arrested, their visible assets seized, and charged with plundering the Egyptian economy.
Initially under house arrest at his palatial Sharm al Sheikh mansion on the Red Sea coast, Mubarak is now spending his days shuffling between the Cairo General Hospital and the High Court building, attending his trial on a stretcher, clad in ‘Simpsons’ pyjamas and repeatedly whispering to himself – or some unseen spiritual entity – in Arabic “For fuck’s sake, beam me up, Scotty.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Millions of anxious Sky TV viewers in the UK have expressed their profound disappointment that the much-awaited English translation of the Hosni Mubarak trial – or even a sub-titled version - will never now be broadcast since the Cairo-based presiding Judge, Hee-Haw ibn Himar, ruled in favour of objections to the televising filed by the ex-President’s defence team.
Ms Chardonnay McSkanger, a 16-year old mother of three and resident of Greater Manchester’s Stench Hill sink or swim social housing estate, told one interviewer outside her local welfare benefits office “I were really gettin’ inter it all, like, every afternoon – even if it woz all in Egyptian or effin’ Arabic or summat."
"Me an’ me mates woz hopin’ that Hosni might get off wiv a community service order or summat like that an’ not cop fer a custodial sentence at his fuckin’ age, poor old cunt. Yer know, wiv all them nasty Muslim Brotherhood twats breathin’ down his effin’ neck – who couldn’t sympathise.”
For reasons that still baffle social scientists and anthropologists alike, the British public’s fascination with all things Egyptian – the mysterious Nile, pyramids, pharaohs, camels, the Suez Canal - and their plant pot Fez headgear which so inspires memories of our beloved Tommy Cooper – is a veritable conundrum which manifested with the Arab Spring revolt that saw the common herd go from bad to worse in their collective ‘frying pan to the fire’ political faux pas - and exchange Mubarak’s oppressive autocratic regime for an unelected military junta.
Insh’Allah, what a pity there’s no known cure for chronic stupidity.
Since the overthrow of Mubarak’s ruling Kleptocracy Party government and the installation of Field Marshall Bala’a il A’air Tarantula as head of the Supreme Council of the Armed Forces, now composed of ex-torturers, jailers and spies, all out for a quick buck and their very own numbered Swiss bank accounts – members of the old regime, such as the ex-president himself and his family of light-fingered sprogs – and too Mr Liwat Manuke Khara, the ex-Minister for Graft & Corruption, have been arrested, their visible assets seized, and charged with plundering the Egyptian economy.
Initially under house arrest at his palatial Sharm al Sheikh mansion on the Red Sea coast, Mubarak is now spending his days shuffling between the Cairo General Hospital and the High Court building, attending his trial on a stretcher, clad in ‘Simpsons’ pyjamas and repeatedly whispering to himself – or some unseen spiritual entity – in Arabic “For fuck’s sake, beam me up, Scotty.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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