Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Okay, the proverbial cat’s outa the bag an’ it ain’t going back in either – well, not in one piece anyways – unless we get the likes of celebrity moggy-binner Mary Bale on the job.
But at least we now know why Britain’s Broken and Posh Dave Scameron and his Libservative coalition have slapped the hapless peasants with a double helping of austerity measures – not only to pay for the demolition of Libya’s once-vaunted infrastructure and the overthrow of the Gaddafi regime – and fund Lizzie’s ‘Royal Parasite’ 60th Jubilee this coming June - ‘plus’ the £££ mega-bucks consuming 2012 Olympic stadium and village – but to foot the bill for the 4,000-odd brand new top of the range saloons that have been ordered to escort VIP over-privileged dignitaries and officials to and from the Olympic events.
So, is this a whopping boost for the UK’s morbid auto industry? Sorry, afraid not – it’s an order of 4,000 BMWs to be supplied by the crafty Krauts - our historical enemies in Germany.
For fuck’s sake – 4,000 motors – why can’t this arrogant cabal of VIP elitist twats with their exaggerated sense of privilege get off their lazy fat arses and just jump on a Boris Bike or one of the ‘inspirationally-named’ NBFL double deckers - or risk getting mugged on the underground - like the rest of we peons?
Okay, one objection at a time. Why the fuck is the Olympic Committee doing Broken Britain’s auto manufacturing industry out of jobs and work? Why are the 2012 Olympics vaunted green credentials more at scent than substance? Why do thousands of foreign VIP types need to be ferried around London in chauffeur-driven BMW saloons along dedicated road lanes – such as existed for the Moscow Politburo and KGB under the extinct Soviet-Marxist ‘all men are equal’ regime? Why indeed.
Hmmm, while the games spectators are being urged to abandon their cars and embrace public transport, London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense, working alongside the Ministry for Hypocrisy intend to dip into the public coffers and fork out an excess of £120 million quid for 4,000 BMW 3 and 5 Series saloons worth £30,000-odd nicker apiece - then license them to beat the traffic by tear-arsing up and down specially reserved ‘games lanes’ across the capital.
Ms Beverly Titwank, who chairs the London Assembly Transport Committee, opined to one press hack from the Spendthrifts Gazette that the purchase of this BMW fleet went against the ethos of the Games.
“We were promised the 2012 Games would be the greenest Olympics since the Spartans got done over at Thermopylae and only electric vehicles were being considered – now we’re getting saddled with a fleet of smoke-belching Beemers.”
“Whoever has sanctioned this purchase of four thousand crap German saloons when we have such a good public transport system needs to be sectioned – or sacked – or both. Okay, maybe a few officials do need secure transport but shipping new cars in from Germany is not only extremely bad news for the environment but also British industry.”
“All the athletes will be shacking up at the Olympic Village and won’t need to travel to events, so these Beemers are really for the scumbag politicians and hangers-on – and no doubt will be getting flogged off post games at next to bugger all ‘competitive prices’ by the Ministry of Graft & Corruption.”
“Really, why can’t we ferry all these VIPs around in pedicabs powered by teams of illegal Albanian pikeys and out-of-collar yobs?”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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